April ranters bring May decanters! (April Mini-Rants Thread)

[flatlined]

Very lame rant, but I don't know if I'm engaged. Bill thinks we are because we both know that we will be married someday. When he asked me if I'd given any thought to the date (because the place he wants the reception is always booked out at least 6 months), I told him that we needed to get engaged before I started planning the wedding. Confusion happened for a few minutes, but we got over it.

The only time Bill's accent shows is when he's stressed or excited. I told him that he needed to go down on one knee and slip a ring over my finger to be engaged. He told me to make dinner reservations for next weekend and his cute Texan drawl came out when he asked if he needed to pack his tux.

So...am I engaged now that we have a date to get engaged. I'm so confused.

[SpazCat]

One of my roommates got onto me for drinking a Dr. Pepper today because, according to him, "Pepsi products are made with aborted fetuses."

What the fuck?!?!?

[Inner Stickler]

Dr. Pepper isn't, strictly speaking, a Pepsi product. It and 7-Up are independent of Coca-Cola and Pepsi.

[Cat Whisperer]

Mmmm, delicious, carbonated aborted fetus.

[MEBuckner]

Originally Posted by Inner Stickler

Dr. Pepper isn't, strictly speaking, a Pepsi product. It and 7-Up are independent of Coca-Cola and Pepsi.

So--the part of the statement "Pepsi products are made with aborted fetuses" you're objecting to is whether or not Dr Pepper is actually a Pepsi product?

[Rilchiam]

Originally Posted by SpazCat

One of my roommates got onto me for drinking a Dr. Pepper today because, according to him, "Pepsi products are made with aborted fetuses."

I'm laughing in a very uncomfortable way, only because there are so many reasons that assertion is ridiculous.

1. Can we say risk of contamination? There are a hell of a lot of health codes that would prohibit this.

2. A lot of laws, too. I don't know exactly which law(s) would apply, but something has to.

3. It's not what you'd call a renewable resource, the way sugar cane or kola beans are.

4. What's the advantage to PepsiCo? How do they use solid objects to make their liquid soft drinks? How much fetus is in one 12-oz Pepsi? Did this guy see the Slurm Factory episode of Futurama when he was high or feverish?

5. These rumors about Big Business always hinge on corporations being sooooo scummy that they'll do anything to get ahead. In fact, they're so very scummy that they'll engage in practices that, if discovered (and how is it that your roommate knows this and the FDA apparently does not?), would end in sanity hearings for TPTB at PepsiCo or whatever megacorp is being indicted, plus the fines, class-action suits, and probably salting the earth where the factory used to be. Much more sensible than just overscheduling and underpaying their workers.

[Inner Stickler]

Originally Posted by MEBuckner

So--the part of the statement "Pepsi products are made with aborted fetuses" you're objecting to is whether or not Dr Pepper is actually a Pepsi product?

Yep. I wouldn't be at all surprised what rotten carcasses may be in a vile drink like pepsi but Dr. Pepper is delicious and I won't hear it slandered.

[Inner Stickler]

The issue apparently is that Pepsi partners with another company Semonyx to test its sweeteners and Semonyx uses an embryonic kidney cell line originating from a human baby to gauge how taste receptors respond to the sweetener. So, no dead baby in pepsi and the 'legitimate' christian sites reporting on this, to their credit, do not appear to be making that claim.

[The Vorlon]

Originally Posted by SpazCat

One of my roommates got onto me for drinking a Dr. Pepper today because, according to him, "Pepsi products are made with aborted fetuses."

What the fuck?!?!?

Spaz, tell your roomate to keep his arms up.




It makes it harder to throw the net over him.

[kaylasdad99]

I remembered seeing an email forward or a fb posting that mentioned this. Cecil doesn't appear to have done anything on it yet, but here's a snopes article that sheds a little light on what these whackjobs are on about.

[Cheez_Whia]

Originally Posted by flatlined

Very lame rant, but I don't know if I'm engaged. Bill thinks we are because we both know that we will be married someday. When he asked me if I'd given any thought to the date (because the place he wants the reception is always booked out at least 6 months), I told him that we needed to get engaged before I started planning the wedding. Confusion happened for a few minutes, but we got over it.

