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Old 08-22-2016, 03:35 PM
kayaker kayaker is offline
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Can you un-unfriend on Facebook?

My daughter's boyfriend is stressed out over his med school residency, so he suggested they break up so there'd be one less stress in his life.

I, seeing my daughter unhappy, immediately unfriended him on Facebook.

A few days later he sent her two dozen roses along with an apology letter and they are back together again.

He probably doesn't realize I unfriended him. Is there a way to refriend him without him knowing? Yeah, first world problems.
  #2  
Old 08-22-2016, 03:52 PM
Sam Lowry Sam Lowry is offline
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I don't think so. If you had just blocked him, then you could unblock him, but to refriend him you'd actually need to send him a friend request.
  #3  
Old 08-22-2016, 03:59 PM
kayaker kayaker is offline
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Originally Posted by Sam Lowry View Post
I don't think so. If you had just blocked him, then you could unblock him, but to refriend him you'd actually need to send him a friend request.
Crap. If I send a friend request he'll realize what a hothead I am.

If I ignore the situation, maybe he won't realize I unfriended him.
  #4  
Old 08-22-2016, 04:05 PM
Inner Stickler Inner Stickler is offline
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Really, I think everyone would be up in arms, and rightly so, if there were a way to hack your way into someone else's facebook.
  #5  
Old 08-22-2016, 04:06 PM
leahcim leahcim is offline
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Originally Posted by kayaker View Post
Crap. If I send a friend request he'll realize what a hothead I am.
Isn't that an impression that most "fathers of girlfriends" specifically try to make?

E.g. "Don't mind me. Just cleaning my shotgun."
  #6  
Old 08-22-2016, 04:07 PM
IvoryTowerDenizen IvoryTowerDenizen is offline
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Originally Posted by kayaker View Post
Crap. If I send a friend request he'll realize what a hothead I am.

If I ignore the situation, maybe he won't realize I unfriended him.
Just say you did it by accident, or you just realized there was some technical glitch.

He's got med school brain- he's not thinking about anything clearly.
  #7  
Old 08-22-2016, 04:25 PM
ZipperJJ ZipperJJ is offline
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Originally Posted by Sam Lowry View Post
I don't think so. If you had just blocked him, then you could unblock him, but to refriend him you'd actually need to send him a friend request.
I went to temporarily block my cousin yesterday (I had a party and didn't invite her...long story) and when I clicked "Block" a popup came up and told me that if I block someone I also am unfriending them and will need to get their friend acceptance again if I want to unblock and be friends again.

So, I guess this has changed. Or maybe not, I dunno that I've ever blocked a friend before, or cared whether or not we could be friends again.

Anyway, you can't block w/o losing a friend. I wish there was a way to temp block people!
  #8  
Old 08-22-2016, 04:28 PM
Omar Little Omar Little is offline
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Originally Posted by ZipperJJ View Post
I wish there was a way to temp block people!
It's called ignoring them.
  #9  
Old 08-22-2016, 04:34 PM
ThelmaLou ThelmaLou is offline
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Why do YOU need to be"friend" your daughter's boyfriend? Just leave it alone, mom.
  #10  
Old 08-22-2016, 04:40 PM
HMS Irruncible HMS Irruncible is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kayaker View Post
Crap. If I send a friend request he'll realize what a hothead I am.
And he'll think you're a soft-headed hothead... like ooh, I hated you, changed my mind.

Quote:
If I ignore the situation, maybe he won't realize I unfriended him.
I don't think there's any harm in your child's SO knowing that you can hold a grudge that will blister paint. But yeah, kids these days with their 600+ Facebook friends will probably never know or care that some grown-ass person unfriended them. You'll just have to live with the inability to stalk him, and take a lesson from that.
  #11  
Old 08-22-2016, 04:52 PM
Sam Lowry Sam Lowry is offline
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Originally Posted by ZipperJJ View Post
I went to temporarily block my cousin yesterday (I had a party and didn't invite her...long story) and when I clicked "Block" a popup came up and told me that if I block someone I also am unfriending them and will need to get their friend acceptance again if I want to unblock and be friends again.

So, I guess this has changed. Or maybe not, I dunno that I've ever blocked a friend before, or cared whether or not we could be friends again.

Anyway, you can't block w/o losing a friend. I wish there was a way to temp block people!
I hadn't ever blocked anyone, I guess I had meant unfollow, because you could then follow the person later.

If I had a friend Jim that I was upset with for whatever reason, it seems that my options on Facebook are these:
  • Unfollow- I don't see anything Jim posts, but he can still see what I post
  • Unfriend- we're no longer friends, but either one of us could refriend later, and we could see each other's posts and interact through Facebook depending on what our privacy settings are
  • Block- seems to be the nuclear option, where Jim can't see anything I post no matter what my settings are, or otherwise interact with me through Facebook, or add me as a friend again. I could unblock him later and add him as a friend.
  • Set up a "everyone but Jim" group- you can choose to post to Facebook to only certain people, or to not post to certain people. I could post something and chose to exclude Jim, and that will be my setting until I change it again. I could still see what he was posting.
  #12  
Old 08-22-2016, 04:54 PM
ZipperJJ ZipperJJ is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Omar Little View Post
It's called ignoring them.
It's not about ignoring people it's about preventing them from seeing your information. You can stop seeing others' info by stopping following them (thereby forcibly ignoring them) without un-friending them, but you can't stop others from seeing you without blocking and thus un-friending them.
  #13  
Old 08-22-2016, 04:56 PM
ZipperJJ ZipperJJ is offline
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Originally Posted by Sam Lowry View Post
I hadn't ever blocked anyone, I guess I had meant unfollow, because you could then follow the person later.

