It's Part of Me

In My Humble Opinion
1

I was dating a girl last summer and we went out to eat at a restaraunt one day. It was afternoon on a weekday and the restaraunt was pretty deserted. We were greeted by the hostess who led us to the table of our choosing, where I proceeded to transfer from my wheelchair into the chair at the table. I then pulled my chair around to my side next to me, where it would stay put (or so I thought).

The waiter came and took our order and a few minutes later the hostess who had sat us at our table came over to us and asked me if she could take my chair and put it behind the bar so it was out of the way. If I needed it at anytime, I could just let her know and she would come get it for me. I smiled at her and told her that I didn’t seperate myself from my chair, as it was part of my body-for all intents and purposes it was my legs. I totally assumed she would understand and that would be the end of it, however she persisted, saying that having the chair there was in violation of the fire code, so I had to get a little more firm with her. I said “ma’am under no circumstances is anyone taking this chair away from my side. I dont understand why this is even an issue, your restaraunt is EMPTY.” She then said she was going to get her manager and she was off.

The manager comes out and asks “what the problem is”? I tell him that me and my date (who was not taking this well) had come to enjoy a meal and it was being ruined by the ridiculous insistence that my empty wheelchair be moved away from the table while we eat. He basically repeats what the hostess had said, about the fire code, and I tell him that if it is going to be an unresolvable problem, I will leave and I will never return. Unfortunately, that is what ended up happening. They wouldn’t even let me fold the chair up and have it right next to the table. It HAD to go. So I HAD to go.

The surprising thing, however, was how the girl I was with reacted to the ordeal. She was totally embarrassed by me. She thought I was being stubborn and difficult. I couldn’t seem to communicate to her how my chair truly is part of my body. Would anyone want their legs moved behind the bar while they ate?? Because that is EXACTLY what was being proposed to me when the restaraunt wanted to move my chair. And then to say “we will get it for you if you need it” is completely and utterly removing autonomy from a person. I would be sitting at that table until SOMEONE ELSE brought my chair to me. Not until I DECIDED to move, like it should be. That is unacceptable to me. And what about an emergency? I am to wait, or HOPE, for someone else to bring me my chair? Absolutely not. To this day, that is the only place I have ever encountered such issues. But what do you all think? Am I just being an asshole yet again? Should I have let them take my legs away while we ate? Or does anyone else understand, that is part of me?

2

If it’s part of you, why weren’t you sitting in it?

3

Because it didn’t fit into the table in a comfortable manner. I wanted an enjoyable dining experience. When I say it’s part of me, that’s not to say I am attached at the butt to it 24/7, 365. I mean, I also don’t sleep in it. I have a bed.

4

It seems a bit like a silly rule. Did you ever check into the local fire code?

Your date may have just been a bit embarrassed to be involved in a “scene”. When I was younger, that would have been me. I was shy and hated scenes. On the other hand, perhaps she was weighing many future dates where the same routine would play out over and over or she read you as stubborn about this and therefore likely stubborn about many other things she had yet to discover.

I do see your point and would side with you, especially since the restaurant was quite empty.

5

The wheelchair, to the user, is an extension of their body. You do not lean on a chair, move an occupied chair to get by, you don’t hang things on a chair, etc.

The restaraunt was wrong.

6

No you are not an asshole. I run restaurants for a living, and I would never in a million years take a wheelchair from a guest. If the place were packed and I saw an issue, I would do everything in my power to seat you at a four top, and remove a chair so you would have room to park yours. My guests are my livelyhood, and I will go the extra mile to make sure you are happy.

7

Jesus. You should write a letter to the editor warning people about this stupid policy. I wonder if they try to make off with people’s crutches and canes too.

8

Did you get another date with this girl?

9

Ha! You mean did she get another date with me! And I won’t keep ya hanging…NO!:smiley:

10

I should have, but at the time I had alot of other things going on in my life and this restaurant was not in my area and I just never went back. I still know what restaraunt it is though, so that still remains an option.

11

This would be my issue. There are plenty of ways they could have accommodated you.

You may or may not be an asshole, I don’t know enough of your history to judge that aspect.:smiley: Nonetheless, I think you were right to insist on keeping the chair nearby, accessible by without they assistance.

-JR

12

You don’t mess with people and their wheelchairs. I learned that working for an airline. The Americans With Disabilities act can be easily used in situations like these to instill fear of retribution. Seriously though… wow… I can’t believe they went through all of that with you. WOW again.

13

Have you guys checked Jamie’s other threads?