The only time Bill's accent shows is when he's stressed or excited. I told him that he needed to go down on one knee and slip a ring over my finger to be engaged. He told me to make dinner reservations for next weekend and his cute Texan drawl came out when he asked if he needed to pack his tux.

So...am I engaged now that we have a date to get engaged. I'm so confused.

I think you're pre-engaged. Congratulations!

[Rilchiam]

Originally Posted by Inner Stickler

The issue apparently is that Pepsi partners with another company Semonyx to test its sweeteners and Semonyx uses an embryonic kidney cell line originating from a human baby to gauge how taste receptors respond to the sweetener. So, no dead baby in pepsi and the 'legitimate' christian sites reporting on this, to their credit, do not appear to be making that claim.

Ah, I see.

[Inner Stickler]

I don't mean to sound like an apologist or to make you think the Spazcat's crazy person is in any way justified, just that it's probably where he got the idea.

[SpazCat]

Originally Posted by Inner Stickler

I don't mean to sound like an apologist or to make you think the Spazcat's crazy person is in any way justified, just that it's probably where he got the idea.

Trust me, this is just the tip of the crazy iceberg with that guy.

[Chimera]

Originally Posted by SpazCat

One of my roommates got onto me for drinking a Dr. Pepper today because, according to him, "Pepsi products are made with aborted fetuses."

Queue the Futurama joke (re: Soylent Cola);

"How does it taste?"
"It varies from person to person."

Honestly, if someone in my acquaintance said that to me, my response would be something along the lines of "Thanks for telling me that. Now I know that you're so seriously FUCKED IN THE HEAD that any advice, opinion or information you share with me is completely suspect and likely flat out wrong."

[curlcoat]

Originally Posted by flatlined

Very lame rant, but I don't know if I'm engaged. Bill thinks we are because we both know that we will be married someday. When he asked me if I'd given any thought to the date (because the place he wants the reception is always booked out at least 6 months), I told him that we needed to get engaged before I started planning the wedding. Confusion happened for a few minutes, but we got over it.

The only time Bill's accent shows is when he's stressed or excited. I told him that he needed to go down on one knee and slip a ring over my finger to be engaged. He told me to make dinner reservations for next weekend and his cute Texan drawl came out when he asked if he needed to pack his tux.

So...am I engaged now that we have a date to get engaged. I'm so confused.

Congrats! There will be pictures of Bill down on one knee, right?

[Morgyn]

Congrats, flatlined.

Now the only question is, if Bill has to wear a tux, what are you going to wear to honor the occasion?

[ENugent]

Ow. I just fell down three stairs. My foot slipped over the first one, so I took most of my weight straight onto the tip of the toe. Then I fell forward and landed on my knees. My toe hurts like the blazes. I'm alone with the kids tonight, so I can't take it to urgent care unless I call a friend to come over and stay in the house. I haven't decided whether to do that yet.

It hurts.

[flatlined]

Originally Posted by SpazCat

Trust me, this is just the tip of the crazy iceberg with that guy.

Stands up chanting MORE, MORE, MORE!!! I don't like carbinated drinks, but if I had a roommate like that, I'd buy a case of Dr Pepper just to hear more crazy.

Originally Posted by Cheez_Whia

I think you're pre-engaged. Congratulations!

Originally Posted by curlcoat

Congrats! There will be pictures of Bill down on one knee, right?

Thanks for the congrats

And dang. More pressure. Now I have to find a photographer for pics. We are doing this backwards...I want to go to Vegas and do a drive-through with an Elvis impersonator. Bill's wife wanted a story book wedding, but they didn't have the money, so he wants the big foofy wedding now.

I've picked the date. 7/4/13. Lots of time to plan, and we will always have the day off to celebrate with fireworks.

Curlcat, do you have any advice as how I can trap a dog? I'm not good with dogs and the poor thing is too scared of me to get close. I tried driving next to him and opening the car door to give him a car ride, but he just ran away. He also won't get close when I'm offering food, but he comes to eat when I go back inside.

