Deliver bad news to someone on (their) vacation or not?

[DCnDC]

[Note: this is purely hypothetical]

You have agreed to feeding a friend's beloved cats while they are out of town for a couple of weeks on an expensive and much-anticipated trip. The animals all appear to be healthy when you take over for their care. Three days after your friend departs, through absolutely no fault of anybody, one of the animals suddenly dies; it can neither be foreseen or prevented in any way.

Do you contact and tell your friend immediately, certainly ruining their trip, or do you wait until they return?

[Taomist]

Well...I'd want to wait, but what to do with the poor kitty in the meantime?

[Sicks Ate]

No way, don't tell them.

[Omar Little]

They're cats. Let those folks enjoy their vacation.

Originally Posted by Taomist

Well...I'd want to wait, but what to do with the poor kitty in the meantime?

What you do with all dead cats. Put 'em in a shallow grave, to keep the smell down; or burn them.

[Leaffan]

You could always bury it before going on vacation: just to be on the safe side.

[Rhiannon8404]

When we go on vacation we leave emergency contact info with our pet sitter, including what to do in case of all emergencies: vet info, card on file at the vet, etc. Depending on what kind of trip we're on, depends on what I want to know. I love my dogs and cats like no one else, but if i am on the vacation of a lifetime, someplace far, I don't want to hear about their demise. If I am on our annual Disneyland trip or camping or something, I don't mind leaving early if tragedy strikes.

[Omar Little]

Originally Posted by Leaffan

You could always bury it before going on vacation: just to be on the safe side.

Should have been a poll option.

[Anaamika]

This is why I don't petsit. Eek.

[Qadgop the Mercotan]

Cat death on vacation anecdote, a favorite of my dad's:

A man who was completely devoted to his cat finally was pursuaded by his mom and brother to take a vacation, and get away from everything for a while. They promised to take good care of the cat while he was away, and urged him not to worry, but to enjoy himself.

However 2 days into the vacation, he gets a call from his brother.

Bro: I'm sorry about this, but I have some bad news
Man: It's the cat, isn't it? I knew it!! What is it, tell me about my cat!
Bro: Well, the cat's dead, but....
Man: Oh no! How did it happen??
Bro: Well, the cat was just dead when I got up this morning, but...
Man: Oh, how terrible! And how terrible to tell it to me just like that! You know how I loved my cat! You know how much he meant to me! How could you just dump that news on me?? You could have been more diplomatic about it!
Bro: What??? But....
Man: You could have broken it to me gently! You could have told me that the cat was stuck on the roof, and was having trouble getting down, but you were getting the ladder and would be making sure it was okay. Then tomorrow you could have called and told me that you got the cat okay, but he'd hurt his paw, and you'd be taking him to the vet.
Bro: yeah, but...
Man: Then the next day you could have told me the vet said everything looked fairly good, but the cat was being kept for observation, just to be sure!
Bro: Look, bro.....
Man: Then the next day, you could tell me there were unexpected complications, but the vet was taking action and was still hopeful!
Bro: Do you really think.....
Man: Finally, the next day you could have told me the cat had died! Then I would have gotten used to the idea, and come to some accomodation with it, and been able to accept it better. Not like this, not dropped on me with no warning!!
Bro: Okay, okay!!
Man: Understand now???
Bro: Yes!
Man: Good. Maybe you'll do better in the future. Now I need to settle down and work through this. By the way, how's mom?
Bro: She's stuck on the roof and is having trouble getting down.

[muldoonthief]

Originally Posted by Leaffan

You could always bury it before going on vacation: just to be on the safe side.

Quite right, you don't want to come back from Sorrento to a dead cat - it's so anticlimactic.

[blondebear]

I voted "depends on..." It depends on the person on vacation. Unless it's really horrible news that needs some kind of immediate action, I don't want to hear about it.

