Women: What term offends you?

[Max Torque]

Okay, there are hundreds of slang terms for "women", and I'm sure I needn't list them all here. What I want to know is, which terms offend women, and why?

Honestly, I'm surprised more women aren't bothered by "chicks", a term I often use subconsciously myself. It just seems kind of, I dunno, diminutive to me. Yet, many women I know even call one another "chicks".

So, what's your least favorite? Babes? Broads? Femmes? Skirts? Dames? Gals? What?

[Tequila Mockingbird]

Usually it's not words that offend me. However if they are said in a derogatory or condescending tone, I may be offended. On accasion, I have felt miffed by someone calling me a "lady" though... makes me feel as though I need to behave in a dignified manner which automatically brings out my vulgar and/or complete klutz side

[Green Bean]

It's not the term, it's the context in which it is used.

For example, at work the other day, I heard a VP refer to one of the applicants (to a high-level position, too) as "the girl." That is offensive.

In Eve Ensler's The Vagina Monologues, she refers to women as cunts. Not offensive.

It really just depends.

[Geobabe]

I also feel that it's not the words themselves that offend me but the context in which they are used. I'm not the slightest bit PC; in fact I sometimes offend people (usually unintentionally) because I have a tendency to speak my mind.

I call myself a girl, mostly because I find it amusing to do so, because I'm 36 years old and so am at least theoretically an adult, plus I have boobies an' stuff so I'm clearly grown up physically. It doesn't bother me when others refer to me as a girl, for the most part. However, if, say, my boss called me a girl, that would probably bother me because it would be clearly inappropriate in that context. Same with the other terms.

[The Mermaid]

I've always thought "cunt" was a realy ugly word. But I have never read "The Vagina Monologues" so I can't comment of Eve Ensler's use of the word.

I reserve that word for only the women who I feel are disgusting, repulsive and disgrace to the gender.

[Tansu]

To me, 'cunt' is what I call my vagina. It's a good thing. I wouldn't ever use it as an insult.

Context is all.

[Freudian Slit]

Cunt isn't so bad- its all context. Some women merit these offensive terms, some don't...

I too agree its the context. Though referring to an adult female as "girl" sort of annoys me sometimes. Anyway- doesn't really apply to me since I am a girl.

[Cisco]

I usually call girls "chicks" (affectionately) and they never seem to mind. When i want to be a little more abrasive (usually when im drunk and usually when i was younger) i call them 'skirts'. Personally, if i was a chick, i would want to be called a chick. It indicates that you're a girl with a slight underlying message that you are attractive, but its not in any way a come-on so anyone can use it.

[Wozzo]

Cisco, I assume you don't have much social life.

Max, you are probably aware that members of gender/ethnic/racial/whatever groups have terminology that they can use among themselves but is highly offensive if someone outside the group uses it on them. "Chicks" is like that (at least for "chicks" over, say 25 years old).

[SallySimpson]

I think "cunt" is a horrible word, and I don't use it in any context, but to each his (or her) own, I suppose.

The word I hate the most in reference to women is "woman." I was friends with a guy that called my best friend that in jest one day, and she smacked him right in the face. I thought he probably had it coming.

[even sven]

The word "cunt" inspires loatheing in me for the speaker.

Honestly, I wish there was a better casual term for women. I'd like something analogous to "guy". "Chick" and "lady" have too many negative connotations for me, but saying "woman" all the time is a little clunky for informal conversation. Does anyone have a good word? Do I have to make one up?

[Cat Whisperer]

I don't use the "c" word EVER; IMO, it's a truly nasty word.

I also dislike being called a "girl" at work. I work as a secretary, and whenever I hear myself or another secretary referred to as "the girl" (as in "Get the girl to do it.") it shows a lack of respect and understanding for the valuable, legitimate jobs that women do.

And "ma'am" drives me crazy, as it's reserved for use by people who think I'm being difficult (which I am, sometimes. And sometimes I just get that way after being called "Ma'am").

even sven, how about Girman? Wirl?

[mouthbreather]

[george carlin]

So which one of you cupcakes wants to go make me dinner and then gimme a blowjob?

[/george carlin]

[Cisco]

Originally posted by Wozzo
Cisco, I assume you don't have much social life.

I live in NC, you live in OH, look outside of your bubble sometime. I have a perfectly normal social life.

[Nocturne]

The only term that's never really sat well with me is "broads." It just SOUNDS derogatory.

Then again, I couldn't ever see the c-word NOT being offensive...

