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  #1  
Old 07-04-2011, 02:01 PM
Palo Verde Palo Verde is offline
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Should I visit my estranged father on his deathbead?

I'll keep this short.

My parents were divorced when I was about 5, and my father didn't have much to do with the kids after that. We visited him sometimes, but my mom remarried a wonderful man who was the father figure I needed and I spent very little time with my birth dad. Over the years our relationship became worse and he said many hurtful and vicious things to me, and we haven't spoken for maybe 10 years. He hasn't met any of my children, nor expressed any desire to do so.

I happen to be on vacation in Northern California, not too far from where he lives, and word came to me that he is dying in a hospital. Should I go? Take my kids to see a dying man they've never met? Just continue on my vacation?
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  #2  
Old 07-04-2011, 02:10 PM
Leaffan Leaffan is online now
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I can't imagine any good will come from visiting. Sounds like you already lost him years ago. Kids don't really need to see a dying man they don't know.
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  #3  
Old 07-04-2011, 02:12 PM
shantih shantih is offline
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Yikes! First: how did word come to you? Are you sure he's actually dying and not just in the hospital for a time?

Do you feel like being there will be something that you will look back on in the future and have a sense of closure/having done the right thing/the satisfaction that comes with the high road about? If so, go. If not, don't. My gut tells me not to involve your kids in this in any case.
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  #4  
Old 07-04-2011, 02:19 PM
phouka phouka is offline
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Don't involve your children, but if you can visit, do so.

No kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.
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  #5  
Old 07-04-2011, 02:34 PM
elbows elbows is offline
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Compassion for someone's suffering need not be hampered by past actions or ill feelings.

I'd leave the children out of it entirely, no need for them to know any of the relationship details.

I was estranged from my parents yet visited my Mother 2 days before she died. And I'm glad that I did, and it was way far out of my way.

Why'd I do it, after years of acrimony and sabotage? Because I could. I had already forgiven her and made peace with our estrangement, ages before. My only hope was that it gave her some peace to realize I could still harbour love and compassion for her.

When I thought really hard, about it, I realized if I happened upon an awful accident, I would comfort any dying random stranger with all I could muster, without a second thought. Surely the persons who gave me life, if not good parenting or respect, deserved at least as much.

I really hope you'll consider visiting him. In the end, though, you have to do what right for you. Good Luck!
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  #6  
Old 07-04-2011, 02:56 PM
sandra_nz sandra_nz is online now
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I wouldn't involve the kids.

Why do you want to visit him? To offer him comfort in his final days?
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  #7  
Old 07-04-2011, 03:01 PM
YaraMateo YaraMateo is offline
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The fact that you'd ask suggests to me that you have a desire (no matter how SMALL) to go. So, go. Don't bring your kids, because I feel it's wrong to take them to meet him when he's dieing. It's better to regret going than to regret not going.
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  #8  
Old 07-04-2011, 03:39 PM
Anaamika Anaamika is online now
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Do you feel like it will help YOU to go and see him? Will you feel guilty or anything once he's dead that you didn't go? Because at this point i would only care about myself.

Don't involve the children; they had nothing to do with it.
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Old 07-04-2011, 03:49 PM
C K Dexter Haven C K Dexter Haven is offline
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I agree with keeping the children out of it. Nothing to do with them, at all.

And, I don't know how old he is or what his condition is. For example, if he has Alzheimer's, he might not know who you are anyhow, and a visit would be painful for you and meaningless for him. Assuming that he's got memory and mind left, then I think the question to ask yourself is really: how will you feel a year from now if you don't visit him? If the answer is that you won't ever think about it, one way or another, then don't bother. If the answer is that you will have regrets, however small, then go.

One additional question I think you might want to answer: Do you know for sure that he wants to see you?
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  #10  
Old 07-04-2011, 03:51 PM
Cat Whisperer Cat Whisperer is offline
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I'll fifth (or whatever) not taking your kids.

I dunno; he really isn't anything to you except your birth father; through his own actions, he removed himself from your life. He may not even *want* you to show up. I certainly wouldn't expect any movie reconciliation scene if you do decide to go.

I really can't say what you should do in this situation; what feels right to you, I suppose (without any feelings of obligation or guilt or duty - he hasn't earned those).
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  #11  
Old 07-04-2011, 03:56 PM
JoThrive JoThrive is offline
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Since the question is in your mind you probably should go see your father. You'll always wonder about it if you don't go.

