Sometimes the Onion comes too close to the truth

[BigAppleBucky]

http://www.theonion.com/articles/sad...ootings,28857/

WASHINGTON—Americans across the nation confirmed today that, unfortunately, due to their extreme familiarity with the type of tragedy that occurred in a Colorado movie theater last night, they sadly know exactly how the events following the horrific shooting of 12 people will unfold.

While admitting they "absolutely hate" the fact they have this knowledge, the nation's 300 million citizens told reporters they can pinpoint down to the hour when the first candlelight vigil will be held, roughly how many people will attend, how many times the county sheriff will address the media in the coming weeks, and when the town-wide memorial service will be held.

**snip**

According to the nation's citizenry, calls for a mature, thoughtful debate about the role of guns in American society started right on time, and should persist throughout the next week or so. However, the populace noted, the debate will soon spiral out of control and ultimately lead to nothing of any substance, . . .

[Rachellelogram]

I've loved The Onion since I first heard of it in high school, but god DAMN if this isn't one of their best articles in recent memory. They managed to tastefully make light of a recent tragedy, one I thought couldn't yet be made fun of (except tastelessly by opportunistic, unfunny assholes utilizing shock appeal to get cheap laughs--hi, Beastly Rotter), by satirizing American jadedness. That's real humor.

Thanks for the link =)

[Hal Briston]

Their other bit on the tragedy.

[digs]

The Onion waited a little bit, then came out with a hilarious, very therapeutic issue after 9/11.

[echoreply]

Originally Posted by digs

The Onion waited a little bit, then came out with a hilarious, very therapeutic issue after 9/11.

The Onion's 9/11 coverage was better than any mainstream media source I've seen. They captured the confusion and frustration in a few silly articles, rather than embody it and act it out, like everyone else did. Not Knowing What Else To Do, Woman Bakes American-Flag Cake

[drewtwo99]

The Onion doesn't just report the truth, it predicts it with startling accuracy. In fact, I'd go so far to say that this article is perhaps the best piece of journalism ever published. Should have won a retroactive award or two.

Bush: 'Our Long National Nightmare Of Peace And Prosperity Is Finally Over'

If you can read that without laughing or crying or both, you are a better person than I.

"We as a people must stand united, banding together to tear this nation in two," Bush said. "Much work lies ahead of us: The gap between the rich and the poor may be wide, be there's much more widening left to do. We must squander our nation's hard-won budget surplus on tax breaks for the wealthiest 15 percent. And, on the foreign front, we must find an enemy and defeat it."

[EddyTeddyFreddy]

Holy shit. It's as if they'd had a long hard look into the next eight years and wrote down as much of it as they could bear to transcribe.

[D-bear]

Reading this in Aurora it comes across as kind of Somber. Plus there is no county Sheriff. The city of Aurora is in three counties. Adams, Douglas and Arapahoe counties... Not to knock them, but it was one thing that acted like a speed bump to me when I was reading it.

[Iggy]

Originally Posted by digs

The Onion waited a little bit, then came out with a hilarious, very therapeutic issue after 9/11.

My favorite 9/11 article was God Angrily Clarifies 'Don't Kill' Rule.

Originally Posted by God (by way of The Onion)

"Somehow, people keep coming up with the idea that I want them to kill their neighbor. Well, I don't. And to be honest, I'm really getting sick and tired of it. Get it straight. Not only do I not want anybody to kill anyone, but I specifically commanded you not to, in really simple terms that anybody ought to be able to understand."

[guizot]

Originally Posted by Rachellelogram

...by satirizing American jadedness. That's real humor....

Except it's not satirizing American jadedness. It's satirizing the packaged manner in which the media narrates and serves up a reaction, which we readily lap up, along with all our other favorite TV shows. It's not jaded at all--everything is drama for consumption in an equalized way. It's just that we don't differentiate.

And why should we? How many here on this board have any direct connection to the people involved with that? The first thing that happens is stuff like "A friend of my brother had a chiropractor who once lived next to that movie theater!!!!!! OMG!!!!!!" It's not that different from talking about the characters in our TV shows as if they were real people.

