The Straight Dope

Go Back   Straight Dope Message Board > Main > In My Humble Opinion (IMHO)

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 02-21-2011, 09:25 PM
Freudian Slit Freudian Slit is online now
Guest
 
Join Date: Aug 2000
Masturbating while breastfeeding

I was reading a Nerve.com article on sex and motherhood (I know, I know, my first mistake) and a writer mentioned hearing that breastfeeding while masturbating could be very erotic, so she decided to try it out.

Quote:
Eventually, I felt around and masturbated, tentatively. As I became aroused, my breasts squirted milk. That was cool. I felt like a teenage boy trying to see how far he could shoot. When I told this to one of my mommy friends, she said, "You should try masturbating while breastfeeding. It's amazing."

I didn't want to miss out. I went home, got out my mini-massager and settled into the Glider rocking chair with Felix, then a month and a half old, at my breast.
If anyone here has tried it, feel free to add your opinion...but my real question is, does this cross the line in terms of the parent/child relationship? I mean, I doubt the kid at this age is going to remember this and feel abused but despite that does it cross the line into disturbing territory? I personally found it pretty creepy (the whole article pretty much is, but again, that's par for the course at Nerve).....
Reply With Quote
Advertisements  
  #2  
Old 02-21-2011, 09:31 PM
Erdosain Erdosain is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
I don't want to judge anyone, but that is ten kinds of fucked up. Seriously.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 02-21-2011, 09:31 PM
flatlined flatlined is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Nobody is replying because we are all running for brain bleach
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 02-21-2011, 09:32 PM
Freudian Slit Freudian Slit is online now
Guest
 
Join Date: Aug 2000
Well, it's only been seven minutes since I posted the thread, flatlined. I figure the responses will come in time.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 02-21-2011, 09:33 PM
SkeptiJess SkeptiJess is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Mar 1999
Yeah, I'm going with 'ick,' here. I enjoyed breast feeding my son, in the same way that I enjoyed many other aspects of caring for him. But purposefully bringing an erotic component into baby care? Just seems... wrong.
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 02-21-2011, 09:37 PM
Labrador Deceiver Labrador Deceiver is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Quote:
Originally Posted by Freudian Slit View Post
Well, it's only been seven minutes since I posted the thread, flatlined. I figure the responses will come in time.
I doubt anyone will own up to it after the first 2 posters to respond basically freaked out.

I'm a male, and the idea of sexual activity with a baby involved is a bit weird, but I'm not going to run around flailing my arms at the thought of it.
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 02-21-2011, 09:39 PM
MeanOldLady MeanOldLady is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
WTF?

No. Fuck that. No. You don't fucking jerk off with your goddamn baby in your hand. No.
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 02-21-2011, 09:43 PM
Maiira Maiira is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
I'm not freaked out by it (because it's not like the baby's going to remember it) but it is a little weird. I probably wouldn't do it.
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 02-21-2011, 09:43 PM
FloatyGimpy FloatyGimpy is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Masturbating while holding your child is just all kinds of wrong.
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 02-21-2011, 09:46 PM
MeanOldLady MeanOldLady is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Quote:
Originally Posted by Maiira View Post
I'm not freaked out by it (because it's not like the baby's going to remember it) but it is a little weird. I probably wouldn't do it.
It doesn't matter if the baby remembers it. Do not use your baby to help wank yourself off.
Reply With Quote
  #11  
Old 02-21-2011, 09:48 PM
Taomist Taomist is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Bring your man in to help with the sucking, or use a toy <or breast pump> like any other normal person.
Sorry; there's just no reason to do this. It's utilizing an unwitting, unconsenting person in one's sexual play.
And that's wrong, in my opinion.

Last edited by Taomist; 02-21-2011 at 09:49 PM..
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 02-21-2011, 09:49 PM
Labrador Deceiver Labrador Deceiver is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Quote:
Originally Posted by Labrador Deceiver View Post
I doubt anyone will own up to it after the first 2 posters to respond basically freaked out.

I'm a male, and the idea of sexual activity with a baby involved is a bit weird, but I'm not going to run around flailing my arms at the thought of it.
Whoa, I just read this back and it sounds awful. I was just thinking about all those sex starved parents who have sex next to their baby, who is in a bassinet by the bed.

Last edited by Labrador Deceiver; 02-21-2011 at 09:51 PM..
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old 02-21-2011, 09:53 PM
Onomatopoeia Onomatopoeia is online now
僕は女性の香りが大好きですよ。フア!
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: 小浜国
Posts: 5,084
On the one hand, some of you seem really judgy. On the other, yeah, it does kind of settle in the inappropriate category for me.

