How to deal with being weak & loser?

[gvozd]

I have always sought a way to empower myself, emotionally, mentally, physically. I have tried to get knowledge, with the fear of being ignorant. But I have realized they all require THE ABILITY to get them. I lack of it, lack the ability. It does not matter how hard I tried to be a socially adept person. Or it does not matter how hard I tried to be physically powerful. I have had weak genes. They hold me back. I have been virgin and single because I am physically unattractive and socially awkward. Moreover I tried to get a good college degree. But it also required the ability to be good at math and physic. I ended up being a literature teacher, which everyone mocks because it is easy to get that degree. And you absolutely get no respect from other teachers or students. It hurts so much when you first understand it but as time goes by you feel it gradually less.

People say "Move your arse and work out to become a more powerful person in every respect." Yes it is true but they don't mention that you can become powerful as much as your genes let you.

I have been told the most important thing is "accept yourself as you are". But you feel sadness every time you see someone who is stronger than you. Or the other possibility is I have not managed to "accept myself as I am"

I think there are some individuals who feel like me. Don't respond this thread ONLY for the sake of me. When you give an advice, you'll have been of great assistance for them as well.

Excuse me for having poor English.

[Mr. Excellent]

Dude. Seriously, if you just stop *telling* perfect strangers you're a loser, you'll do wonders for yourself. You'd be amazed how easy it is to come off as normal, even confident and attractive, if you just think of yourself that way, or fake thinking that way.

I mean, heck - I just took a woman I didn't know out for dinner. Had a great time, and so did she. Now, I'm not particularly good-looking, I'm certainly not athletic, and I've always considered myself kind of socially awkward - but I'd bet you good money that the woman I went out with didn't think of me as a loser at all. *She* saw a nice, well-dressed young professional willing to try new things (with new people) for the fun of it, with a sense of humor and decent taste in wine.

If I can pull that off, so can you. Get some decent clothes, read some books (anything! just have something to talk about!), go out and have adventures. Take some motorcycle lessons, try an open-mic comedy night, go to a beer festival - it doesn't matter what you do, just go do something other than sit in your apartment feeling sorry for yourself!

As to your weak genes - to borrow from William Golding, sucks to your weak genes! Unless you're actually developmentally disabled, you've all the genetic resources you require to be other than a sad sack.

[Omar Little]

Sounds like you are the classic victim. Poor you and your weak genes. Give me a break. Until you get over being a victim and take responsibility for yourself, you will continue to be in your current position.

[robardin]

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[Omar Little]

Originally Posted by robardin

You could try wearing something from this website.... I'd recommend a David Wright NY Mets "road" jersey in gray.

Nothing says confidence like a cheap MLB jersey!

[gvozd]

Originally Posted by Omar Little

Sounds like you are the classic victim. Poor you and your weak genes. Give me a break. Until you get over being a victim and take responsibility for yourself, you will continue to be in your current position.

I guess you mean the problem lies therein, inside me. But If you look at things logically, some people should have low self-esteem as they have little worth or value. The only way to change that is to do or be something of worth or value. Then it all just comes down to perception of one's self and what worth or value really means. You need to change how "value" means to you. You might manage to change it but other people impose their values on you, and then you are back to self-esteem again. Like a vicious circle.

[snowthx]

Originally Posted by gvozd

I guess you mean the problem lies therein, inside me. But If you look at things logically, some people should have low self-esteem as they have little worth or value. The only way to change that is to do or be something of worth or value. Then it all just comes down to perception of one's self and what worth or value really means. You need to change how "value" means to you. You might manage to change it but other people impose their values on you, and then you are back to self-esteem again. Like a vicious circle.

Why do you care what other people think? Stop letting others manipulate your value. They are only imposing things on you because you let them. You will find you are much stronger than you think once you liberate yourself from the constructs of others.

[florez]

Originally Posted by Mr. Excellent

Dude. Seriously, if you just stop *telling* perfect strangers you're a loser, you'll do wonders for yourself. You'd be amazed how easy it is to come off as normal, even confident and attractive, if you just think of yourself that way, or fake thinking that way.

