A few weeks back, my crazy ex-housemate sent a facebook message to my current housemate- who also lived in the old house- saying she’d ‘accidently’ opened a letter addressed to me, which turned out to be a tax rebate cheque.
She asked her to pass the message on, and stated she would have got in touch directly with me, only she couldn’t remember my name.
:rolleyes::smack:
Anyone else heard any spectacularly stupid lies lately?
WMD
Not recently, but there was a guy in the military who told me that he worked on the Alcan Highway. . .between Fairbanks and Nome. I told him that couldn’t be so, because the Alcan ends in Fairbanks. He got very insistent, and I told him that Alaska was my home state and that there is no goddamn road in that area. He then got belligerent and asked if I was calling him a liar. I just walked away.
She has a letter addressed to you but she can’t remember your name?
I think my brain just broke :eek:
I don’t think this was a lie as much as the blatherings of a crazy man, but a few years back, the guy who lives behind us stopped me as I was working in my yard. He claimed that someone - or several someones - were cutting thru my yard at night. He also said something about the “illegal aliens” living next door to me, and he informed me he used to work in “law enforcement” so he knew whereof he spoke.
Most of my yard is heavily treed, and even in full daylight, it’s treacherous to walk in the back part due to downed branches, uneven ground and holes, and other hazards one would encounter in the woods. Also my yard is fenced - granted, one section of the fence is crap because a few trees fell across it and crushed it, but again, it’s woods -who cares? On top of that, the other side of my yard, where the fence is still intact, abuts a paved road. What kind of person would opt for the woods at night when there’s a perfectly flat expanse of asphalt less than 200 feet away?
Oh wait - he mentioned illegal aliens. From Puerto Rico. :rolleyes: Yeah, I’m sure that Hispanic grandmother next door who rented out her basement apartment was harboring illegal aliens who traipsed thru the woods at night. But it’s not a problem any longer - she moved and there’s a nice white couple living there now. :rolleyes:
And “law enforcement” - I’m guessing he was a guard at the mall or some other sort of rent-a-cop. Who else would say “I was in law enforcement”??? Now that I think about it, that was probably the only real lie he told - the rest had to have been fevered imaginings.
I had a close friend of 20 years, who got involved with a younger woman. After a while things apparently weren’t going well.
Anyway, I went and visited them a couple of times, and on the last visit, we were staying over at her place. After she had gone to bed he told me the real reason he had gotten out of the army. What he had said previously was that he had gotten washed out of basic training because of his bad knees from years of basketball.
That night, he told me the “real” story. That during basic training, it was discovered he had god-like abilities to shoot accurately, trouncing his instructors. They quickly moved him over to sharpshooting school, making him a lethal assassin. He was given his first assignment, to take out an unnamed target somewhere in South America. He and the spotter were flown in my helicopter and then walked in to where they set up a position, and when the target came out at the appointed time, he was supposed to shoot the guy, but told me he couldn’t. The spotter did it instead, and they washed him out of the army, with a veiled threat to keep his mouth shut, which he did for more than 15 years out of concern for his friends or family.
All the time I was sitting there wondering why my then best friend in the whole damn world was lying to me.
Anyway, the next day, after young woman wakes up, he tells her that he’s told me as well, and she nods. Suddenly I get it. Things hadn’t been going well, so he starts making up shit to look better to her. She gets suspicious of the BS and asks if he’s told me, so he does.
Things didn’t last that long with either her or with me, especially after another whopper he told to get me to invest in something foolish. Fortunately, I got out of that with a minimal loss, if you don’t count the lost of 20 years of friendship with someone who used to be my closest friend.
“I quit drinking and I’ve never stolen from our parents”
Back in the early '90s, I worked with a guy who told a couple of very believable stories about himself. You see, he used to live next door to Eddie Van Halen, and they were pals, see? Yeah, that’s right, and one day Eddie threw him the keys to his Porsche and asked him to go to the airport and pick up VALERIE BERTINELLI. Yeah. And on the way back, she was all over him, and wanted him to pull over, and he did, and they did The Nasty right there next to the freeway, on the hood of Eddie Van Halen’s Porsche. Yeah, that’s the ticket.
And this other time, he’s driving down the freeway in LA, and he looks over in the other lane and CHER is driving next to him, and gives him the eye and a little toss of the head, and next thing you know, he’s in her car and drives him to her mansion where they have the hot monkey sex. Yeah, and she’s a TIGER!
Or maybe they did it by the freeway – that seems like a theme with him.
Huh. I thought I remembered you talking about this before, but turns out it was someone else: Heartbroken because of a brother’s lies, by Argent Towers. Guess you aren’t alone, at any rate.
My dad told his 30 year old girlfriend that my ‘husband’ had ‘died in a plane crash’. Apparently he just didn’t want to tell her that I was an unwed mother of a 6 year old boy or something…which is odd, considering he’s a 58 year old man who just had a child with his 30 year old girlfriend. Oh, and my dad is still legally married to someone else.
I’d think he were going nuts a little early, but then I remember he’s always been a delusional asshole.
Well, beyond pretty much every promise my ex-wife ever made…
When they were teenagers, my uncle stole my father’s identity (in the early 50’s) and joined the Army while underage. When they found out, he was kicked out. My father joined the army some time after that and had some difficulties with his younger brother impersonating him on occasion, primarily for VA benefits he didn’t deserve. This went on into the early 90’s with my father occasionally running into issues while trying to make use of his own benefits or getting paperwork about his alleged use of said benefits when there was a big blowup about it and my uncle got threatened with criminal charges and promised to turn in or destroy all the false paperwork he’d been filing, keeping and creating for over 40 years.