[Green Bean]

Jeez Louise! I didn't mean to inspire a discussion of the c-word! The Vagina Monologues is a one-woman show--very excellent. I highly recommend it. It really changed my view on a lot of words. But I would hardly use the term "cunt" in normal circumstances. "Hey, I met your mom the other day. She seems like a real nice cunt." Anyhoo...

[matt_mcl]

Gal?

[JCThunder]

Some of my Irish friends call ladies 'birds' and it is usually used as a term of endearment (as in, 'She's a top bird'). Anyone find this one offensive?

[Lux Fiat]

Originally posted by SallySimpson
The word I hate the most in reference to women is "woman."

Wait, what? Does it get more neutral than that? Or are we talking more along the lines of direct address, like, "Woman, fix me a turkey pot pie!" or something?

[screech-owl]

I too fail to see the problem with the word "woman", unless I am missing the context (not fond of the spelling "womyn", though).
Count me as another anti-"c" word.
I have a acquaintance (would NOT call him a friend for this) who refers to women as "bints" - pisses me off every time.

As far as "Ma'am", I found it more of a regionalism: when I was living in upstate New York, students who used the terms "Yes, ma'am" and "No, ma'am" usually did so in a samrt-ass and disespectful tone of voice. When I moved to the South, it took me awhile to get used to hearing the term as a matter of respect for someone. Speaking to some friends (several generations of native Virginians and Carolinians [N&S]), they informed me that it was the way they were brought up. EVERY sentence and request ended in "ma'am or "sir". I imagine how rough it was for the two boys who had moved from Virginia to our district in New York, using those phrases in school (as they were taught) and getting flack for it. Guess it's a cultural thing.

[Tansu]

Bird and bint are OK if they come from another woman.

I wouldn't be too offended if someone asked my man "Is that your bird?" Actually, when I was at college I had a boyfriend that I (and some of my friends) referred to as "my bird."

Lady, Ma'am or even Miss can be used with contempt or with respect. It behoves us to tell the difference.

[Kayeby]

A while ago, I remember a friend of mine saying that "vagina" was more offensive to her than "cunt". I can't remember exactly, but it had something to do with "vagina" being related to "vessel" (or something similar) in latin - implying that a woman's vagina was simply the recipient to a man's penis. I've never heard anything more on the topic - does anyone here know if it's true?

I've never had any problem with "girl", but then again, I am still a girl. I agree that it's a matter of context - all of the terms the OP mentioned can be used in a derogatory manner.

ALL WORDS ARE EQUAL.

(But some are more equal than others. )

[Annie-Xmas]

I never ever use the C-word. I rarely use the B-word,and then never in reference to people. I don't use any offensive words in reference to people.

Someone at work once called me the B-word, so I did an hour of Elton John's "The Bitch is Back." He finally complained to the Big Boss about my singing. Chutzpaz, right?

[betenoir]

So now it's become the C-word? Well, F-word you all but I like the C-word.

What's a better word for refering to a woman's genitalia? Vagina? Too OB/GYN. Pussy? I hate that word the way some people hate "cunt". Bearded clam? No, maybe not.

Of course there's no question refering to a whole woman by the name of her genitals is an insult. You're reducing a whole entire woman to just one part of herself. Yeah, that's pretty offensive.

But, even there, context is everything.

[racerx]

The thing is, there isn't much that a person could call me that I would be too bothered by. (That's not an invitation.) I think I would be shocked or surprised if someone called me a cunt, but mostly I think I would laugh. Bitch? Well, I certianly am a bitch at times. There are not many terms that I would be offended by merely by virtue of their implication that I am a woman. I think if I am offended by something it is because it is an insult, not because it is insulting my womanhood. Make sense? Also depends on who's calling me a dame or whatever. If it is a stranger, I dont much care. If it were the boy, well, he might be in a lil trouble. (Is it bad that I call my SO the boy? Hummmmm. Maybe I should ask him.)

[missbunny]

I hate the word "gal." It's just so . . . airhead-ish sounding.

I also LOATHE the term "bar maid." It's "bartender" for both sexes. "Bar maid" smacks of some cheesy, Revolutionary-era cable miniseries where all the taverns are staffed by buxom slatterns, wearing those greasy leather corset things, bosoms hanging out ready to catch the froth that drifts off the five or six mugs of beer the "bar maid" is holding every time she bounces from one person to the next. Ugh.

[magdalene]

1. dames, broads, skirts, chicks, femmes, ladies, dolls, birds...etc.: If I like the person using the word, and we have a good banter going, I really don't worry about it too much. Even "bitch" doesn't bug me, as you'll see by my sig.

And I sort of like the whole "Woman! Get me a beer!" thing, because I know the only people who would say that to me are doing it in jest.

