Replace your national anthem.

[Mr. Kobayashi]

It's been decided by the majority of the electorate that that your national anthem needs replacing - perhaps the words are too hard to remember, perhaps familiarity breeds contempt, whatever. The bad news is that you've been selected by government lottery (it's like jury duty - you can't get out of it) to select a new anthem to be sung forever more at sporting events. You can pick any tune you like from any year you like, no matter how silly.

What do you pick?

Britain's national anthem, God Save The Queen, is a dreadful old plodding dirge that doesn't even make much sense, as Eddie Izzard points out, the Queen lives in a big palace surrounded by armed guards - that's one saved Queen. Jerusalem is a popular choice, but it's based on batshit-mad bullcrap about Jesus taking an excursion to Scarborough or some such nonsense. Every verse can be answered with a "...no." No, those feet in ancient times did not tread upon England's soil. Music is a bit better though. Rule Britannia...well, it's a bit 19th Century, we don't really rule the waves any more, so that'll be a tad embarrassing. I quite like I Vow to Thee, My Country, because it's based off Holst's Jupiter, which is awesome. Either that or Eton Rifles by The Jam.

For the US, James Brown's Living in America. Or Crazy Crazy Nights by Kiss.

Now, because I hate you, Cracked's list of national anthems that will make you tremble with fear, if you need some inspiration. Although they were remiss in forgetting the USSR's national anthem. Say what you like about Commies, they knew how to bash together a decent anthem.

[Oakminster]

God Bless the USA--too many people, particularly young liberals, fail to appreciate what we have in this country, and what it costs to keep it. As an added bonus, it might well cause the heads of certain militant atheists to explode, and that would amuse me greatly.

[Mr. Kobayashi]

Originally Posted by Oakminster

God Bless the USA--too many people, particularly young liberals, fail to appreciate what we have in this country, and what it costs to keep it. As an added bonus, it might well cause the heads of certain militant atheists to explode, and that would amuse me greatly.

The current anthem, The Star-Spangled Banner, already contains a reference to the G-man - so the shock value may be diminished somewhat:
Then conquer we must when our cause it is just
And this be our motto: “In God is our Trust.”
And the Star-Spangled Banner in triumph shall wave
O’er the land of the free and the home of the brave!

(I can't get done for posting lyrics if said lyrics were devised in 1814, right?)

[devilsknew]

I like some Woody Guthrie... This Land is your Land, This Land is My Land... or is that too "Godless, Homeless, 54 % Hippy" for your taste?

[Oakminster]

Originally Posted by Mr. Kobayashi

The current anthem, The Star-Spangled Banner, already contains a reference to the G-man - so the shock value may be diminished somewhat:
Then conquer we must when our cause it is just
And this be our motto: “In God is our Trust.”
And the Star-Spangled Banner in triumph shall wave
O’er the land of the free and the home of the brave!

(I can't get done for posting lyrics if said lyrics were devised in 1814, right?)

That verse is rarely sung. I'd expect many people don't even know there are four verses...most public performances end after the first verse.

[jjimm]

Mr Kobayashi I can't believe you didn't include Billy Connolly's suggestion (with apologies for 80s styles).

[Mr. Kobayashi]

Originally Posted by Oakminster

That verse is rarely sung. I'd expect many people don't even know there are four verses...most public performances end after the first verse.

Ah, like that verse of God Save the Queen that talks about crushing rebellious Scots. Always fun.
Lord, grant that Marshal Wade,
May by thy mighty aid,
Victory bring.
May he sedition hush,
and like a torrent rush,
Rebellious Scots to crush,
God save the King.

(That one's from 1745, so mods fear not)

Edit, ha jjimm, nice simulpost - great minds think alike...particularly when concerned with rebellious Scots.

[Hypnagogic Jerk]

Originally Posted by Mr. Kobayashi

Jerusalem is a popular choice, but it's based on batshit-mad bullcrap about Jesus taking an excursion to Scarborough or some such nonsense.

Emerson, Lake and Palmer's version of Jerusalem is my favourite national anthem. But yes, the lyrics are dated: at some point British Israelism was a quite popular belief, but not today, and it even has some unfortunate implications. I still like them, especially the references to bows of burning gold and chariots of fire.

[Paintcharge]

Power and Glory. I've said it before and I'll say it again.

"Yet she's only as rich as the poorest of her poor
Only as free as the padlocked prison door
Only as strong as our love for this land
Only as tall as we stand"

[Erdosain]

I'm pretty sure the correct answer is America, Fuck Yeah!

Trey Parker is ten times the songwriter than Scott Key ever was.

[hogarth]

The (former) theme to "Hockey Night in Canada".