I'm pretty sure he was dumped because his coat was glossy and he looked well fed when I first saw him. Now he's getting skinny and his fur is ragged.

I want to get him off the street. There are coyotes, javalina and skunks here, and if he runs a mile down the road, he will be on the highway and likely end up as roadkill.

[flatlined]

Originally Posted by Morgyn

Congrats, flatlined.

Now the only question is, if Bill has to wear a tux, what are you going to wear to honor the occasion?

My little black dress and no panties (I'm not going to make him wear his tux. That would mean that I have to wear my corset and ballroom gown.)

Originally Posted by ENugent

Ow. I just fell down three stairs. My foot slipped over the first one, so I took most of my weight straight onto the tip of the toe. Then I fell forward and landed on my knees. My toe hurts like the blazes. I'm alone with the kids tonight, so I can't take it to urgent care unless I call a friend to come over and stay in the house. I haven't decided whether to do that yet.

It hurts.

OWIE!! My advice is that you get it looked at. I busted up my foot a while back and thought that it would get better because "there really isn't anything that can be done for a broken toe". I ended up having surgery and spent 2 months sitting on my butt with my foot elevated. Trust me on this, you really, REALLY don't want to go through that.

[Alice The Goon]

People that have to have the last word- I hate them. That is all.

[Inner Stickler]

By the way, I like the title of this minirants thread. I'm assuming it's whiskey they're decanting and the plan is to be completely sauced until May, a plan of which I heartily approve.

[Lynn Bodoni]

Originally Posted by ENugent

Ow. I just fell down three stairs. My foot slipped over the first one, so I took most of my weight straight onto the tip of the toe. Then I fell forward and landed on my knees. My toe hurts like the blazes. I'm alone with the kids tonight, so I can't take it to urgent care unless I call a friend to come over and stay in the house. I haven't decided whether to do that yet.

It hurts.

Go get it looked at. If it's bad, then it's gonna swell, and you'll get yelled at, and it will take much longer to heal. If it's not bad, then hey, it's not bad. But get it looked at.

[Cinnamon Imp]

Originally Posted by madrabbitwoman

I dont understand why I did what I did

What you did is not the issue. He should not have violated your trust. Is there anything we can do to help? The hospital will have records if you want to make a complaint against him.

I'd offer hugs, but I don't want to make you flinch

[Lacunae Matata]

Lovely. Just effing lovely. Family Easter picnic today. Eggs colored, foods ready to go, pretty little pink dresses laid out for the girls, diaper bag ready to go... and guess whose husband took both sets of keys to work? Happy Blankety-blanking Easter, y'all!

[SpazCat]

Originally Posted by flatlined

Stands up chanting MORE, MORE, MORE!!! I don't like carbinated drinks, but if I had a roommate like that, I'd buy a case of Dr Pepper just to hear more crazy.

There's a whole long story from the beginning of this year about what he did to my boyfriend that I don't want to get into right now. Maybe when said boyfriend and I get our own place in a couple of months I'll go into it, but if I did right now I'd have to go out in the living room and punch dude in the head eight or nine times.

[Sigmagirl]

flatlined: When my now-husband was calling some of his friends to tell him of our engagement, one of them was whining about how he and his girlfriend had been together for many years, but he didn't know if he wanted to get married. My husband asked if he loved her. "Yes."
"Are you interested in anybody else?" "No."
"Do you expect to find somebody you will like better who will be a better mate for you?" "No."

"Why don't you want to get married?" "Oh, I don't know. We've been looking at engagement rings and . . ."

My husband informed him that he was engaged and congratulated him. They were married a month before we were.

[Ludovic]

Originally Posted by SpazCat

One of my roommates got onto me for drinking a Dr. Pepper today because, according to him, "Pepsi products are made with aborted fetuses."

What the fuck?!?!?

All I wanted was an aborted fetus!

[digs]

Originally Posted by Alice The Goon

People that have to have the last word- I hate them. That is all.

Yeah, me too.


[duckin', runnin', chucklin']

[Cicero]

I just love being always right about the music on the car radio.

A 70's disco song came on and I said to my partner "Great- Gloria Gaynor!"