OTOH, when my friend and I travel together, she is in constant contact with her friends and relatives who share every big and little drama going on in their lives. It's a rare day when she doesn't get upset by something going on back home in non-vacation land.

[Rachellelogram]

Only if it involves the death of a human being. Otherwise, it can wait.

[tdn]

Originally Posted by Qadgop the Mercotan

Cat death on vacation anecdote, a favorite of my dad's:

That's funny!

I love the urban legend about the dead rabbit.

Dog owners move into a new neighborhood. They know that their neighbors have a pet rabbit. While the rabbit owners are on vacation, the dog owners notice that their dog is walking around with the rabbit, now dead, in it's mouth. They don't want the blame for the rabbit's death, so they clean it up and put it back in its cage, hoping the neighbors will think that it died there.

When the neighbors come home, they are asked how their trip was. "It was fine, but the strangest thing happened. Just before we left, our rabbit died, so we buried in the back yard..."

[Qadgop the Mercotan]

Originally Posted by tdn

That's funny!

I love the urban legend about the dead rabbit.

That one sounds more like it probably happened somewhere, somehow.

[Barkis is Willin']

Originally Posted by Taomist

Well...I'd want to wait, but what to do with the poor kitty in the meantime?

Yeah, I'd tell right away because it seems way more weird to me to come home to no pet and hear that someone else took care of its body and everything. Some people might be weird about what they want done with the remains, so I'd want to find out their wishes.

[Kevbo]

I actually had something close happen.

The pet owner was not on vacation, but working out of town. The elderly dog had a pancreatic tumor and was in a lot of pain. I was able to call the owner and convince her the dog needed to be put down, and no, it shouldn't wait 'till she could get back to be there for it. I think this is the only time I can recall myself in uncontrollable, as in can't breath right, tears as an adult. It was way, way worse than when I had to put my own dog down...also no picnic, mind.

[ENugent]

If they call and ask how the cat is doing, I tell, but otherwise, I wait for them to come home.

Body is double-bagged and placed in the freezer.

[Ibanez]

I love cats, but they're cats. I wrap it in a bag and stick it in the freezer, and tell them when they get back.

[jsgoddess]

I would want to be told. For me, a vacation is from routine, not from pain.

[sinjin]

Hahahha, we asked our neighbors to feed and water our two finches while we were away for 10 days. We came home and both of them were lying dead on the bottom of the cage, little feet sticking up in the air. They never said anything and we didn't either, what do you say?????? We moved away shortly and never saw them again.

It made me a little nervous when we subsequently left our two kids with a different neighbor when we went on job interviews. Thankfully the kids were both still alive when we returned. We are still friends with the kid-sitters 30 years later.

[MacCat]

Many years ago, we were on vacation and came home to the unexpected passing of a seemingly very healthy cat. The all too common urinary blockage for an altered male. My brother was taking care of him, and didn't call to tell us.

A few years later, we were caring for the tenant's elderly and declining cat. It was not a surprise when they came home to learn of her passing.

In both cases, I think it was right to enjoy the vacation without being told as nothing would be gained or changed.

[jsgoddess]

What kind of makes me laugh about this thread is the number of times I've worried a little bit about something while on vacation and had people tell me, "If something were wrong, someone would have called."

[Ethilrist]

Depends; if the guy's name is Schroedinger, maybe the cat's not actually dead until he comes back from vacation.

[Rachellelogram]

Originally Posted by jsgoddess

What kind of makes me laugh about this thread is the number of times I've worried a little bit about something while on vacation and had people tell me, "If something were wrong, someone would have called."

Well if you want to be told if your cat kicks the bucket, let the cat-sitter know to call you if the animal has any health problems while you're away. This is just what people would do without instructions to the contrary.

[Eliahna]

Originally Posted by Qadgop the Mercotan

Cat death on vacation anecdote, a favorite of my dad's:

That's one of my Dad's favourites too. If you ever say "I didn't know s/he was dead!" in front of him, he'll say "S/he's playing in the roof" in the goofy voice he uses for that joke.