[well he's back]

I think "America the Beautiful" is already the unofficial U.S. anthem. most everyone I know prefers it to the SSB.

[robert_columbia]

Originally Posted by Mr. Kobayashi

It's been decided by the majority of the electorate that that your national anthem needs replacing - perhaps the words are too hard to remember, perhaps familiarity breeds contempt, whatever. The bad news is that you've been selected by government lottery (it's like jury duty - you can't get out of it) to select a new anthem to be sung forever more at sporting events. You can pick any tune you like from any year you like, no matter how silly.

What do you pick?

Britain's national anthem, God Save The Queen...

Over here in the US, we have our own patriotic song set to the same tune, namely My Country 'Tis of Thee.

[standingwave]

Originally Posted by devilsknew

I like some Woody Guthrie... This Land is your Land, This Land is My Land... or is that too "Godless, Homeless, 54 % Hippy" for your taste?

Well for those folks I suggest Toby Keith's "Courtesy of the Red, White and Blue (The Angry American)."

[MegaBee]

Originally Posted by Erdosain

I'm pretty sure the correct answer is America, Fuck Yeah!

Trey Parker is ten times the songwriter than Scott Key ever was.

I'm glad someone said it!

[LaurenIpsum]

Okay, I'll go for the boring, non-funny answer. "America the Beautiful."

[Baker]

Originally Posted by robert_columbia

Over here in the US, we have our own patriotic song set to the same tune, namely My Country 'Tis of Thee.

I'd rather have MCTOT than "America the Beautiful". But "God Bless Our Native Land" is even better, and it goes to the same tune as MCTOT.

[Boulter's Canary]

For England (as opposed to Britain) There are three I like:

In reality, far too long (and it is a sequel to another song anyway).

The most patriotic of my choices. I'd certainly stand for this (and maybe even put my hand over my heart.) as long as they get rid of that bloody awful child choir.

A slightly more Celtic-sounding take (Well, Iain Anderson is of Scottish descent, though he didn't write this)

Just thought of a fourth. Prpbably a bit too PC, but an anthem you can dance to might not be a bad idea.......

[mnemosyne]

Originally Posted by hogarth

The (former) theme to "Hockey Night in Canada".

Now found on TSN and RDS. Not only does everyone know it, it gets Canadians to stand up and CHEER!


The brothers Ferguson also recommended Louie, Louie in their book "How to be a Canadian, even if you already are one." Hilarious book; though I loaned mine to my friend's British boyfriend, who hasn't given it back. Bastard.

[woodstockbirdybird]

Originally Posted by Oakminster

God Bless the USA--too many people, particularly young liberals, fail to appreciate what we have in this country, and what it costs to keep it. As an added bonus, it might well cause the heads of certain militant atheists to explode, and that would amuse me greatly.

That song's the biggest pile of dung ever written, whether or not it has the word "God" in it. I've told the story on the boards before: when I was in basic training (Army), they showed us some moronic video that ended with that song. One of the drill sergeants asked if there was anybody there who didn't like that song. I said I hated it. He replied, "Me too, private. What a piece of shit."

As I've also said on the boards: the U.S. national anthem should be "Rock Lobster". Anything by Kiss would be just as bad as the current anthem (or "God Bless the USA"), and would only give other countries further ammo to call us uneducated dolts.

[panache45]

Originally Posted by well he's back

I think "America the Beautiful" is already the unofficial U.S. anthem. most everyone I know prefers it to the SSB.

And a whole lot of people think it already is the anthem.

[Oakminster]

Originally Posted by woodstockbirdybird

That song's the biggest pile of dung ever written, whether or not it has the word "God" in it.

Your opinion does not make it so. I like the song. I like it a lot. I know lots of people who also like it. I think it would make a great National Anthem.

[woodstockbirdybird]

Originally Posted by Oakminster

Your opinion does not make it so.

Yeah, funny how that works.

[Neidhart]

"The Maine Stein Song" has a perfect melody for a national anthem if you slow it down a bit. Of course the lyrics won't work, but you could hold a contest to come up with new ones.

[Qin Shi Huangdi]

For the US definately "Battle Hymn of the Republic"

For Britain "Land of Hope and Glory" or "Rule Brittania"

For Germany all three stanzas of the "Deutschlandlied" or "Die Wacht am Rhein"

[Attack from the 3rd dimension]

Originally Posted by Qin Shi Huangdi

For the US definately "Battle Hymn of the Republic"

For Britain "Land of Hope and Glory" or "Rule Brittania"

For Germany all three stanzas of the "Deutschlandlied" or "Die Wacht am Rhein"

You really worry me sometimes.

