Reading the coverage of NY (Hooray!), I was wondering how gay marriage has affected individuals, either positively or negatively.
I think a lot of people here know what lack of access to federally-recognized marriage meant for me: my British partner had to find another legal way to get a visa to live in the US, which was expensive and stressful, and after about 4 years we called it quits and left forever. When gay marriage was briefly legal in CA, our attorney advised us NOT to marry, because it could have compromised Mr. Mallard’s immigration status (federal again).
On the other hand, there was no federal problem being CA domestic partners, and my employer (ultimately the State of CA) provided us both with health insurance, which he would not have otherwise had, and the certificate was a key part of the proof of relationship we needed to get him into Canada. Or me into Britain, if we had gone that route.
I have many gay and lesbian friends. One of my friends is very active in the GLBT community. So, proud day for us. The only negative thing is with this, he’ll probably get married before I do.
I get to share in the happiness of a bunch of friends (some gay, some straight, many Other) whenever another state brings about gay marriage.
I’m going to busy in a couple of states (IL and NY) performing marriages for people I couldn’t do it for before! I don’t charge, so it’s not a financial boon, but it’s going be sweet to put the first same-gendered couple in my official logbook.
And, more personally, I’m considering Civil Unioning my SO, instead of marrying him, just to make a point. Let my idiot uncle stumble over explaining to his friends how his niece isn’t “really” married, but she is, but…maybe he’ll get over it. Maybe we’ll all get over it.
I have gay friends that can get married now, which is awesome. I also, as a resident of NY, will benefit immensely from all of the money that will be poured into the economy here from the increased number of weddings, marriage licenses, etc.
I am gay and I can’t get a date, much less get married so it doesn’t effect me in the least.
And as a gay person, I can tell you there are far more pressing issues that need to be dealt with first.
So why the fuss? Well first of all it’s do-able. It’s better to work on a goal you can succeed at, than ones you’ll fail.
But mostly, at least for me, it’s about being put into a tier as “second class.”
It’s like in IL they won’t let gays get married but we can have a civil union. OK so you told me I don’t count. I’m second class.
It’s like telling Rosa Parks, “Just sit in the back, what’s the fuss, it gets there the same time as the front does.”
And that is true. Why should it matter if you make blacks sit in the back, if the result is the same? Because it’s saying, blacks are second class. They don’t count for as much as whites.
This is what gay marriage is about, at this stage anyway.
I think marriage is a religious or social ritual (depending on the participants) and any reasons governments have historically had for recognizing it are outdated. I do not think marriage licenses should exist nor do I think governments should in any way recognize or regulate marriages. There should also be zero financial, tax, regulatory, benefit or etc benefits of being married. You should be free to claim any one person as a “partner” that you wish on any sort of program or form (life insurance, health insurance, retirement plan etc), but you should not be required to have a license from the state recognizing some special level of relationship with that person.
As a matter of being convenient I would also say you should be allowed to, whenever you get your driver’s license renewed or at any other time you wish to do the paper work put someone down as your “Primary Beneficiary” (it will only require their SSN or Tax ID number) and by default if you die they will be the primary beneficiaries for any thing that you haven’t covered in a will or haven’t specifically directed to someone else. For example if you have a company 401k you never bothered to fill out beneficiary information for, or if you held shares in a mutual fund or etc, then the primary beneficiary would inherit those tax-free just like a spouse would under the current system.
The key difference is this relationship can be dissolved by you at any time. If you are someone’s primary beneficiary they can likewise dissolve that at any time. There are no government licenses or approvals and no court required to dissolve the arrangement.
No assets should be viewed as “joint” assets unless clearly spelled out as such when they are purchased. There should be an end to the “two-person” corporate personhood of married couples.
Martin Hyde, what about immigration? Currently, man/woman married couples can apply for a spousal visa. Under your proposal, nobody could (or else everybody could).
We haven’t gotten married up here, though we’re officially married by common law. I filed my US taxes “single” and my Canadian taxes “common-law,” which is official here and fiscally the same as “married.”
My SO and I have been together for almost 31 years now, and the most we can get here in Nevada is a Domestic Partners document. Better than nothing - at least if something happens to one of us, the other can go to the hospital, or inherit the house. However, this most certainly is a ticket for the back of the bus - way, way in back of that bus.
My personal “read” on this issue is the problem with the term “marriage”.
I would be quite fine with any other term, but allowing us the exact same rights. We personally have no need or desire to do the official standing at the altar, wedding cake and all that stuff. I seriously think many heteros and religious fanatics who are against Gay marriage are most concerned that their lovely wedding ceremonies will somehow be “cheapened” if two people of the same sex go through that ceremony. Fine. Let us have a rave, or beer bust, or costume party, or conga line on the beach - I don’t care - but just give the same rights for us to be together and not have to keep jumping through legal hoops.
I am also amazed at those holier-than-thous who complain most about ruining the sanctity of marriage have been married and divorced multiple times. My younger brother (the idiot of the family) has been divorced eight times! Yet, he can run out and re-marry any bimbo he wants and have clergy lining up to perform the next blessed, holy, religious, morally correct ceremony. And you wonder why I am in no hurry to order that wedding cake…just give us the 100% legal rights that go along with marriage, and you can keep the stupid ceremonial rites for your churches.
Tell me more about this. Are the rights which married people have that your Domestic Partnership documents don’t give you two? 'Cause “separate but equal” is bad enough (it’s never REALLY equal), but separate and unequal just blows, and is wrong, and is why partly I’m thinking of sitting in the back of the bus with y’all. (Sorry if that comes off as patronizing, it’s really not meant to be; I just can’t stand the idea of people I love not having the rights I do because of who they love. It’s stupid, and if they can’t get married, I’m not sure I want to. )
No affect on me, which I think is true of the vast majority of non-gay Americans. I have some gay friends and they may take advantage, but I’m not close enough to them to be invited to any weddings.
Here is a great link to other documents people might need. Plus, look through this site and you will see quite a few other differences, including the immigration laws mentioned in the OP, as well as child custody, etc.
Personally? Not much impact at all, except that I get to be a slight little bit less totally embarrassed by my country every time a state passes an equal-access marriage bill.
It sucks that I’ll be living in SC my whole life, because I just know we’re going to be dragging in the rear as always. There’s always Alabama to suck worse than us, but it’s a close call for this particular issue.
As an Alabamian I resent the accuracy of that statement. Though SC does sometimes beat us in the “more embarrassing media representation through elected officials” department.
And confirmed bachelor Lindsey Graham’s queerer-than-a-four-legged-duck voice bashing gay marriage or homosexuality in general always makes me hear “That’s what I like about the south” being plucked on a banjo.
It only affects me indirectly. My sister and her ladyfriend can’t get married in our home state of Kentucky. They will probably have a wedding ceremony here and then go on a honeymoon to a more enlightened state to make it official on paper.
I have to admit that I was much less concerned about the issue before my sister started dating someone that I wanted to see join the family.
Doesn’t affect me at all. My boss is gay, but isn’t likely to get married anytime soon (and we live in Florida, which will probably be among the later states to get this done).
It does make me happy that it was legalized in New York, though.
yeah this, if gay or lesbian couple wanna get married let them. Call it what it is Marriage, not “civil union”:rolleyes: sheesh they’re just people after all.
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