I watched a chick flick. Am I going to die?

[TriPolar]

I wasn't trying to get laid or anything. It was just on, nobody else was there. I started watching because there were some cute chicks, then next thing I knew I wanted to find out what happened, and I watched it all the way through. I even watched the credits and extra scenes. Should I see a doctor? Has this ever happened to a guy before?

[Musicat]

I'm afraid you're doomed, unless you wore your estrogen shields. Quick, grab a couple of beers and scratch your balls, just to make sure they're still there.

[billfish678]

Are you wearing a red shirt? A second tier actor? The last guy in the line hiking through the woods? Did you tell the producer you wanted more money? A guest star? The bad guy? The asshole who that nice lady shouldn't be married too? Pulling some juvenille prank in place you are not supposed to be?

These are the factors the Sugeon General has determined to be the most statistically significant in determining your probability of dieing.

[janis_and_c0]

You won't die, but you must turn in your Man Card to the proper authorities.

[elbows]

Musicat is on the right track, I think, start burping and farting, get into that recliner, turn on televised golf, and keep telling everybody actually doing things; "Hey, y'know, you're doing that wrong!"

Godspeed!

[olivesmarch4th]

Thanks for throwing yourself on that grenade, buddy.

[Stauderhorse]

That depends on which chick flick it was. If it was "When Harry Met Sally", you're all good. If it was "What's Your Number?" or something of that ilk, well....

[dogbutler]

Watching a chick flick with an actual chick shows you're secure in your manhood, and care about her(or are at least smart enough to pretend ). Watching it alone? Dude, rent some Clint Eastwood westerns,stat!

[florez]

From what I have heard from others in your situation, you will not die, but you may start weeping or getting emotional over things that never touched you before.

And it wont give you a monthly period, but you may experience the sensation of having a phantom vagina if you keep watching those movies.

[Morgenstern]

Originally Posted by TriPolar

I wasn't trying to get laid or anything. It was just on, nobody else was there. I started watching because there were some cute chicks, then next thing I knew I wanted to find out what happened, and I watched it all the way through. I even watched the credits and extra scenes. Should I see a doctor? Has this ever happened to a guy before?

Have you started squatting to pee yet?

[Uosdwis R. Dewoh]

Originally Posted by janis_and_c0

You won't die, but you must turn in your Man Card to the proper authorities.

The standards have dropped as of late. Now you get a strike on your permanent man record. Get three strikes and you're demoted to boy. You can get strikes removed by doing something manly; wrestling a bear or changing a tire, or something.

[Digital is the new Analog]

Are you up to date on your cooties vaccinations? If not, you're more susceptible right now.

-D/a

[Lynn Bodoni]

Do you have a compulsion to dress in pink frills? Do you crave chocolate? Or extra sweet alcoholic drinks with umbrellas in them?

[Boyo Jim]

There is a sliding scale of chick flicks. On the low end of the scale is Laura Croft: Tomb Raider, which is about a chick who acts like a man with big tits. Mid-range is Sister Act or any film with Queen Latifah in it. On the high end are flicks like Waiting to Exhale and The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants.

Where the movie ranks on this scale determines how dangerous it is.

Another indicator is how many people are killed in it. The more people killed in the movie, the less likely you are to die.

[johnpost]

write this event down in some detail (not a diary, it is history). later on you have some notes when you want to appear sensitive to some one.

[Zsofia]

Originally Posted by Boyo Jim

There is a sliding scale of chick flicks. On the low end of the scale is Laura Croft: Tomb Raider, which is about a chick who acts like a man with big tits. Mid-range is Sister Act or any film with Queen Latifah in it. On the high end are flicks like Waiting to Exhale and The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants.

Where the movie ranks on this scale determines how dangerous it is.

Another indicator is how many people are killed in it. The more people killed in the movie, the less likely you are to die.

Hey, people die in them Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants movies!

[Boyo Jim]

Originally Posted by johnpost

write this event down in some detail (not a diary, it is history). later on you have some notes when you want to appear sensitive to some one.

That's a good idea. If you live, you might as well get something useful out of the movie, and getting laid by faking sensitivity is as useful as it gets. Even being able to rationally discuss the plot and "meaning" of the movie will score you some points with some chicks.

This is of course assuming you can still get an erection after watching the flick.

[Boyo Jim]

Originally Posted by Zsofia

Hey, people die in them Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants movies!

How would I know? You think I watch chick flicks?

How many people die? I forgot to mention that 5 is the minimum, unless the lead chick is really butch.

[Rigamarole]

Yes, you are going to die. Probably not related to watching the movie though.

