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  #1  
Old 07-29-2012, 05:56 PM
grude grude is offline
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Is it common to "talk" to dead people via facebook?

I was just curious if anyone else has seen an example where family and friends post under a dead person's facebook account or post messages to them?

I know of several such cases, the most creepy where the woman's father? responds to posts in character as her

Is this a new sociological phenom?
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  #2  
Old 07-29-2012, 05:59 PM
Really Not All That Bright Really Not All That Bright is offline
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A good friend of my wife's died five years ago, and his roommate and parents have maintained his page since. He was incredibly popular (400 people showed up to his funeral), and they now use the page to manage a college scholarship in his honor. People still post messages to him on, though.
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  #3  
Old 07-29-2012, 06:07 PM
doreen doreen is offline
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It is creepy when people respond as the deceased person, but those messages to the deceased person don't seem much different to me from the "in memoriams" I see in the death notices section of the newspaper. Not the notices listing the date and time of services, but the ones that go " Dear Mom, Happy Birthday. You were called to Heaven recently, sooner than we knew. You were a truly special Mother, a blessing to all of us. We wish you eternal happiness with Dad and family. Your Loving Family"

Last edited by doreen; 07-29-2012 at 06:08 PM..
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  #4  
Old 07-29-2012, 06:22 PM
gwendee gwendee is offline
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Of my four deceased facebook friends, none has anyone posting AS him. two of them have absolutely no activity other than telling me when their birthdays roll by.

One of them is really only evr used by my friend's fiancee. She post things to him. "Miss you baby" comes up a lot.

The one that I kind of enjoy is the page of a man who was a teacher. He taught earth science and biology. He also led a lot of student groups on adventures. His page gets posts from former students. "Mr. D. I finally climbed Mt. Ranier." "Student teaching in Indianapolis. You made me want to be a teacher." People also post anything new and bacon related to his page. I had known of his passion for all things living, and for sharing that with his students, but nothing of his apparently deep and abiding love of bacon. He would've fit right in here.
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  #5  
Old 07-29-2012, 09:30 PM
AaronX AaronX is offline
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I think that's Notokay.
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  #6  
Old 07-29-2012, 09:39 PM
j666 j666 is offline
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New? Not really. People remember their loved ones.

Is it really so different from talking to a slab of granite a few times a year?
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  #7  
Old 07-29-2012, 10:43 PM
etv78 etv78 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AaronX View Post
I think that's Notokay.
Don't you mean not umkay?
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  #8  
Old 07-29-2012, 10:48 PM
lavenderviolet lavenderviolet is online now
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I don't think there's anything strange about posting messages to someone deceased. It does seem kind of strange to me that a family member would respond in character as a deceased loved one, but if they feel better doing that, then I guess whatever they need to do to cope with it is all right by me.
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  #9  
Old 07-30-2012, 02:22 AM
Taomist Taomist is offline
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Originally Posted by etv78 View Post
Don't you mean not umkay?
NotOkay was the name of the puppet used to post her death notice here on the boards.
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  #10  
Old 07-30-2012, 02:37 AM
listedmia listedmia is offline
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I have done this. I've lost a few friends who were very young and I found it helpful to talk to them on Facebook as if they were still alive. From the looks of their profiles, I'm not the only one. People post messages on their birthdays and other relevant dates too. I've never heard of a family member pretending to be the dead person, but one girl had a widget on her page that posts horoscopes and things every day. She still occasionally shows up in my news feed, which is really disconcerting considering she died last October.
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  #11  
Old 07-30-2012, 02:53 AM
AaronX AaronX is offline
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More to the point, what's up with people posting messages on FB to people who won't see them? e.g. Happy Mother's Day when their mothers aren't on FB. Who are they posting for?
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  #12  
Old 07-30-2012, 03:10 AM
etv78 etv78 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Taomist View Post
NotOkay was the name of the puppet used to post her death notice here on the boards.
Forgot about the "sock".
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  #13  
Old 07-30-2012, 05:35 AM
highrollinwooded highrollinwooded is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AaronX View Post
More to the point, what's up with people posting messages on FB to people who won't see them? e.g. Happy Mother's Day when their mothers aren't on FB. Who are they posting for?
They are posting for themselves......my mom died two years ago,and I post messages to her on pertinent holidays,etc.I get support/feedback from my friends, so that is why I do it. Besides that, I miss her to death!!!
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  #14  
Old 07-30-2012, 09:48 AM
Barkis is Willin' Barkis is Willin' is offline
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Probably the most annoying FB friend of mine is a one that types messages to her dead father at least a half dozen times a day. And they are alway typed in ALL CAPS. This person is family, which is why I have not axed them from my friend list.
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  #15  
Old 07-30-2012, 09:53 AM
Meatros Meatros is offline
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A friend of mine died and has an FB profile. Occasionally people go on it and make 'I miss you' type posts. I don't find that odd at all. There are pictures of him on his FB and some writings.

