Last week, a poster here recommended I go out to a bar on my own. I figured what the hell, I’ll try it. I usually hate bars and I’ve been to very few. The prospect of being surrounded by complete strangers and interacting with them out of the blue is definitely out of my comfort zone but that is precisely why it’s a good idea for me to do this. The poster found my report funny so I’ll post it here. Feel free to comment.
Report.
Action takes place on May 5th and 6th, from 2030 hours to 0100 hours.
Make a list of four pubs/bars to be visited. Print a map to three of them which indicates their precise address. I put on black wingtips, a black suit and a white shirt.
Arrive at first location at 2110hours. See it has TVs playing a boxing match (increased potential) and tables where people seem to be keeping to their own group (decreasing potential). I go in. I locate a spot in the bar area which has people close enough to easily start a conversation but far enough that I’m not obviously trying to interact with them by sitting right next to them.
Fleeting eye contact between me and the people around me. A guy is on his laptop. As I am writing this, he remarks on how I am writing something. Knowing how strange it is to be taking notes on interactions in a bar, I say I’m taking notes about the boxing match. He mentions a website which has information on boxing and writes the URL on my piece of paper. There is one chair of distance between us. Thinking he is open to talk, I move over one chair next to him. I wonder if moving over to be closer to him is normal behavior or if it might be interpreted as too much too fast or even coming on to him.
I ask what he was on the computer about. He mentions a piece of photography equipment he was bidding for on Ebay and that he’s a photographer. Having acquired a camera recently and having learned about the basics, I ask him for his opinion concerning the dSLRs and MILCs types of cameras. I ask him about good cameras that are small enough to be slipped in one’s pockets and he uses his computer to show me some models.
He asks me if I sometimes bid on Ebay. There are many things I’ve bid on but I’m drawing a blank. When ties come to me, I spot the opportunity to mention my being a lawyer. I say I sometimes bid on ties because I need them for my job. I do not mention what my job is at that point, knowing he’s going to ask because it’s quite unusual for someone to say he needs ties for his job. He asks and I mention I’m a lawyer. He asks what kind of law I practice and I mention business law and some other details. I note that my delivery was ok but still needs to be more fluid and make mention of my abilities rather than my tastes.
He asks if I have a card. I have several in my wallet. He sees my name and mentions it. I ask for his name. Ian. I ask him about the kind of photography he does. He mentions movie photography and rattles off a list of movies, tv shows and actors I either don’t know or hardly know. I try to avoid giving away the fact that I have little familiarity with contemporary movies and TV of this area and that I’ve very likely never seen any of his work.
I ask Ian about how to take pictures, mentioning the rule of thirds. He replies with something along the lines of “it’s how you feel it”. I see that he doesn’t seem theoretically and conceptually inclined, which cuts down on the quantity and quality of discussion we can have.
There’s a guy who’s been talking to Ian about the boxing match. I ask him a question about lefties and he gives a minimalistic answer. I take that as a sign he doesn’t want to talk. Then he gives a bit more of an answer. I don’t know whether or not he wants to talk. I move on.
There’s a guy across from me in the bar area. I can’t make out what he says but he seems to be a tourist whose primary language (which I speak) isn’t that of this locale. He seems introverted and nerdy. If I were next to him, I could rather easily start a conversation with him by asking him how he’s finding the city, what he’s in town for and generally being a local-is-welcoming-of-tourist type. Throughout the evening, our eyes briefly meet several times. Walking all around the bar area to talk to him comes to my mind but would A) be too overt and possible rebuffing bleedingly obvious B) perhaps come off like I’m hitting on him.
I go to the restroom and when I come back, Ian’s friends have arrived. I give him space to welcome his friends. We do exchange a bit and I have a brief exchange with his friend Fred about the boxers’ 10 and 13 pounds weight gain in 24 hours.
Ian and Fred leave to smoke outside, leaving Fred’s girlfriend. I first hesitate to initiate conversation. Fred and Ian made references to her not being into boxing. I ask her if she’s been understanding what’s going on in the match. She gives me a minimalistic answer and goes back to beeping away on her iPhone. I move on.
Ian and I keep talking some although I usually wait between matches or during round breaks. Upon leaving around 0040hours, I mention that he should send me an email with his contact details so that if I know of someone who needs a photographer, I’ll be able to reference him. I say goodnight and we shake hands.
Summary: Limited contact but a good, if minimal, start. A few more and it will be easier for me to initiate contact in bars and other public places out of the blue. I need a better feel for when and how to approach a complete stranger without some reason other than getting to know them. I realize that one of my anxieties in approaching men in a bar is that they may think it’s a gay come on.