And then a few years back my father gets something in the mail about the use of his VA benefits in another state. Turns out Uncle still has false ID identifying him as my father, over 50 years after he first started this crap.
My evil half brother claims these days to people like, say, his shrink (who also talks to my dad, who knows better) that although his official records say he was in the Army for nine whole months that that’s just a cover for his top secret Army Ranger work in Grenada. For which one assumes he commuted every day from LaGrange, GA.
Ah yes, teach me to read the OP. Sorry, late at night, tired, sick, all that crap.
When I worked armored, there was a guy who claimed to have been an Army Sniper, claimed to have been Kenny Chesney’s tour bus driver, all sorts of wild assed claims as to what he’d been and done.
Only when it came time to drive the truck for the first time, it became apparent he’d never driven anything larger than a car, and when we went to the range, it was so abundantly clear that he’d never handled a gun in his entire life that he almost got kicked out for endangering the rest of us.
Once tried to tell the Mechanic, who had just celebrated his 40th anniversary with the company, what was wrong with a truck and how to fix it. Damn near taking his life into his hands with that one.
Almost a year later, he quit, claiming that he’d gotten a job as a National Fleet Manager for a major trucking company. Sure kid, sure.
My son’s first wife was pathological. When we met, she told me she was 5’11". My son was 5’11" and nearly a half head taller than her. When he pointed that out she insisted that he must be at leat 6’3". She never expected him to measure them both. She was 5’7".
Another time she said she had been shopping at a major department store, when a well dressed, handsome man approached her and asked her to critique his clothing line. When she did, he insisted on taking her to lunch in his Maserati. While in the car, she noticed that he had $1000.00 bills stashed in the ashtray.
When I told her the US* doesn’t have $1000 bills in circulation, she was too sleepy to finish the conversation.
She ultimately left him while he was at work. She took everything out of the house and put it in storage. She took the car we had given him for high school graduation, but, he got that back. The stuff in storage was sold. She wouldn’t tell him where she’d taken it. She also opened several credit cards in his name (actually his father’s name) without telling him, to the tune of $80,000. She went back to The Netherlands. When he sent her divorce papers, she ignored them. :rolleyes:
I don’t know if this qualifies as SPECTACULARLY stupid, but every time I’ve worked in a tiny chain (as opposed to a large, nation wide chain), I’d get some customers who would claim to be the owner’s friend. A couple of teens even claimed to be the owner’s son! Usually these people wanted free stuff, or at least their discount. My reply was that I wasn’t authorized to give such discounts, and they should have the owner talk to me, in the case of the “friends”. And in the case of the “sons”, I would exclaim at how BIG he’s gotten, I saw him just a couple of weeks ago, and he certainly was growing fast for a four year old.
Incidentally, I asked the owners about this…and they said that their friends paid full price, or the friends knew to do the deal with the owner, not a sales clerk. And the owner with the four year old son grinned.
The fake veteran stories sound very familiar to me. I was married to one of those. Scars from worldly adventures in places known or unknown. Exciting double lives.
My all time favorite, though, has to have been when we had been dating a couple months and had made the decision to be committed and monogamous: “Honey, it’s ok. I’ve had a vasectomy.” I was pregnant within 2 months. I told him he was marrying me (not out of some moral imperative, but because I wanted him to help support the child). We divorced spectacularly about a year later, and he must have lied about the monogamy thing too because, gosh darn it, I wasn’t the only one he got pregnant!
“I love you.” ~ said by every guy I ever dated (other than my now-husband.)
My then-fiance (thank goodness I was too young to know what “engaged” meant) claimed to have lost his engagement ring in his buddy’s sofa cushions. Yeah right - he hocked it to buy drugs.
Students who get caught plagiarizing are usually good for some spectacular lies; they’re in the habit of dishonesty anyway, and they’re usually not too bright, which is a regrettable combination.
My favorite, from a few years back, came from a student who turned in a paper that was mostly plagiarized from one of those “free term papers” sites. When confronted with the evidence, she claimed that she had written the whole thing herself, but she had a virus on her computer which had somehow uploaded the paper to the Internet without her knowledge.
Too bad for her that Google showed a cached copy dating from before the class began. :smack:
I think it must be the answer to the question “Do I look fat in this dress?”. 
I had a friend who’s a pretty fair amateur guitarist. Probably good enough for the local bar scene or friend’s party at least.
It seems he’s known some of the big acts over the years. Once he told me had owned Steve Gaines’s guitar. That in and of itself isn’t such an extraordinary claim, but considering my friend, it was. I asked him if he still had at, and he’d conveniently sold it to afford college tuition.
Another time the legendary Boxcar Willie (of late night TV infomercial fame) was a guest in my friend’s parent’s house.
He also met Cheap Trick’s Rick Nielsen at a bait shop somewhere outside of Louisville Kentucky. Nielsen gave my friend a guitar pick.
Finally, my friend met Bruce Springsteen–again, that by itself isn’t so terribly incredible, but the second time he met Springsteen, Bruce remembered my friend. Quite an accomplishment for a young man from rural Indiana who didn’t do a lot of traveling outside the state.