2. On being called "the girl" at work:

3. On the c- word: In the context of hot, nasty, sex with someone I'm sure generally respects me, I like it much better than the word "pussy", which is just so unsexy to me. I can't even really say "pussy" out loud without giggling.

Anyone calling me a cunt outside of that context might find him or herself very sorry indeed.

[Nacho4Sara]

I hate the word "cunt." It's the most offensive word I can imagine. Argh! I hate even typing it. I went out on several dates with a very nice guy once. By the fourth date, we had progressed to the quiet-dark-road stage, and he worked THAT WORD into a session of dirty-talk. I told him I hated that word and he said it again in jest; next thing he knew he was on his ass in the dirt. Never saw him after that. It's a pet peeve of mine.

I don't mind "girl" because I'm almost 20; not even an adult yet. "Woman" doesn't offend me; "pussy" is not a great word to use when talking with your professor but is certainly better than the c-word. "Chick" is okay, so is "Ma'am." The image that springs to mind is my extremely assholic manager Vic, who says, "Hey Chick-a-dee!" (yes, he is that nerdy) everytime he sees me. The way he says it is not insulting, but he is still letting me know he's my superior. It's extremely irritating.

As for "bitch," well, I rarely use it seriously (see sig). I've never called a woman that in seriousness, and don't plan on it. It's a hateful word.

[Cyn]

Context is all when it comes to the names people assign you. If I ask the waiter politely to please bring more water and he snarls "bitch" under his breath, not only is his tip history, but I did not deserve the hostitlity. If I tell my best girlfriend she's a strange bitch because she won't use any bathroon except for her own, then that's accurate. It's highly personalized. I don't mind being called a chick,I think "gal" is hopelessly dated and any other generally accepted derivative is just fine as long as it's not delivered in a hateful manner. If in doubt, please call me Miss Cyn.

[porcupine]

As most have said, context is everything. I would say more, but magdalene already said exactly what I think.

[The Devil's Grandmother]

This may be a slight hijack... I don’t hate any collective noun for women more than any other, what I really hate is when they are mis-paired with the male equivalent.

Ladies = Gentlemen
Girls = Boys
Women = Men
Gals = Guys
Cows = Bulls
Magdalene, Does “birds” have a masculine equivalent?

When I see signs of Men’s and Girls’ it makes me mad.

Back to the OP, context is everything. If my flatmate calls me a bint, it’s affectionate (usually). If my boss called me a bint, I’d be peeved. As for the cunt argument, I don’t like being referred to by any term that “reduces” me to just a sex organ, I’m a whole person.

[andygirl]

Originally posted by Green Bean

In Eve Ensler's The Vagina Monologues, she refers to women as cunts. Not offensive.

I'm actually reading that particular monologue in a performance of the monologues here at school.

It's rather changed my perspective. I like cunt better now... but it remains a question of context.

You all should have been there in chat last night... heh.

[Medea's Child]

The c-word is the big one. Please do not call me a body part. Yes I have what can be refered to as that. Don't call me that anyway. Or pussy.

The rest I can deal with when they are used with affection. I get edgy when words indicating possesion are added. (No, I'm not your girl.)

I had a great relationship with a kid who I tutored. We saw "Guys and Dolls" and I was "Doll" for the rest of the year. I loved it. When said with respect and affection pretty much any derogatory term can be really, really cool.

Or I'm just really, really twisted.

[Max Torque]

Originally posted by xtal
Does “birds” have a masculine equivalent?

"Cocks", perhaps? hehe....

I know that context can change an endearing term to an offensive one, but, in my experience, women can feel very strongly about some of the various words in themselves. For example, some women I know hate the word "broad" simply because of the way the word sounds, regardless of the context. I can sure understand why y'all would strongly dislike "cunt", for many reasons (reducing a person to a single body part, it just plain sounds like gutterspeak, etc.). Kinda strange that, even though it depends on the context, some of the women who have weighed in so far seemingly can't even bear to type the "c-word".....

Y'all keep your opinions coming!

[Nacho4Sara]

I don’t hate any collective noun for women more than any other, what I really hate is when they are mis-paired with the male equivalent.

I have to absolute favorite restaurants; one has "Guys" and "Dolls" on the doors; the other has a Barbie and a Ken diarama on each door. Barbie has tattos and streaked, cropped hair, while Ken is wearing a Speedo, a bra and a wig. Very creative.

Kinda strange that, even though it depends on the context, some of the women who have weighed in so far seemingly can't even bear to type the "c-word"...

