Now that the season is well past, I can divulge the contents of the christmas card I sent my brother last year, to go with the femo clay statue of an elder thing I sent him, which unfortunately I can’t show you because photobucket doesn’t like me today.
(to the tune of, “God Rest Ye Merry, Gentlemen”)
Beware the lime-green tentacles of Elder Things that fly
Remember HP Lovecraft said they all have five eyes
To keep a ceaseless watch until Cthulhu’s time is nigh
Oh, tidings of suff’ring and doom
Suff’ring and doom
Oh, great tidings of suff’ring and dooooooom.
They watch for waking kraken at the bottom of the sea,
They watch the stars for signs it will be trying to break free,
They know Cthulhu’s coming to devour you and me,
Oh, tidings of suff’ring and doom,
suff’ring and doom.
Oh, great tidings of suff’ring and dooooom!
The Elder Things stand ready for the battle to go on,
When they again will vanquish the Great Old Ones and their spawn,
They never get too comfortable, they know Cthulhu fhtagn,
Oh, tidings of suff’ring and doom,
Suff’ring and doom.
Oh, great tidings of suff’ring and dooooom!
—I’m all ready for next christmas, too:
we three things abhorrent are
bearing spores we bring from afar
supernova, pseudopoda
coming from yonder star
O, star of hunger, star of might
star of human beings’ fright
earthward leading, soon to be feeding
guide us to our hearts’ delight.
It comes upon a midnight drear,
that hideous monster of old,
from deep beneath the ocean floor
in dank and dark and cold
he stomps the earth, devouring men
and every living thing
til all the earth in stillness lies
(he hates to hear us sing.)
up on the hilltop, pentacles
out come eldritch tentacles,
grabbing the nearest human beast,
all for the little ones’
first blood feast.
Ia! Ia! Ia!
into the maw
Ia! Ia! Ia!
into the maw
up on the hilltop
Cthulhu fhtagn,
down in the gullet
to feed the spawn.
(with apologies)
