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#51
02-17-2012, 08:13 AM
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Working on my personal ad how should I phrase this?
Titties- More than a mouthful is a waste. 
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#52
02-17-2012, 02:03 PM
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"Is this a Jocasta complex?" or "Thanks, Mama, for the deeply disturbing compliment"
I almost fell into the toilet at work this morning "I was thinking about what a sharp-looking boy I raised, and I nearly fell into the toilet at work." Yes, I'd find that disturbing.
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#53
02-17-2012, 03:02 PM
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Annoying euphemisms.
A-hole executives Indeed.
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#54
02-17-2012, 04:01 PM
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Is this arrangement a foursome or not?
Please, explain partying to me. I don't get it. I dunno, whatever you're doing, it sounds like you're doing it right.
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#56
02-18-2012, 05:25 AM
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Jury Duty: Do you try to get out of it?
Where would you travel if you had two weeks vacation, a passport, and $3,000? I'd be heading straight for Mexico! They'd never find me there.
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#57
02-18-2012, 10:33 AM
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Mormons baptized Simon Wiesenthal...so what?
Is This Rape? Mitt's got some more 'splainin to do.
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#60
02-18-2012, 01:34 PM
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It's time to 'share your good news' again!
Help Me Buy A Pistol! You're going to meet God today! Yaaaaaaaay!
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#61
02-18-2012, 03:33 PM
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Citizen's Arrest?
Portable Heart Monitor "Yes, according to my portable heart monitor, you've had a citizen's arrest. I'll call you a cab."
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#62
02-18-2012, 04:03 PM
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Help Me Buy A Pistol!
I'm wanted by the FBI! This isn't going to end well.
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#63
02-18-2012, 05:33 PM
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Where would you travel if you had two weeks vacation, a passport, and $3,000?
Help Me Buy A Pistol! I don't think I like where this is going.
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#64
02-18-2012, 06:00 PM
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I want to buy a scooter
Help Me Buy A Pistol! Wait... Do you want to buy a scooter, or a shooter?
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#65
02-18-2012, 09:49 PM
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Flour, fat, and milk
Pickled ginger, first attempt Hope your second attempt goes better.
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#68
02-19-2012, 08:57 AM
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Whitney Houston was bisexual and had a long time relationship with ?
I almost fell into the toilet at work this morning If you're going to read the tabloids, do it at your desk.
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#69
02-19-2012, 09:01 AM
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What is the least intelligent mammal?
rotary phone help? We have a winner!
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#71
02-20-2012, 10:03 AM
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February / March Weight Loss Thread
I almost fell into the toilet at work this morning 
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#74
02-20-2012, 02:42 PM
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Quote:
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#76
02-20-2012, 05:16 PM
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Wanderlust; I don't want to sound like a perv, but...
Poll: Fried egg inside a circle cut out of a piece of bread Sounds pretty suggestive to me...
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#77
02-21-2012, 06:59 AM
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Tell Me About the Post-Divorce Thing...
Do People Usually Have Obituaries? Just how ugly was this divorce?
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#79
02-21-2012, 07:57 AM
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Most tasteless thing about Whitney's Funeral?
Colonoscopy advice Yeah. A eulogy is so not the place for that.
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#80
02-21-2012, 08:01 AM
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Tell Me About the Post-Divorce Thing...
Five Pin Glo-Ball Bowling with 80s Big Hair Music! Really, is that mandatory? Maybe we should give this marriage one more shot...
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#81
02-21-2012, 09:24 AM
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Most tasteless thing about Whitney's Funeral?
The death of the most interesting man in the world? "I don't always get loaded on beer, fall into the punch bowl and drown, but when I do it's on Dos Equis."
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#82
02-21-2012, 09:50 AM
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Do People Usually Have Obituaries?
An observation on having fractured a couple of toes Being a little dramatic, aren't we?
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#83
02-21-2012, 01:58 PM
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Accidental freebies through the post.
Colonoscopy advice Man, you wouldn't believe what happened to me when I opened the mailbox...
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#85
02-21-2012, 08:17 PM
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Any experience with sofa covers?
Pushing Too Hard at the Gym? You're doing it wrong!
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#86
02-21-2012, 09:10 PM
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How do you deal with your car in the shop if you live alone
Help Me Buy A Pistol! Carjacking can be fun, but really it's less stressful to take the bus.
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#87
02-22-2012, 07:30 AM
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What is the most elaborate conspiracy ever actually discovered?
Mysterious metallic object between flaps on Boeing 757 Oh, that's the chemtrail dispensers. Last edited by Ludovic; 02-22-2012 at 07:31 AM.
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#88
02-22-2012, 09:34 AM
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Most tasteless thing about Whitney's Funeral?
Japanese Internment Yeah. Look, I understand that Bobby Brown needed their seats, but locking up all the Japanese guests in the basement? That's just going too far.
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#89
02-22-2012, 12:14 PM
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A question about Snowball Earth: was there enough water?
What's wrong with our water? I only asked if there was enough!
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#90
02-22-2012, 01:29 PM
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Really weird, mysteriance occurances
Why are beds elevated? You dummy, "The Exorcist" is just a movie.
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#91
02-22-2012, 08:08 PM
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Is there a tactful way to tell someone that they have bad breath?
Strangers in the office "Hi, I don't work here but someone in one of the neighboring cubicles asked me to tell you that you really, really need to use mouthwash."
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#93
02-23-2012, 06:54 AM
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Separated by one right now:
Poll: Ladies: skirt pulled up or down when using the toilet? Potty Privacy! Yeah! They shouldn't be taking that Poll!
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#94
02-23-2012, 07:04 AM
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Just got a giant ass flat screen. Any must see movies?
Nude scenes by actresses you don't expect to go nude What? Oh, I'm sorry, I misheard you. I thought you said "I want to see a giant ass on my flat screen".
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#95
02-23-2012, 07:58 AM
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Now they're after the guys!
Potty Privacy! Poll: Gentlemen: How do you wee?
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#96
02-23-2012, 10:48 AM
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Why is it that the super-rich are given breaks?
Potty Privacy! Yeah! That's why I've joined the "Occupy Warren Buffett's Toilet" movement.
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#97
02-23-2012, 08:04 PM
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Train commuting in the U.S. and around the world?
A cow can climb up stairs... Great, but they still take up too much space on the subway. Let 'em van-pool.
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#98
02-23-2012, 09:33 PM
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What is your greatest fear aside from death?
Throwing rice at weddings. What can I say, I'm a gamophobe and an oryzaphobe.
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#99
02-24-2012, 07:36 AM
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Our cat is VERY affectionate
Dopers, I need your relationship advice! You must be firm, and tell her you're not ready to take it to the next level.
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#100
02-24-2012, 09:13 AM
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Our cat is VERY affectionate
Tell me about your affair? That's it...I'm calling PETA!
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