I was so smug until the DJ said "And that was a great track from Donna Summer".

[DianaG]

Originally Posted by Ludovic

All I wanted was an aborted fetus!

Wouldn't you like to be an aborted fetus too?

[Cat Whisperer]

Originally Posted by DianaG

Wouldn't you like to be an aborted fetus too?

Well, some days....

Conga-rats, Flatlined! (The rats seem particularly appropriate for you. )

[StarvingButStrong]

I was just making one of those No-Bake cheesecake pies. (Shh. I know they're nowhere as good as real cheesecake, but hubby lurvs them.) Dead simple, right? 8 oz. cream cheese, two cups milk, 1 box lemon instant pudding, graham cracker pie crust. Beat first three together, pour into the fourth, done.

So I'm pouring the mix into the crust and hubby asks me something. I turn my head to answer him, and by the time I look back the mix is overflowing the crust and all across the counter.

WHAT the hell????

Oooh. Those bastards at Keebler have downsized their crust! And not by changing the diameter. No, that would be too easy to spot.

They made the crust SHALLOWER. Now it holds approx. one cup less than it used to.

And do they warm us of this???

RIIIIGHT.

Manufacturers, PLEASE STOP DOING THIS!

If you have to raise the price, do it! What the hell are we supposed to do with all our recipes that call for 16 oz cans when all you can buy are 13.5 ounces??

[Cinnamon Imp]

Good news! My hoarder mother is taking small steps to clear junk out of her house!

By giving stuff to me and my sister. Yes, I know we should just bin it, or pass it to the charity shops, but.... we have our own hoarding issues. As well as the guilt trips we'd get if my mum realised what we've done with her precious carbon-encrusted ancient baking trays she was given by her mother.

[Chimera]

Twenty years ago I was working in the building I work in now, but I was on the 19th floor back then. There was a bomb threat called in on the IBM offices then on the 6th floor, and we had to walk down the stairs past that floor to evacuate the building. It took us 45 minutes to get down, because everyone was moving so slowly. As we're going down, all the door are open into the stairwell because air is being pulled into and up the stairwell so hard. I thought that if there really was a bomb, the smoke would be pulled into the stairwell and we'd all be killed.

So I'm telling this story at family Easter dinner today and my older sister decides that she needs to correct me because that wouldn't happen (she's a building inspector). I told her she didn't need to do that. She tells me she did because "you're talking out of your ass". I told her to knock it off. She stomps off and when she gets about 15 feet away, growls "do you really want to go there?" I snap back "YES".

Didn't speak to me the rest of the day, didn't say goodbye to me when we all left, probably won't speak to me for several months as per the usual pattern.

Sister: You do not get to insult and belittle me. You especially do not get to stomp off in anger and not speak to me for months at a time because I DARE to defend myself. Grow the fuck up already.

[ENugent]

Originally Posted by flatlined

OWIE!! My advice is that you get it looked at. I busted up my foot a while back and thought that it would get better because "there really isn't anything that can be done for a broken toe". I ended up having surgery and spent 2 months sitting on my butt with my foot elevated. Trust me on this, you really, REALLY don't want to go through that.

Originally Posted by Lynn Bodoni

Go get it looked at. If it's bad, then it's gonna swell, and you'll get yelled at, and it will take much longer to heal. If it's not bad, then hey, it's not bad. But get it looked at.

Well, I ignored both of your wise advice and didn't go get it looked at. It hurts today, but not with a stabbing hurt - more like a "you wrenched me and I don't like it" hurt. It is less spectacularly black and blue than I expected, although it does have a nice range of colors. I need to see if I can fit shoes on it, but I haven't worn any so far today. But I think it will heal up and I will be OK.

[madrabbitwoman]

Originally Posted by hermette

What you did is not the issue. He should not have violated your trust. Is there anything we can do to help? The hospital will have records if you want to make a complaint against him.