Thinking about it more, it makes sense to me that it probably occurs more frequently than some would believe, or that practitioners would admit.

Last edited by Onomatopoeia; 02-21-2011 at 09:54 PM..
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old 02-21-2011, 09:54 PM
Freudian Slit Freudian Slit is online now
Guest
 
Join Date: Aug 2000
Having sex with a baby next to the bed seems different, though. Physically holding the baby while you jerk off or receive oral, on the other hand...not so good.

Also, writing an article like that is bound to skeeve your kid out when he gets older.
Reply With Quote
  #15  
Old 02-21-2011, 09:59 PM
Renee Renee is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Quote:
Originally Posted by Maiira View Post
I'm not freaked out by it (because it's not like the baby's going to remember it) but it is a little weird. I probably wouldn't do it.
Well, he's going to remember it now, there is an article about on the goddamn internet. Thanks, mom!

Yeah, it's creepy. Oddly enough, I don't find having sex with a baby sleeping obliviously in a bassinet beside you creepy. But having the baby be an active participant in the sexual play is inappropriate at best. Ugh.
Reply With Quote
  #16  
Old 02-21-2011, 10:04 PM
MsWhatsit MsWhatsit is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Jul 2000
Gross.

Additionally, my experience with month-and-a-half-old babies has been that both of my hands are required to keep the damn kid positioned on the breast correctly, leaving none available for kinky baby vibrator sex play. I call bullshit on the author.
Reply With Quote
  #17  
Old 02-21-2011, 10:47 PM
Savannah Savannah is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
I can see where having a baby breastfeed might be a bit strange when for years you've associated sucking nipples with eroticism. I can see where one's body might react to baby suckling in a way that is both maternal and erotic.

But I don't think masturbating while breastfeeding is something I would be comfortable with.
Reply With Quote
  #18  
Old 02-21-2011, 10:56 PM
Rachellelogram Rachellelogram is online now
Guest
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Brain bleach sounds good.

I have heard of all kinds of bizarre sexual play (including bestiality, roleplaying a baby with adults pooping in diapers, child pornography, snuff). But this is not something that I have ever heard of, or even contemplated that someone would consider. I'm really shocked that someone would consider this, and I sure as fuck don't hear new sexual things every day. This is a first, in recent memory.
Reply With Quote
  #19  
Old 02-21-2011, 11:16 PM
Peremensoe Peremensoe is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Quote:
Originally Posted by Freudian Slit View Post
Having sex with a baby next to the bed seems different, though. Physically holding the baby while you jerk off or receive oral, on the other hand...not so good.
In this instance the baby's suckling is part of the stimulation. It's not just that the baby is there, but he's being made to participate. As Taomist said, bring in a knowing and willing partner.
Reply With Quote
  #20  
Old 02-21-2011, 11:27 PM
Rushgeekgirl Rushgeekgirl is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Aug 2000
I can't even imagine it getting me in the mood. Yuck. I loved breastfeeding and did it for over three years but not once did that sort of nipple stimulation make me feel the urge to touch myself.
Reply With Quote
  #21  
Old 02-21-2011, 11:40 PM
Alice The Goon Alice The Goon is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
I don't care about being judgy, this is just ... ew. Plus, it seems very likely that there could be an association that is formed, and after awhile just looking at your baby gets you all... where's that pukey smiley I've been wanting??
Reply With Quote
  #22  
Old 02-21-2011, 11:41 PM
Magiver Magiver is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Her son's first word will be "Jocasta".

(Oedipus's mother).
Reply With Quote
  #23  
Old 02-21-2011, 11:42 PM
Alan Smithee Alan Smithee is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: May 1999
I'm a guy, and I don't have any kids. I can understand the reaction people are having, but honestly, I don't think it's a big deal.

If my mom wrote an article like that, I'd be a bit freaked out because she was writing about sex, but I don't think I'd be bothered beyond that. Masturbation's just not a big deal. If a woman orgasmed just from breastfeeding without masturbating, I'd think that was a bit fucked up, but I know that a woman's body becomes more sensitive when she's breastfeeding, and anyone's body become more sensitive when they're aroused. I can see how those things could work together.

