Open Letter to People Who Want Publishing Advice

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

I have published a couple of books with a good house to extremely mild success. I’m a midlist author, if that. No high horse here, believe me. Sometimes… with increasing frequency… I get solicitations for advice. I’ve noticed several similarities from such advice seekers.

  1. They have not read any of my books and won’t even feign interest in them. While this shouldn’t matter, it does. If nothing else, because I only know how to publish my books, and I still think it’s a fluke. I don’t have any idea how to publish yours.

  2. They have not finished a manuscript and usually have a paltry number of pages to talk about. You cannot sell a few thousand words, even on proposal. Nobody’s going to gamble on an unpublished author who can’t prove they can finish a book. Write a manuscript first. Is that so hard to understand? Apparently, yes. The thought of writing a whole book and not being able to sell it terrifies them. Guess what? I have written eight manuscripts and sold three. That’s a good average in this business. Do you think painters do one 20th of a canvas, once, and hope to find a buyer? I laugh at you.

  3. They never talk about their general interest in books or background in writing, presumably because they don’t have either. They don’t think of writing as a craft and are only interested in their own project, not in books per se. (I assume most aspiring writers do love books and take writing classes, but they don’t email authors they haven’t read in a completely different genre.)

  4. If they send pages, they ignore my critique. No “thanks for your time,” or “I hadn’t thought of that.” But this is just one aspect of…

  5. They have no interest in revision. Obviously if you haven’t finished a manuscript, revision is like another planet. You know in theory it exists but haven’t been there and don’t know how to get there.

  6. They use the expression “pick your brain.” I don’t know what that means, but suppose it means they suspect there are secrets to getting published. There aren’t, but we can start with the fact that you have to actually write a damned book first (see #2). In any case, I hate that expression. It makes me visualize somebody with a big needle poking at my gray matter.

  7. Their book is personal. It’s about their grandma or their kid or their divorce. It’s something where you feel like an asshole if you ignore them or tell them like it is. Instead you have to warm up by saying of course their personal story is important and needs to be told and blah blah blah. And you even kind of mean it.

I could probably go on but will stop there.

2

I guess I didn’t follow through on my idea of making this an open letter. I meant to say:

Dear Pinhead,

Read one of my books, write me a letter telling me it’s the best thing you ever read, include a bottle of good scotch and your finished manuscript, and then we’ll talk.

  • Cricetus
3

What genre are the books you’ve written?

4

Whenever I go to hear an author lecture, and there is a Q & A, invariably, someone asks, “What advice do you have to an aspiring writer?”

I cringe every time I hear it asked. Maybe it’s their first time at an author lecture, but it’s my 100th +, and I’m sick of it being asked. I wish they’d print the answer EVERY author gives in the lobby so we can move on to a question that’s about the author not the audience.

Write.

5

Stop beating around the bush and give us the damn secret already!

6

Yeah, I don’t tell 'em that. I tell 'em

“Go lead an interesting life. That way you will (a) have something worthy to write about, and (b) if the writing thing doesn’t work out, then you’ve had an interesting life anyway.”

7

Hilarious. I have worked in publishing here and there for 20+ years. When I was a copy editor for a university press, I recall that people would get rather insistent that I help them find a publisher for their idea for a graphic novel or their grandmother’s memoir. You know, just mention it when I’m chatting up acquisitions execs at Simon & Schuster and Little, Brown at our weekly all-industry soirees. Huh? If it wasn’t that, it was “Can you get me a job as an editor?” That’s like asking an impoverished gold prospector if you can have their 5 biggest nuggets for keeps just out of idle curiosity.

In college I briefly had a freelance gig going through the slush pile for a publisher of genre paperbacks. You would probably not be surprised that people submit 40-page “novels” for publication. In my favorite of these, it was all a dream at the end! Awesome.

8

So… can you tell me how to get an agent? 'Cause, you know, I’ve got this great idea for a book. :slight_smile:

9

My progeny has, over the course of but a few years, advanced up the publishing ladder into the thin air. Hobnobs with authors we all recognize, edits award winning books, has their own inprint, yada, yada, yada. Thing is, I find I cannot do the normal parental boasting of their stellar accomplishments without, “Will they read my novel?”, being interjected into every conversation. Grrr.

Shut the hell up and let me boast would you?

