That's what I get for not checking the caller ID first...

[SticksAndString]

Me: Hello? *silence* Hellooo?
Guy Who Sounds Like Drunk Raj from BBT: Hello? HELLO? Hello?
Me: Um..hello?
DR: Yes, hello. My name is Drunk Raj and I am with Microsoft internet computer services world authority. May I speak to *name* please? It is of the utmost importance right now.
Me: This is she.
DR: Yes! Yes! Did you know your computer is downloading bad terrible horrible malicious malware right now?
Me: Um....no?
DR: Oh yes yes! If you give me your information right now, I will help you fix this problem over the phone.
Me: What's my email address, then? Maybe you could just email the information to me.
DR: Oh no no. I must help you right now over the phone or your computer will be destroyed! Right now! In two hours!
Me: Well which is it, right now or in two hours?
DR: Yes yes! Right now in two hours!
Me: I see. Well, you know what?
DR: What is that?
Me: I'm sorry but I think you're probably full of it and I want you to take me off your list.
DR: Yes yes I can take you off the list but your computer will be destroyed right now in two hours! *click*

I also get lots of calls from Rachel at Card Member Services. When I press one to talk to a live person to ask them to PLEASE please PLEASE take me off their list since I'm on the Do Not Call List, they hang up on me. Sometimes before I can make my request, because I tell them No I don't want their help. I just want them to go away.

[Gorsnak]

I'm sure the "I'm calling from Microsoft" people don't have a list, but just configure the dialler to try every number. I mean, they're busy committing fraud. How do you expect them to have time to maintain a list?

[Fear Itself]

Did he say anything about polymorphic viruses? I've heard that one before.

[control-z]

I swear the government shut Rachel from Cardholder Services down a few years ago, but now she's back with the same recordings. We can catch Bin Laden but we can't find out where all these calls are coming from? The collective cost in time has to be in the millions of minutes wasted by people answering those stupid calls.

[FairyChatMom]

My personal solution for calls that I don't recognize on caller ID is to hit the answer button, then immediately disconnect. Next best thing to just ignoring them.

[Hypno-Toad]

"Well, just read the necessary code out to me right now over the phone and I'll type it in."

[Tangent]

You know the best/worst thing you can do to these telemarketers and scammers is waste their time. My dad would pretend to go along with their pitch for a little bit, then he would say, "I've got to take something off the stove--hold on just a second." Then he would lay the phone down and leave it for a few minutes. If they were still on the line when he came back, he would let them start their spiel again and then say, "Oh, someone's at the door--hang on a minute." Lather, rinse, repeat, until they hang up.

[Hypno-Toad]

Originally Posted by Tangent

You know the best/worst thing you can do to these telemarketers and scammers is waste their time. My dad would pretend to go along with their pitch for a little bit, then he would say, "I've got to take something off the stove--hold on just a second." Then he would lay the phone down and leave it for a few minutes. If they were still on the line when he came back, he would let them start their spiel again and then say, "Oh, someone's at the door--hang on a minute." Lather, rinse, repeat, until they hang up.

I suppose if you had someone with you, you could stage a fight for the guy to hear. Or loud sex.

[Omar Little]

Here's the way to handle telemarketers:

(Youtube)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature...&v=-7OgWcwgB50

[RealityChuck]

My credit card was being managed by a group calling themselves "Cardmember Services"; they were perfectly legitimate, but when they called me I thought they were a scam. They started using the name of the bank instead a year or so ago.

[DiosaBellissima]

Originally Posted by Hypno-Toad

I suppose if you had someone with you, you could stage a fight for the guy to hear. Or loud sex.

I like the idea of a drug deal gone bad. Ending in gunshots, if at all possible. Not real gunshots or anything, but this is a mighty good reason to keep a sound board app on your phone ready at all times.

[A Monkey With a Gun]

I don't know if your phone will let you, but *80. You can block up to 12 numbers, so if Rachel from Card Services isn't cycling numbers, it should take care of it. Call block service is free for every provider I've ever used.

[Attack from the 3rd dimension]

Originally Posted by DiosaBellissima

I like the idea of a drug deal gone bad. Ending in gunshots, if at all possible. Not real gunshots or anything, but this is a mighty good reason to keep a sound board app on your phone ready at all times.

We do this on occasion, just say 'sure, just a second', put the phone down and start to shriek at the other people in the room, who yell things back, until it all ends in a tussle and phone goes dead. We call it 'redneck opera'.

