Ladies: Don't Ask Me To Rub Your Shoulders Or Back

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

I can’t do it without gettin’ major wood.:eek:

I don’t know why!!! It just happens and it doesn’t matter who the female is - my wife or just a friend or cow worker.

When I worked in the ER of my last hospital, I’d get asked to do this whenever things got “quiet”, and oh lord, the first couple of times were soooo embarrassing.

After that, whenever I’d get asked, I’d say, “Hey, come here a second. I need to tell you something…”

This happened: :o:o:o:o, along with several OMG’s said with cupping hands over mouths…

Well, what was I supposed to do???

:smiley:

Q

2

Heh. I used to be able to say the word “condom” over the phone to my husband to give him a similar situation. Didn’t work in the flesh oddly - don’t worry there were other methods.

Last week I was the first of the girls to ride the mechanical bull. I told the operator to throw me off quickly so as to encourage the other girls to try to do better. I had to throw myself off after a couple of bucks of that thing. :smiley:

3

Am I missing something here ?

If a female asked me to give her a back rub, I would suspect that there might well be an ulterior motive, that had nothing to do with the state of her back.

Any women who DID ask for a backrub without realising its sexual connotations would have to be incredibly naive; unless she thought that you were gay.

I think maybe that the women who asked for this weren’t actually the naive ones.

4

At your age? Are you complaining or bragging? I would think “minor wood” or “something resembling a wood-like substance” would be an accomplishment.

Actually, “Major Wood” isn’t a bad user name. If my name were “Wood,” I’d have to consider turning down a promotion to Liuetenant Colonel.

5

I’d be more unnverved by the fact your company employs articulate cows, than what’s happening in your pants to be honest…

6

At least it’s not Norwegian Wood. :smiley:

7

There’s something skeevy about men that go around giving unrelated women backrubs, anyway.

8

I don’t ask for back/shoulder rubs because, IME, if you have to ask, the guy isn’t very good at it and won’t really do the knots in my neck justice anyway. The only thing worse than a limp-wristed, low-pressure, bad massage is receiving bad head.

And I don’t want anyone touching me in the workplace anyway. Totally inappropriate. For me, massage = foreplay. That’s just how I’m wired. And Quasi, it works the same way for me. Don’t ask me for a backrub unless we’re both already nekkid and I get to flip you over and ride that thang.

9

My guess: the little inadvertent pleasure-moans they let out while you’re rubbing their shoulders. My wife does it all the time. Sounds very sexual.

10

Me neither. Guess I’ve never had enough sex.

11

To further explain: These are coworker nurses with whom I had been acquainted for 10 years or longer. I just happened to be the male present at the time. Any one of us guys could have been asked without it being “meaningful” in any way other than “can you help me get this knot out of my shoulder?”

Even so, I can’t do it without that special “biological change”. :slight_smile:

Q

12

Okay, that’s just bragging.

13

Unless he were a paid massage therapist, I wouldn’t ask a guy to give me a backrub unless I wanted him to get wood.

14

Any time I have to apologize to a woman, I get like 50% chubby. This Pavlovian training comes from years of being married or in LTRs. Anytime I would argue with my SO, it would always end with an apology, then sex.

I wonder if other guys have this problem?

15

I had a classmate once with shockingly ugly legs. From the hips up, she was fine, but from the thighs down it looks like something bad happened to a ziploc bag of blue cheese.

I’m going to give you the same advice I gave to her:

“Two words: ugly hat. If you get a huge ugly hat, nobody will ever notice your legs.”

16

I dunno man, you really have to watch out for those cow workers. (The Wikipedia article doesn’t mention it, but Sanskrit literature that describes them, like the Gita Govinda, is really not subtle.)

17

Yeah, man. I see what you mean! :slight_smile:

Apparently I misspppppelleed something, huh? :wink:

And you’re pointing it out to me with that link?

Well I sure do appreciate it! :slight_smile:

18

If you’re talking about unsolicited backrubs, I’d have to agree with you, but you really need to add that qualifier, and anyway that’s absolutely not what the OP’s situation is. He was talking about being asked to provide a backrub and being reluctant to do so.