I'd offer hugs, but I don't want to make you flinch

Thank-you for yourkind thoughts. There is not much more than kind thoughts/prayers/vibes from you guys. I'm having some distressing physical symptoms at the moment

WARNING TMI

SPOILER:

I keep wetting myself

Tomorrow I will be putting in a report. I don't want to go through the whole legal nightmare of pressing charges and a report is compromise. It makes him and what he did known to police. It makes taking out a ago easier if neccessary and if I choose to make a statement (ie press charges) it can be used for that.

Only it scares the crap out of me. I feel so horrible a stupid and I dunno what else.

[Springtime for Spacers]

Originally Posted by Cheez_Whia

I think you're pre-engaged. Congratulations!

Do you realise what the word pre-engaged* looks like to someone skimming the thread to see where they finished last time?

Well, congratulations Flatlined. Dya think you should invite SG to the reception to make sure there's no left overs?


*pregnant

[Ferret Herder]

Originally Posted by madrabbitwoman

Tomorrow I will be putting in a report. I don't want to go through the whole legal nightmare of pressing charges and a report is compromise. It makes him and what he did known to police. It makes taking out a ago easier if neccessary and if I choose to make a statement (ie press charges) it can be used for that.

Only it scares the crap out of me. I feel so horrible a stupid and I dunno what else.

You are not stupid. He is a terrible excuse for a human being, a waste of perfectly good carbon atoms that could be making up dog shit or something useful like that. (Sorry, trying to be funny.) I am so sorry that you ran into this horrible man and that he brutalized you in such a fashion. Please, please, do whatever you can to take care of yourself - and be gentle on yourself. When I was sexually assaulted, I mentally beat myself up over what I did or didn't do.

But please believe me, that wouldn't have mattered if he hadn't been a sadistic asshole. A decent person would have listened to you and backed down.

I'll have you in my thoughts, and hope you can find physical and emotional healing.

[kaylasdad99]

Originally Posted by StarvingButStrong

I was just making one of those No-Bake cheesecake pies. (Shh. I know they're nowhere as good as real cheesecake, but hubby lurvs them.) Dead simple, right? 8 oz. cream cheese, two cups milk, 1 box lemon instant pudding, graham cracker pie crust. Beat first three together, pour into the fourth, done.

So I'm pouring the mix into the crust and hubby asks me something. I turn my head to answer him, and by the time I look back the mix is overflowing the crust and all across the counter.

WHAT the hell????

Oooh. Those bastards at Keebler have downsized their crust! And not by changing the diameter. No, that would be too easy to spot.

They made the crust SHALLOWER. Now it holds approx. one cup less than it used to.

And do they warm us of this???

RIIIIGHT.

Manufacturers, PLEASE STOP DOING THIS!

If you have to raise the price, do it! What the hell are we supposed to do with all our recipes that call for 16 oz cans when all you can buy are 13.5 ounces??

Looks like someone is ready to join my crusade against the three-pint half gallon of ice cream, the thirty-ounce quart of mayonnaise, and the twelve-ounce pound of bacon.

When I win the lottery, one of the things I've budgeted the jackpot for is a road trip to hunt down the people responsible for these abominations.

[StarvingButStrong]

Originally Posted by kaylasdad99

Looks like someone is ready to join my crusade against the three-pint half gallon of ice cream, the thirty-ounce quart of mayonnaise, and the twelve-ounce pound of bacon.

Absolutely! Spotted a new one this week: the 18 oz. jar of peanut butter is now 16.2 ounces. Same height and diameter, I think, but there's a big raised bulge in the bottom. Like they do with champagne bottles to strengthen them, but I've never heard of peanut butter exploding....

When I win the lottery, one of the things I've budgeted the jackpot for is a road trip to hunt down the people responsible for these abominations.

I call shotgun!

[DianaG]

When did I become an insomniac? I used to be an Olympic-caliber sleeper!

[curlcoat]

Originally Posted by flatlined

Curlcat, do you have any advice as how I can trap a dog? I'm not good with dogs and the poor thing is too scared of me to get close. I tried driving next to him and opening the car door to give him a car ride, but he just ran away. He also won't get close when I'm offering food, but he comes to eat when I go back inside.

I'm pretty sure he was dumped because his coat was glossy and he looked well fed when I first saw him. Now he's getting skinny and his fur is ragged.

