Attention customers, we will no longer be taking any ass change.

[AquaPura]

Someone please tell me that this is a totally inacceptable behavior. I work for a large retail chain for quite a long time. And in that time I would have to say that the most disgusting way a customer has paid for their order has been to reach between her sweaty gargantuan breasts and pull out the damp stinking money to give to me. This has happened many a time and it was always disgusting. However, last night a man wearing an extreemly tight and extremely dirty sweatsuit approached my register and paid for his purchases with a wad of damp money clenched in his hand. He came up seventy-eight cents short. "Wait a minute, I've got the change", he says. He reaches down the BACK of his pants, SO GODDAM FAR HALF OF HIS FREAKIN ARM IS IN THERE, GRUNTS,ROOTS AROUND FOR A BIT AND PULLS OUT A HANDFULL OF PENNIES!!!!!
Goddam that was nasty.
He puts the money on the counter I thank him weakly and hand him his reciept.

What in the seven frozen hells am I supposed to do with this money now?
SO I reached under my register and pulled out a roll of clear packing tape, bit off a lenght, and stuck the money to it. I then ran over to hardwear and got a bottle of industrial strenght window cleaner (Spitfire), flipped the tape money side up and sprayed it generously.
I daubbed the excess off with a paper towel and then put another piece of tape on top and stuck the whole mess into my drawer.

*shudders violently*
Can anyone else relate disgusting customer stories and what they did after?

I'm off to go burn my hands.

[633squadron]

I'm beginning to think we should stop fearing and start praying for that ol' asteroid, cuz gd this world is fucked up.

[Gr8Kat]

Sounds like someone's been watching too much Comedy Central. I swear, they showed that "ass pennies" promo for Upright Citizens' Brigade for a month.

[Gaudere]

This is apparently a more common occurance than you'd think. When I was working in my dad's store around Christmastime, this young and *very* pregnant young woman comes in wearing a pink baby-doll dress. She shops around for a bit and finds some relatively inexpensive piece of jewlery that she likes. My mom figures out the total, and the woman reaches down, slips a hand UNDER the hem of her dress and DOWN into her panties and starts flopping dollar bills on the counter. Cripes! And this was completely out in the open with other customers around! I am certainly glad she did not have exact change, since I don't want to know what orifice she'd pull *that* out of. What on earth goes through a person's head to make them think that this sort of money storage is a really good idea?

[jeyen]

Yikes, even reading about it is TMI! I can only imagine how much that would freak me out to witness. My sympathies!

Jeyen

[erislover]

Originally posted by Gaudere
I am certainly glad she did not have exact change, since I don't want to know what orifice she'd pull *that* out of.

OMG

When I was in the fast food industry I never got that, but man did some people have some disgusting fucking hands! I don't know what sort of shit got on those bills they handled... :shudders:
Hail Eris, at least they had the alcohol gel...

[Guinastasia]

I would've refused it. There is no way managment would force me to take it.
EEEEWWW!!!!!

[beagledave]

Originally posted by AquaPura
SO GODDAM FAR HALF OF HIS FREAKIN ARM IS IN THERE, GRUNTS,ROOTS AROUND FOR A BIT AND PULLS OUT A HANDFULL OF PENNIES!!!!!

Christ I need another Diet Dr Pepper..I read that too quickly and saw "pulls out a handful of penis"

<shudder>

[Sylkyn]

Christ I need another Diet Dr Pepper..I read that too quickly and saw "pulls out a handful of penis"

<shudder> [/b][/quote]

ROTFLMFAO!!!!

SO DID I!!!!

And my heart definitely goes out to you people in retail. I have never been in your shoes (nor in those detestable people you've been referring to, thank God) and I wouldn't trade places with ya'll for all the tea in China.

But, thanks for the screamlaughs....God, my sides still hurt!

Silky "Choked on my sandwich" Threat

[Juniper200]

Note to Self: Stop reading threads with the word "ass" in the title while you're eating dinner. This is your final warning, self.

[PharmBoy]

In college I worked in a public library. This gal used to come in all the time (not bad-looking, a little sleazy) and take her library card out of her bra. and hand it to whoever was at the checkout counter. What's with these people? They can't afford pockets? Wallets are against their religous beliefs?

[matt_mcl]

I read where something like 90% of all US dollar bills showed trace quantities of cocaine...

[ScoobyTX]

Based on this thread, I'm wondering if the currency has been tested for Fecal Coliform bacteria.

[capacitor]

This reminds me of a Benny Hill sketch, where Benny sits at a restaurant table with the old guy. A waitress comes over and takes condiments out of her hefty clevage when asked for them. When she offered milk, the two balked at that.

[Snooooopy]

Gosh, AquaPura, I would love to contribute to a collection to help pay for therapy to help you get over this trauma.

But all I have right now is ass change.

