I found a porn DVD someone dropped on the bus

[grude]

Naughty Black Housewives 3, starring Megan Vaughn.

Do you think I will be able to follow the plot? Or should I avoid spoilers and watch the first two before watching this one?

[Nawth Chucka]

Megan Vaughn? Dilettante.

[Astral Rejection]

Well, there are several character cameos from the prior two. There's a part where the mailman comes to deliver a package, and you won't get who he is at all.

[dnooman]

Part three doesn't hold a candle to part one. Don't get me started on the abomination that is part two. The creative vision was simply lost, and the casting was sub par at best.

IMO it needs a reboot, or re-booty if you will.

[Biotop]

SPOILER:

The second housewife (the one with the golden earrings) is really his long lost sister. She supposedly died in ep #1, if I recall correctly.

[G0sp3l]

"Naughty Black Housewives" was a great movie.

There are no sequels. Unless you find one with some albino twins.

[Biotop]

Actually, I think for sheer wickedness, the second one in that series is hard to top:

SPOILER:

The housewives in NBH 2 were especially naughty. First, two of them stayed up well past their bedtimes giggling, despite having been warned about "If I have to come back in here again you will be not be laughing!" Then later, the one with the big bazzoomas would not sit still at the restaurant and spilled her water all over the table. The girl/girl scene where two neighborhood housewives don't wipe their feet and track in the dirt from outside, leaving the door open and letting the dog escape is especially well acted. But the worst of the naughtiness is certainly that chick in the skimpy dress who knocks over the jars in the supermarket and runs away without telling anyone.

I think #3 picks up when they finally get to leave "time out" in the corner chair.

[Taomist]

Originally Posted by Biotop

Actually, I think for sheer wickedness, the second one in that series is hard to top:

SPOILER:

The housewives in NBH 2 were especially naughty. First, two of them stayed up well past their bedtimes giggling, despite having been warned about "If I have to come back in here again you will be not be laughing!" Then later, the one with the big bazzoomas would not sit still at the restaurant and spilled her water all over the table. The girl/girl scene where two neighborhood housewives don't wipe their feet and track in the dirt from outside, leaving the door open and letting the dog escape is especially well acted. But the worst of the naughtiness is certainly that chick in the skimpy dress who knocks over the jars in the supermarket and runs away without telling anyone.

I think #3 picks up when they finally get to leave "time out" in the corner chair.

Agreed; just skip 3 altogether, and go get 2. SO much naughtier.

[Sunspace]

What about 4? I heard there was a scene with the toilet paper on the roll the wrong way around.

[beowulff]

I found a porn DVD someone dropped on the bus

Sure you did.

[dnooman]

Originally Posted by Sunspace

What about 4? I heard there was a scene with the toilet paper on the roll the wrong way around.

You shut your mouth right now. That never happens. LALALALALAL

[Shakes]

Originally Posted by Astral Rejection

Well, there are several character cameos from the prior two. There's a part where the mailman comes to deliver a package, and you won't get who he is at all.

Meh, all he needs to know is that "The Postman Always Bangs Twice.'

[TheChileanBlob]

Reported for forum change to Cafe Society.

[Vicullum]

Originally Posted by grude

Naughty Black Housewives 3, starring Megan Vaughn.

Do you think I will be able to follow the plot? Or should I avoid spoilers and watch the first two before watching this one?

"That's 2 Fast 2 Furious... which means you've already seen the first one! How else could you follow the highly cerebral storyline?!"--Stan Smith

[Beware of Doug]

As a longtime devotee of Ms. Vaughn's work, I deeply appreciate her breaking out of the baby-oil-soaked bubble-butt-ho genre into comparatively marginalized roles; it is long past time naughty Black housewives were recognized in film. Ms. Vaughn's foray into the foot-fetish oeuvre also promises to open doors for talented Black actresses, while at the same time helping to validate this long stigmatized form of cinematic narrative.

[Nawth Chucka]

If you pay very close attention to the plot, you'll see it's actually a reworking of 'King Lear'. TMYK

[antonio107]

Originally Posted by beowulff

I found a porn DVD someone dropped on the bus

Sure you did.