Me personally, if I had been in that situation I would have been happy to sit in my wheelchair at a regular table in my wheelchair with the normal seat taken away. That way, if I had to go to the bathroom or escape in a hurry I could quickly do it, while not blocking access or inconveniencing others. The firecode is very serious business and not to be fucked with. But that’s just me.

I don’t blame the girl for being horrified.

14

Ridiculous. They didn’t understand the dignity issue. I don’t think you were an asshole for insisting to have your chair near you. I am glad you stuck to your guns.

15

IANALawyer. I’m just checking out California’s 2010 fire codes, because that’s where I live. I’m assuming Michigan’s laws are similar.

Was the seating fixed or not?

[QUOTE=California Code of Regulations Title 9]
J. Seating Arrangements and Aisle Spacing

  1. Seating arrangements and aisle spacing shall be in accordance with Article 25 of the Uniform Fire Code and meet the approval of the Fire Marshal.
  2. For situations without fixed seats, the minimum clear aisle width shall be 36 inches where seats, tables counters, finishings, displays, and similar fixtures or equipment are placed on one side of the aisle only, and 44 inches when such fixtures or equipment are placed on both sides of the aisle.

[/QUOTE]

Was there 36 to 44 inches of aisle space in addition to your wheelchair?

[QUOTE=California Fire Code Chapter 5.08.230 Violations—Penalties.]
B. Any person convicted of an infraction under the provisions of this chapter shall be punished upon a first conviction by a fine of not more than one hundred dollars ($100), and for a second conviction within a period of one (1) year by a fine of not more than two hundred dollars ($200), and for a third or any subsequent conviction within a one (1) year period by a fine of not more than five hundred dollars ($500). Any violation beyond the third conviction within a one (1) year period may be charged by the District Attorney as a misdemeanor and the penalty for conviction of the same shall be a fine or imprisonment, or both, not to exceed the limits set forth in California Penal Code Section 19.

C. At the discretion of the Fire Chief, any such violation constituting an infraction under this chapter may, instead, be charged and prosecuted as a misdemeanor, punishable by a fine or by imprisonment, or both, not to exceed the limits set forth in California Penal Code Section 19.

<snip>

E. Each person shall be guilty of a separate offense for each and every day during any portion of which any violation of any provisions of this chapter is committed, continued or permitted by such person and shall be punishable accordingly.
[/QUOTE]

Unless there were no fire code violations, the waiter was absolutely correct in requesting to move your wheelchair.

[QUOTE=California Penal Code Section 19]
Except in cases where a different punishment is prescribed by any law of this state, every offense declared to be a misdemeanor is punishable by imprisonment in the county jail not exceeding six
months, or by fine not exceeding one thousand dollars ($1,000), or by both.
[/QUOTE]

The waiter, hostess, manager, and the company were subject to these fines. Worse yet, if there was actually a fire or other situation the restaurant would be susceptible to some BIG ASS lawsuit.

I’d be super pissed if I died in a fire because my egress was blocked by your wheelchair.

16

Oh Jesus. They were being jerks and so were you. A simple, “I’m sorry, your chair is violating fire code and, since we sat you poorly, we’d like to move you over here and comp you a drink/appetizer/dessert,” would have alleviated everything.

Of course, you could have also said, “Hey, would it help if we moved?”

17

I absolutely agree with this. People who would make an issue of you keeping your wheelchair by your side probably never had to live in one, even temporarily. You were not being an asshole and absolutely within your rights to leave when they refused to accomodate you. As for your friend, sorry she was embarassed, but she was the one with the problem.

18

It’s definitely worth checkiing into the actual fire code. If what they said is true, then they simply had no choice - they can’t violate fire code, whether they agree with it or not. Fire codes are pretty darn strict and carry some hefty penalties, and don’t usually leave room for empathy.

So, yeah, check into the actual code (assuming you’re interested).

19

Perhaps there simply wasn’t room to accommodate both your wheelchair and that massive chip on your shoulder.

20

I just went to a ballet with a man in a wheelchair two weeks ago, and they took his chair away so it wouldn’t be in the aisle. It got a little awkward at intermission, when people wanted to get out of their seats but we were on the end and the usher with the wheelchair was nowhere to be found, but my date was very easy-going about the whole thing.

I definitely appreciated his attitude, because dating someone in a wheelchair can be awkward in terms of figuring out what the person is and isn’t capable of doing, and when he needs assistance versus when it’s just patronizing. His agreeability has made me feel much more relaxed.

I would feel wrong in condemning what you did, because I just don’t know enough about what it’s like to be in a chair. But I can tell you, from dating a man in a chair, that the more your date makes a big deal of things the more awkward it feels for the person not in the chair.