Lately, though, I just say "does your mother know that you're a thief"? and variants on that, hoping that someday one of them will find another job due to my intervention. It also discombobulates them.

[SticksAndString]

Fear Itself--no. But then again I didn't catch everything he said at first I nearly dropped the phone.

Sometimes, Slim grabs the phone from me and just starts talking which also shuts them up right away. He's at that stage (I guess) where he thinks every single person who calls the house wants to talk to him, even though most of the time they want to talk to Stickman or I.

[mnemosyne]

Rachel? I get Lisa from Cardholder Services. She's a bitch.

[Doug K.]

Originally Posted by Gorsnak

I'm sure the "I'm calling from Microsoft" people don't have a list, but just configure the dialler to try every number. I mean, they're busy committing fraud. How do you expect them to have time to maintain a list?

Anyway, the magic phrase is not "Take me off your list". It's "Put me on your Do Not Call list."

[Smeghead]

I recently got one of those "Warning: this is your FINAL NOTICE to sign up for our stupid scam credit card fraud thing" calls. I had to hit 1 to talk to a person, and I did so so I could chew them out. The lady got irritated with ME, because, you see, I had called HER (by hitting 1) and was wasting HER time.

[Sierra Indigo]

Originally Posted by Doug K.

Anyway, the magic phrase is not "Take me off your list". It's "Put me on your Do Not Call list."

No, it's not. Those particular "Microsoft" calls are from scammers in India who don't give two fucks about the Do Not Call list or any law in any country that they're calling, as Gorsnak said. At best you will get one of them saying "yes yes we put you on our list yes thank you" and then calling back again anyway.

[Hypno-Toad]

I wonder how Drunk Raj would react if you said, "Yeah, I know. It's my scumbag cheating boyfriends computer and I'm deliberately destroying it! Thanks for letting me know it's working."

[Lynn Bodoni]

Originally Posted by Sierra Indigo

No, it's not. Those particular "Microsoft" calls are from scammers in India who don't give two fucks about the Do Not Call list or any law in any country that they're calling, as Gorsnak said. At best you will get one of them saying "yes yes we put you on our list yes thank you" and then calling back again anyway.

Yes, theoretically, ALL telemarketers are supposed to comply with this list. However, the ones who are breaking the law about calling people on the state or national DNC list aren't gonna comply with your request.

I get a lot of telemarketing calls on my cell phone. If I happen to answer it, and it's a telemarketer, I say "This number has been on the Do Not Call list for at least two years, why are you calling?" and I'm usually told that I gave out the number. "Try again, I've given out this number to my husband, my daughter, my brother, and my sister. You don't sound like any of them." Then I heap as much abuse as I possibly can on him/her until the telemarketer hangs up.

[glee]

I have had success with saying politely "Hold on a moment..." and simply walking back to my book / TV / computer.

After a while they hang up, then the phone makes noises and I hang up.
The record for a telemarketer waiting was 18 minutes.

[RalfCoder]

[quote=I also get lots of calls from Rachel at Card Member Services. When I press one to talk to a live person to ask them to PLEASE please PLEASE take me off their list since I'm on the Do Not Call List, they hang up on me. Sometimes before I can make my request, because I tell them No I don't want their help. I just want them to go away.[/QUOTE]

I get those calls at home and on my cell a fair amount. Usually I ignore them, but sometimes I'll talk to a live person, and try to string the conversation out as long as I can. I did that once, and got whoever it was to say, "Stop wasting my time" before he hung up on me. Next time, I might start asking them what they're wearing, or tell them they sound hot.

[SticksAndString]

Smeghead--I get that a lot too. Like how dare I waste their time! How DARE I tell them I do not want to be on their list (if I get that far).

Ugh.

HypnoToad--if they call back I am SO trying that. Or maybe if I get a call from Cardmember Services, I'll tell them I know my credit sucks but I just don't care. See what they think of THAT little lovely.

[cantara]

I got one a couple of weeks ago and he let me know that my Windows computer was telling them that it is infected and he would like to help us fix it. I was very concerned and asked him which of my six computers was affected.

Indian Scammer: Oh, sir, you are having me on.
Me: No, I have one, my wife and kids each have one, then there is the one downstairs and in the den.

I was planning on stringing him along for a while but I accidentally hung up. I felt bad about that...


I think I'll try this next time...