Like He tells you, just fake it until you make it; and look into the Dunning-Kruger effect, maybe you are underestimating yourself, or it could be you are suffering from depression, and need meds.

[gallows fodder]

Originally Posted by gvozd

People say "Move your arse and work out to become a more powerful person in every respect." Yes it is true but they don't mention that you can become powerful as much as your genes let you.

Let me just address this, because your whole post screams of learned helplessness.

Your genes might prevent you from being an Olympic class bodybuilder, it's true. Your genes will not prevent you from being in the best shape that you personally can be. If you exercise at all, you will improve what you already have.

If you feel like you are absolutely the weakest weakling in the world, than any improvement is a big improvement, right? Forget about what everyone else can do and focus only on yourself, competing only with yourself. Say, today you can only lift 10 kilos. Work to lift 15. That's an improvement you can measure -- you will feel better about yourself when you see that improvement. Then keep going.

Don't take the attitude that if you can't be the absolute best compared to everyone else in the world, there's no use in trying. Work to be better than what you already are -- that is always within your ability.

Exercising more is a good place to start. What are you able to do right now? Think of that, and then think of ways to improve it.


Also, your comment about your English means that English is not your first language, correct? Well, you write like a native speaker -- I wouldn't have thought you weren't one if you hadn't mentioned it. That's something to be proud of!

[Lust4Life]

Theres no such thing as weak genes, nice little alibi for doing nothing.

Are you sure you don't actually enjoy feeling sorry for yourself ?

For a start stop telling people how bad it is for you, you might not enjoy it so much then if nobody else knows.

Set yourself a programme with an achievable target, and then carry it out in "do"able segments.

Stop making excuses, stop feeling sorry for yourself and stop whining.

[tdn]

Originally Posted by snowthx

Why do you care what other people think? Stop letting others manipulate your value. They are only imposing things on you because you let them. You will find you are much stronger than you think once you liberate yourself from the constructs of others.

Well said.

I've said it before that the truest path to self-esteem is not through external things, like learning a skill. But that can be a good start!

Here's an exercise that you might find useful. Think about the most amazing person you can imagine. The perfect person, if you will. Think about how you'd treat that person. How much respect would you give them? How much would you honor them? How much would you love them? Make a commitment to treat yourself that way. Even during times when you're not really feeling it, you can still commit to it, right?

[Omar Little]

Originally Posted by gvozd

I guess you mean the problem lies therein, inside me. But If you look at things logically, some people should have low self-esteem as they have little worth or value. The only way to change that is to do or be something of worth or value. Then it all just comes down to perception of one's self and what worth or value really means. You need to change how "value" means to you. You might manage to change it but other people impose their values on you, and then you are back to self-esteem again. Like a vicious circle.

Right there...the bolded and underlined part....you go being a victim again. That's the part you have to stop.

[twickster]

Since you're looking for advice, I'll move this from MPSIMS to our advice-giving forum, IMHO.

[filmore]

Take a look at this book No More Mr. Nice Guy

[Fear Itself]

Originally Posted by Omar Little

Sounds like you are the classic victim. Poor you and your weak genes. Give me a break. Until you get over being a victim and take responsibility for yourself, you will continue to be in your current position.

John Prine said it better, and his rhymed.

[Trinopus]

Originally Posted by gvozd

I guess you mean the problem lies therein, inside me. But If you look at things logically, some people should have low self-esteem as they have little worth or value. The only way to change that is to do or be something of worth or value. Then it all just comes down to perception of one's self and what worth or value really means. You need to change how "value" means to you. You might manage to change it but other people impose their values on you, and then you are back to self-esteem again. Like a vicious circle.

Even worse, there are syndromes like mental depression, which make it just that much harder to work to obtain a better quality of life.

It might help to take a relative view. "I wept because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet." Stephen Hawking keeps up under a burden far worse than anyone's here.

It might help to take an incrementalist view. What can I do to make today better than yesterday, even if only by the tiniest amount. Pick up one piece of trash. Write one letter. Re-organize your sock drawer. Read one chapter of a good book. You don't have to solve all your problems; just take a few small steps forward.

