Could you have a satisfying sex life with a partner who would only do oral & manual?

[Skald the Rhymer]

Originally Posted by scifisam2009

Yup - another lesbian here, so there's never any penile penetration involved anyway. Silly Skald, forgetting us!

I wasn't forgetting you. It was simply unwieldy to include you without bringing sex toys into the equation, and I didn't want to talk about that.

If I started a poll titled "Would you have rather sex with Taye Diggs or Brad Pitt?", would you expect an option for straight men and lesbians?

[Sofis]

Originally Posted by Implicit

There is a lot more to sex than vaginal intercourse.

There's also a lot more to sex than handjobs and oral. That's really the key to my answer (definitely no): it's not about vaginal intercourse somehow being inherently superior; I wouldn't be satisfied with just it either. I like my sex varied. Just manual and oral is too small a subset of all possible sex acts for me to be satisfied.

[scootergirl]

Originally Posted by Arrendajo

Could we get together sometime?

[Avarie537]

Originally Posted by Alice The Goon

No. It's all good, of course, but I love the cock.

Ditto.

[Dogzilla]

Originally Posted by WhyNot

*ahem*

It's not just lesbians who can play with toys, y'know.

Just sayin'...

Right and I get that. I own some toys.

I have what I think may be a unique perspective on this. Being single for a really, really long time, I have had plenty of experience with my Battery Operated Boyfriend.

I don't want to have anything to do with toys in the bedroom when there is another person in there. I want from the live, breathing human that which I cannot get from the B.O.B.: kissing, holding, caressing, laughing, joking, licking, nibbling... etc. (And then there needs to be a nice hard dick in there somewhere to finish me off.) Don't just pull out the toys... if I wanted a perfunctory, functional orgasm, I'd just get the toy out myself. What the fuck do I need a partner for, if I'm just going to fuck my vibrator?

So yeah. If I'm going to have sex with someone else, there has to be PIV penetration involved or I might as well just throw the guy out and go get B.O.B outta the drawer. I should add, I might not even get off from PIV penetration -- it's the actual penetration, with a real, live, sweaty man behind it, that I find satisfying. I don't care about the orgasm. I can meet up with B.O.B. later if I need to take care of that.

I know, I know, lots of couples use toys as part of their repertoire. Goody for all of you. For me, the human penis has a purpose (well, a few, actually, but just one that I'm concerned about) and the rabbit has another purpose and to use them together sort of defeats the purpose for either (in my own twisted little brain). I think, for me, it's about the intimacy of being with another person, rather than two people just getting off. So the PIV penetration, for some reason, is key to establishing that. For me.

[Kalypso]

If my partner couldn't do it for some reason, then sure, we can make that work. If they could and simply wouldn't, then I couldn't have a satisfying sex life like that.

[SciFiSam]

Originally Posted by Skald the Rhymer

I wasn't forgetting you. It was simply unwieldy to include you without bringing sex toys into the equation, and I didn't want to talk about that.

If I started a poll titled "Would you have rather sex with Taye Diggs or Brad Pitt?", would you expect an option for straight men and lesbians?

Why do you need to bring sex toys into it?

Lesbians also have sex, so aren't automatically excluded from a question about sex like they are with questions about sex with men.

Besides, it's not like I was genuinely annoyed. 'Silly Skald!' isn't something you say as a genuine admonishment.

[Shot From Guns]

Female: Possibly, but it would depend on <blank>.

And for me "blank" is "whether 'manual' involves any kind of penetration with fingers and/or toys." [TMI ALERT] I only recently discovered that I could even get off from anything but oral or manual stimulation, but even before that, PIV sex was enjoyable in a different way, even without orgasms. Do I prefer to have it in the mix? Yes. Could I live without it if I had to? Also yes.

[Crackrat]

Male, and I voted yes. My last relationship had no vaginal or oral sex, and was still wildly more sexual than any of the previous ones that included those.

[Gus Gusterson]

I have an unsatisfying sex life with a partner who will not do oral or manual sex, only intercourse. I imagine it would be just as unsatisfying if it were flipped.

But since this is hypothetical, I get to imagine that I have a willing partner. If I could get blowjobs on demand and go down on her all I want, I think I could go without intercourse. This assumes that the blowjobs are good and that she enjoys what I do for her also.