But don't take the kids.
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  #12  
Old 07-04-2011, 04:09 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by phouka View Post
Don't involve your children, but if you can visit, do so.

No kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.
Almost exactly what I wold have said, well put.
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  #13  
Old 07-04-2011, 04:16 PM
Contrapuntal Contrapuntal is offline
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Originally Posted by Anaamika View Post
Do you feel like it will help YOU to go and see him? Will you feel guilty or anything once he's dead that you didn't go? Because at this point i would only care about myself.

Don't involve the children; they had nothing to do with it.
My sentiments exactly.
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  #14  
Old 07-04-2011, 04:16 PM
Al Bundy Al Bundy is offline
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Very succinct

Quote:
Originally Posted by zoid View Post
Almost exactly what I wold have said, well put.
And I concur.
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  #15  
Old 07-04-2011, 04:37 PM
Gary T Gary T is online now
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Quote:
Originally Posted by phouka View Post
Don't involve your children, but if you can visit, do so.

No kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.
Quote:
Originally Posted by zoid View Post
Almost exactly what I wold have said, well put.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Al Bundy View Post
And I concur.
As do I.

At ~60 years old, I have no regrets of being too kind. I do have regrets of being not kind enough.
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  #16  
Old 07-04-2011, 04:39 PM
Critical Mass Critical Mass is offline
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I wouldn't presume to offer you advice in your situation.

I can tell you I was estranged from my father for the last 18 years of his life. No contact whatsoever.

About 6 months before he died, his brother contacted me to tell me his disease was end stage and it was just a matter of time.

I had made peace years prior with the idea that I would not see him again and his terminal illness did not make me feel any need to re-examine our estrangement.

After the first year or so following our last contact, I did not harbour any ill will toward the man. I did not wish for him to suffer. I had no feelings toward him at all.

I learned of his passing when a friend called to point out his obituary had been published in the local paper.

Surprisingly, to me, I was saddened for his family for a few days. However, I did not, nor do I currently regret not seeing him during his illness.

This is a personal matter for you alone to decide. There is no right or wrong answer.

Last edited by Critical Mass; 07-04-2011 at 04:41 PM..
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  #17  
Old 07-04-2011, 05:33 PM
Miss Violaceous Miss Violaceous is offline
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I'm pleasantly surprised by the responses here. I know through my own experience with parental estrangement and that of my husband that a lot of people will say "you have to see them or you WILL eventually regret it for the rest of your life, if only I could have my dear dead mother back blah de blah blah..." Perhaps the OP is asking because this is what he's being told.

Go ahead if you'll get something out of it, even warm fuzzies for being kind. Don't do it out of guilt or because people insist you'll regret it, if thay's completely contrary to what you feel. Absolutely leave the kids out of it. We're still talking about taking time away from your vacation and your family, which is non-negligible.
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  #18  
Old 07-04-2011, 05:44 PM
RadicalPi RadicalPi is offline
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I'm going to pile on to the "don't get the children involved" side of things.

Past that, it seems like you are torn between going and not going to visit your father. I think the best thing to do in this case is to ask yourself what you will say to him. If you can think a thing or two that seem meaningful to say, then I would go if I were you. If you can't think of anything to say, then don't. If you can't think of anything to say, but you wish you could, then go.

Basically, this process is to figure out if you actually want to go or if you feel it's an obligation. It can be hard to tell between doing something you want to do that might be unpleasant and something that you don't want to do because it's unpleasant.

Good luck. Let us know what you decide. And remember (), don't bring your children.
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  #19  
Old 07-04-2011, 06:20 PM
Really Not All That Bright Really Not All That Bright is online now
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Go. No kids. You'll never be able to again, so what's half an hour? Maybe he'll say something nice.
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  #20  
Old 07-04-2011, 06:37 PM
Scarlett67 Scarlett67 is online now
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The last time I saw my father was at a family gathering 3 years ago, a few months before he died. We all knew he was terminal. He was 69, but looked 89 all of a sudden. I had avoided speaking to him for most of my life, and I didn't see any reason to start then. He had never sought to have a personal relationship with me, and since I didn't find his personality very appealing and still remembered quite a lot of the shitty ways he'd behaved when I was growing up (not abusive or anything, just self-centered jerk), I just didn't see the point. So I didn't speak to him that day, or ever again. No regrets.