As to someone else logging in and responding as 'him', I would find that very wrong.
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  #16  
Old 07-30-2012, 11:21 AM
Spice Weasel Spice Weasel is offline
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I fired off an angry message to my Uncle's MySpace account shortly after he died. I wasn't the only one. It's really not any different than visiting someone's grave, or writing a letter they will never see.
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  #17  
Old 07-30-2012, 11:43 AM
Hallucinex Hallucinex is offline
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The posting-as-dead-person seems super-creepy, and other things like the multiple-posts-per-day seem weird. But in general I see it as on par with occasionally going to a grave and saying something "to" the deceased.

I had a friend that died a couple years ago, and if you go onto his fb page you'll just see messages here and there (a few more around his birthday) from people if something's reminded them of him or they're just thinking about him.
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  #18  
Old 07-30-2012, 08:33 PM
Filbert Filbert is offline
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Last year I got invisted to an event on facebook by a FOAF I'd never met, and I knew had been dead for over a year.

That was a little odd.

There's no indication anywhere on 'his' page that he's dead either- having it run as a memorial is one thing, but given that someone else clearly has access to the account, you'd think that was a pretty important piece of info to leave out. I had to spend several minutes searching on a website we both used to post on to double check that I wasn't getting him mixed up with someone else still alive.
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  #19  
Old 07-30-2012, 09:48 PM
SurrenderDorothy SurrenderDorothy is offline
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Every friend I've had who has died and still has a Facebook has people posting to them. Just "I miss you" or "Happy Birthday" or stuff like that. For some, family members post using their name, but not in character as them.
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  #20  
Old 07-30-2012, 10:01 PM
Sampiro Sampiro is offline
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I have had a couple of FB friends die over the years and somebody went into their account to make the announcement, but they did so as themselves (a.k.a. "This is George's brother, for those who don't know, George... etc.").

I have never seen anybody posting as the deceased, was not even really familiar with it to this thread, and think it would creep me the hell out and make me 'unfriend' instantly if it was somebody I cared about. But, if it brings comfort, I can understand why others might not.
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  #21  
Old 07-30-2012, 10:16 PM
listedmia listedmia is offline
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Oh yeah, my friend's mother has just started posting under his name, but not in character as him. He's not dead, but he just went to prison and she's trying to keep people updated on his mailing address, court dates, etc.
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  #22  
Old 08-01-2012, 12:14 AM
PandaBear77 PandaBear77 is offline
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Once in a blue moon someone will post on my Mom's Facebook wall. *shrug* I don't feel a need to but it's nice to see that people still remember her and think about her.
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  #23  
Old 11-17-2012, 05:12 PM
Scotts Scotts is offline
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Effective & Comforting

When my father died last year, we found his FB password and used it to let all his online friends know what had happened, and keep everyone updated on the arrangements.

I did so, as his son, advising who I was and why I was posting on his page.

My Dad had a great sense of humor. After his funeral, I was logged-in to his FB account when I noticed a relative come online. I sent her a chat, asking how "my" funeral was earlier that day.

She laughed, and responded like it was him. I know my father would have appreciated the joke.