[Boyo Jim]

Forgot to mention -- the CFS (Chick Flick Scale) was invented before Sex and The City (I or II) were released. If you saw one of them, you would probably have been dead before the closing credits rolled.

If you did see one of them and are still alive, turn yourself over to a credible medical research institution so they can determine why. You may have undiagnosed hormonal or chromosomal issues.

[not what you'd expect]

If you start to think that you want to watch the movie Precious, seek immediate help. Otherwise, I think your exposure has so far been minimal. You might be okay.

[minor7flat5]

So now for my own admission...

An eight year old child recently introduced me to Victorious...and I ended up buying the Victorious CD and I find myself listening to those catchy tunes frequently.

My man card is taking a hit for this one. I think I need to go play some ice hockey without a helmet or participate in some other manly endeavor in order to balance it out.

[Cinnamon Imp]

Originally Posted by TriPolar

I wasn't trying to get laid or anything. It was just on, nobody else was there. I started watching because there were some cute chicks, then next thing I knew I wanted to find out what happened, and I watched it all the way through. I even watched the credits and extra scenes. Should I see a doctor? Has this ever happened to a guy before?

That depends - were you watching it instead of porn as an aid to ummm, relaxation?

[Curiosity Kills Her]

You absolutely are going to die, unless you apply the antidote.

1. Strip down to BVDs.
2. Get comfortable on couch with hand positioned inside the elastic waistband.
3. Partake in periodic ball scratches.
4. Drink Budweiser.
5. Occasionally belch loud enough someone asks "Did you get any on you?"
6. Pass gas and blame it on the dog.

A day of this should ensure you don't die or worse - bleed every month and not die.

[nogravity]

6. Pass gas and blame it on the dog.

NO. That's what we chicks do because we never fart. Guys fart loud and proud like you created something out of thin air.

What was the flick?

[thelurkinghorror]

Originally Posted by Boyo Jim

There is a sliding scale of chick flicks. On the low end of the scale is Laura Croft: Tomb Raider, which is about a chick who acts like a man with big tits. Mid-range is Sister Act or any film with Queen Latifah in it. On the high end are flicks like Waiting to Exhale and The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants.

Where the movie ranks on this scale determines how dangerous it is.

Another indicator is how many people are killed in it. The more people killed in the movie, the less likely you are to die.

If that's like a 1 to 5 scale, then you need to add a -1 to it - movies that women shouldn't even watch, let alone men. Like Sisterhood (at least the first one) got decent reviews. There is a place in hell where you are forced to watch New Year's Eve or Leap Year or the one that I went to watch and blocked the title out of my mind. Probably something similar, Flag Day or Pearl Harbor Remembrance Day or something.

Oh, and kill means murdered. No dying of tuberculosis or the Vapors. Those methods of death require an extra cool death to make up for it. Like if Lord Rumpsey kills Baron Baddington in a duel.

[Boyo Jim]

Originally Posted by thelurkinghorror

If that's like a 1 to 5 scale, then you need to add a -1 to it - movies that women shouldn't even watch, let alone men. Like Sisterhood (at least the first one) got decent reviews. There is a place in hell where you are forced to watch New Year's Eve or Leap Year or the one that I went to watch and blocked the title out of my mind. Probably something similar, Flag Day or Pearl Harbor Remembrance Day or something.

Oh, and kill means murdered. No dying of tuberculosis or the Vapors. Those methods of death require an extra cool death to make up for it. Like if Lord Rumpsey kills Baron Baddington in a duel.

I think my post #20 kind of covers this. But I agree the scale needs to be updated to include today's artificially estrogen-enhanced flicks.

And yes, you are right about the deaths. Anything other than murder by gunshots, explosions or beating to death doesn't count. Though deliberate poisoning gets a half credit.

[kmshrader]

Originally Posted by Boyo Jim

Anything other than murder by gunshots, explosions or beating to death doesn't count. Though deliberate poisoning gets a half credit.

And death by cancer or tragic accident is a negative credit.

[Boyo Jim]

Originally Posted by kmshrader

And death by cancer or tragic accident is a negative credit.

But if you give them cancer by beaming them with x-rays from the apartment next door, no points lost. And really, we should consider whether a graphic decapitation or some other extremely gory death, even those caused by accident, should be penalized.

[Crab Rangoon]

I wouldn't worry overly about this. The effects of watching a chick flick can be reversed quite easily by following it up with a dick flick - this is a movie that contains a lot of explosions, guns, car chases and very sparse, poor dialog.

You'll be back to normal almost immediately.