I cannot explain it, other than it is the most derogatory word I can possibly imagine. It does reduce a woman to a body part, and it has extremely negetive connotations for me. It disgusts me. There is no decent or acceptable context for it. I can remember hearing that word as a child, used as the worst possible insult, and it still maintains that meaning for me.

[Fiver]

Three things surprise me about this thread:

1) No one has mentioned the word twat.

2) What about "babes?" Do women like/dislike to be called babes?

3) What term offends Opalcat?

[Alessan]

Originally posted by xtal
Does “birds” have a masculine equivalent?

[/quote]

Probably "blokes", considering the cultural context.

As for myself - I've caught myself referring to women in their mid-twenties as "girls", and I've realized that it's not because it's I'm sexist - it's because I'm 26 years old myself, and if they're "women", than I'm a "man", which means I'm a grownup, which is of course patently untrue.

[ruadh]

Originally posted by JCThunder
Some of my Irish friends call ladies 'birds' and it is usually used as a term of endearment (as in, 'She's a top bird'). Anyone find this one offensive?

You'd have to be exceedingly sensitive to get offended by that one, I think.

There's also a Scottish word "hen", which is usually used in the vocative case (i.e. you don't normally refer to someone in the third person as a hen). I don't find that offensive either, although that might have something to do with the inherent charm of a Scots accent.

I guess I pretty much agree that it isn't the word itself but the way that it's used that determines whether it offends me.

Oh, and I'm almost 31 and don't mind being called a girl. I do, however, reserve the right to refer to men the same age as "boys".

[Tansu]

I like vocative terms like 'hen,' 'pet,' 'hinny' and 'me lover.' In Devon, it's quite acceptable to address a group of friends or family with 'Alright, me lovers?'

[Annie-Xmas]

The absolute, worst, most offensive situation is when I point out to religious fanatics that the Bible does not apply to me cause it uses the word "men" and they say "Oh, that means men and women." Since when? Back then, "men" meant "men" and a woman was lower than an animal. Of couse, I shoot back "Then you would agree with the phase "It's okay for men to have sex with men," which would mean, by their thinking "It's okay for people to have sex with people." Are they going to dispute that logic?

Same thing when they called grown up people "girls." Then you agree that "It's okay for men to have sex with girls."

In short, men, women, boys and girls all refer to very specific groups of people. Use the words correctly.

[purrplebear]

and yet, even so, there are some words I intensely dislike just because I dislike the conotation of them. That C-word I've never cared for; no, no clear idea on why, it just sounds dirty, smutty, whore-ish to me. Don't call me a 'B' even if I am being one, I'm liable to suddenly walk away from you and not talk to you again until you apologize. And, for the record, I work hard at never being one of those kind of women anyway.

I get quite peeved at being referred to as a 'chick' or 'skirt' or 'broad' or any of those words, as in general they are meant in a derogatory manner. But, as I said, context has a lot to do with my reaction to a particular word, and the tone of voice, and intended meaning behind that word.

Interesting point, Five, about your first query. I absolutely despise that word, almost as much as I despise the c-word. It sounds like gutterspeak to me. Not to mention, I would really hate being called a body part; any body part. I am a whole person. Not a chicken, an article of clothing, or anything else; just a person.

As for 'Babe', it really depends. I've been called that by strangers, in a 'you're nothing but a sex object to me' way. I very nearly slapped one guy, but he wasn't worth the effort. I have a couple of male friends who call me that, and they say it very affectionately, I don't mind at all. Mr Bear calls me that, on occasion, and I definitely don't mind at all, the way he says it.

The bottom line, for me, and for most of the ladies who have posted, is that it mostly depends on who is using those terms, and how they mean them to come across. So, while there are a few words to me that I absolutely hate and would be most offended at being referred to as, for the most part, it depends on the context.

Is this helping you, Max? Or have we just confused the issue further for you?

[The Devil's Grandmother]

I think the terms “twat/crack/snatch/and so on” has been neglected because it is covered by already well-discussed terms, “cunt/pussy”. I think for most part, the participants in this survey agree they do not want to be addressed as a body part, all other words depend on context.

Annie-Xmas, I love your examples, and will use them next time I am in a snit about people mixing men/girls or men/ladies.

Alessan, I agree with the assumption that you can refer to a woman within a few years of your own age as girls with less offense. Still, I’m in my mid-thirties, so I have to try not to refer to the men in my office as boys. I doubt I would offend them, but I don’t want to “give them permission” to call me a girl, as I am sure it would make me cranky.

[The Devil's Grandmother]

Oh, and Five... only use “babe” when “dude” would be the correct masculine equivalent.

[St. Attila]

Originally posted by xtal

Women = Men

It bothers my wife that this is not always true.