[corkboard]

I couldn't do it. First of all, I've mastered the handjob since I was about 12, and I'm sorry, but you'll never do that better than me, and that's not going to be enough for the rest of my life. Also, of all the blowjobs I've had in my life, only one woman was talented enough at it to possibly persuade me to forget the need for PIV sex. And even though she was that good, I'd still need other alternatives.

There has to be a place in my life (and in my wife's, as she's made it clear) for vaginal and anal. Sometimes you just need that feeling, and mouths and hands are poor substitutes.

[Ura-Maru]

Probably. Assuming sufficient enthusiasm and full access is granted to the amusement park. A partner who doesn’t like to be touched below the waist would be something else again. The best parts of sex have not usually involved the Ura-Wang, anyway . . .

Come to think of it, I’ve never preformed the ah, traditional wedding tango without the latex dancing shoes. So, it’s possible that I just don’t know what I’m missing . . .

--

Originally Posted by scifisam2009

Yup - another lesbian here, so there's never any penile penetration involved anyway. Silly Skald, forgetting us!

Yeah. That’s straight guys for you. Never thinking enough about lesbian sex . . .

[Skald the Rhymer]

Originally Posted by Ura-Maru

Yeah. That’s straight guys for you. Never thinking enough about lesbian sex . . .

I'm that rare straight guy who skips over lesbian scenes in porn.

[Shot From Guns]

Originally Posted by Ura-Maru

Come to think of it, I’ve never preformed the ah, traditional wedding tango without the latex dancing shoes. So, it’s possible that I just don’t know what I’m missing . . .

IMO, yes, to a certain extent you don't know what you're missing. Not that it would necessarily be enough to change your opinion, just that condoms do make a noticeable difference (at least for me).

[Ura-Maru]

For the record, the last sentence of that first paragraph was NOT meant to imply what it sounds like it does.

No matter what you may have heard!

[BellRungBookShut-CandleSnuffed]

Originally Posted by Dogzilla

Nope. Gotta have the penis. When I'm getting off, I like to have something in there to clamp down on. :: blush :: TMI?

"Something to clamp down on" makes me wonder why several fingers, a hand, or a dil aren't sufficient. If it's gotta be cock, then it's gotta be, but your phrasing has led me to question.


ETA: crap, missed your earlier reply. carry on...

[Chessic Sense]

Originally Posted by BigT

I can't really think of anything that would be physically different (at least, for guys).

Teeth. Depth. Heat. Tightness. Are you serious? In what world is a blowjob even comparable to PIV?

[Diogenes the Cynic]

Originally Posted by Chessic Sense

Teeth. Depth. Heat. Tightness. Are you serious? In what world is a blowjob even comparable to PIV?

For real.

BigT, have you actually ever had sex? The experience of vaginal intercoursel vs. oral is significantly different in a multiplicty of ways. A mouth doesn't feel anything like a pussy.

[Tranquilis]

I love to give - And really love to recieve.

So yeah, I'd say yes. Provided, of course, she was as enthusastic as I.

[StusBlues]

Originally Posted by Skald the Rhymer

I'm that rare straight guy who skips over lesbian scenes in porn.

Hmmm. Do you also skip the turkey at Thanksgiving?

Originally Posted by Diogenes the Cynic

A mouth doesn't feel anything like a pussy.

Indeed. A vagina doesn't have a tongue swirling your glans, nor does it hum with excitement. Nor

SPOILER:

does it bleed.

Censored for those who may be having lunch.

[appleciders]

Originally Posted by BigT

I honestly don't see why not. Can someone explain to me what PIV has over other forms of sex? I can't really think of anything that would be physically different (at least, for guys). So is it some emotional thing?

As great as a blowjob is, it's really very different from PIV sex. Heat, tightness, point-of-view, reactions, teeth, ability to kiss your partner during... Huge difference. Yes, there's an emotional difference, but there's a big physical difference, too.

Originally Posted by Ura-Maru

Come to think of it, I’ve never preformed the ah, traditional wedding tango without the latex dancing shoes. So, it’s possible that I just don’t know what I’m missing . . .