[oreally]

In the OP situation I wait, of course. With some people it might be better to lie and say it just happened a day or 2 ago to avoid them maybe getting mad that you didn't tell them sooner (although with most people I know this wouldn't be necessary). If it's a family member or other "extremely important person" to them, of course I call ASAP.

[Pixel_Dent]

When my wife and I were on our honeymoon we were on an island with one telephone. Our 3rd day there one of the staff came to tell us we had an emergency phone call. We ran across the island to the phone and discovered it was my wife's mother calling to tell us she had filed for a divorce from my wife's father. >_<

So... I unambiguously vote "Wait for them to return!"

[WhyNot]

For most of my friends, I wouldn't call. I've got two, however, who are Crazy Cat Ladies in Training, and them I would call. My decision is based on my best guess that the answer to the question is, "will this information change the person's behavior?" is "yes".

The friend who brings her cat to the vet monthly "just to check on her," bought the pet care not-insurance plan, makes her own cat food and chose her apartment not in small part because of the view of the lake a window would provide her cat...yeah, she's going to want to know asap and will probably cut her vacation short to come home and cry over the cat.

For most normal mentally well people? No, I wouldn't call, because I don't anticipate that they'd change their plans as a result of the information.

But if they called me to ask how the cat was doing, I'd confess.

[saje]

I get this sorted out BEFORE they leave. I ask point blank "if something horrible happens and I find one of them dead or dying, do you want me to call you or wait until you are home?"

For myself, I want to be called. Yes, they're cats/dogs/horses/pets, but they are also my dear friends and members of my family. I would be horrified to find a note and frozen body waiting for me.

[don't ask]

I recall years ago reading William Wharton's Ever After: A Father's True Story which recounts the 1988 deaths of his daughter with her husband and children in a 23-car accident caused by the smoke generated by grass-burning on nearby farmland.

For reasons I can't recall Wharton had to wait some hours after he knew of the deaths before he could tell his wife. He remarked that he envied her the few extra hours she had of living without the knowledge of their tragedy. I know just what he means so I'd let sleeping dogs lie, so to speak, and not mention it until later.

[oreally]

Originally Posted by saje

I get this sorted out BEFORE they leave. I ask point blank "if something horrible happens and I find one of them dead or dying, do you want me to call you or wait until you are home?"

For myself, I want to be called. Yes, they're cats/dogs/horses/pets, but they are also my dear friends and members of my family. I would be horrified to find a note and frozen body waiting for me.

I have to admit that as I think of it, I'm not sure what I'd want. My dog is like family to me as well. If I was near enough that I could drive back within a reasonable time, yes call I think - out of country is a tougher call.

[saje]

This scenario is actually on my mind as we're headed out of town for two weeks in July. The dogs are going with us, but I have 8 cats and 5 horses that will be left in the care of friends. One of the horses is 34, two others are in their late 20s, and at least half the cats are either senior or have had serious medical issues in the past. Currently all animals are very fit and healthy, some are just Olde Fartes. I would not be horribly surprised if the 34 yo horse dropped dead, but I *would* want to know. I wouldn't come home early, but I'd want to know. If any of the others died I'd be very surprised (and heartbroken) and yes, I'd still want to know, and be able to tell my critter sitter what to do. I doubt I'd come home if they'd already died (it's a 14 hr drive), but I would if they were very sick but not yet gone.

Both people who critter-sit for me are really good about calling if something doesn't seem right, and they know that if they are worried and can't get in touch with me they have my OK to get the vet. My vets know me well enough that they would euthanize if it was necessary.

I don't like surprises though, especially sad surprises

[jsgoddess]

Originally Posted by WhyNot

For most normal mentally well people? No, I wouldn't call, because I don't anticipate that they'd change their plans as a result of the information.

I wouldn't change my plans as a result of the information (at least under normal circumstances where you were fine and not incredibly stressed out by it), but to me, keeping information from people about their lives doesn't make sense. It's that person's call whether to do something with the information, isn't it?