[Mississippienne]

For America, most definately "America, Fuck Yeah", or if that's not an option, Prince's "Pussy Control".

[Inner Stickler]

Any song? Ok.
This Is My Song.

[The Second Stone]

The SSB is difficult to sing, few people know the first verse, not to mention those following and the subject matter is somewhat narrow in scope. In favor, the difficulty in singing actually favors large groups, and it is very stirring. I'd keep it. But if I couldn't, America The Beautiful is lovely.

[foolsguinea]

Well, it should be something like "America the Beautiful" I guess. No reason we should be stuck with "The Star-Spangled Banner" to the tune of "To Anacreon in Heaven" just because better songs weren't written yet when that call was made.

We have a few well-established patriotic songs:
"America (My Country 'Tis of Thee)" - doesn't work instrumentally, since it's just "God Save the King."
"Stars and Stripes Forever" - the best lyrics I've heard are the one about the duck
"Yankee Doodle" - at least has the prestige of age
"Yankee Doodle Dandy" - bleh. bit too Broadway. well, at least it's bouncy.
"America the Beautiful" - nice
"God Bless America" - a bit marchy
"This Land Is Your Land" - pretty good

Been following links and found this: Help Save the Youth of America
That's quite good.

ETA: On listening to it, I'm down with nominating "Rock Lobster."

[Attack from the 3rd dimension]

Rock Lobster would certainly confuse the North Korean Intelligence services.

[JoseArcadio]

For Scotland-

Restless Natives by Big Country or Dignity by Deacon Blue. Classics!

[EinsteinsHund]

Originally Posted by Qin Shi Huangdi

For the US definately "Battle Hymn of the Republic"

For Britain "Land of Hope and Glory" or "Rule Brittania"

For Germany all three stanzas of the "Deutschlandlied" or "Die Wacht am Rhein"

Originally Posted by Attack from the 3rd dimension

You really worry me sometimes.

I've read that post, especially the part for Germany, and instantly thought: "WTF?", but then I saw it was Qin and was no longer surprised. It's not the first time I noticed his unhealthy fascination with German nationalistic symbols and attitudes.

[Hogfather65]

Originally Posted by JoseArcadio

For Scotland-

Restless Natives by Big Country or Dignity by Deacon Blue. Classics!

Bull - Flower of Scotland is just fine - but we could go with 'You Fat Bastard' BY Roy 'Chubby' Brown....

[Kinthalis]

This: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2-_g8NZr1tA as I wan't a song that would:

1. Make you proud to be an American, mostly because we kick so much ass.

2. Give proper tribute to the Dovahkiin for keeping us save from the dragons. I mean, really, who is this god person, and what has he ever done for us?

On the other hand Fus Ro Dah! Is a scientifically observed phenomena: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q9WFrgy154g

On a slightly more serious note, why do national anthems suck so much? Why can't we have kick butt drums and nordic tenors as directed by Jeremy Soul?

[JoseArcadio]

Originally Posted by Hogfather65

Bull - Flower of Scotland is just fine - but we could go with 'You Fat Bastard' BY Roy 'Chubby' Brown....

I’m perfectly happy with Flower of Scotland; I was responding to the hypothetical in the OP.

[Peter Morris]

I agree that the British one is awful. I think it should be replaced by We Are The Champions by Queen.

[Ranchoth]

Originally Posted by Oakminster

God Bless the USA--too many people, particularly young liberals, fail to appreciate what we have in this country, and what it costs to keep it. As an added bonus, it might well cause the heads of certain militant atheists to explode, and that would amuse me greatly.

I'm actually a fan of this one, too—and I'm a centrist, so that's like half-liberal. Maybe I'm just sentimental.

After that...how's about El Dorado? A good, western theme, but drawing from Poe's Eldorado.

And the closest thing to religious imagery is the line "and the godliest mortal you ever will know / Is the one with the dream of El Dorado."

Hope, determination, high ideals, and adventure. From a native-born poet, and a native-born song style. And John Wayne. How much more American can you get?

[digs]

"I think the only fair way to come up with a new national anthem is to hold open auditions..."

It's Albert Brooks and a piano on the old Flip Wilson Show in '72 (wow, before he was Nemo's dad, he had a 'fro!).

It's one of the most-listened-to tracks on my iPod, possibly because the Average Citizens come up with such great lyrics:

"Three thousand miles from coast to coast / Every citizen has reason to boast"
"You jail / All your blac-" "Thank you!"
"Ooooooo, ooooo, I like the USA, Ooo-ooo / It's better than Russia, or China..."

Last up on this clip: "Mr. Bob" Robert Harrison from Vegas: "Got a countreeeeeee..."

