You’re allowed one prop.
No sex or violence. You have no chance of disarming him.
If you are not entertaining, you die.
What’s your act?
Does a stereo/iPod count as a prop? Just dancing like a fool I suppose.
Her eyes they shone like a diamond
You’d think she was queen of the land
With her hair pulled over her shoulder
Tied up with a black velvet band
First I will need the audience to close their eyes for 10 seconds for this trick to work.
Then, and only then, do I resume my old profession as a ventriloquist.
“Is this mike on? C’mon I’m dying here!”
H.M.S. Pinafore
Oh, shit. I need this kind of stress like I need a hole in my head.
Gun swallowing. Wait, I had a gun right here, can I borrow yours?
My own gun.
I suppose any act called “The Aristocrats” would be in violation of the rules. 
SSG (P) Schwartz
I act out the Gospels to him.
We could do 'Night, Mother if he’ll play Jessie.
The Aristocrats!
Does cooking for him count? Otherwise, I’m fucked.
No sex or violence?
Might as well shoot me now.
Jokes. I’ve got tons of 'em.
I can’t sing or dance, so I guess I’d start telling dirty jokes!
My Ethel Merman impression kills.