I don't like paternalism, and this just strikes me as an example of it.

[saje]

Hm, missed that quote, jsgoddess.

So, according to WhyNot I'm mentally unbalanced because I want to know if a creature I love has died. Well, so be it, I'm not normal then. It makes me think though that that sort of normal must be a lonely place.

[WhyNot]

Please. Unbunch your panties just a bit. I never said you were mentally unwell, I said my friend was mentally unwell, and she is. Of course, if your anxiety disorder is similarly unmedicated and so out of control that you're taking a young healthy cat to the vet monthly whether she needs it or not and you're choosing your housing based on what you imagine the cat likes to look at, then sure, you're probably mentally unwell also.

jsgoddess, of course it's your call. And if you tell me what you want, I'm happy to oblige. If you don't tell me what you want, I'm acting in loco "parentis," as it were, and will use my best judgement, since you haven't supplied me with yours. Isn't that what this whole thread is about - what we'd do if the cat owner didn't leave instructions?

[Johnny L.A.]

'Your mother was on the roof...' One of my favourite parts of Capricorn One.

[Mean Mr. Mustard]

Originally Posted by saje

So, according to WhyNot I'm mentally unbalanced because I want to know if a creature I love has died.

Originally Posted by WhyNot

Please. Unbunch your panties just a bit. I never said you were mentally unwell, I said my friend was mentally unwell, and she is.

Well, to be fair, you did imply that those who would change their plans are not "normal mentally well people":

Originally Posted by WhyNot

For most normal mentally well people? No, I wouldn't call, because I don't anticipate that they'd change their plans as a result of the information.

[CrazyCatLady]

Originally Posted by saje

I would be horrified to find a note and frozen body waiting for me.

Really. If I walked into my house, road-weary, maybe jet-lagged, looking forward to seeing my fuzzies, only to find a note and a stiff, possibly freezer-burned corpse* on top of my food...well, things wouldn't be pretty. And if the person who had set me up for that acted like they were doing me some kind of favor.... There's just not enough WTF in the world.

*It happens quite a lot faster than you'd think, if you've never had a cadaver bag tear on you when handling a frozen critter.

[oreally]

Anyone else think of that frozen hamster episode of Everybody Loves Raymond - poor Pumpernickel

[jsgoddess]

Originally Posted by WhyNot

jsgoddess, of course it's your call. And if you tell me what you want, I'm happy to oblige. If you don't tell me what you want, I'm acting in loco "parentis," as it were, and will use my best judgement, since you haven't supplied me with yours. Isn't that what this whole thread is about - what we'd do if the cat owner didn't leave instructions?

I'm just unsure why someone's best judgment ever defaults to not telling people things that are their business. Someone upthread said that it's my job to tell people what I would want, but honestly it would never have occurred to me that people would as a default rank a vacation so highly that they would start not telling me things about the animals I've left in their care.

I can start now, of course, any time we have a cat sitter, but after this thread, people who wouldn't tell maybe have an obligation, too, to make sure their assumptions are warranted.

[drewtwo99]

I was taking care of a co-worker's pet and her garden for a week while she was out of town, and one of her cats was an indoor/outdoor cat. I hadn't seen him for a few days, and couldn't find him anywhere. I panicked and tried looking everywhere but he was just gone. I told her via email about it while she was on vacation, apologized profusely (even though it wasn't really my fault or anything), and she said not to worry about it. Turns out the cat was just hiding REALLY well somewhere in her house, haha!

But yeah, if the cat had actually DIED, I'd probably still report it. Missing is pretty close to dead though.

[Boyo Jim]

Originally Posted by Kevbo

I actually had something close happen.