Me: Hello?
Drunk Raj: Your computer is calling us and telling us it has a virus and we'd like to fix it.
Me: *slowly* okay, let me get my computer out.
DR: Yes, sir.
Me: It's starting up...hang on...it's a little old...it's still starting...are you still there?
5 minutes pass
Me: Oh, darn, I forgot my password, I'll have to find it, hold on...
10 minutes pass
Me: Okay, I logged on. What do I need to do?
DR: Open Internet Explorer to this address:
Me: Okay, where do I find Internet Explorer? I only have Netscape Navigator 3.
.
.
.
Me: Well, I'm running Windows 3.1
or
Me: No, the computer doesn't have a modem and never connected to the internet before
or
Me: I got an error box here. You're from Microsoft, right? How do I fix this error? I'd like to get that fixed before you fix my malware.


Actually, maybe having a soundboard up with modem dialling sounds would be fun too...and the old windows sounds.

[SticksAndString]

ROFLMAO!

Plus, I could see my parents (who haven't updated their system or bought a new computer in probably ten or fifteen YEARS) saying this to somebody and being totally honest. My parents, bless their little hearts, are not the most technologically saavy people on the planet. Last year, on Black Friday, my stepdad went out and bought my mother a Kindle because they were on sale. She returned it on Sunday because she couldn't figure it out and I wasn't able to help her over the phone because I don't HAVE a Kindle (I have a Nook First Edition). A few months later, my brother (in a fit of generosity) bought Mom and Dad each a Kindle Fire and I think they've finally figured out how to use them.

[Doug K.]

Originally Posted by Sierra Indigo

No, it's not. Those particular "Microsoft" calls are from scammers in India who don't give two fucks about the Do Not Call list or any law in any country that they're calling, as Gorsnak said. At best you will get one of them saying "yes yes we put you on our list yes thank you" and then calling back again anyway.

http://consumerist.com/2007/08/to-ge...call-list.html

The point is "Take me off your list" doesn't legally obligate the company to stop calling. "Put me on your do not call list" does. Other than the national do not call list, it's the only way you have any hope of recourse against a company that won't stop calling. If they're scammers nothing short of prosecution will stop them, but at least there's a chance you could collect damages if they do get caught and prosecuted.

[Cicero]

Originally Posted by Doug K.

http://consumerist.com/2007/08/to-ge...call-list.html

The point is "Take me off your list" doesn't legally obligate the company to stop calling. "Put me on your do not call list" does. Other than the national do not call list, it's the only way you have any hope of recourse against a company that won't stop calling. If they're scammers nothing short of prosecution will stop them, but at least there's a chance you could collect damages if they do get caught and prosecuted.

There's more chance of me flying to the moon in a Cessna than any of those plonkers paying damages.

[Doug K.]

Originally Posted by Cicero

There's more chance of me flying to the moon in a Cessna than any of those plonkers paying damages.

That doesn't have anything to do with my point. I'm talking about the fact that there is no law in the U.S. requiring marketers to honor a "Take me off your list" request, but the law does require them to honor a "Put me on your do not call list" request.

The fact that there are those who break U.S. law and get away with it because they aren't physically here is not in dispute.

[InterestedObserver]

This guy

http://www.chron.com/CDA/archives/ar...emarketin.html

has made a profitable hobby out of suing telemarketers.

I think the law he is suing under concerns recorded sales calls, but I'm pretty sure its a federal law.

And of course, this wouldn't work against scammers like the OP encountered (though if the calls are repeated, a complaint to your phone company of harrassing calls might get some results..they CAN trace such calls).

Last time I lived in Houston, I was getting recorded calls from a company selling cable t.v. and it took me FOREVER to get them to STOP calling (often as many as 4 times a day and it went on for over 6 mths).

Everytime I would push 1 to speak to someone, they'd hang up on me as soon as they realized I was asking to be taken off their list.

I got SO mad, I began documenting (logging the times and dates AND recording the calls) and intended to take them to court.

I managed to get a call-back number by pressing 1 and pretending to be very interested in signing up and saying I needed to ask my Mother-in-Law if I could use her credit card to sign up.

This was the ONLY way I was able to find out the company name...it was not mentioned anywhere in the recording and the humans I got through to WOULD NOT TELL ME (hanging up on me several times when I pressed them).

Guess who the number belonged to? DISH NETWORK (which has been sued by the attorney generals of several states for their repeated violations of telemarketing law.)

Anyway, I finally was able to send them a certified letter demanding that they stop calling me and they did.

Look up the law in your state (and the federal law). If you are willing to take the time to document the calls and file a small claims suit, you might be able to make a little money off of them AND get some satisfaction.

