(No idea what forum this best belongs in. Cafe Society because it’s about the news media? Or maybe MPSIMS because it’s bunch of hogwash but I just can’t stop myself from sharing it?)
Smashing article this evening (Thursday) on-line at Yahoo news!
Atom smasher to narrow search for Higgs boson
http://news.yahoo.com/atom-smasher-narrow-search-higgs-boson-192246381.html
I am fascinated at some of the more erudite reader commentary. (Am I pushing the limits of “fair use” here?)
My theory is that the Higgs boson in fact exists… but there is only one of them. (Note how the article consistently refers to it in the singular). It circulates unimpeded at random through all the particles in the universe, dispensing mass to each one. The probability that it will get caught up in someone’s particle accelerator and detected is vanishingly small.
New Element Discovered: Managerium
A major research institution has recently announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. This new element has been tentatively named “Managerium.”
Managerium has 1 neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 111 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.
These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.
Since Managerium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact.
A minute amount of Managerium causes one reaction to take over 4 days to complete when it would normally take less than a second.
Managerium has a normal half-life of 3 years; it does not decay but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Managerium’s mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization causes some morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.
This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to speculate that Managerium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as “Critical Morass.”