The alcoholic lives one day at a time, and knows there will be days of backsliding. The dieter loses a little weight on a good day...and also is subject to backsliding.

There are vicious circles involved. You might not be able to break them all in one day. But in one day, you can make one of them a little less vicious.

Don't try to be perfect. Just try to be a little good.

[heathen earthling]

Originally Posted by gallows fodder

Your genes might prevent you from being an Olympic class bodybuilder, it's true. Your genes will not prevent you from being in the best shape that you personally can be. If you exercise at all, you will improve what you already have.

If you feel like you are absolutely the weakest weakling in the world, than any improvement is a big improvement, right? Forget about what everyone else can do and focus only on yourself, competing only with yourself. Say, today you can only lift 10 kilos. Work to lift 15. That's an improvement you can measure -- you will feel better about yourself when you see that improvement. Then keep going.

I've sometimes wondered whether physical fitness is a thing I should bother attempting, and I'm curious if there is a "multiplying by zero" problem for some people. What if what you already have is literally nothing? Obviously not so much with weightlifting, since you could start with 10 grams if you really had to, but more discrete units of exercise like chin-ups, push-ups, etc. I've never been able to figure out how do even one push-up, and that seems like a much bigger obstacle than going from 10 to 15.

[monstro]

This will sound dumb, but it may be worth a try.

List all the ways that you are NOT weak and loser-ish. Is your health good? Are you a good-looking person? Do people say you're kind? Do you have animals that tolerate you enough not to attack you? Do you have someone--including family members--who you could call if you ever found yourself in a bind? Do you own a car? A computer? Have a comfortable place? Do you have an interesting hobby or competency (like cooking)? Do you have friends? Do you ever get invited places? Do your students like you?

Think about all the people who don't have these things and imagine how they must feel.

You have to redefine "loser" so that it doesn't include you. And stop thinking about how other people see you. Most times, other people aren't even thinking about you, and when they are, they aren't thinking about you in a bad way. But even if they were, so what? Opinions are a dime a dozen.

I would also stop with the bad genes kvetching, especially in front of other people. Some people don't have to imagine what kind of crappy genes they have. They had a genetic test done and know exactly what horror they are carrying around. Go talk to someone with Huntington's Disease, for instance, and tell them all about your "weak" genes. I'm sure you'll find oodles of sympathy there. If you must degrade yourself, pick on something that is controllable--like personality traits. Everyone has personality traits that are less than desirable. But only a few of us have genes that are so screwed up that they are worth complaining about it.

[cynyc]

You sound as though you could benefit from group therapy. Find the most reputable training institute in your locale and go for it. You'll get a reality check on how others view you and will no doubt be of help to others.

I'm done with you.

Next?

Originally Posted by heathen earthling

I've sometimes wondered whether physical fitness is a thing I should bother attempting, and I'm curious if there is a "multiplying by zero" problem for some people. What if what you already have is literally nothing? Obviously not so much with weightlifting, since you could start with 10 grams if you really had to, but more discrete units of exercise like chin-ups, push-ups, etc. I've never been able to figure out how do even one push-up, and that seems like a much bigger obstacle than going from 10 to 15.

[monstro]

Originally Posted by heathen earthling

I've sometimes wondered whether physical fitness is a thing I should bother attempting, and I'm curious if there is a "multiplying by zero" problem for some people. What if what you already have is literally nothing? Obviously not so much with weightlifting, since you could start with 10 grams if you really had to, but more discrete units of exercise like chin-ups, push-ups, etc. I've never been able to figure out how do even one push-up, and that seems like a much bigger obstacle than going from 10 to 15.

You're keying in something lots of people can't do instead of something 1000 x times easier to do, like walking. Go with something that's within your abilities and then work your way up to the challenge. Picking something you don't even know how to do sounds like a recipe for failure.

[Rigamarole]

Become strong & winner.

[filmore]

Originally Posted by heathen earthling

I've sometimes wondered whether physical fitness is a thing I should bother attempting, and I'm curious if there is a "multiplying by zero" problem for some people. What if what you already have is literally nothing? Obviously not so much with weightlifting, since you could start with 10 grams if you really had to, but more discrete units of exercise like chin-ups, push-ups, etc. I've never been able to figure out how do even one push-up, and that seems like a much bigger obstacle than going from 10 to 15.