I want to get him off the street. There are coyotes, javalina and skunks here, and if he runs a mile down the road, he will be on the highway and likely end up as roadkill.

Sent you an email.

[Cinnamon Imp]

Originally Posted by madrabbitwoman

Thank-you for yourkind thoughts. There is not much more than kind thoughts/prayers/vibes from you guys. I'm having some distressing physical symptoms at the moment

Ouch, but not surprising - could be cystitis, could be physical trauma to the area affecting your control, or could be a psychological response still lingering

Originally Posted by madrabbitwoman

Tomorrow I will be putting in a report. I don't want to go through the whole legal nightmare of pressing charges and a report is compromise. It makes him and what he did known to police. It makes taking out a ago easier if neccessary and if I choose to make a statement (ie press charges) it can be used for that.

Only it scares the crap out of me. I feel so horrible a stupid and I dunno what else.

No, that sounds sensible - you're taking care of you first and foremost, but leaving it open to take it further if you feel up to it later, or want closure.

You are not horrible or stupid or anything else. Do you have a friend you could stay with for a few days? Company is good.

[NinjaChick]

Hey, dumbfuck: I don't comment on what you do or don't eat, so how about you offer me the same courtesy and shut the fuck up before I knock your fucking teeth in?

[Tanaqui]

I pit the motherfucker who has been making bomb threats at Pitt for the last few weeks. They make tons of automated calls to us every time one happens or they figure out (yet again) that it's a false alarm. One of them woke me up when I was trying to nap.

I second that pitting and raise you a few points of invective. Since this was posted, the bomb threats have continued unabated, even accelerating. We can't go more than a few hours now without another bomb threat. I honestly feel like this is a form of terrorism.

Every time a threat is made, the buildings involved must be evacuated. On Saturday there was a bomb threat made in the building where I study. They decided to close the whole building down for the weekend. One of my friends is taking his comprehensive exams today and left some of his study materials in there--he was screwed.

There was a bomb threat last night at 3 AM too, called in on a bunch of dorms. All those kids get booted out in the middle of the night. Was one on a different set of dorms Saturday night. Most of the freshman have probably gone home by now (if possible) and I don't blame them. I'm both a TA and a grad student, and it is deeply frustrating. I TA for a 200 person class and we can't take the risk of a bomb threat disrupting our final exam, scheduled for 2 weeks from now, so we've had to change the format to a take home exam. And we're required to make accommodations for people unable to attend lecture, so we have no idea how many people are actually going to show up today. Of course, we still have to show up.

Last night was the last straw in terms of my frustration. A new security policy has been enacted on the Pitt campus--only one entrance per building, which will be policed, and no book bags or backpacks allowed! On a college campus! I understand the concern for safety must come first--but what am I supposed to DO on a college campus with no books or laptop?!

[SpazCat]

Originally Posted by StarvingButStrong

Absolutely! Spotted a new one this week: the 18 oz. jar of peanut butter is now 16.2 ounces. Same height and diameter, I think, but there's a big raised bulge in the bottom. Like they do with champagne bottles to strengthen them, but I've never heard of peanut butter exploding....

I always wondered why certain types of wine had that dent in the bottom of the bottle. Now I know. And knowledge is power!

[Anne Neville]

Originally Posted by Inner Stickler

By the way, I like the title of this minirants thread. I'm assuming it's whiskey they're decanting and the plan is to be completely sauced until May, a plan of which I heartily approve.

I pit fetal alcohol syndrome! I can't drink until after my baby is born (due in August). I really wish they'd been right back in the 50's when they said that alcohol a pregnant woman drinks can't affect the fetus. I know that's not right, but oh, how I wish it were.

Save some of the whiskey for me, OK?

[Projammer]

Originally Posted by The Vorlon

Spaz, tell your roomate to keep his arms up.




It makes it harder to throw the net over him.

And you know exactly what to get him for his birthday.

The 500' roll of aluminum foil from Sam's so he'll have a lifetime supply of hats.

[Projammer]

Originally Posted by Alice The Goon

People that have to have the last word- I hate them. That is all.

Why is that?