For example, saying get me a beer, woman makes me sound like a domineering misogynist.

But her equivalent response get it yourself, man makes her sound like an indolent hippie.

[Wozzo]

Originally posted by Cisco

I live in NC, you live in OH, look outside of your bubble sometime. I have a perfectly normal social life.

Sorry, Cis. I just had a nasty flashback to my old college days, which were entirely too chock full of drunk guys who thought that a girl should be flattered to be called a chick, flattered to be asked to pour the beer - in short, flattered to have their beery, slobbering attention lavished on poor little her (me). I now have a perfectly normal social life, too (not in a bubble), and I'm glad the same is true for you.

[Fiver]

purplebear

Interesting point, Five, about your first query. I absolutely despise that word, almost as much as I despise the c-word.

I am utterly fascinated by how polarizing the word "twat" is. I know women who react to it as you do, purplebear. But I also know women who use it as their standard casual term for their genitalia, as between girlfriends or mothers/daughters.

It's not like "vagina," which almost no one finds offensive, and it's not like "cunt," which almost everyone finds offensive. Responses to "twat" are all over the map.

Why?

xtal, in my experience "babe" has never equated to "dude." I put it more in the same category as "hunk" or "hottie"...as in, "That Karenna Gore-Schiff sure is a babe!" Is that not a Bay Area usage?

[The Devil's Grandmother]

St. Attila, I’m sorry, I should have been more specific. You are quite right that the verbal usage is not the same. I was thinking more of signs on bathroom doors. I would be rather offended is someone (more so if that person was British, less so if that person was Texan) to be called a cow. However, I will argue yer lil’lady (joke! joke!) would have to stretch out the vowel in “get it yourself, man” to really sound like a space cadet.

Five, When I was young and dinosaurs roamed the earth, “babe” was the pleasant equivalent of “dude” in the Riverside/Orange/San Dimas areas of Southern California (“betty” was the insulting equivalent). YMMV. Eventually, I think, the usage collapsed into just “dude”. Somewhere, I’m sure, some grad student is writing a paper on just this topic.

I also prefer “Hottie” as a gender neutral term much like SO, but I have not heard anybody use it as a name- equivalent. I can’t think of instance where someone has directed a comment to another person as “So, Hottie, how you doing?”. In my limited experience, hottie seems to be used only as “hey dude, look at the hottie over there”. I think the OP is only concerned about what to call people.

[Podkayne]

I don't like cunt or twat or pussy (unless yer talking about an actual vagina) or bitch, because I'm not used to hearing them used as anything other than a crude insult. I've heard a guy call another friend "bitch" to her face, and she doesn't seem to find it very insulting. All I have to say is that if he ever says it to me, he better have a good hold of his teeth, 'cause that's grounds for a spinning backfist. All depends on what you're used to.

I have no problem with chick. My friends and I typically use it to describe women of lesser age or intelligence, but my best friend and I call each other chickey. It kind of fills in that awkward gap, between ages 14-25, when a chick's too old to be called a girl anymore, but when "woman" sounds so formal. I wouldn't tolerate it in a professional setting, of course, but casually I don't mind being called a chick, even if it's used exasperatedly, as a gentle insult.

Girl is okay, too, casually, but is utterly inappropriate in a business setting. I call guy friends boys, particularly when we're joking about sex stereotypes. Like, "Of course you're not going to ask directions. You're boys."

When my husband calls me "woman" jokingly, it's got caveman appeal. It reinforces a sense of possession, because it implies that I'm his woman. Ugh. Me like. Wouldn't stand for it from anyone else, though.

The one that sets my teeth on edge is "female" as a noun. A caribou of the fairer sex is a female. A person with two X chromosomes is a woman or a girl. I'm not offended by it, per se, I just find it irritating, probably because I don't often hear "male" used the same way.

[Monster104]

My friend at school officially has her nickname "Tits". No one is bothered by it, except maybe the religion teachers. However, I think I would be kicked in the balls by anyone else if I called them "Tits".

I don't really see what's wrong with calling an older person a "girl". Whenever I talk about young females, I say "little girl". Whenever I talk to people my age I say "girl". However, that's probably just due to my young age.

Personally, I am offended by being called simply a "man". I prefer to be called "Penis-wielding testosteronite".

[shimmery]

Originally posted by Monster104
I don't really see what's wrong with calling an older person a "girl". Whenever I talk about young females, I say "little girl". Whenever I talk to people my age I say "girl". However, that's probably just due to my young age.

Exactly! To me,
Little girl = boy/little boy
girl = guy (podkayne, these are how I would refer to someone who is 14-25).