Anyone can get stronger and more fit. Some people may naturally have more muscle or be able to build it up easier, but anyone can get stronger. If you're not sure where to start, get with a personal trainer. A personal trainer will work with you on whatever goals you have. He'll know how to take you from where you are to where you want to go. Most gyms have personal trainers on staff or you can find independent ones who work on their own. If you really are lost about fitness matters, I strongly recommend something where you have personal supervision so you get a clear plan on what to do.

[gallows fodder]

If you can't even do one repetition of an exercise, you work up to it.

Here is one article about how to eventually do pullups when right now you can't even do one.

So, you don't start with the exercise you can't do. You start with the exercises you can do and build from there.

[Shodan]

Originally Posted by gallows fodder

If you can't even do one repetition of an exercise, you work up to it.

Here is one article about how to eventually do pullups when right now you can't even do one.

So, you don't start with the exercise you can't do. You start with the exercises you can do and build from there.

Correct. Likewise with pushups - you start by standing up, and leaning against a wall and doing pushups in that position. When you can do ten or fifteen there, you move your hands down the wall, make it more challenging, and work to do fifteen there. Eventually, you do them on the floor off your knees. Then with just your hands and feet on the floor.

But physical exercise is excellent therapy for all kinds of depression/whatever. Because you are demonstrating to yourself that you are setting and achieving short-term goals towards improvement. The endorphins exercise releases help too.

You look better, feel better, sleep better, stand up straighter, and move more powerfully and confidently. It doesn't take much - twenty minutes a day.

Do that, and stop putting yourself down.

Regards,
Shodan

[snowthx]

Originally Posted by gallows fodder

If you can't even do one repetition of an exercise, you work up to it.

Here is one article about how to eventually do pullups when right now you can't even do one.

So, you don't start with the exercise you can't do. You start with the exercises you can do and build from there.

Agree. I would take this further and suggest you start with something that you don't even consider "exercise". If you can walk, start with going around the block. The next day, add another block. If that is too easy, walk a half mile, then gradually work your way up to a mile, and add from there. Just be comitted, and be consistent, and you will start feeling like you can take on other types of workouts. As the saying goes - The journey of 1,000 miles starts with one step.

[tdn]

Originally Posted by Shodan

Correct. Likewise with pushups - you start by standing up, and leaning against a wall and doing pushups in that position. When you can do ten or fifteen there, you move your hands down the wall, make it more challenging, and work to do fifteen there. Eventually, you do them on the floor off your knees. Then with just your hands and feet on the floor.

I like this, but part of it doesn't make sense to me. It seems that if you get down far enough on the wall, you'd just fall on your face. How far down can you safely go?

[ecoaster]

1. Go to a therapist.

Many people have an aversion to seeing therapists. Why? They've had a bad experience or think that talking won't solve anything. Here's the thing- a good therapist is a good relationship. That person gets to know you (and vice-versa) and help you make connections you can't see. They can also hold you accountable and check in on the steps you are taking to address issues in your life. Just go. If you don't like the person after a few visits, go to someone else. Someone who understands you and will listen to you is a wonderful thing. Some therapists are more like life coaches, this may be more up your alley.

2. Become very good at something you enjoy.

Yes, easier said than done. But doing something you enjoy will take your mind off of all of your insecurities. It will make you feel good about yourself and how you spend your time. If you are creating something (building a table, writing a song) you will.


3. Exercise. Start with something small (walk 45 minutes a day) and build up. You aren't going to maintain anything unless it is something you enjoy and can build into your day. If you hate the gym, no problem. Just get out of your house and go.


4. Socialize with the right people. Again, easier said than done. You have kindred spirits out there-you just have to find them. People who are good friends will like you for YOU. Of course you have likeable and uniquely wonderful things about you, although maybe you feel like people can't see or appreciate these things. All relationships take work and can be awkward. If possible, do activities or hobbies with others who have a common interest. Use the computer to facilitate activities/meetings but don't use it as the primary way of actually socializing.