I say this to counter those who say in these situations that you will definitely regret it if you don't end the estrangement before imminent death. It's not always true.

However, it sounds like you feel you may have something to say to the man. That's your choice. But yes, don't involve the kids.
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  #21  
Old 07-04-2011, 07:23 PM
Moonlitherial Moonlitherial is offline
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I'll agree with all the advice to leave the kids out of it - and go if you want to, but don't have high expectations.

He may be on his deathbed and looking to apologize for all he's done but it's equally likely that he's sick, irritable and will say nasty things to you again. Go if you want to but don't let anyone tell you it must be a deathbed reconciliation, that's only in the movies.
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  #22  
Old 07-04-2011, 07:35 PM
mutantmoose mutantmoose is offline
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Well, I'm gonna disagree with everyone and say take the kids.

It doesn't matter what he says or does, they'll remember it for the rest of their lives - the time they met their birth grandad. It's a once in a lifetime opportunity. How can you deny them a once in a lifetime opportunity?

If he gets emotional or ugly just withdraw them from the room. No biggie.
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  #23  
Old 07-04-2011, 07:51 PM
mac_bolan00 mac_bolan00 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Palo Verde View Post
I'll keep this short.

My parents were divorced when I was about 5, and my father didn't have much to do with the kids after that. We visited him sometimes, but my mom remarried a wonderful man who was the father figure I needed and I spent very little time with my birth dad. Over the years our relationship became worse and he said many hurtful and vicious things to me, and we haven't spoken for maybe 10 years. He hasn't met any of my children, nor expressed any desire to do so.

I happen to be on vacation in Northern California, not too far from where he lives, and word came to me that he is dying in a hospital. Should I go? Take my kids to see a dying man they've never met? Just continue on my vacation?
at the risk of intruding, how could your relation progress from nothing to worse, with vicious words to booth? seems like you know each other pretty well. all the more you should visit him. sorry if i sound aggresive.
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  #24  
Old 07-04-2011, 08:20 PM
PandaBear77 PandaBear77 is offline
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I had the same decision to make in 2007.

I decided to go see him, but he died a few days before I could get there.

And I was completely ok with that. I had no idea what I was going to say to him, but didn't want him to die thinking his only child hated him. (Not that he deserved that, but still.) To this day, I'm not sorry that I didn't get to see him before he died. For me, I think God knew what I needed and arranged things accordingly.

I did go to the funeral which was really weird and essentially meaningless. A lot of the people there didn't even know the dearly departed HAD a daughter. I'm glad I went only because I don't regret going - but I may have regretted NOT going. Are you the type that's more likely to regret the things you do, or regret the things you DON'T do? If it's the latter (like me), give serious consideration to going, because this is not something you get to redo.

Whatever you decide, you're taking a risk of regretting what you decide. That's life. And if you do end up regretting whatever you decide - you'll be ok. You have a full life; I doubt this is something that's going to eat at you forever.

Do what you truly want to do. If you don't want to see him, that's fine - not going isn't an indication of hate or bitterness towards him. If you do, that's ok too - you're not weak or wimpy if you want to take a shot at reconciliation. And whatever you decide, you don't owe anyone an explanation.

What HE wants is irrelevant. This is one situation where it's completely ok to look out only for Palo Verde's best interests. Your dad has thought only of himself long enough - he doesn't get to call the shots this time around.

Don't involve the kids. This man is a complete stranger to them - plus depending on how old they are, they might be scared. Your dad had years to get to know them and chose not to - no need to mess up their vacation for someone who's never had any interest in them.
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  #25  
Old 07-04-2011, 09:06 PM
Ibanez Ibanez is offline
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I'not very close with my father. He split when I was seven. The only thing he did that bothered me is would be in town sometimes and wouldn't let me know. So oh I don't know we could catch up. We're still not very close. But I intend to be there when the time comes if possible. Just for my own sake. My sister on the other hand has totally disowned him for superficial reasons. Because he's a little rough around the edges and is covered in tattoos. I suspect she may regret this when later when he does in fact pass on.

If your asking the question, like others have mentioned your considering it for one reason or another as something that may be important to you. Despite his history with you this maybe something later on you maybe glad you did. Maybe he has something important to say to you.

That may give you some closure. Hopefully he's not an ass to you. That may be a chance you have to take.

If it was me. I'd go.

Last edited by Ibanez; 07-04-2011 at 09:07 PM..
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  #26  
Old 07-04-2011, 09:29 PM
meflin meflin is offline
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Kid's .. no!!!