[The Ryan]

I was certain before I opened this thread that the title was metaphorical. I'm pretty sure that if you were to go to a Federal Reserve branch or something and give them the money, they would be willing to detroy it and give you some new ones. Did you see that Daily Show episode where someone's dog ate a bunch of money, then passed it?

[Alphagene]

Originally posted by matt_mcl
I read where something like 90% of all US dollar bills showed trace quantities of cocaine...

97% in one study.

Originally posted by AquaPura
the most disgusting way a customer has paid for their order has been to reach between her sweaty gargantuan breasts and pull out the damp stinking money

Maybe one way to discourage that behavior is to stop them in mid-reach and say "No, please. Allow me..." I would not recommend that for ass-penny patrons, however.

[Holly]

When I was a kid, I worked at the Burger King across the street from Six Flags. People routinely came in to eat still soaking wet from the water rides, so their money was damp, too.

One day a guy handed me a wad of exceptionally soggy money. "Oh, did you go on a water ride?" I joked, the perky professional that I was, as I unfolded each bill and sorted the money into my register.

He looked at me strangely and replied, "No".

I imagine he had been walking around all day with that money tucked safely in his shoe.

[SPOOFE]

If I ever own a restaurant or store (and I will, just so I can do this), I'll put up a sign that says "Money must be dry and fecal-free, or we will refuse service." That'll show 'em!

[kferr]

Many years ago, I was at a bachelor party at a friend's house. A stripper was due to come over, but she was running late. When she arrived, she had a bouncer-type guy with her, and oddly, a male stripper. It turns out they worked for the same agency and were car-pooling that night. The male stripper went and stayed in the kitchen so as not to freak out the guys there. Just as the girl stripper was starting, I went into the kitchen for more beer. I asked the guy why he was here, and he said he had just done a bachelorette party, and they were car pooling since his car was broken down. He mentioned that if we started tipping the girl with dollar bills, the act would get better. I checked my wallet, and said, 'damn all I have is a 20'. He said 'No problem, I've got change!', opened his robe, reached into his little Speedos, and pulled out a fist full of ones! I cringed, but accepted the change and got the hell out of the kitchen!

[gobear]

I checked my wallet, and said, 'damn all I have is a 20'. He said 'No problem, I've got change!', opened his robe, reached into his little Speedos, and pulled out a fist full of ones! I cringed, but accepted the change and got the hell out of the kitchen!

Damn, how come this never happens to me? Heck, I'd have volunteered to reach in and get the ones myself!

[tdn]

Having worked as a bank teller for 4 years, I've certainly seen my fair share of Pennies from "Heaven." But money isn't the only thing that can be fecally enhanced.

There was one guy that routinely came in, picked his nose, cleaned his ears, scratched his balls (yes, sticking his hand down his pants), scratched his ass (yep), then handed over a wad of checks to deposit. And natually, the checks were far from springtime fresh.

Then there was Mr. Reardon. A sweet old man with a -- how shall I put this -- minor bladder control problem. Every time he would come into the bank, we would make a nice new passbook for him, and throw out the soaking wet urine stained passbook.

[DeskMonkey]

I used to work at a Science Museum and we had school groups in all day. You wouldn't believe some of those nasty little critters. They used to put thir money in their shoes so you'd end up with dollar bills soaked with foot sweat. Ugh! One kid had all his pennies in a pickle jar, but I don't think he washed it very well because they all reeked of pickle juice. Every time the register opened, I almost threw up from the smell. Some also kept it in the rim of their baseball hats, so in the summer the dollars were soaked with head sweat. It really was disgusting. I never had anyone produce cash from their butt before though . . .

[Bob Scene]

Originally posted by Alphagene

97% in one study

Were these studies done by the same Germans who keep finding cocaine and nicotine in ancient Egyptian mummies?

[AquaPura]

So here I am thinking ass change is the worst I am going to handle....

I am working third shift. My store is open 24 hours. There is a local highschool having some kind of winter dance this Saturday. Winterballs or some such drivel. I get a couple of kids (17 or 18) out on the town who decide to come to my line. The cute couple was all dudded up. The girl was wearing a lovely dress that if it were any shorter it would be a lampshade... and the gentleman was wearing a lovley sweatstained suit with his tie wrapped around his head. They were both drunk, and whilst the boy tried to muster up the few brain cells he had left to pay, (out of his wallet thank god), the girl turns a whiter shade of pale and promptly vomits onto my registers belt.
Niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiccce.
OH!... and in case you were wondering what they were purchasing......Condoms..Lube..and a case of Mountain Dew.


And no I haven't seen a Kids in the Hall sketch about ass change. If you doubt me, perhaps this will change your mind.







When classes are in session (now) I work at Wal~Mart.

[Guinastasia]

Oh god-reminds me of the time I was in church, and the guy two pews ahead of me started reaching down the back of his pants and scratching his ass! In CHURCH for crying out loud!
Good god almighty, I'm sooo glad I wasn't right behind him-I would've refused to shake his hand during the Sign of Peace!
EEEW!!! If ever someone needed to be struck down by a lightening bolt, it was this guy!