If I had a friend Jim that I was upset with for whatever reason, it seems that my options on Facebook are these:
  • Unfollow- I don't see anything Jim posts, but he can still see what I post
  • Unfriend- we're no longer friends, but either one of us could refriend later, and we could see each other's posts and interact through Facebook depending on what our privacy settings are
  • Block- seems to be the nuclear option, where Jim can't see anything I post no matter what my settings are, or otherwise interact with me through Facebook, or add me as a friend again. I could unblock him later and add him as a friend.
  • Set up a "everyone but Jim" group- you can choose to post to Facebook to only certain people, or to not post to certain people. I could post something and chose to exclude Jim, and that will be my setting until I change it again. I could still see what he was posting.
My problem yesterday was that people were writing posts on their personal walls to thank me for the party, and tagging me, so I could not granularly control who could see that tag since it was someone else's wall. It would be all of my friends or none of them, no "everyone but my crazy cousin."
  #14  
Old 08-22-2016, 05:20 PM
Sam Lowry Sam Lowry is offline
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Originally Posted by ZipperJJ View Post
My problem yesterday was that people were writing posts on their personal walls to thank me for the party, and tagging me, so I could not granularly control who could see that tag since it was someone else's wall. It would be all of my friends or none of them, no "everyone but my crazy cousin."
Deeper in Facebook privacy settings, there are a lot of things you can change. There's a "Review posts friends tag you in before they appear on your timeline?" setting that can be on or off, a "Who can see posts you've been tagged in on your timeline?" setting that can be Everyone, Friends of Friends, Friends, Only Me, or other custom group, and there's the Activity Log where you can see everything that you've posted or have been tagged in, and who sees it. Just to clarify, the timeline seems to be all activity on Facebook, both what you've posted on your own wall, and anytime someone posts on their own wall and tags you, or when you've liked a posting, or become friends, or anything else depending on how you have your settings.

So you could turn on "Review posts friends tag you in before they appear on your timeline" and not allow a post that says "Great party ZipperJJ!" I'm not sure what would happen if your friend posts that and you review and don't allow it, but it seems to be an option that would prevent crazy cousin from seeing that post. Or you could make a "Everyone but crazy cousin" group that for the "Who can see posts you've been tagged in on your timeline?". Or you can just have your Activity Log open, and filtered to "Posts You're Tagged In" and anytime someone tags you about the party, you can chose to change it to Hidden from Timeline. I'm not sure what would be easiest or most effective.
  #15  
Old 08-22-2016, 05:53 PM
NeonMadman NeonMadman is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ZipperJJ View Post
I went to temporarily block my cousin yesterday (I had a party and didn't invite her...long story) and when I clicked "Block" a popup came up and told me that if I block someone I also am unfriending them and will need to get their friend acceptance again if I want to unblock and be friends again.

So, I guess this has changed. Or maybe not, I dunno that I've ever blocked a friend before, or cared whether or not we could be friends again.

Anyway, you can't block w/o losing a friend. I wish there was a way to temp block people!
You can "unfollow" people. That way you retain them as a friend without having their posts showing up on your feed. I've occasionally used that for people who post incessantly and annoyingly on political topics, but who are family or friends that I don't want to lose. That's a step short of unfriending. Blocking is a step beyond unfriending; not only is the person no longer your friend, but they can't see your timeline and you can't see theirs. I've reserved that one for my ex-wife.
  #16  
Old 08-22-2016, 06:07 PM
Canadjun Canadjun is offline
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One other alternative that Facebook does not publicize well for some reason is to stick your friend in your "restricted" list, which prevents them from seeing any of your stuff that you have not marked as Public. Quoting from the FB docs...

Putting someone on the Restricted list means that you’re still friends, but that you only share your posts with them when you choose Public as the audience, or when you tag them in the post. For example, if you're friends with your boss and you put them on your Restricted list, then post a photo and choose Friends as the audience, you aren’t sharing that photo with your boss, or anyone else on your Restricted list. However, if you tag your boss in the photo, or chose Public as the audience, they’ll be able to see the photo.
  #17  
Old 08-22-2016, 06:20 PM
Guinastasia Guinastasia is offline
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Originally Posted by ThelmaLou View Post
Why do YOU need to be"friend" your daughter's boyfriend? Just leave it alone, mom.
Ever stop and think that maybe he likes the guy and is friends with him as well?
  #18  
Old 08-22-2016, 06:36 PM
IvoryTowerDenizen IvoryTowerDenizen is offline
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Originally Posted by ThelmaLou View Post
Why do YOU need to be"friend" your daughter's boyfriend? Just leave it alone, mom.