I gotta try that line on my old lady. Except it might be more difficult if it's on my laptop's hard drive...

[Fubaya]

Pfft, the novels were sooo much better. I feel that the movie adaptations haven't been true to the story. The audiobooks read by Morgan Freeman are pretty good too, there's just something about his voice.

[Nawth Chucka]

Originally Posted by antonio107

I gotta try that line on my old lady. Except it might be more difficult if it's on my laptop's hard drive...

"It must have accidentally fallen off the internet onto my laptop. Twice."

[G0sp3l]

Originally Posted by antonio107

I gotta try that line on my old lady. Except it might be more difficult if it's on my laptop's hard drive...

ding, dong

"Hi, are you the technician?"
"Yes. I got a call about a laptop that needed a hard drive."

[drewtwo99]

In number 3, I hear that they actually include some naughty unmarried black women, and some wives who don't live in houses and aren't really all that naughty, just to try to appeal to a more broad, casual, popcorn-munching audience.

I blame greedy producers and directors with no adherence to principles.

[JRDelirious]

Originally Posted by Fubaya

Pfft, the novels were sooo much better. I feel that the movie adaptations haven't been true to the story. The audiobooks read by Morgan Freeman are pretty good too, there's just something about his voice.

You'll never be able to hear "take it all and swallow, you stank ho" again without getting a chill down your back. But in fact only DVD's 1 and 2 really follow the books, after 3 they just keep some of the names -- and in any case IMO the author's phoning it in any more -- no wonder they have switched their distribution system to just leaving discs on public transit conveyances.

[Acsenray]

Originally Posted by grude

Naughty Black Housewives 3, starring Megan Vaughn.

Okay, I just did a Google image search, with the thought of confirming my assumption that the vast majority of porn actors are kind of icky. But this Megan Vaughn person seems to be rather good looking, and I don't say that lightly.

[Tess]

Am I the only one who assumes that after watching a movie of unknown origins the viewer has to show it to someone else in seven days or die?

[SCSimmons]

Originally Posted by Acsenray

Okay, I just did a Google image search, with the thought of confirming my assumption that the vast majority of porn actors are kind of icky. But this Megan Vaughn person seems to be rather good looking, and I don't say that lightly.

Note to self: remember to turn Safe Search back on before image searching on known porn star names.

[Ludovic]

Originally Posted by Astral Rejection

There's a part where the mailman comes to deliver a package

He also had some mail for her.

[ElvisL1ves]

Is there a pool-cleaning guy in this one, too?

[fighting ignorant]

Originally Posted by dnooman

You shut your mouth right now. That never happens. LALALALALAL

Real fans know to watch the series in machete order

[Full Tilt Boogie]

Weren't the first two merely 'prequels'?

And any way, the car chase in part 3 was nothing compared to the 'ascension to heaven' sequence in part 2.

[Sunspace]

Originally Posted by Full Tilt Boogie

Weren't the first two merely 'prequels'?

And any way, the car chase in part 3 was nothing compared to the 'ascension to heaven' sequence in part 2.

...except that it was all retconned as a dream sequence.

I hate it when they do that.

[Johnny Bravo]

Originally Posted by JRDelirious

But in fact only DVD's 1 and 2 really follow the books, after 3 they just keep some of the names -- and in any case IMO the author's phoning it in any more

That's because it was between the second and third ones that he became Born Again.

If you watch the movie with that in mind, and with an understanding that Tyrone the Door-to-Door Cutlery Salesman is actually a Christ figure, everything makes a lot more sense.

[Biotop]

Originally Posted by Nawth Chucka

If you pay very close attention to the plot, you'll see it's actually a reworking of 'King Lear'. TMYK

Well that explains it! I thought the dialog seemed a bit highbrow for regular porno.

These are actual quotes from NBH3:

++++++++

"Cum not between the dragon and his wrath."

"I want that glib and oily art
To speak and purpose not; since what I well intend,
I'll do't you hard before I speak!"

"How sharper than a serpent's tooth it is
To have a spankless wife!"

"Necessity's sharp pinch
Feels goooooood! Ohh Uhhh..."

