Ever get in an argument because you correct people?

[grude]

So I was talking to a pharmacist who noticed I had a US credit card, she was chit chatting and said oh you must be doing what my husband is doing which is going back to the US all the time so you don't lose your citizenship.

WHUT?

She said her husband was from the US and I told her you can't lose your US citizenship just by being outside the US, she insisted you can. I insisted you can't, made me wish I had a smartphone to show her the US state department website.

I hate when this happens in chit chatting because I cannot let such obvious bullshit stand!

[living_in_hell]

I think it takes an awful lot of effort to jump all over people. I find that even when I know I'm right about something, doesn't mean I need to point it out...especially in a judgemental and condescending way. So I just come here and let strangers remind me how it feels to be around such angry and miserable perfectionists who get their rocks off pouncing on others.

[Ambivalid]

Originally Posted by living_in_hell

I think it takes an awful lot of effort to jump all over people. I find that even when I know I'm right about something, doesn't mean I need to point it out...especially in a judgemental and condescending way. So I just come here and let strangers remind me how it feels to be around such angry and miserable perfectionists who get their rocks off pouncing on others.

Surely the DSM mentions "projection" somewhere, no?

[living_in_hell]

It's ok. It's been established I'm not an expert on anything. So I am exempt. :grin:

[Ambivalid]

Originally Posted by grude

I hate when this happens in chit chatting because I cannot let such obvious bullshit stand!

You must learn to let it stand. It's the only way to ensure your continued sanity and successful life amongst dolts. After all, it's just 'chit-chat'. All that is really required is rhythmic nodding of the head and timely "uh-huh"s and "oh yeah?"s and maybe a "damn" here or there.

[Cat Whisperer]

One of my favourite go-to phrases; "Oh, really? I've never heard that before." You don't have to tell them the reason you've never heard it before is because they're completely full of shit.

[living_in_hell]

Why not just have a civil discourse that doesn't involve name calling, judging, or whatever...or even better, why get into it with someone who has no impact on your life in the first place?

Oh and btw ambivalence: I re-read your thread, and I don't think I spoke in a disrespectful manner anywhere in there so if you're saying I was projecting, I beg to differ.

[Cat Whisperer]

Originally Posted by Cat Whisperer

One of my favourite go-to phrases; "Oh, really? I've never heard that before." You don't have to tell them the reason you've never heard it before is because they're completely full of shit.

I should add, I say that in a curious, respectful way, not a disbelieving way.

[monstro]

No, not on a regular basis. Usually don't care enough to go into argument mode. I'll let the person know that I'm not sure they're right, and if they insist differently, I'll shrug it off. At least, I try to. I slip up when it comes to my sister.

Last night is a perfect example. My boss and I had just arrived in Portland and we were checking into the hotel. My boss told the receptionist that we were frazzled because it was 2:00 AM "our" time. The young woman said something like, "I'm pretty sure you mean 3:00 AM." My boss disagreed. I chimed in and said that she was right (doesn't everyone know that the east and west coasts are separated by three hours?!) My boss disagreed again. Apart from the fact that I was not about to get into an argument with my boss, I just couldn't muster up enough energy to keep going. I knew I was right and I also knew it was just a matter of time before he'd realize it, so why make a fuss?

I also don't have to worry about being embarrassed on the rare occasion when I'm wrong.

[Pyper]

This has happened to me...frequently. I'm not saying it's a good thing, and I'm trying to work on just keeping my damn mouth shut when someone says something idiotic.

One time I actually caused the indirect breakup of my friend and his girlfriend because I couldn't let her assertion that men have one less rib bone than women stand. We were at a party when she and I got into a somewhat heated argument about it until I finally directed her to the internet. She never admitted she was wrong but pouted for the rest of the night. My friend later confessed to me that this was the initiating event in him realizing that she was not the girl for him.

[Dave Hartwick]

I once walked all the way home and back to the bar, reference book in tow, to prove somebody wrong. Al Green did that song, dammit. There wasn't even a bet involved. I guess I was bored.

[Craz3d117]

I've learned pretty quickly that for most people, if they aren't in school, they don't want to learn anything. I know this forum is about fighting ignorance, but outside this forum there really isn't much you can do to change someone's mind. You can change yourself, but you can't change other people. It can be very frustrating, but I try not to openly correct someone who isn't my direct friend, unless it's a matter that effects me of course.

[sandra_nz]

This was a character trait that my now-husband had when we first got together. It made a lot more sense once I met his parents and saw that the family dynamic was to be constantly correcting each other. It's a behaviour he sometimes slips back into when he's stressed out, but he snaps out of it pretty quick once I point it out to him.