You visiting is a hard question that only you can answer. You need to be prepared for the best and the worst. For me this question was easy, when my brother got the call he hung up on the family after a few choice words. Never have I been in such agreement with my brother.

Meflin
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  #27  
Old 07-04-2011, 09:49 PM
t-bonham@scc.net t-bonham@scc.net is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Palo Verde View Post
Over the years our relationship became worse and he said many hurtful and vicious things to me, and we haven't spoken for maybe 10 years.
Go see him, and tell him that even after he dies, you & your mother will file a claim against his estate for all the past-due child support. And that such a claim takes precedence over his bequests to his current wife/girlfriend, new children, etc.
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  #28  
Old 07-04-2011, 10:26 PM
mac_bolan00 mac_bolan00 is offline
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boy, i'm a stranger to this thread!
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  #29  
Old 07-04-2011, 11:26 PM
Siam Sam Siam Sam is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Palo Verde View Post
I'll keep this short.

My parents were divorced when I was about 5, and my father didn't have much to do with the kids after that. We visited him sometimes, but my mom remarried a wonderful man who was the father figure I needed and I spent very little time with my birth dad. Over the years our relationship became worse and he said many hurtful and vicious things to me, and we haven't spoken for maybe 10 years. He hasn't met any of my children, nor expressed any desire to do so.

I happen to be on vacation in Northern California, not too far from where he lives, and word came to me that he is dying in a hospital. Should I go? Take my kids to see a dying man they've never met? Just continue on my vacation?
I agree with others who say do not involve the children. Whether you feel you yourself need to visit is something you will have to decide for yourself, but I urge you not to feel guilty if you don't. Your case is a little similar to mine in that I became estranged from my mother. Don't even know if she is still alive (she'd be 78 now if she is). If word ever came to me that she was dying, the biggest kindness I could give would be not visiting her, because believe me when I say she would not die peacefully if she heard anything I had to say to her.
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  #30  
Old 07-04-2011, 11:47 PM
billfish678 billfish678 is offline
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Keep in mind the him leaving/divorce stuff happened when you were pretty little. You may not know the real/whole story. His poor behavior later on may have been his anger at the divorce and loosing his kid. Heck, from HIS point of view he may feel he was the one that got screwed because his kid was taken from him and his kid abandoned him. Not saying that is or isnt what actually happened, but he may think that. Or maybe he left because he knew he would be a shitty father and husband and you guys would be better off with him leaving.

And you say the relationship deteriorated and you are estranged. Just HOW bad is it/was it? Where the issues something that honestly put him in the Hitler class or is it not that bad and maybe you are making more of it than there is?

You don't need to answer these questions to me. But I think you do need to answer them for yourself and that may guide your decision to visit him or not.
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  #31  
Old 07-05-2011, 12:24 AM
mac_bolan00 mac_bolan00 is offline
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my own experience (and very keen observation of men i know pretty well): understanding your father is probably the last adult lesson you'll learn.
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  #32  
Old 07-05-2011, 04:07 AM
Baker Baker is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by YaraMateo View Post
The fact that you'd ask suggests to me that you have a desire (no matter how SMALL) to go. So, go. Don't bring your kids, because I feel it's wrong to take them to meet him when he's dieing. It's better to regret going than to regret not going.
This is just what I was going to say. Go, but don't involve the kids.
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  #33  
Old 07-05-2011, 08:49 AM
twickster twickster is offline
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Originally Posted by phouka View Post
Don't involve your children, but if you can visit, do so.

No kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.
This. Plus, you're more likely to regret not doing it later if you don't, than regret doing it if you do.
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  #34  
Old 07-05-2011, 09:05 AM
TruCelt TruCelt is offline
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Don't do it for his sake, he hasn't earned it. But if you think the chance to say goodbye, or tell him what an @$$hole he is, or even forgive him will be of benefit to you in the future, then take the opportunity.

For what it's worth, those few I've known who had a similar opportunity were glad when they did and sorry when they didn't. One would tell you "I was great to just remind myself what a jerk he was - I'll never have to question that again."