Forget the nonsense about becoming a "powerful person". You can only address your life in small ways and make habits of these small changes and you will feel differently. You will not conquer all of your insecurities. You won't wake up at the top of the world every morning. The point is to work towards feeling better, improving slowly and feeling a sense of accomplishment and self-worth. You will become better at accepting yourself IF you make actual changes in your life. But start small. And repeat.

[ecoaster]

Originally Posted by ecoaster

If you are creating something (building a table, writing a song) you will.

....feel a sense of accomplish and pride, especially if it is something you can share with others.



If you want more of an immediate "experience" and have the time/money/energy to travel, go walk El Camino de Santiago. You will accomplish something very physical and the larger communal atmosphere of walking with other pilgrims (both religious and completely secular) is life-changing for many.

[Anaamika]

We all fake it until we make it.

[Shodan]

Originally Posted by tdn

I like this, but part of it doesn't make sense to me. It seems that if you get down far enough on the wall, you'd just fall on your face. How far down can you safely go?

Far enough down that you don't fall on your face. Then you switch to doing them off your knees as I mentioned.

Regards,
Shodan

[tdn]

Originally Posted by Shodan

Far enough down that you don't fall on your face.

I'm just trying to figure out how far down that might be. 45 degrees seems like it might be the limit.

[Mr. Excellent]

Originally Posted by tdn

I'm just trying to figure out how far down that might be. 45 degrees seems like it might be the limit.

Well, if you're falling, you know you've gone too far down.

Building on what other folks have said about walking - the great thing about that is, if you live in a city, it needn't feel like "exercise" at all. Instead of taking the Metro stop nearest to you, use one farther away. Instead of taking the bus a mile to your friend's house, consider walking there when you have the time. You'd be surprised how little extra time it takes, actually - between the fact that you're walking directly to your destination (rather than to/from metro stops), and the fact you're not waiting for a train/bus, you can easily add a lot of walking to your day without adding much travel time at all. Plus, I've always found the best way to really appreciate one's city is on foot - you get a much better sense of where things are, and you find places you'd otherwise miss.

Unless I'm in a hurry or it's raining, I generally try to walk distances less than a couple miles. (Forty minutes walk at a casual pace).

[phreesh]

Originally Posted by tdn

I'm just trying to figure out how far down that might be. 45 degrees seems like it might be the limit.

Once you're at an angle that seems precarious, move to a bench. Put your hands on the back of the bench at first and work your way to the sitting part. Once you can do 10 or 15 from the sitting part, I guarantee you'll be able to do at least one from your knees.

[phreesh]

Originally Posted by ecoaster

1. Go to a therapist.

Many people have an aversion to seeing therapists. Why? They've had a bad experience or think that talking won't solve anything. Here's the thing- a good therapist is a good relationship. That person gets to know you (and vice-versa) and help you make connections you can't see. They can also hold you accountable and check in on the steps you are taking to address issues in your life. Just go. If you don't like the person after a few visits, go to someone else. Someone who understands you and will listen to you is a wonderful thing. Some therapists are more like life coaches, this may be more up your alley.

2. Become very good at something you enjoy.

Yes, easier said than done. But doing something you enjoy will take your mind off of all of your insecurities. It will make you feel good about yourself and how you spend your time. If you are creating something (building a table, writing a song) you will.


3. Exercise. Start with something small (walk 45 minutes a day) and build up. You aren't going to maintain anything unless it is something you enjoy and can build into your day. If you hate the gym, no problem. Just get out of your house and go.


4. Socialize with the right people. Again, easier said than done. You have kindred spirits out there-you just have to find them. People who are good friends will like you for YOU. Of course you have likeable and uniquely wonderful things about you, although maybe you feel like people can't see or appreciate these things. All relationships take work and can be awkward. If possible, do activities or hobbies with others who have a common interest. Use the computer to facilitate activities/meetings but don't use it as the primary way of actually socializing.


Forget the nonsense about becoming a "powerful person". You can only address your life in small ways and make habits of these small changes and you will feel differently. You will not conquer all of your insecurities. You won't wake up at the top of the world every morning. The point is to work towards feeling better, improving slowly and feeling a sense of accomplishment and self-worth. You will become better at accepting yourself IF you make actual changes in your life. But start small. And repeat.