No, there's a difference but not a radical one. It's just like sex with a condom, only more so. Try it if you get a (safe) opportunity, and you'll understand.


I voted that it'd be very difficult or impossible to maintain over the long term. I'd probably go with "very difficult", not "impossible", but I'm honestly not sure how long I could do it. Certainly I did it for around two years with my current girlfriend before we had sex, and extenuating circumstances would matter (if the lady in question had a medical condition that would eventually clear up, that would make it easier), but I don't think I could do forever. I would be able to give up oral more easily than PIV sex.


I think it's interesting that the men and women in this poll are voting so similarly. I expected a gender divide, with women being more willing to forgo PIV sex, what with the number of women who can normally only orgasm with clitoral stimulation that PIV sex doesn't provide. Very interesting how equal this is.

[Illuminatiprimus]

Gay male - would be entirely happy with it for two reasons.

1. Sometimes you're not compatible when it comes to penetration for whatever reason (one doesn't like it, you both want to do the same position, one person can't for some medical reason) and

2. I particularly like manual, namely mutual masturbation which I think is the best thing in the world evar!!!!!!elventyone!!! My idea of heaven is a permanent circle jerk to really good porn. Sadly this is a minority fetish in the gay world

[Skald the Rhymer]

Originally Posted by StusBlues

Hmmm. Do you also skip the turkey at Thanksgiving?

In fact, I do. I thought about not having turkey on Thanksgiving at all, as both my wife & I much prefer ham, but since we were hosting for the extended family, we relented.

[Onomatopoeia]

Originally Posted by StusBlues

A vagina doesn't have a tongue swirling your glans, nor does it hum with excitement. Nor

SPOILER:

does it bleed.

Well, I guess you haven't had the pleasure of being orally serviced by someone with gingivitis, have you?

[Fluxuz]

I am a heterosexual male and I must say yes. Receiving oral sex only would be the ideal scenario for me and only hand stimulation for her. That's the ideal sexual relationship, which is close to what I have now (if I lick her anywhere, that's just for my amusement). If it were absolutely on those terms only without vaginal or anal sex, that would be just great.

[Suburban Plankton]

We did just that for two and a half years before we were married, and I have absolutely no complaints...I'm certain that I could be quite happy with such an arrangement if need be.

[Ladymarmalade]

No. I am a penis person. ;o)

[BigT]

Okay, I feel like an idiot for my previous response. No, I have never had PIV sex. But I asked the wrong question. What is it that is better about PIV sex? I can see the differences, obviously, but what makes it better, from a physiological perspective?

My previous comment was trying to say that, from a physiological point of view, I would think an orgasm would just be an orgasm. Sure the sensations might be different, but, again, what makes it better? Is that even an answerable question?

I've thought about this before, and I concluded that I'd be happy never having had actual PIV sex as long as I was with someone I loved who expressed that love intimately. But, without experience, I agree that's an uninformed answer.

And, yes, this question is semi-rhetorical. If you don't want to discuss it, obviously I don't want you to, either.

[alexandra]

I'd love it! I like penetrative sex, but I LOVE good oral and manual technique, and not enough people are inclined to make an effort in this area, IME. I also enjoy giving to both men and women, and find it more intimate than being penetrated.

[Zsofia]

No. I mean, all that stuff is nice and all, but eventually I, er, need more.

[WhyNot]

Originally Posted by BigT

Okay, I feel like an idiot for my previous response. No, I have never had PIV sex. But I asked the wrong question. What is it that is better about PIV sex? I can see the differences, obviously, but what makes it better, from a physiological perspective?

Which is better, a back rub or a back scratch? Why?

Obviously, some people will enjoy one more than the other. Some enjoy both so much that they're not willing to give up either. Some find them so similar that they're interchangeable, and could give up back rubs for back scratches or vice-versa. And some may have a partner who isn't willing or able to do one, but will do the other, and so they're willing to forgo one, even if they really like it, because they like their partner more than they like the back rubs or back scratches.

[Anaamika]

As long as I could use toys, I'd probably get by.

[Rachellelogram]

It would depend if my partner was willing to use sextoys such as a strap on and/or manually handling a dildo. I could not live with only fingers or tongue penetrating my vag for the rest of my life, no.