But I definitely wouldn't subject children to this scene. You can't predict how harsh or melodramatic it might be. If he's on pain meds he could say absolutely anything and have very little control. Unless they are teenagers, and really balanced people, don't take them.
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  #35  
Old 07-05-2011, 12:53 PM
Brynda Brynda is offline
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I can't tell you what you should do, but I can say what I would do: I would go. I saw my estranged father days before he died (unexpectedly, which made me even more glad I had finally contacted him). I was very glad I had done so. I hope whatever you do, you are at peace with it.

The kids? how old are they?
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  #36  
Old 07-05-2011, 12:59 PM
Steophan Steophan is offline
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I'm estranged from my father, and this question has come to mind more than once. I'm not in this situation, so I don't know what I'd do, but I think it would depend on other family members. If one asked me to visit him, I possibly would, but I can't think of any good that would come of it for myself. I have no children, and have no desire for them, so that won't be an issue, but in your case I think it depends how old they are. If they are old enough to make their own decision, then ask them. If not, I agree with everyone saying it's a bad idea.
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  #37  
Old 07-05-2011, 02:52 PM
Rachellelogram Rachellelogram is offline
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I'm estranged from my dad, but not by so many degrees of separation that I'd fail to be notified if he was on his deathbed (as my sister still talks to him, she'd pass on the news). So this is a question I've asked myself many times, and I'm really glad you made this thread.

The thing is, in my case, my dad is an overall decent friend and brother and son, but he was a fucking horrible husband and father. My sister was able to distance herself from his scary side more, being younger than me when he was around/when they got divorced... but, she understands why I don't talk to him. I don't think most of my extended family understands it, though.

So I'll probably end up avoiding his deathbed and funeral based on a lack of desire to talk about the shit that happened when I was a kid, in the best interests of my sanity.
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  #38  
Old 07-05-2011, 03:36 PM
Taomist Taomist is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Palo Verde View Post
I'll keep this short.

My parents were divorced when I was about 5, and my father didn't have much to do with the kids after that. We visited him sometimes, but my mom remarried a wonderful man who was the father figure I needed and I spent very little time with my birth dad. Over the years our relationship became worse and he said many hurtful and vicious things to me, and we haven't spoken for maybe 10 years. He hasn't met any of my children, nor expressed any desire to do so.

I happen to be on vacation in Northern California, not too far from where he lives, and word came to me that he is dying in a hospital. Should I go? Take my kids to see a dying man they've never met? Just continue on my vacation?
If arranging a side trip without the kids would be easiest, I'd do that. And if your dad's name is Bill and he's in Emmett, then yes. I've tried to get him to call you, but he figures things are too far gone to bother. Since my own family is like that - one kid talks to one parent but not the other, and the opposite for another kid - I just really hate to see things like that.

As to why bothering now...closure, for you. You're the one who's got to live with your decision, literally, so if going to see him soothes even one little ruffle or bit of doubt about yourself that would otherwise be in the background the rest of your days, it's worth it.
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  #39  
Old 07-05-2011, 03:43 PM
Living Well Is Best Revenge Living Well Is Best Revenge is offline
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I would go for a brief visit without the kids. I don't see any good in bringing them into the picture.
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  #40  
Old 07-10-2011, 03:59 AM
PandaBear77 PandaBear77 is offline
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So what you end up deciding, Palo?
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  #41  
Old 07-10-2011, 11:42 AM
YogSosoth YogSosoth is offline
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Seems like its not worth it. What would be the best case scenario, closure? The guy's said terrible things to you, you have a father figure already, you never really knew him, and its been years since you've spoken

I'm of the mind that blood is not thicker than water. You cannot choose who you're related to, so those things are not your fault. Even Charles Manson had parents. If anyone you're related to doesn't do right by you, there's no reason to keep them around
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  #42  
Old 07-10-2011, 12:21 PM
AntiCoyote AntiCoyote is offline
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It's a tough call. If the guy is going to be pleasant to you, I'd go. But unless you can be sure, I'd skip it.

The kids may later say, "How dare you keep me from visiting my grandfather, what gave you that right"? And they would have a point.

If you have something to say to him, better to get it off your chest, while you can, then spend the rest of your days wishing you could've said, what you need to say, while you still could have.

The fact you're even asking this questions means you still are connected because if you weren't you wouldn't think twice about not going.

Of course if you wait too long the decision will be made for you
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  #43  
Old 07-10-2011, 12:24 PM
LurkerInNJ LurkerInNJ is offline
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If you have on-demand with your cable company, watch the Gene Simmons Family Jewels episode where he stands over his father's grave and realizes the mistake he made in not seeing his father before his death.