I wouldn't assume that a woman who masturbated while breastfeeding was having erotic thoughts about her baby, just that her body was responding to two types of physical stimulation at once that each cause the release of pleasure hormones. Of course it's going to feel good.
Reply With Quote
  #24  
Old 02-21-2011, 11:45 PM
Alice The Goon Alice The Goon is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Quote:
Originally Posted by Alan Smithee View Post
I'm a guy, and I don't have any kids. I can understand the reaction people are having, but honestly, I don't think it's a big deal.

If my mom wrote an article like that, I'd be a bit freaked out because she was writing about sex, but I don't think I'd be bothered beyond that. Masturbation's just not a big deal. If a woman orgasmed just from breastfeeding without masturbating, I'd think that was a bit fucked up, but I know that a woman's body becomes more sensitive when she's breastfeeding, and anyone's body become more sensitive when they're aroused. I can see how those things could work together.

I wouldn't assume that a woman who masturbated while breastfeeding was having erotic thoughts about her baby, just that her body was responding to two types of physical stimulation at once that each cause the release of pleasure hormones. Of course it's going to feel good.



Fine, but can't she put the baby down and then go to town on herself?

If a man said something like, "Yeah, seeing my baby suck on the bottle while I'm feeding her really gets me hot so I jack off while I'm holding her", would that be okay, too?

Last edited by Alice The Goon; 02-21-2011 at 11:46 PM..
Reply With Quote
  #25  
Old 02-22-2011, 12:04 AM
fifty-six fifty-six is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Alaska
Posts: 1,280
I suppose no evil or harm is done. It is still weird.

What about an adult to experiment with?
Reply With Quote
  #26  
Old 02-22-2011, 12:32 AM
Alan Smithee Alan Smithee is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: May 1999
Quote:
Originally Posted by Alice The Goon View Post
Fine, but can't she put the baby down and then go to town on herself?

If a man said something like, "Yeah, seeing my baby suck on the bottle while I'm feeding her really gets me hot so I jack off while I'm holding her", would that be okay, too?
She could, but if, as I suggest, she's not thinking erotic thoughts about the baby, what difference does it make? I'm a strict consequentialist when it comes to morality. If no one is potentially harmed, it's no big deal. Weird, maybe, but so what.

As for the guy, you're suggesting that the baby itself (and not the physical response to breastfeeding) is being cathected as an erotic stimulus. That has enormous potential to lead to damaging interactions later on. If that's not the case, though....

Mind you, a lot of this comes down to believability. I'm inclined (for whatever reason; maybe I have an idealized view of motherhood) to believe a woman who says she's not thinking of the baby erotically in that situation. I'd be less inclined to believe a man. If I heard about a man masturbating while interacting with a baby, I'd think he's a perv. I can't think of anything non-pervy that would make a man do that. But all that said, there is still a chance I'd be wrong. Can't imagine it, and wouldn't give him the benefit of the doubt, but still, there you have it.
Reply With Quote
  #27  
Old 02-22-2011, 12:35 AM
YogSosoth YogSosoth is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
I need a rule 34 on this....
Reply With Quote
  #28  
Old 02-22-2011, 01:26 AM
Guinastasia Guinastasia is online now
Guest
 
Join Date: Jul 2000
Alan Smithee, but she's basically using her kid as a sex toy. THAT'S the part that's disturbing.
Reply With Quote
  #29  
Old 02-22-2011, 01:30 AM
Barkis is Willin' Barkis is Willin' is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Jerking off while using a baby as a sexual stimulus? When does this become pedophilia?
Reply With Quote
  #30  
Old 02-22-2011, 01:45 AM
Alan Smithee Alan Smithee is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: May 1999
If you're disturbed by it, it's disturbing. I can't argue with that. I just don't care unless there is potential for actual harm. I've admitted that there could be that potential, but based on the description of the article, I'm not convinced there actually is such potential.

The question in the OP is whether this crosses a boundary, but what boundary is in question is not clear. It clearly crosses a personal comfort boundary for a lot of people. I'm not convinced it does any measurable harm, though, and one of my basic rules for living is that I don't tell people to stop doing something (especially in the bedroom) unless it either involves me or produces some detectable harm to someone.

Like I said, I'm a strict consequentialist. "Eww!" might be a compelling aesthetic argument, but it's not a moral argument.
Reply With Quote
  #31  
Old 02-22-2011, 02:16 AM
Yorikke Yorikke is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
That is fucking disgusting, and I browse 4chan /b/ regularly.

Joe
Reply With Quote
  #32  
Old 02-22-2011, 02:30 AM
Girl From Mars Girl From Mars is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Quote:
Originally Posted by Alan Smithee View Post
If you're disturbed by it, it's disturbing. I can't argue with that. I just don't care unless there is potential for actual harm. I've admitted that there could be that potential, but based on the description of the article, I'm not convinced there actually is such potential.