Each such call usually contains multiple violations, each potentially carrying a $500 fine (calling unbidden, not stating the company name, not giving a phone number/contact info, refusing to remove you from the calling list, etc..)


P.S., again, for dealing with "legitimate" telemarketers, your Do Not Call registry must be updated every 5 years. You can do it on-line for free. I noticed that I started getting such calls again recently, almost exactly 5 years after I got on the list.

[Astroboy14]

This looks like a good place to link one of the best threads ever...

[Jenaroph]

Originally Posted by InterestedObserver

P.S., again, for dealing with "legitimate" telemarketers, your Do Not Call registry must be updated every 5 years. You can do it on-line for free. I noticed that I started getting such calls again recently, almost exactly 5 years after I got on the list.

Good rant and good job sussing out Dish Network, but I just wanted to point out that the DNC registry does not expire.

Will My Registration Expire?

How long does my phone number stay registered?
Telephone numbers on the registry will only be removed when they are disconnected and reassigned, or when the consumer chooses to remove a number from the registry.

I don't know why you started getting calls again, but you shouldn't have.

[TimeWinder]

Originally Posted by Doug K.

http://consumerist.com/2007/08/to-ge...call-list.html

The point is "Take me off your list" doesn't legally obligate the company to stop calling. "Put me on your do not call list" does.

With respect, I doubt it. "According to a guy we found that used to be a telemarketer" isn't really a reliable source, and despite urban legend to the contrary, the law is very rarely made up of "magic words." If there's a law saying they need to remove you when you ask, and you make it understood that you want to be removed, they'll need to remove you or be in violation of said law, "company policy" notwithstanding.

[Doug K.]

Originally Posted by TimeWinder

With respect, I doubt it. "According to a guy we found that used to be a telemarketer" isn't really a reliable source, and despite urban legend to the contrary, the law is very rarely made up of "magic words." If there's a law saying they need to remove you when you ask, and you make it understood that you want to be removed, they'll need to remove you or be in violation of said law, "company policy" notwithstanding.

Is the FCC a better source?

http://www.fcc.gov/guides/unwanted-t...arketing-calls
Look at the paragraph labeled "Company-Specific Do-Not-Call Lists"

When you receive telephone solicitation calls, clearly state that you want to be added to the caller’s do-not-call list.

How about the Maryland attorney general's office?
http://www.oag.state.md.us/Consumer/edge96.htm

3. Ask to be put on individual companies' "do not call" lists. When you get a telemarketing call, if you just hang up or say "I'm not interested," the company may call back at another time. Instead, every time you get a telemarketing call, say "Put me on your ‘do not call' list." The Federal Telephone Consumer Protection Act of 1991 requires companies to keep this list.

[Fear Itself]

Originally Posted by Doug K.

Is the FCC a better source?

http://www.fcc.gov/guides/unwanted-t...arketing-calls
Look at the paragraph labeled "Company-Specific Do-Not-Call Lists"


How about the Maryland attorney general's office?
http://www.oag.state.md.us/Consumer/edge96.htm

Not really. If you are on the federal Do Not Call list, any calls you receive are from entities that have demonstrated they have no respect for the law. Most of them are scammers looking to steal credit cards, identity information or other fraud, so adding a violation of the do not call statute is chump change. The FCC and a state attorney general are powerless to stop a determined telethief.

[Doug K.]

Originally Posted by Fear Itself

Not really. If you are on the federal Do Not Call list, any calls you receive are from entities that have demonstrated they have no respect for the law. Most of them are scammers looking to steal credit cards, identity information or other fraud, so adding a violation of the do not call statute is chump change. The FCC and a state attorney general are powerless to stop a determined telethief.

As I said in post 28, that is not in dispute. There's no law in existence that has 100% success in enforcement. I'm talking about the common belief that if you say "Take me off your list" a company can't legally call you any more. The cites were in response to a doubt that federal law requires telemarketers to keep an internal do not call list and add anyone who requests it. You don't even have to be on the National Do-Not-Call list.

No one is claiming that uttering the words "Put me on your do not call list" mysteriously renders a telemarketer unable to call you anymore. In fact, it was more about pointing out that no company, honest or not, is obligated to obey a request to "Take me off your list" no matter how many "pleases" you add to it.

[Vinyl Turnip]

"Abracadooby! Abracadingdong! Dammit, I know that rabbit is in this hat somewhere!"