[drewtwo99]

I normally let it go when people say absurdly wrong things, but if I know them well enough and care enough to correct their misunderstandings, I'll speak up. It rarely leads to an argument or disagreement, but the last time it did was with a guy who insisted that you could improve your odds of winning the lottery by looking at past drawings and doing statistics with the numbers that had come up and those that hadn't, etc. Of course, he couldn't go into the details of how that would work, and he kept going on and on about it... *sigh*

[John Mace]

I often find myself in situations where people are telling me I "should" do this or that. I absolutely hate having people tell me what I should do, and that would often prompt an argument. Now, I just say "yeah, you're probably right!" in a slightly sarcastic tone of voice and that usually disarms them enough that they let it drop.

[overlyverbose]

Why are you getting into the argument in the first place? Is it really a productive argument or is it something you're doing to make yourself feel better?

If it's the latter, keep your mouth shut - nothing will come of it. If it's the former, sure go ahead, but only if you feel someone is receptive to your information. Depending upon your delivery, if the other person just feels like they're engaging in everyday chit chat, you're tossing a bucket of ice water onto what might otherwise be just banal conversation. If you find you just can't deal with the perceived inaccuracy, go with Cat Whisperer's advice and move on.

[PandaBear77]

You have waaay more energy than I do, OP. You gotta learn to smile and nod

[gallows fodder]

The biggest argument I've ever had with my best friend of 20 years was over how many tollbooths there were on I-95 between Washington, DC and Wilmington, DE. She said there were 4, but there are only 3. For the record, I hardly ever get into arguments with her because she cannot stand to be corrected, and for some reason, I felt like this issue was the one issue I MUST PRESS.

There are three tollbooths! One before the tunnel in Baltimore, one over the Susquehanna River (only on the way north), and one right outside of Wilmington. She insisted there was a fourth but couldn't remember where it was. That's because it doesn't exist, genius!

[elbows]

Life's too short to fight every battle, as you get older this will become clearer.

For when you really can't resist, the phrasing, you're looking for, goes like this;

"I know you believe that, and I could be wrong, of course, but I'm pretty darn certain, yada, yada, yada. I think you need to check it out!"

There, now you did your part, imparting your wisdom, the ball's in their court, and no one's been offended.

[even sven]

Could she be talking about a green card? I believe there are a lot of rules about overseas travel for green card holders, and its important for them to maintain a US presence.

Unless something is actually at stake, I don't think it makes any sense to correct people over trivial stuff in casual conversation. Doing that is really about stoking your own ego, at the expense of theirs, which is pretty screwed up. It doesn't even usually turn out fun for you, as it tends to turn a previously pleasant conversation south. So why do it?

Just say "Interesting. I've never head that. I'll have to look it up when I get home" and move on.

[hogarth]

Originally Posted by Cat Whisperer

One of my favourite go-to phrases; "Oh, really? I've never heard that before." You don't have to tell them the reason you've never heard it before is because they're completely full of shit.

I have been known to say: "Thank you for your input."

[purplehorseshoe]

Originally Posted by grude

... I hate when this happens in chit chatting because I cannot let such obvious bullshit stand!

That sounds exhausing. Do you also pull over every bad driver and give them a lecture on using their turn signals/checking their blind spot/not running a stop sign/etc.?

[Hermitian]

Sometimes people are even wrong on the Internet. Personally, I find these even harder to pass up.

[TokyoBayer]

Originally Posted by grude

I hate when this happens in chit chatting because I cannot let such obvious bullshit stand!

Why stop at people in real life? The greatest challenges lie ahead.

Originally Posted by even sven

Could she be talking about a green card? I believe there are a lot of rules about overseas travel for green card holders, and its important for them to maintain a US presence.

Her husband is "from the US." Can't see how to get from there to a green card unless she is completely confused, and if so, arguing isn't going to help.

[living_in_hell]

Originally Posted by elbows

Life's too short to fight every battle, as you get older this will become clearer.

For when you really can't resist, the phrasing, you're looking for, goes like this;

"I know you believe that, and I could be wrong, of course, but I'm pretty darn certain, yada, yada, yada. I think you need to check it out!"

There, now you did your part, imparting your wisdom, the ball's in their court, and no one's been offended.

Brilliant--I am stealing this! (do I need to give you a footnote?) :

[Qadgop the Mercotan]

At this stage of my life, they usually need to pay me to get me into these sorts of arguments.

Fortunately, they often do.