[Zsofia]

I want "America the Beautiful", but I want the verse that ends in this chorus to be better known, even though it has the G-word in it:

America, America!
God mend thine every flaw!
Confirm thy soul in self-control
Thy liberty in law!

[Qin Shi Huangdi]

Originally Posted by EinsteinsHund

I've read that post, especially the part for Germany, and instantly thought: "WTF?", but then I saw it was Qin and was no longer surprised. It's not the first time I noticed his unhealthy fascination with German nationalistic symbols and attitudes.

Could you please tell me what is exactly objectionable about those two songs? Yes its true that the Nazis appropriated those songs for their use but they also did the same for almost all of the rich cultural heritage of Germany. Its not as if I suggested something like the "Horst Wessel Lied". And I don't find my fascination "unhealthy" any more than people fascinated by the Japanese samurai.

[tracer]

When I was at UCLA, Bill Conti (of Rocky soundtrack fame) bestowed upon us a brand new UCLA Bruins fight song.

I thought that with a few little tweaks to the lyrics, it would serve as an alternate U.S. National Anthem that PERFECTLY captured the spirit of The Star Spangled Banner:


We are the U.S.A.
We've got more guns than you
We've got more missiles, and
We've got more bombs, and
Tanks and airplanes too.

Don't daaaaaaare try to oppose us,
Don't tellllllllllllllll us what to dooooooo --

If you try,
We'll say "Bye bye!"
'Cause we've got more nuclear warheads too!

[Boulter's Canary]

Originally Posted by Peter Morris

I agree that the British one is awful. I think it should be replaced by We Are The Champions by Queen.

And We Will Rock You in times of war......

[Sam A. Robrin]

I'd replace *SB with "We Won't Get Fooled Again."

[flodnak]

Originally Posted by Oakminster

God Bless the USA

Ah. That would be the song in which a guy who has never served in the military in any form brags that he would "gladly stand up next to you and defend her still today"? Okay.

For the US, I'd go with "America the Beautiful", because of one of the later verses:

Oh Beautiful for patriot dream
That sees beyond the years
Thine alabaster cities gleam
Undimmed by human tears

Patriotic songs don't talk about the future often enough. It's all very well and good to be proud of the past, but if you don't have a vision for the future, what's the point?

For Norway, I really don't see a reason for swapping out the national anthem, although I would like to teach people to sing it more up tempo. This is not a funeral dirge, folks, it's actually a rather happy song. And of course we should drop verses, what is it?, three through six or something, which are just historical name-dropping, but no one actually remembers those anyway. But if we should ever have to change it, I'd recommend "Norge i rødt, hvitt, og blått" (Norway in red, white, and blue). Not only does it have a snappy tune in a march tempo, but the lyrics were written specifically as a not-very-subtle eff-you to the Nazis, and you gotta love that. Drop the last verse, written after the war, however. I'm sure it sounded great in 1945, but since then it has become unbearably corny.

[BrainGlutton]

"This Is My Country."

[Alessan]

Randy Newman's "Political Science".

[Teufelblitz]

There's an old Bill Bailey sketch about National Anthems. Bits of it are on you tube.

The suggestion I would take from that is Henry Mancini's Pink Panther theme. Except I think Everyone should change to it so that we can all saunter out at the Olympics as a united planet for once.

[EinsteinsHund]

Originally Posted by Qin Shi Huangdi

Could you please tell me what is exactly objectionable about those two songs? Yes its true that the Nazis appropriated those songs for their use but they also did the same for almost all of the rich cultural heritage of Germany. Its not as if I suggested something like the "Horst Wessel Lied". And I don't find my fascination "unhealthy" any more than people fascinated by the Japanese samurai.

See, Qin, the fact alone that you have to ask that question is telling of your lack of perspective in this case. I don't think I have to teach you about the two great wars of the 20th century and who the baddies were. The drive to fight these wars for Germany was rooted in extremely exaggerated nationalism and militarism, fueled by songs like the ones you want as our current anthem. We, as a nation, have fortunately overcome this absurd nationalism, and we don't want to sing those songs any more (the ones that still want to are people like the members of the National Socialist Underground you needlessly pitted some time ago). The majority of our people, including me, is proud of that fact, and getting told by a 15 year old American boy to resurrect those loaded songs is ridiculous.

[devilsknew]

America is not militaristic or nationalistic? The Fog is greater than I had expected. Ask yousrself what nationalistic cause we put our military into action for over the last 9 years... only disengaged peripherally, yesterday. We wield our nationalism quite effectively into a Land that is thousands of miles away in Eurasia, that has no direct influence on our country except for increasing the Opiate trade... who's foolin' who? We are terrified and recouing from the Arab Spring. Our fascist capitals are being capitulated.