Returning to the university, of one of their degrees, for an open panel discussion of publishing, which included, book store owners, book sellers, etc, when the floor was thrown open to questions, the other panelists could have gotten up and left, all the questions were for the publisher! It was an eye opener for me, no wonder they had to change phone numbers once their accomplishments started making the papers.

This board is kind of a perfect example. This would be the perfect audience for me to brag to, people who could actually appreciate the magnitude of this child’s accomplishments. But it’s a double edged sword. In a heartbeat you’d all know exactly to whom I was referring, as you’re all so literate. Damn it!

So if they were in any other field I’d be bragging up a storm, to all and sundry, but, alas, I have to be somewhat cryptic instead. Except with my friends, of course, who hear all about it, get to read all the press releases, and are all duly wowed. That helps.

I feel your pain.

10

That’s right up there with “Where do you get your ideas?” I think writers should be legally allowed to punch someone in the face for asking them this.

Um…ideas are the easy part of writing. Writing is the hard part of writing. If you’re struggling at the basic idea stage, maybe writing isn’t for you.

11

I’ve been writing for my own amusement for, um, 30 years. At least. (And yes, I still have some of my really, really old stuff. It’s hideous, but it’s where everyone starts. I keep it around for laughs).

I have had some small success as a professional writer. That is, I have been paid actual money for my writing. I’ve been fortunate in that most of what I have submitted has been bought… but then, I did my research first and finished the writing before I submitted it, spell/grammar checked, factchecked the non-fiction, researched possible markets, checked everything again, submitted according to instructions, and… still don’t sell everything I send out into the world.

I think the best “tip” given to me was that it’s not a matter of wanting to be a writer - if you aren’t already writing it’s unlikely you’ll ever see print. The pros are the ones who have learned to polish up and edit their stuff to the point someone else wants to look at it. And maybe buy it.

12

Typical comments when I tell people I’m a freelance copyeditor and give the 15-second explanation of what I do:

“Can’t they just run spell check?” Gee, thanks for disparaging my entire skill set, and indeed, an entire profession.

“I could do that; I see typos in the paper all the time/in a book I just read.” Yes, because that’s all I do is fix typos.

“Wow, do you have to read the whole thing?” Yes, reading is the chief horror of my job. (They’re even more horrified to learn that I have to read things two or even three times.)

People can be numbnutzes.

13

Should I restart my desire to write again, should I pick booze or coke to help with the writing?
thx.

14

I like this post and comparing it to the site that has a publisher discussing these people. You bring up mostly the same points. The main one is their draft is perfect and what the heck is correction of fact and revision of material. The world is waiting for this you idiot publisher and editor. Historical facts don’t matter or the dictionary’s spelling.

15

You might enjoy this article: I Will Not Read Your Fucking Script, by Josh Olsen.

16

I liked it.

17

I’ve been lucky – I’ve rarely gotten request like this, mostly because I meet aspiring writers at science fiction conventions, and fans know better.

I do get requests for critiques and I often comply (if I have the time). It’s actually good for my own writing to read others critically. But I’m also quite brutal – if the story sucks, I’m going to focus in on what’s wrong and tell you why (politely).

But I know it’s common for people to want to be published based upon an idea (or offer an author an idea to write about and split the money 50-50 :rolleyes: ). They probably get the idea from hearing how some best-selling author is contracted to write a book before he begins is. If you’re Stephen King, that works. If you have no track record, not really.

There’s also the issue of writers writing to express themselves and with no idea of giving the audience a reason to read it. They never stop to think if their fight with cancer is different or more compelling that dozens of other books on the subject. The fact they think their story is important doesn’t mean it’s important to anyone else.

18

Tentacle porn and children’s books.

19

cricetus, I promise not to ask you about finding an agent or publisher until I finish my novel, and I’ve got 30-50,000 words to go. :smiley:

What do people who ask this question expect the answer to be?? I’ve never been able to understand what they assume the answer is. Secret meetings? God talking to us? Mental illness? Writers “get” their ideas by making observations and pulling them together; beyond a flare for slightly unusual juxposition, there really isn’t anything else to say.

20

Oh come on, you writer meanies. I’m sure that someday I’m going to have a great idea for the bestest book ever, and it’s going to be the best seller of all time. Why are you holding back vital information that will make me succeed?

A few years back, a friend finally finished a book. When she saw it in hardback, she was so proud that she told a bunch of friends what she’s accomplished. The almost universal response was “That sounds like a great book. Can I borrow it some time?”

Borrow?