It's heartbreaking.

Just go.
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  #44  
Old 07-10-2011, 12:46 PM
Tibby or Not Tibby Tibby or Not Tibby is online now
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You should stay home and just send the kids.
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  #45  
Old 07-10-2011, 12:50 PM
hodagg hodagg is offline
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I'd go. You might not get another chance.

If it turns out to be a waste of time, what are you really out? If it turns out well and you re-connect and have a few last meaningful words with each other both of you will profit from it.
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  #46  
Old 07-10-2011, 02:35 PM
janis_and_c0 janis_and_c0 is offline
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Mostly what everone else said, though Depending on how old they are, give the kids the option to go if they wish to.
Peace to you, Palo.
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Old 07-11-2011, 09:46 AM
Omar Little Omar Little is offline
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OP: what did you do?
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  #48  
Old 07-16-2011, 10:00 PM
PandaBear77 PandaBear77 is offline
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Ok, OP ... srsly ... you're killin' us here.
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  #49  
Old 11-30-2011, 09:54 AM
StillAngry StillAngry is offline
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Same situation...visiting estranged father next week

I was a bit surprised to find this thread as well as a few others http://www.caring.com/questions/how-...d-dying-parent
http://ask.metafilter.com/156133/Est...ying-of-Cancer

on this same topic. Of course there is no one right answer for everyone.

I have been estranged from this man (I can hardly call him a father) for over 20 years - no contact what so ever, not a letter, a post card, a call - nothing. He was/is an alcoholic, and a deadbeat. Had this happened in today's day and age, he would be serving jail time.

His brother called to inform us that he is in hospice with end stage lung cancer. His brother indicated that he wanted to reach out and his brother said that we may be shocked so he called. I question whether or not my "father" wanted to really see us, or his brother is pushing for it.

My brothers and I have decided to see him next week and I will post back to this forum as so many have given there time and advice (greatly appreciated).

I am debating as to what I will say/do when I see him. I am not sad, I have moved past this a long time ago...but I am still angry. Part of me is still bitter for what was lost.

I hold no illusion of a death bed apology or anything close to remorse on his part.
I feel compelled to look him in the eye and tell him how I really feel. What his dereliction, sustained selfishness and morale decay have done to his sons. And to tell him what a shame that he has not been in our lives and to know the wonderful people we have become or to know our wives and his grand children.

I don't expect anything from him, and may even request that he not speak.

Many have told me "he probably knows what a piece of crap he has been" or "perhaps he is embarrassed and could not reach out" and although that may be true, I still feel compelled to say what I feel needs to be said...to his face. I don't believe anyone in his life (we have uncles and aunts on his side) has ever provided him with raw feedback as to what his actions (or really, total lack there of) has impacted his sons.

That said, I take to heart many of the comments about never regretting being kind, but regretting not being kind enough. Likewise, I am the type of person that would afford a complete stranger that had been in an accident, or in hospice with kindness, care and concern. I feel empathy for people I have never met...why can't I do the same for this man that is my father?

I worry that later in life I may regret being too blunt or harsh with a man on his death bed....but as my screen name suggest, I am still angry.

I guess I will just have to go and see how I feel when I see him. He is likely frail, thin and clearly near his end and perhaps that image will force me to be more compassionate (even though I feel he is not deserving of my compassion - others, sure, but not mine).

This whole situation is just crazy, my mind is racing, I'm losing sleep and in some way, I feel even his (or his brothers) request to see us is selfish. It would have been much easier for me had the call been to simply tell me that he had already passed....then I would not need to think or stress over it - it would be done.

Again, thank you all that have posted, although you intended your comments to support the topic starter, I have found them, and taken some to heart and found solace in the fact that (apparently) my situation is not unique in the least.

I will post back to the thread after December 11th, 2011 with my experiences and how the meeting went.

D.
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  #50  
Old 11-30-2011, 10:21 AM
TruCelt TruCelt is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by StillAngry View Post

. . .

I don't expect anything from him, and may even request that he not speak.
I can't begin to understand what you are feeling. But I would counsel against asking him not to speak. An apology at this point may not be useful, but t'were it me the curiousity would hit eventually, and hard, and probably never go away. What would he have said if I had let him?

Again, not that it will necessarily be useful, but just because it seems to me that the whole point is to avoid having anything left to wonder about.

Please do let us know how you are, and feel free to vent here as needed.
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