Mom?
  #19  
Old 08-22-2016, 08:13 PM
ThelmaLou ThelmaLou is offline
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Originally Posted by IvoryTowerDenizen View Post
Mom?
Okay, dad. Whatever. Sorry, not being a participant in Facebook, I don't see what the big deal is. The idea of needing to be linked online to a friend of your kid's such that you have to consult a message board-- sorry, don't understand why this comes close to mattering a small hill of beans.

Leaving now.
  #20  
Old 08-22-2016, 08:36 PM
Sam Lowry Sam Lowry is offline
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Originally Posted by Canadjun View Post
One other alternative that Facebook does not publicize well for some reason is to stick your friend in your "restricted" list, which prevents them from seeing any of your stuff that you have not marked as Public. Quoting from the FB docs...

Putting someone on the Restricted list means that you’re still friends, but that you only share your posts with them when you choose Public as the audience, or when you tag them in the post. For example, if you're friends with your boss and you put them on your Restricted list, then post a photo and choose Friends as the audience, you aren’t sharing that photo with your boss, or anyone else on your Restricted list. However, if you tag your boss in the photo, or chose Public as the audience, they’ll be able to see the photo.
That does seem like a good solution for someone you'll always want to keep restricted, like a boss or grandmother, but not so much for the crazy cousins of the world, where you had been sharing everything and you only want them to avoid seeing certain subjects. I'm guessing if you put a crazy cousin on a restricted list for a week around a party, they won't see anything, but if you then took them off the restricted list they might look back on past posts and see references to a party.
  #21  
Old 08-22-2016, 09:17 PM
IvoryTowerDenizen IvoryTowerDenizen is offline
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Originally Posted by ThelmaLou View Post
Okay, dad. Whatever. Sorry, not being a participant in Facebook, I don't see what the big deal is. The idea of needing to be linked online to a friend of your kid's such that you have to consult a message board-- sorry, don't understand why this comes close to mattering a small hill of beans.



Leaving now.


In case you check back in, it's not about Kayaker being friends with him per se, but appearing like he just dumped him.
  #22  
Old 08-22-2016, 09:47 PM
ZipperJJ ZipperJJ is offline
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Originally Posted by Canadjun View Post
One other alternative that Facebook does not publicize well for some reason is to stick your friend in your "restricted" list, which prevents them from seeing any of your stuff that you have not marked as Public. Quoting from the FB docs...


Very good info thanks!
  #23  
Old 08-22-2016, 09:49 PM
ZipperJJ ZipperJJ is offline
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Originally Posted by NeonMadman View Post
You can "unfollow" people. That way you retain them as a friend without having their posts showing up on your feed. I've occasionally used that for people who post incessantly and annoyingly on political topics, but who are family or friends that I don't want to lose. That's a step short of unfriending. Blocking is a step beyond unfriending; not only is the person no longer your friend, but they can't see your timeline and you can't see theirs. I've reserved that one for my ex-wife.

Still, as I said, I wasn't looking to not see what my cousin said I was looking for her to not see stuff people posted about me.

The OP didn't want to have to refriend someone and then someone suggested in the future that he could block the person instead and I said no don't block, I just discovered that blocking someone un-friends them as well. Unfollowing doesn't really play into it.
  #24  
Old 08-22-2016, 10:32 PM
drachillix drachillix is offline
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Originally Posted by Canadjun View Post
One other alternative that Facebook does not publicize well for some reason is to stick your friend in your "restricted" list, which prevents them from seeing any of your stuff that you have not marked as Public. Quoting from the FB docs..
I have been forced to utilize this for a few judgmental pricks who have issues with some of my life choices. I still post alot of stuff publically so they probably do not realize their status
  #25  
Old 08-23-2016, 07:19 AM
kayaker kayaker is offline
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Originally Posted by ThelmaLou View Post
Why do YOU need to be"friend" your daughter's boyfriend? Just leave it alone, mom.
From a practical standpoint, being "friends" with him means that I see pictures he posts when they go hiking, etc. Plus, I am actually friends with him as well as "friends".

Anyway, we are "friends" again. My daughter told him what happened, he entirely understood and sent me a friend request. He also sent me a message telling me that he was a dick, let the stress get to him, and he's glad I want him as a friend.
  #26  
Old 08-23-2016, 07:34 AM
kayaker kayaker is offline
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Originally Posted by IvoryTowerDenizen View Post
Mom?
Taken as a compliment. My son typically went/goes to his mom with problems. My daughter has always come to me. My son chooses to live in Florida with his mom, while my daughter is currently living with me while she finds an apartment.
  #27  
Old 08-23-2016, 08:56 AM
DCnDC DCnDC is online now
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Sounds like an episode of Modern Family. Surely this can only be solved by a busty Colombian woman.
  #28  
Old 08-23-2016, 04:22 PM
ivylass ivylass is offline
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You can also unfollow someone. That way you're still friends but you won't see their posts.

And next time, stay out of your daughter's love life.
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