The question in the OP is whether this crosses a boundary, but what boundary is in question is not clear. It clearly crosses a personal comfort boundary for a lot of people. I'm not convinced it does any measurable harm, though, and one of my basic rules for living is that I don't tell people to stop doing something (especially in the bedroom) unless it either involves me or produces some detectable harm to someone.

Like I said, I'm a strict consequentialist. "Eww!" might be a compelling aesthetic argument, but it's not a moral argument.
I think the thing is that breastfeeding is stimulating - after you get over the hump of the blisters and the pain and the... well 6 weeks later and beyond it's quite a nice feeling. Not sexual, but it generally feels quite good. So then encouraging the feeling of that to enhance masturbation changes the breastfeeding stimulus from nice and nurturing and bonding into something sexual. And that is where it crosses the line into totally icky.
Reply With Quote
  #33  
Old 02-22-2011, 02:31 AM
BigBertha BigBertha is offline
BANNED
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: NE Ohio
Posts: 1,649
I'm just trying to figure how a woman can be in the mood for sex right after childbirth. It took me a few months to even think about wanting to. Hell, I bled for 6 weeks.
Reply With Quote
  #34  
Old 02-22-2011, 03:13 AM
gladtobeblazed gladtobeblazed is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
It seems to me that she is exploiting the child for her own sexual pleasure. Disturbing and possibly criminal, she should be investigated by the police.
Reply With Quote
  #35  
Old 02-22-2011, 05:20 AM
TokyoBayer TokyoBayer is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Oct 2003
At least this we know the answer to the burning question of what happens when you outsource your articles to junior high school boys.
Reply With Quote
  #36  
Old 02-22-2011, 06:43 AM
Southern Yankee Southern Yankee is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: In a country of hope...
Posts: 4,402
Quote:
Originally Posted by MeanOldLady View Post
... Do not use your baby to help wank yourself off.
That would be the greatest sig line evah.
Reply With Quote
  #37  
Old 02-22-2011, 06:50 AM
bengangmo bengangmo is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Quote:
Originally Posted by MeanOldLady View Post
WTF?

No. Fuck that. No. You don't fucking jerk off with your goddamn baby in your hand. No.
Bloody hell woman, the original info and image was bad enough - putting it like this really did make me run for the brain bleach...all those bad bad baby jokes just leapt into my.

Thanks for nothing
Reply With Quote
  #38  
Old 02-22-2011, 07:11 AM
The Jay The Jay is offline
BANNED
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 83
Just chiming in to say "fucking disgusting".
Reply With Quote
  #39  
Old 02-22-2011, 07:26 AM
bengangmo bengangmo is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
If mummy gets off while baby is feeding, is baby still considered a virgin?
Reply With Quote
  #40  
Old 02-22-2011, 07:40 AM
Heart of Dorkness Heart of Dorkness is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Oct 2001
Oh, HELL no. Eighty kinds of HELL. NO. And not only HELL NO, but also, this is basically my nightmare. I'm thrilled and relieved beyond belief that I can breastfeed without feeling arousal, and here she is trying to make it happen.

And as for potential for actual harm (aside from the fact that the kid will read this eventually), I'd argue that encouraging the ability to view one's own newborn as a sexual aid - to depersonalize it for her own fun and enjoyment - is harmful to the mother's relationship with that child.

Things that should go without saying: Your baby is not a dildo.
Reply With Quote
  #41  
Old 02-22-2011, 07:57 AM
lieu lieu is online now
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: Bedrock
Posts: 24,827
Most parents from the very get go embrace a complete and total mindset of wanting to do anything and everything to give their child the best upbringing possible and giving them every chance to succeed and flourish.

The described act violates the very heart, the most basic foundation of that desire.
Reply With Quote
  #42  
Old 02-22-2011, 08:18 AM
even sven even sven is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Nov 1999
To be fair, if you read the article, this is not something she is advocating or some kind of how-to.