[GuanoLad]

Originally Posted by guizot

"A friend of my brother had a chiropractor who once lived next to that movie theater!!!!!! OMG!!!!!!"

No joke: My close friend in Australia has friends in Aurora who were in the cinema next door as it happened.

[BigAppleBucky]

Originally Posted by GuanoLad

No joke: My close friend in Australia has friends in Aurora who were in the cinema next door as it happened.

A regular poster on another message board I participate in lost a cousin. The young woman went to the show with ten friends, all of whom survived.

[drewtwo99]

Originally Posted by BigAppleBucky

A regular poster on another message board I participate in lost a cousin. The young woman went to the show with ten friends, all of whom survived.

I used to play Warcraft 3 years ago with this guy who lives in Colorado. Well we really didn't play much together now that I think about it. And I haven't seen him in years, or really talked to him for over a year now. No idea if he was anywhere near the shooting or knew anyone involved, but still. Really makes you wonder, doesn't it?

[gaffa]

Originally Posted by guizot

Except it's not satirizing American jadedness. It's satirizing the packaged manner in which the media narrates and serves up a reaction, which we readily lap up, along with all our other favorite TV shows. It's not jaded at all--everything is drama for consumption in an equalized way. It's just that we don't differentiate.

On Saturday's episode of Up with Chris Hayes one of his guests was Dave Cullen, the author of the new book Columbine. Writing it, he re-watched all the news reports, and saw how, over the course of a few hours, reporters moved from asking open-ended questions to asking only questions that fit a narrative. He said:

Originally Posted by Dave Cullen

"Most people still believe that we know exactly what happened in Columbine, what went on, that it was two loner outcasts, from the Trench Coat Mafia, who went on this revenge spree against the Jocks as revenge for years of being bullied. Not one single thing, of those things I rattled off, is true. They weren't part of the Trench Coat Mafia. They weren't outcasts. None of that."

[MrDibble]

Originally Posted by Hal Briston

Their other bit on the tragedy.

There's also this bit.

[drewtwo99]

American Voices on the issue of gun sales increasing after the shooting.

My favorite:

Be warned: They could be wasting their time and money. I own two automatic rifles and three Glocks, and still no one has invited me to join a well-regulated militia.

[Drunky Smurf]

Originally Posted by drewtwo99

I used to play Warcraft 3 years ago with this guy who lives in Colorado. Well we really didn't play much together now that I think about it. And I haven't seen him in years, or really talked to him for over a year now. No idea if he was anywhere near the shooting or knew anyone involved, but still. Really makes you wonder, doesn't it?

I watch a TV show that is made by some guys in Colorado. I was so upset I couldn't watch the show for two days.

[BlinkingDuck]

Originally Posted by digs

The Onion waited a little bit, then came out with a hilarious, very therapeutic issue after 9/11.

Was that the "Amercans long to care about stupid shit again" piece?

THE MOST hilarious Onion ever was right after the 2000 election (Bush/Gore)

[BigT]

Originally Posted by BlinkingDuck

Was that the "Amercans long to care about stupid shit again" piece?

THE MOST hilarious Onion ever was right after the 2000 election (Bush/Gore)

To paraphrase an old saying, Link, or GTFO.

[Gukumatz]

The hell, The Onion has a paywall now? That really sucks.

[LC Strawhouse]

Hate to break it to you, but you are a first-class hipster if you use The Onion or South Park to gain insight into anything.

[guizot]

Originally Posted by LC Strawhouse

Hate to break it to you, but you are a first-class hipster if you use The Onion or South Park to gain insight into anything.

That must be devastating news to someone, somewhere.

[Shagnasty]

Originally Posted by guizot

That must be devastating news to someone, somewhere.

I think he was giving somebody a compliment. I am not sure what a '1st class hipster' is but it sounds like one of the best ranks to have. I love The Onion and South Park but I know compliment wasn't directed at me because I am neither a hipster nor 1st class.