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Old 10-22-2011, 08:45 AM
drpepper drpepper is offline
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"Rectum? Damn near killed'em!"- what's the joke that goes with this punchline?

That's it, really. I think this has been discussed here before in the larger context of punchlines in general, but I can never remember the joke. Or is it apocryphal?
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  #2  
Old 10-22-2011, 08:49 AM
beowulff beowulff is online now
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Kid: "Teacher, Billy fell off his bike and hurt his ass!"
Teacher: "Rectum!"
Kid: "Rectum? Damn near killed 'em!"
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Old 10-22-2011, 08:52 AM
Johnny L.A. Johnny L.A. is offline
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The way I heard it:

Billy came to school crying. The teacher asked, 'What's wrong, Billy?' Billy replies, 'My dog was following me to school, and an old Model T came up the street and hit him and the crank went right up his ass!' The teacher said, 'You mean "rectum".'

'Wrecked 'im, hell! It killed 'im!'
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Old 10-22-2011, 09:20 AM
Arnold Winkelried Arnold Winkelried is offline
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I investigated that once, and found someone posting on a website (I forget which one) that an early reference was in an Irish play called Richard's Cork Leg (by Brendan Behan), first conceived around 1960, and reconstructed by Alan Simpson, the editor of Behan's Complete Plays, as a full-fledged play in 1972.

I found this on Google Books:
A century of Irish drama: widening the stage By Stephen Watt, Eileen M. Morgan, Shakir M. Mustafa, p.141
ISBN 0-253-33812-3 or 0-253-21419-X
In this section of the book the authors are discussing the play Richard Cork's Leg, and include the following excerpt:
Quote:
Cronin. He was shot in the arse hole.
Mrs. Mallarkey. Rectum, rectum.
Cronin. Wrecked him… it near killed him.

Last edited by Arnold Winkelried; 10-22-2011 at 09:25 AM.
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Old 10-22-2011, 09:28 AM
Fish Cheer Fish Cheer is offline
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Doesn't help the joke, but it bears repeating that the rectum and the arse hole are indeed different things.
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Old 10-22-2011, 09:48 AM
Musicat Musicat is offline
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Originally Posted by Fish Cheer View Post
Doesn't help the joke, but it bears repeating that the rectum and the arse hole are indeed different things.
Party-pooper.
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Old 10-22-2011, 09:51 AM
njtt njtt is offline
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The version I heard was rather nastier. It involved the little boy telling a story about putting fireworks up cats' arses:
"Rectum? Blew 'em to pieces miss!"
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Old 10-22-2011, 10:19 AM
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Originally Posted by njtt View Post
The version I heard was rather nastier. It involved the little boy telling a story about putting fireworks up cats' arses:
"Rectum? Blew 'em to pieces miss!"
"Rectum? Blew 'em clean off!"
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Old 10-22-2011, 10:29 AM
Paul in Qatar Paul in Qatar is offline
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"Want your nuts crushed?"
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Old 10-22-2011, 10:48 AM
TriPolar TriPolar is offline
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In a related issue, the name of the planet Uranus is about to be changed to stop all the stupid jokes. The new name will be ....
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Old 10-22-2011, 10:51 AM
Johnny L.A. Johnny L.A. is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TriPolar View Post
In a related issue, the name of the planet Uranus is about to be changed to stop all the stupid jokes. The new name will be ....
And in the name of Political Correctness, we'll soon have Nativeamericanapolis, Nativeamericana.
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Old 10-22-2011, 10:58 AM
Joey P Joey P is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TriPolar View Post
In a related issue, the name of the planet Uranus is about to be changed to stop all the stupid jokes. The new name will be ....
Urrectum
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Old 10-22-2011, 12:25 PM
fumster fumster is offline
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A Boston Taxi driver sees man on the side of the road writhing in pain. He stops to help the man who can just get out the words "Take me to the hospital". The driver says "Peter Bent?" and the man replies "Bent?, she damn near bit it off".
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Old 10-22-2011, 12:32 PM
KneadToKnow KneadToKnow is offline
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The "so-and-so got shot in the ass" version is the one Richard Pryor told, and thus the one I am most familiar with.
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Old 10-22-2011, 12:48 PM
TreacherousCretin TreacherousCretin is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by drpepper View Post
That's it, really. I think this has been discussed here before in the larger context of punchlines in general, but I can never remember the joke. Or is it apocryphal?
We talked about this in another thread not too long ago. The "Little Johnny" jokes.

Here's how my mother told it in 1957:

Little Johnny comes running up to his mother and says "A car ran over the dog's ass."
Mother says "Now Johnny, it's rectum."
Johnny says "Rectum, hell. It killed him."

.
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Old 10-22-2011, 01:00 PM
gaffa gaffa is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Musicat View Post
Party-pooper.
I think I saw a German website devoted to party poopers.
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Old 10-22-2011, 09:27 PM
drpepper drpepper is offline
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Of course; it's all coming back to me now, so thank you all for the responses.

Special recognition to Arnold for that very nice literary find.
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Old 10-23-2011, 12:28 AM
Elendil's Heir Elendil's Heir is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Johnny L.A. View Post
And in the name of Political Correctness, we'll soon have Nativeamericanapolis, Nativeamericana.
There's an old journalistic urban legend that a major newspaper (often said to be the Boston Globe) had a macro for all of its reporters' word processing that would automatically replace the word "black" with "African American," which led to the unfortunate headline, "Governor says next budget will be back in African American."
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Old 10-23-2011, 12:42 AM
Johnny L.A. Johnny L.A. is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Elendil's Heir View Post
There's an old journalistic urban legend that a major newspaper (often said to be the Boston Globe) had a macro for all of its reporters' word processing that would automatically replace the word "black" with "African American," which led to the unfortunate headline, "Governor says next budget will be back in African American."
Fresno Bee, Thursday July 19, 1990.
Quote:
Since the Fresno Bee does not maintain a list of popular words to exclude from print, the substitution was definitely not a standard proofreader's change caused by the desire to pander to political fashion (as Caen and others had implied). The incident was therefore either the result of maliciousness, or a deliberate prank. It's still funny, but the joke is on those who think the joke is on the Fresno Bee.
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Old 10-23-2011, 12:51 AM
jayjay jayjay is online now
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In that vein, there was the American Family Association's OneNewsNow website, which automatically changes "gay" in wire stories to "homosexual". Which didn't bode well when they published an AP story about sprinter Tyson Gay qualifying for the 2008 Olympics in Beijing.
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