I mean, in CHURCH! How inappropriate is THAT?

[Pismonque]

This is pretty tame compared to ass change, but any orifice on a stranger is disgusting. Well...most strangers. Anyway, in the younger days I worked many years in movie theaters and it is a very common practice for people who purchase tickets to hold said tickets in their mouths while pocketing change, wallets, etc. The poor ticket taker then has the unenviable task of handling these paper slobber specimen slides. And at minimum wage, even!

[PotLuck]

My mother has been admonishing me for years to keep a $20 hidden in my bra "just in case" when travelling. (It was a given that the money would be fished out in private.) Wait until I tell her that hiding place is common knowledge.

[cleosia]

I have seen many people who have to handle money from the public wear thin plastic gloves and I always thought, "WTF!" Being brought up in a home where we were taught not to scratch ourselves in obnoxious places without immediately washing our hands before doing anything else, I did fully appreciate the disgusting habits many people may have. Ugh! So, long live platic gloves!!! And you have my sympathies!

[cleosia]

Sorry. That should have been "...I did not fully appreciate the disgusting habits many people may have." However, after this thread, I do fully appreciate the disgusting habits many people may have.

[Dolores Reborn]

Imagine handling this guy's money: [url="http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=57809"]here[url]

[monkeylucifer]

AquaPura, I suggest you go right out and get yourself an "Ass Penny Detector" and you'll never have to handle fecally tainted coins again.

[Tabithina]

<<<shudder>>> I feel for you, AquaPura!

I remember getting pissy money from drunks when I worked at a convenience store years ago. Really rank pissy money. This was back in the recession of '81-'82, and jobs were scarce. I daydreamed about quitting that job several times a day.

A few years later, out in California, I worked at a tourist shop across the street from Mission San Juan Capristrano. We sold lots of inexpensive gimcracks, so we would get the field trip kids all the time. My till often smelled like feet at the end of the day. But the worst was the little boy who kept digging and digging and digging at his butt the whole time he waited in line. By the time I rang up his stuff, I was pretty sure he must have a massive pinworm infestation or something. His money reeked something awful, and I had a whole line of kids behind him to take care of. I couldn't get away to wash my hands, so I sprayed them with the Windex I kept under the counter. Ewww...ewww....ewww!

[hardygrrl]

Back in the day i worked retail and have seen all of this and worse-I even had a homeless guy decide I was "purty" ,grab my shoulders and try to kiss me.But yesterday I had the most disgusting customer experience ever-I now work @ a call center at a credit card company and had a customer on the phone. We're discussing his account and I hear what I think is running water. Then he flushes-the guy was taking a piss while on the phone-w/ a perfect stranger!

[71-Hour Achmed]

Originally posted by Holly
I imagine he had been walking around all day with that money tucked safely in his shoe.

I was on a semipro blackjack team a few years ago. One of the other players used to play video poker to get room comps at the casinos, helping to avoid surveillance for her blackjack play.

One day, she mentioned during a team meeting that she always kept track of the money she used to play six-deck shoes separately from the money she used for single-deck and double-deck games. To facilitate this oddity, she kept the shoe money, logically enough, in her shoes.

I muttered to one of the other guys, "I don't want to ask where she keeps her slot machine money. . . ."

[activgurl]

A long time ago, in a state far, far away (Mississippi), I worked in a fast food establishment. It was one mile from the Gulf of Mexico. Many, many patrons would line up for tacos wearing just swim trunks & flip-flops, or thong sandals. No fanny packs, sorry! Where do you suppose they pulled their cash from? "Yessir! I'd be SO glad to take your money from your shorts!"

[horowitz]

Originally posted by Gaudere
My mom figures out the total, and the woman reaches down, slips a hand UNDER the hem of her dress and DOWN into her panties and starts flopping dollar bills on the counter.

Did the dollar bills then begin to scuttle about the counter?

[robgruver]

Originally posted by hardygrrl
But yesterday I had the most disgusting customer experience ever-I now work @ a call center at a credit card company and had a customer on the phone. We're discussing his account and I hear what I think is running water. Then he flushes-the guy was taking a piss while on the phone-w/ a perfect stranger!

Amen. I had one of these calls once as well with the customer doing number two, and complaining about his bowels. With all the sound effects you can imagine in realtion to said number two. Ewwww.... ::shudders::

[Diane]

Yeah, but how many of you men wouldn't be impressed by a girl who could stick a dollar bill in her panties and squeeze it into 4 quarters of change?

[monkeylucifer]

Originally posted by activgurl
A long time ago, in a state far, far away (Mississippi), I worked in a fast food establishment. It was one mile from the Gulf of Mexico.

Was this Biloxi? I'm a native coastian, so I've seen this kind of thing faaaaaar to often....we're the Redneck Riviera after all!