"They cured your hepatitis C by giving you a series of 3 shots? No, sorry, I'm afraid they didn't. The tests show you still have it. What they gave you was a series of shots to keep you from getting Hepatitis B on top of the hepatitis C you still do have. No really, here's your current viral load and everything. No? You think you're cured? That may not be a helpful belief for you in the long run, but okay, you can go now. We'll talk again in 4 to 6 months."

[Barrett Bonden]

One of my favorite literary quotes:

Originally Posted by Jane Austen

Elinor agreed to it all, for she did not think he deserved the compliment of rational opposition.

[even sven]

Originally Posted by TokyoPlayer

Her husband is "from the US." Can't see how to get from there to a green card unless she is completely confused, and if so, arguing isn't going to help.

Maybe he's "from the US" in the sense that he grew up there as an illegal immigrant, and applied for permanent residency as an adult. I know quite a few people who have done that, and I don't know all of the rules, but it can make it very complicated to go back to the home country to visit relatives and the like. If he is a permenent resident applying for citizenship, he needs to be present in the US 30 out of 60 months prior to applying for citizenship, hence the frequent trips back.

Or maybe he is a US citizen who grew up in the US, but moved wherever as a teen. Now he needs 3 years of "US residency" after age 14 in order for his kids to automatically be citizens.

Or maybe (and this is probably pretty likely) he has to go back to the US periodically to renew his visa to wherever he is. It's often easier to apply for a new visa/visa extension from outside the country than from within. She's misinterpreting that as "keeping his citizenship" when he really means "keeping his residency in country X".

People don't usually say random wrong stuff for no reason, but people often don't communicate what they are trying to say very well. In most cases it's probably not worth trying to puzzle out what they were trying to say, but it's also not helpful to completely sjit them down.

[Manda JO]

I normally do not, but I have to admit I sometimes can't help myself when the person making the mistake is a bombastic blowhard. What I really, really enjoy more than I should is asking a blowhard like that questions that push them into a corner. This only works when someone is a very predictable kind of stupid: the loudmouth who is used to being the smartest person he knows because he carefully surrounds himself with idiots. I can't stand that guy, and will gleefully hoist him on his own petard whenever possible. This is a flaw on my part.

[Number]

Originally Posted by Craz3d117

It can be very frustrating, but I try not to openly correct someone who isn't my direct friend, unless it's a matter that effects me of course.

Affects. Now, shall we argue?

[control-z]

I got sent the the principal's office for correcting the computer teacher one too many times.

Generally if I'm correcting people I try to be diplomatic, preface the correction with "I think..." or "I'm pretty sure...", or even "That's what I thought too, but..."

[Springtime for Spacers]

Originally Posted by even sven

Maybe he's "from the US" in the sense that he grew up there as an illegal immigrant, and applied for permanent residency as an adult. I know quite a few people who have done that, and I don't know all of the rules, but it can make it very complicated to go back to the home country to visit relatives and the like. If he is a permenent resident applying for citizenship, he needs to be present in the US 30 out of 60 months prior to applying for citizenship, hence the frequent trips back.

Or maybe he is a US citizen who grew up in the US, but moved wherever as a teen. Now he needs 3 years of "US residency" after age 14 in order for his kids to automatically be citizens.

Or maybe (and this is probably pretty likely) he has to go back to the US periodically to renew his visa to wherever he is. It's often easier to apply for a new visa/visa extension from outside the country than from within. She's misinterpreting that as "keeping his citizenship" when he really means "keeping his residency in country X".

People don't usually say random wrong stuff for no reason, but people often don't communicate what they are trying to say very well. In most cases it's probably not worth trying to puzzle out what they were trying to say, but it's also not helpful to completely sjit them down.

All good explanations but I also like: Or maybe he's been lying to his wife about the reason for his trips.

[shiftless]

Originally Posted by Springtime for Spacers

All good explanations but I also like: Or maybe he's been lying to his wife about the reason for his trips.

And Grude has screwed it up for him. Now the wife is going to start asking questions.

I avoid correcting people for that reason. I don't know if I fully understand the context and don't want to stick my nose into such a mess. Plus, I hate correcting people then finding out I was wrong. That sucks.

[Cat Whisperer]

Originally Posted by gallows fodder

The biggest argument I've ever had with my best friend of 20 years was over how many tollbooths there were on I-95 between Washington, DC and Wilmington, DE. She said there were 4, but there are only 3. For the record, I hardly ever get into arguments with her because she cannot stand to be corrected, and for some reason, I felt like this issue was the one issue I MUST PRESS.

There are three tollbooths! One before the tunnel in Baltimore, one over the Susquehanna River (only on the way north), and one right outside of Wilmington. She insisted there was a fourth but couldn't remember where it was. That's because it doesn't exist, genius!

THERE. ARE. FOUR. TOLLBOOTHS!