The pet owner was not on vacation, but working out of town. The elderly dog had a pancreatic tumor and was in a lot of pain. I was able to call the owner and convince her the dog needed to be put down, and no, it shouldn't wait 'till she could get back to be there for it. I think this is the only time I can recall myself in uncontrollable, as in can't breath right, tears as an adult. It was way, way worse than when I had to put my own dog down...also no picnic, mind.

Wait a minute -- you called to get permission to kill her pet?!

Um, that's someplace I would not go.

[flatlined]

As a pet owner, I would want to know. Not so I could drop everything and fly home to sob over the body, but because I would know what to expect.

Of course, my catsitter calls me every day with an update. He's a very good friend and knows that I love my cats. The worse thing that has happened was when I was at a bike run in a different state for a pet rescue group and one of my old sick cats died. Ironic, but not unexpected.

[saje]

Originally Posted by Boyo Jim

Wait a minute -- you called to get permission to kill her pet?!

Um, that's someplace I would not go.

See that's EXACTLY what I want my critter sitter to do. Things can change very rapidly with old, sick animals. They can go downhill very quickly, and my vacation is absolutely not more important than their wellbeing. Why should the dog have had to live in pain just because the owner was on vacation? Euthanizing the dog without consulting the owner is obviously a no-go, letting the dog linger in pain til the owner is home would be terrible, I don't see that Kevbo did anything other than what had to be done. Horrible for all concerned, but a fact of animal care, unfortunately.

[oreally]

Originally Posted by Boyo Jim

Wait a minute -- you called to get permission to kill her pet?!

Um, that's someplace I would not go.

Meaning you'd just kill it without permission or you'd just let the dog suffer? Kevbo absolutely did the right thing. No-brainer, IMO.

[Boyo Jim]

Originally Posted by oreally

Meaning you'd just kill it without permission or you'd just let the dog suffer? Kevbo absolutely did the right thing. No-brainer, IMO.

Meaning I'd bring the pet to the vet, and put the owner and vet in touch with each other. I would not put myself in the position of advocating for their pet's death. Perhaps that makes me a poor choice as a pet sitter. That's okay, if I had any idea the pet was that fragile and near death I wouldn't have agreed to do it.

[BMalion]

I was furloughed while on vacation in 2008. When I found out, I asked my boss when the descision had been made. He said "About 2 weeks ago." (I had been gone for 3 weeks). I asked him why he didn't call to tell me right away, "we didn't want to spoil your vacation."

Great, if I had known I wouldn't have spent so much money!

[DianaG]

If my cat is sick, call me. If my cat is dead, wait until I get home. In other words, do not ruin my vacation by calling to tell me about something that I can't do anything about.

Also, do not bury someone else's cat. Bring the cat to the vet and ask them to hold it until they get home so that they can decide what to do with it.

[TruCelt]

I would want to know right away. Not because I'd want to come running home, but because "down" time is a rare thing for me. Chances are, when I get home, I'll have a poopload of unpacking and laundry and e-mailing to do,a nd the next day my desk will be piled up with with work.

I'd like to find out while I have the free time to think about it, and grieve, and be ready to face the world again by the time I get back.

[oreally]

Originally Posted by Boyo Jim

Meaning I'd bring the pet to the vet, and put the owner and vet in touch with each other. I would not put myself in the position of advocating for their pet's death. Perhaps that makes me a poor choice as a pet sitter. That's okay, if I had any idea the pet was that fragile and near death I wouldn't have agreed to do it.

Got it, thx for clarification. Well I doubt most if any would "advocate" for that unless they had good cause, and it's still up to the owner, of course. And you sound like a good choice FWIW

Originally Posted by DianaG

If my cat is sick, call me. If my cat is dead, wait until I get home. In other words, do not ruin my vacation by calling to tell me about something that I can't do anything about.

Excellent point; agreed.

Also, do not bury someone else's cat. Bring the cat to the vet and ask them to hold it until they get home so that they can decide what to do with it.

If you can. I don't think most vets will do that for very long and I'd bet many not at all. It's not like they have a massive freezer in the back.