Days later we notified FB of his passing, and the locked his page in memorium. As a result it can't be accessed any longer, so no weird posts from the beyound.
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  #24  
Old 11-17-2012, 05:18 PM
TriPolar TriPolar is online now
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Quote:
Originally Posted by j666 View Post
New? Not really. People remember their loved ones.

Is it really so different from talking to a slab of granite a few times a year?
No it is not different at all. And it harms no one.
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  #25  
Old 11-17-2012, 09:21 PM
ducati ducati is offline
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Seems weird to me. FB is ostensibly for people to communicate.

I had a good friend - a cop - who was killed by a perp he was chasing.
He, like many, has a page on Officer Down Memorial Page.

This is a page meant for friends to leave a note, speak well of, or even to their lost friends. Since that's the reason behind the site it's a bit less creepy, but his wife posts there a lot and I hate to see that. It's been 6 years.
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  #26  
Old 11-18-2012, 07:48 AM
kiz kiz is offline
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My college roommate made a page for her sister after her sister suddenly passed last summer. The outpouring of sympathy, stories, and reminisces from both her family and community are so touching it leaves me speechless.
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  #27  
Old 11-18-2012, 12:34 PM
bobkitty bobkitty is offline
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A former coworker who passed away unexpectedly in a car accident earlier this year had someone in his family posting as him on FB.. "Here in heaven dancing with (his wife who also died tragically young in a car accident many years before).. love you!" and other things. One of his younger relatives posted saying it was creepy and please stop, which led- of all things- to an argument about whether it was creepy and if the person should stop. Unbelievable.

People posted (and continue to post) on my former husband's FB page, which hasn't been changed to a memorial page yet, but no one posts as him. His son posted from his account on the day he died, but made it very clear that it was the son posting. I posted on Halloween, as a matter of fact- partially passive-aggressively, as his girlfriend stole an item that was supposed to go to a friend of ours, and it was the perfect time to make an oblique reference to it in the hopes that she would Do The Right Thing and return it, but I would've posted anyway because Halloween was an important day for us.

So.. posting to the page, not creepy. Posting from the account to pass along information, when making it absolutely clear that it's someone else doing it- not creepy. Responding as the person- CREEPY.
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  #28  
Old 11-19-2012, 11:30 AM
BigT BigT is offline
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I've seen people who post condolences to the family right after the death, and sometimes those include those types of comments. But as a general thing? No.

Posting as the dead person? HELL no.

Last edited by BigT; 11-19-2012 at 11:31 AM..
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  #29  
Old 11-19-2012, 02:32 PM
BigT BigT is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TriPolar View Post
No it is not different at all. And it harms no one.
Yeah it is--it's public and unconstrained by physical boundaries. You might argue that I should just unfriend them and my dead friend if I want to avoid it, but that comes off as selfish. So you kinda have to put with it.

Talking to your dead loved ones is a private thing. I wouldn't say it's wrong to it publicly, but it is weird, along the lines of talking to yourself publicly.

Last edited by BigT; 11-19-2012 at 02:33 PM..
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  #30  
Old 11-19-2012, 03:14 PM
pohjonen pohjonen is offline
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I have a friend who passed away last May that I still feel an urge to email him. For years we sent each other additional names for the National Lampoon Yearbook (You know, Like Heywood Jablomie) as they ocurred to us. Even at the last we were sending ones like Lew Kemia, Faye Splant, and Kim O'Therapy. Just today Deb Itcard popped into my head and now I have no one to send it to.
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  #31  
Old 11-20-2012, 08:50 AM
chinchalinchin chinchalinchin is offline
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I always found it kind of weird. A lot of people on this thread are saying it's not much different from visiting the grave of a deceased loved one. But I think there is one major difference: Everyone on the person's friend list can see what you said (and depending on the privacy settings of the person, perhaps the entire internet). I think it's sort symptomatic of the whole voyeuristic subculture facebook has unearthed. I think, and I might be dead wrong about this, a lot of people aren't actually talking to the dead person; they are talking to everyone else by masking their conversation through their relationship with the deceased. People want other people to see them, want their existence as a living, breathing human being with feelings confirmed by other people.
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