(Yeah, I spent the weekend at a comic books expo. )

[Craz3d117]

Originally Posted by Number

Affects. Now, shall we argue?

Haha, no need, you are completely correct.

[Jragon]

Any time I correct my mom on anything there's an argument (unless it's related to my field or she's asking for my help), granted the times I do correct her are rare. Unfortunately, this also applies when I'm caught off guard and DON'T correct her.

For instance, my mom pronounces "foliage" as "foilage" which sounds like a term for gratuitous overuse of tinfoil. We got into a conversation about the mountains around here and she said the word "foilage" at some point. I didn't know what she was talking about and went "... oh, foliage?" And then I got a 5 minute lecture on how I always have to be right. *le sigh*

[Shakes]

Because of THIS place, I argued in length, to a bar full of patrons, that the water in he toilet bowl does NOT spin counter clock wise just because we happen to be in the northern hemisphere.

I fought like a valiant soldier to fight this ignorance to no avail.

What was even more frustrating is that I explained to them the science why it doesn't work that way.

Their only axiom was: "I've always been told that since I was a kid. So it must be true."

[garygnu]

I try to approach situations like that with the assumption that I may be wrong. Probably not, but it comes off much less confrontational when phrased like that. Most of the time I let it slide due to general apathy.

[DearestDane]

I have been flamed on Youtube for pointing to the indisputable fact, that some Scandinavian names had been misspelled. I didn't answer the insults thrown at me, though, so it might be said that I didn't really get into any arguments.

[tdn]

Last summer I had to stop myself. I was on vacation with a friend, and we had this conversation:

Her: Do you know why the sky is blue?

Me: Yeah, it has something to do with how the light scatters.

Her: No, it's because the sky reflects the ocean and the ocean reflects the sky.

I was about to argue with her, and then wondered if being right was worth ruining a vacation. And she was so proud of herself for knowing that bit of "science" that correcting her would have been akin to calling her a moron.

Me: Really? That's cool. Hey, how about those lobsters last night?

[Incubus]

I used to argue with my wife about her choice of words. I try to be very specific with what I want, but she says something vague and expects the other person to fill in the blanks. There are several words she seems to be loathe to using- right/left (simply points ambiguously), outlet, faucet, on/off, etc. It got frustrating for me, because she'd say something like "The .... Speaker isnt open, check the plug in hole" and i'll ask for clarification, asking, "Did you mean the right speaker is off because its unplugged?" Which gets her really mad because she thinks I'm being condescending. I've since tried to ignore it because she gets so pissed off when I try to correct her.

[glee]

Originally Posted by Qadgop the Mercotan

At this stage of my life, they usually need to pay me to get me into these sorts of arguments.

Hear! hear!

I have a mild form of Aspberger's Syndrome and one of the effects is that I feel strongly I should 'correct' things.
This varies from adjusting ornaments to correcting people.

I have learnt from experience that most people don't like to be corrected and will not be happy even if you prove they are wrong.
So now I think carefully before speaking...

[tdn]

Originally Posted by glee

I have learnt from experience that most people don't like to be corrected and will not be happy even if you prove they are wrong.
So now I think carefully before speaking...

Even? Especially if you prove they are wrong!

[overlyverbose]

Originally Posted by Incubus

I used to argue with my wife about her choice of words. I try to be very specific with what I want, but she says something vague and expects the other person to fill in the blanks. There are several words she seems to be loathe to using- right/left (simply points ambiguously), outlet, faucet, on/off, etc. It got frustrating for me, because she'd say something like "The .... Speaker isnt open, check the plug in hole" and i'll ask for clarification, asking, "Did you mean the right speaker is off because its unplugged?" Which gets her really mad because she thinks I'm being condescending. I've since tried to ignore it because she gets so pissed off when I try to correct her.

My husband and I argue about my choice of words, too. Though in our situation it's because we use language differently. He is extremely precise in his communication, sometimes so much so that it creates a barrier. Having someone say, "No, that's not it at all," when you're paraphrasing what they said to you is annoying as hell. Especially when I've got the important bits right, but the words I use to understand his point are just a nuance away from his. I'm sure it drives him equally batty with me.

[madmonk28]

Originally Posted by grude

...She said her husband was from the US and I told her you can't lose your US citizenship just by being outside the US, she insisted you can. I insisted you can't, made me wish I had a smartphone to show her the US state department website....

According to Miss Manners, the proper response should have been, "your husband is cheating on you, he told you that he has to go back to the US periodically so that he can carry on his affair. DUH!"

Or he is a US Green Card holder, not a citizen, so he is required to return every 6 months. Potato, potahto.