This is all awesome advice. You do sound like you could use some therapy just to get to a place we're you're okay with yourself. I would also add that you might be able to find some supportive friends through your hobby. Also, don't be afraid of doing things that you enjoy, but some people may find geeky or weird. Screw them. Do what you enjoy and spend time with people who support you. Don't be so worried about what people think of you. Be happy in your own skin.

[Chessic Sense]

What does a winner look like, gvozd? What traits do they have? Tell us the whole list.

[tdn]

Originally Posted by phreesh

Once you're at an angle that seems precarious, move to a bench. Put your hands on the back of the bench at first and work your way to the sitting part. Once you can do 10 or 15 from the sitting part, I guarantee you'll be able to do at least one from your knees.

Ah, that sounds good.

Not that I'm going to try -- I can do full pushups, just not very many.

[Anne Neville]

Originally Posted by Chessic Sense

What does a winner look like, gvozd? What traits do they have? Tell us the whole list.

Yes. I'd be very interested in hearing your list of traits that should be a prerequisite to self-esteem.

Does Stephen Hawking have those traits? Bill Gates is well known for being socially awkward- does he have them?

[Fear Itself]

Originally Posted by Anne Neville

Does Stephen Hawking have those traits? Bill Gates is well known for being socially awkward- does he have them?

They are both insufferable egotists, so maybe that is the common trait of those with high self esteem.

[gallows fodder]

gvozd and heathen earthling, watch this video.

This thread has inspired me to take up the 100 Pushup challenge. Right now I can only do 11 girl pushups (knees on the ground). See you in 7 weeks!

[Fuzzy Dunlop]

Originally Posted by filmore

Anyone can get stronger and more fit. Some people may naturally have more muscle or be able to build it up easier, but anyone can get stronger. If you're not sure where to start, get with a personal trainer. A personal trainer will work with you on whatever goals you have. He'll know how to take you from where you are to where you want to go. Most gyms have personal trainers on staff or you can find independent ones who work on their own. If you really are lost about fitness matters, I strongly recommend something where you have personal supervision so you get a clear plan on what to do.

Although the exercise advice people have posted in this thread is completely accurate, I think it's worth pointing out that push ups and pull ups have little to do with a healthy lifestyle and nothing to do with self worth.

Over a lifetime of health, fitness and wellbeing, doing regular moderate intensity exercise is much more important than vigorous workouts like heavy weight lifting or running or intense high impact sports.

Walk a few miles a day, swim, do yoga, play tennis. You won't look like a greek god in your 20s and 30s but in your 50s, 60s and 70s you'll get every benefit you would have had from heavy lifting and running marathons, except your knees will probably work better.

[Chocco]

ecoaster
"1. Go to a therapist.

Many people have an aversion to seeing therapists. Why? They've had a bad experience or think that talking won't solve anything. Here's the thing- a good therapist is a good relationship. That person gets to know you (and vice-versa) and help you make connections you can't see. They can also hold you accountable and check in on the steps you are taking to address issues in your life. Just go. If you don't like the person after a few visits, go to someone else. Someone who understands you and will listen to you is a wonderful thing. Some therapists are more like life coaches, this may be more up your alley.

2. Become very good at something you enjoy.

Yes, easier said than done. But doing something you enjoy will take your mind off of all of your insecurities. It will make you feel good about yourself and how you spend your time. If you are creating something (building a table, writing a song) you will.


3. Exercise. Start with something small (walk 45 minutes a day) and build up. You aren't going to maintain anything unless it is something you enjoy and can build into your day. If you hate the gym, no problem. Just get out of your house and go.


4. Socialize with the right people. Again, easier said than done. You have kindred spirits out there-you just have to find them. People who are good friends will like you for YOU. Of course you have likeable and uniquely wonderful things about you, although maybe you feel like people can't see or appreciate these things. All relationships take work and can be awkward. If possible, do activities or hobbies with others who have a common interest. Use the computer to facilitate activities/meetings but don't use it as the primary way of actually socializing.