The article is about an extremely sexual woman who loses all connection with her sexuality after child birth. The incident ends as soon as it begins- you'll notice the first line is not about masturbating while breast feeding...it's just describing the first time she tried touching herself after having her kid. The next line after the OP's quote is literally the door bell ringing. The whole things ends in embarrassment, and is meant to illustrate how confused and mixed-up the writer's sexuality had become. It's more of a "this was a low-point" thing.
Reply With Quote
  #43  
Old 02-22-2011, 08:34 AM
kanicbird kanicbird is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: May 1999
I find the replies disturbing and very much anti-Love. What is described is a normal and perhaps beneficial human behavior, very possibly a out flow of Love, it is beautiful, and it is being judged very harshly and condemned here. It is very possible that some here have had such thoughts while breastfeeding, perhaps some even did some form of self stimulation like rubbing their thighs together (hands are not needed). Reading this thread can easily turn this natural human behavior into a feeling of guilt and shame.

Very rarely does the act reveal the intent of the heart, and to judge the person you have to know what they are thinking - is the infant is a sex toy or a beloved child that has the act of the Love of his/her creation still surrounding that infant. Such a infant that has the Love of his/her creation has the potential to bond the parents together more in Love - leading towards a better sex life between the parents.

Without knowing the intent behind it, I'd WAG that this infant is feeling a lot more Love and closeness then many others and is in a envyable position compared to many other infants.
Reply With Quote
  #44  
Old 02-22-2011, 08:43 AM
faithfool faithfool is online now
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Bible Belt Buckle
Posts: 7,797
I'm not a parent, but oh dear God does this sound sick to me. As others have said, I just can't imagine using my own child as an unwitting party to my own sexual escapades. That's just all kinds of wrong. And what if you get to the point that you can't get off without baby in hand? Ewwww.
Reply With Quote
  #45  
Old 02-22-2011, 08:44 AM
Nancarrow Nancarrow is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
My first thought when seeing the title of the thread was, "Ewww... brain bleach."

But then I noticed that, right now, the last poster was...

Kanicbird

... and I had to click.

Thanks for not disappointing, K! For my daily dose of batshit, you're even better than shrooms.
Reply With Quote
  #46  
Old 02-22-2011, 08:55 AM
xoferew xoferew is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: May 2009
I don't think this is criminal or necessarily the beginning of a screwed up parent-child relationship or anything, but it's kind of like making obscene gestures at a blind person. It doesn't hurt them, but it's still not decent behavior -- you're using innocent others for your own amusement. Supposing that people could retroactively give consent, imagine 100 babies who have reached the age of consent being informed by their mothers. I wonder what percent of them would say, "It's fine that you did that, mom."
Reply With Quote
  #47  
Old 02-22-2011, 09:16 AM
Hypno-Toad Hypno-Toad is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
What if this leads to Pavlovian conditioning? Every time she feeds the rugrat, whe gets horney. Or worse, every time she gets horney, she wants to feed the kid.

Years later:

"That fireman next door must be mowing the lawn without a shirt again."

"How can you tell?"

"Mom cooked a three course meal."
__________________
This is my signature. There are many like it, but this one is mine.

Last edited by Hypno-Toad; 02-22-2011 at 09:17 AM..
Reply With Quote
  #48  
Old 02-22-2011, 09:26 AM
Sateryn76 Sateryn76 is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Isn't this the same as the old yarn about putting peanut butter on your who-ha and calling for the dog?

I'll judge this one easily - eww, yuck, and if this is something that is okay with you, you need therapy.
Reply With Quote
  #49  
Old 02-22-2011, 09:32 AM
Vinyl Turnip Vinyl Turnip is online now
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: <--- <--- <---
Posts: 14,631
Quote:
Originally Posted by kanicbird View Post
Without knowing the intent behind it, I'd WAG that this infant is feeling a lot more Love and closeness then many others and is in a envyable position compared to many other infants.
And the way the kid went to town on those nipples, they were TOTALLY asking for it. Little tease, get Mama all worked up and then leave her high and dry!
Reply With Quote
  #50  
Old 02-22-2011, 09:37 AM
Diogenes the Cynic Diogenes the Cynic is offline
BANNED
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: St. Paul, MN
Posts: 58,797
This is pretty clearly not ok. It's not even like it's just some kind of weird multi-tasking, this woman is talking about deriving sexual pleasure from the act of breastfeeding. I don't know if it's criminal, but it's very disturbing and can't be healthy.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 06:42 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.

Send questions for Cecil Adams to: cecil@chicagoreader.com

Send comments about this website to: webmaster@straightdope.com

Terms of Use / Privacy Policy

Advertise on the Straight Dope!
(Your direct line to thousands of the smartest, hippest people on the planet, plus a few total dipsticks.)

Publishers - interested in subscribing to the Straight Dope?
Write to: sdsubscriptions@chicagoreader.com.

Copyright 2013 Sun-Times Media, LLC.