[Lorski]

No. I don't like giving or receiving oral.

[Ann Hedonia]

Originally Posted by Freudian Slit

Sure. I don't really get off from penetrative intercourse anyway (vaginal stimulation isn't my thing) so I think it would be fine.

This is a really great username / post combo

[Malacandra]

Originally Posted by rachelellogram

It would depend if my partner was willing to use sextoys such as a strap on and/or manually handling a dildo. I could not live with only fingers or tongue penetrating my vag for the rest of my life, no.

So you've definitely given up on this idea of living in a permanently sexless relationship, then?

[Rachellelogram]

Originally Posted by Malacandra

So you've definitely given up on this idea of living in a permanently sexless relationship, then?

I haven't had sex since I posted that, months ago. My, but we do have a long memory.

+1 board stalker

[Freudian Slit]

Originally Posted by rachelellogram

I haven't had sex since I posted that, months ago. My, but we do have a long memory.

+1 board stalker

Is everyone who brings up something you've said in the past a +1 board stalker?

[Palo Verde]

Female: absolutely and totally yes

[Rachellelogram]

Originally Posted by Freudian Slit

Is everyone who brings up something you've said in the past a +1 board stalker?

Yes, when it's not constructively adding to the conversation and instead being used as a tool to somehow discredit or embarrass me (although as you probably know by now, I have no shame).

Don't worry FS, you're winning. Already at +3, at least.

[don't ask]

Male. About 18 months ago my SO decided we should be "celibate" by which she meant oral and manual sex only. It was just a whim on her part and I went along with it just for the hell of it. Turned out to be pretty good fun. I guess it lasted about 3 months and then we went back to anything goes.

[drachillix]

I would assume, bio geeks please correct me if I'm wrong, penetrative sex is an innate behavior. We have a couple hundred thousand years of successful instinct telling us to to do so. We are hard wired to want penetration because it makes more humans.

[Freudian Slit]

Originally Posted by drachillix

I would assume, bio geeks please correct me if I'm wrong, penetrative sex is an innate behavior. We have a couple hundred thousand years of successful instinct telling us to to do so. We are hard wired to want penetration because it makes more humans.

I think we're hard wired to want orgasms but why would it matter how we get them? It's not like our "instinct" (for lack of a better word) is distinguishing between satisfaction obtained from penetrative vs. other means.

[Zsofia]

Well, mine definitely distinguishes. Cats gotta groom themselves, hermit crabs gotta find another shell, I gotta have the cock. <shrug>

[Freudian Slit]

For me, there's a difference, but penetrative just doesn't do anything for me. Maybe I'm not hard wired to create more humans.

[Anaamika]

I just can't see giving up my current SO because of that. In a new relationship it would most definitely be a dealbreaker but after fourteen years I am not willing to place penetrative sex over the relationship itself....no sexual contact at all would be much harder to deal with.

[Diogenes the Cynic]

Originally Posted by Freudian Slit

I think we're hard wired to want orgasms but why would it matter how we get them? It's not like our "instinct" (for lack of a better word) is distinguishing between satisfaction obtained from penetrative vs. other means.

Mine does. The experiences are qualititively different.

[Malacandra]

Originally Posted by rachelellogram

Yes, when it's not constructively adding to the conversation and instead being used as a tool to somehow discredit or embarrass me (although as you probably know by now, I have no shame).

Don't worry FS, you're winning. Already at +3, at least.

I'm not a board stalker, but I have a good memory for apparent inconsistencies, especially when they seem associated with flitting from one brand of attention-getting to another. You ain't all that.

[DianaG]

I'm amazed at all the people who've said they'd be fine as long as they could have toys. I mean, good on ya and all, but for me, having a toy in my vagina and having a cock in my vagina aren't remotely the same thing.

[Freudian Slit]

Originally Posted by DianaG

I'm amazed at all the people who've said they'd be fine as long as they could have toys. I mean, good on ya and all, but for me, having a toy in my vagina and having a cock in my vagina aren't remotely the same thing.

Well, for me, I don't really get off for anything in my vagina, and toys go way faster than a hand...so for me, toys are better! Better orgasms through science!