Forget the nonsense about becoming a "powerful person". You can only address your life in small ways and make habits of these small changes and you will feel differently. You will not conquer all of your insecurities. You won't wake up at the top of the world every morning. The point is to work towards feeling better, improving slowly and feeling a sense of accomplishment and self-worth. You will become better at accepting yourself IF you make actual changes in your life. But start small. And repeat."

Great post. Only thing I might add would be to start setting some easily attainable goals for yourself both physically and socially. Once you reach those goals they create new easily attainable goals based off the old ones. This will create a ladder of improvement. To often we try to go from point A to Point D and are frustrated when we can't get there. Using the ladder metaphor, you can't just jump to the top of the ladder you need to climb the rungs to get to the top. Also Don't be afraid to look down it's important to recognize the improvements that you have made.

[Fear Itself]

Originally Posted by Chocco

ecoaster
"1. Go to a therapist.

Many people have an aversion to seeing therapists. Why? They've had a bad experience or think that talking won't solve anything.

I don't think that is the most common reason. Finding a good therapist among all the bad ones is frequently a frustrating, time-consuming, expensive chore than can take months and cost thousands of dollars, and still yield no positive results.

[gvozd]

Originally Posted by Lust4Life

Stop making excuses, stop feeling sorry for yourself and stop whining.

These words remind me of what my father used to always say to me: "Be a man! Stop feeling sorry for yourself you little bastard. And stop looking so unhappy or I'll give something that will make you really unhappy."

This book seems hilarious to me. I'm going to purchase it.

[Sacrip]

Gvozd, the best way to not be a loser is to not be afraid to lose. Sounds funny, but 'losers' tend to be the guys who are convinced that they will fail everything they try, and it's better to not try at all than to try and fail. Unfortunately, there are enough assholes out there who reinforce that idea by mocking anyone who does try and fail something, as though you should never do anything at all until you're great at it.

It's impossible to be good at everything, but you can't be good at ANYTHING until you start by being bad at it, THEN get good at it. If you think you're not going to be good at something, DO IT ANYWAYS. GET good at it, as long as it takes. Every person who tells you they were great the first time without any help is LYING to you. Doesn't matter what it is: Running, picking up girls, winning Trivia Night at the bar, whatever. Embrace being bad, don't let it scare you. Every time you try, you succeed.

[markdash]

This might not help, but when I was going through bouts of self-esteem issues, I found it helpful to tell myself that in a hundred years, we're all going to be fertilizer. Nobody is going to remember or care that you lost at badminton or got rejected by a girl or whatever.

Also, the best way to get self-confidence is to be successful. You can't succeed if you don't try! I always had a poor self image and worried about my physical appearance. Only after I got into a long-term relationship did I develop confidence in my appearance and personality.

[Trinopus]

Originally Posted by Sacrip

. . . It's impossible to be good at everything, but you can't be good at ANYTHING until you start by being bad at it, THEN get good at it. . . .

<XYZ>'s Law: "Do anything 100 times, and you'll probably get good at it."

[John Mace]

Originally Posted by Trinopus

<XYZ>'s Law: "Do anything 100 times, and you'll probably get good at it."

The general thinking these days is 10,000.

[gatorslap]

How is being a literature teacher a bad thing? It may not be the most exciting subject in most people's eyes, but still. Plenty of people don't even have a college degree, and plenty of people that do have a degree don't have a real career.

[Corcaigh]

How's about you stop judging yourself by other people's standards?

I was a "weak loser" by anyone else's standards, then I discovered that I could build websites for people and started doing that, all of a sudden I was a god[ess] among men! (and women)

I used to help out at an dog shelter thing (it was originally supposed to be a boarding kennel, but became overrun with abandoned and stray dogs), I had an affinity with the scared, nervous dogs, and helped rehabilitate them.

I bought myself a horse that had "issues" and cured him of them (well most of them), I could technically speaking set myself up in business helping people with problem dogs and horses.

I'm pretty good at taking photos, and could set myself up as a photographer.

There are a lot of things I've discovered that I can do, that don't require physical strength, or a phd, or interacting with hundreds of people face-to-face.

I get by quite happily now, and don't think of myself as weak or a loser.