[TriPolar]

Originally Posted by Crab Rangoon

I wouldn't worry overly about this. The effects of watching a chick flick can be reversed quite easily by following it up with a dick flick - this is a movie that contains a lot of explosions, guns, car chases and very sparse, poor dialog.

You'll be back to normal almost immediately.

Ok, I think I'm good then. The next thing I watched was The Replacement Killers.

[Musicat]

Originally Posted by TriPolar

Ok, I think I'm good then. The next thing I watched was The Replacement Killers.

Haven't seen that. Did they blow up real good?!?

[Boyo Jim]

Be careful. That's too damn close to a chick flick! It has children, and adults protecting children. The main guy, a hit man no less, won't kill a kid because of his conscience. It has Mira Sorvino, though she does play her role in a rather butch style. But there is enough killing to render it harmless, I'll grant you that.

I prescribe 3 consecutive viewings of Predator to assure a full recovery from the first flick.

[TriPolar]

Originally Posted by Boyo Jim

Be careful. That's too damn close to a chick flick! It has children, and adults protecting children. The main guy, a hit man no less, won't kill a kid because of his conscience. It has Mira Sorvino, though she does play her role in a rather butch style. But there is enough killing to render it harmless, I'll grant you that.

I prescribe 3 consecutive viewings of Predator to assure a full recovery from the first flick.

Yeah, it was a little sensitive, but it did reinforce the concept of dealing with problems through violence. Diehard is available, but it's a little Christmas-y. I'll look through the On Demand movies, there has to be some pointless violence there. And I'll just up my porn consumption for a while.

[Boyo Jim]

Hing Kong Triad films are usually pretty safe, so long as the synopsis doesn't mention anything about "protecting wife and family". However, "avenging brutally murdered wife and kids" should be very restorative to your manhood.

And avoid Jackie Chan flicks.

[billfish678]

Originally Posted by Boyo Jim

And avoid Jackie Chan flicks.

Oh come on. I've grown a few extra testicles just reading about his films.

[Boyo Jim]

Originally Posted by billfish678

Oh come on. I've grown a few extra testicles just reading about his films.

You haven't seen them? They are the Josie and the Pussycats version of action films. Admittedly Jackie is quite an athlete, but it's like watching one of those Olympic women's gymnast events -- the one where they dance on a big square pad with some kind of hula-hoop and ribbon.

Jackie Chan flicks are gateways to chick flicks. Soon you'll be watching Paul Rudd films, and then Sandra Bullock, and eventually... Amanda Bynes!

[Balance]

Originally Posted by thelurkinghorror

No dying of tuberculosis....

Are you impugning Doc Holliday?

[thelurkinghorror]

Originally Posted by Balance

Are you impugning Doc Holliday?

Nah. Franz Kafka wasn't very manly in that his books didn't have a lot of killing. But they did have a lot of suffering, so that counts. A lot of suffering. I was going for the waifish aristrocratic nine year old death. Hey, TVTropes calls it Victorian Novel Disease.

[billfish678]

Originally Posted by Boyo Jim

Jackie Chan flicks are gateways to chick flicks.

God. Damn. It.

Apparently my high school gym coach was right about that AND pot.

[picunurse]

I'm not sure I understand. The only chick flick I can think of is this one.

[twickster]

Moved MPSIMS --> Cafe Society.

[blondebear]

Doesn't everyone wish they could wear the traveling pants?

[needscoffee]

You still haven't 'fessed up to what chick flick you watched. We really need to know before we can give you a definitive answer.

[Boyo Jim]

Originally Posted by blondebear

Doesn't everyone wish they could wear the traveling pants?

Unless they kill your enemies when you wear them, no. Who wants shared, used pants? Unless that is your particular kink, of course.

[TriPolar]

Originally Posted by needscoffee

You still haven't 'fessed up to what chick flick you watched. We really need to know before we can give you a definitive answer.

You Again

[Boyo Jim]

That looks very very dangerous. Consider yourself lucky you haven't grown secondary female sexual characteristics. Go to some hockey games or get in a bar fight.

[needscoffee]

Originally Posted by TriPolar

You Again

Okay, it depends. Were you eating chocolate and drinking white zinfandel? Were there any candles burning?

[TriPolar]

Originally Posted by needscoffee

Okay, it depends. Were you eating chocolate and drinking white zinfandel? Were there any candles burning?

No. Nothing to eat or drink. No candles. It was just late at night, I couldn't sleep, and couldn't find anything to watch on TV. I was just clicking through the movie channels, stopped on that one.

[maggenpye]

Good grief man, I own Love Actually and I wouldn't watch You Again!

Just the IMDB listing gives me cramps. Be ashamed, be very ashamed.