"Let not women's weapons, water-drops
Stain my man cheeks!
Well, maybe a little..."

"Poor naked wretches, wheresoe'er you are,
That bide the pelting of this pitiless storm,
How shall your houseless heads and unfed sides,
Your looped and windowed raggedness, defend you
From seasons such as these? Oh baby ooooohhhh!!!!"

"'Tis a naughty night to swim in."

"Through tatter'd clothes small vices do appear;
Robes and furr'd gowns hide all.
So please take off thy furr'd gowns right this very minute!"


"Every inch a king."

[Sunspace]

Originally Posted by Johnny Bravo

That's because it was between the second and third ones that he became Born Again.

If you watch the movie with that in mind, and with an understanding that Tyrone the Door-to-Door Cutlery Salesman is actually a Christ figure, everything makes a lot more sense.

Well, that explains Meghan's exclamation of "O my God!" doesn't it? Obviously a transport of religious ecstasy.

[Biotop]

Originally Posted by Nawth Chucka

If you pay very close attention to the plot, you'll see it's actually a reworking of 'King Lear'. TMYK

According to the Oxford Encyclopaedia of Cinema, the original working title for this project was "The Tragedy of King Leer." The the name and certain details had to be changed for legal reasons. Megan Vaughn, in this reviewer's opinion, underplayed her role as Cordelia (Miss Vaughn does display certain characteristics that might be desireable in a modern day "Globe Theater", so perhaps she will give the classics another try). Bryan Coxx, however, does hit the nail on the head with his portrayal of Edgar, especially in the castle scene right before he actually does nail Goneril.

As far as I know, there are only two other pornographic re-imaginings of Shakespeare.

"Romy's Owed and Julie's Wet" (1998) and "Midsummer Night's Cream" (2005). I refuse to count the lesbian short "Boyless and Cressida" (2002) because really the only similarity between the video and the Bard's play is the one scene with Cressida and Helen in Madame Calchas' tent.

[Lumpy]

Originally Posted by Nawth Chucka

Megan Vaughn? Dilettante.

Is that an expert on dildos?

[tdn]

The butler did it.

Oh crap, I spoiled it.

Oh well, might as well give away the whole thing. First he did it with one naughty black housewife, then he did it with another, then he did it with both of them.

[Hoopy Frood]

Originally Posted by Fubaya

Pfft, the novels were sooo much better. I feel that the movie adaptations haven't been true to the story. The audiobooks read by Morgan Freeman are pretty good too, there's just something about his voice.

Her fleshy curtain dangled low.

[grude]

Can I just say this thread is frickin' hilarious and I am glad I started it.

[Sunspace]

Originally Posted by Biotop

According to the Oxford Encyclopaedia of Cinema, the original working title for this project was "The Tragedy of King Leer." The the name and certain details had to be changed for legal reasons.

The title was changed after the makers of Leer truck caps got wind of the script. One of the production crew happened to know someone at Leer.

Originally Posted by Hoopy Frood

Her fleshy curtain dangled low.

Don't let H R Giger get ahold of this. That scene in Jean Gireau's L'Incal was disturbing enough.

[Nawth Chucka]

Originally Posted by tdn

The butler did it.

Oh crap, I spoiled it.

Oh well, might as well give away the whole thing. First he did it with one naughty black housewife, then he did it with another, then he did it with both of them.

No one ever said there was only one. It's the 'Naughty Black Housewives Supremacy'.

[Enkel]

Originally Posted by antonio107

I gotta try that line on my old lady. Except it might be more difficult if it's on my laptop's hard drive...

Your blue tooth was on and open and someone put it there without your permission. Happens all the time.

[Sunspace]

Originally Posted by Enkel

Your blue tooth was on and open and someone put it there without your permission. Happens all the time.

Only in some genres.

[Hal Holly]

I see your point with the King Lear connection, however consider this: NBH3 represents an earlier work from which King Lear is derived! No you say? Just think about this: Black = dark. and when its dark outside you should be careful. also if someone is naughty you should also be careful. Careful + Careful= Leary. Now then, a mans home is his castle. if a man lives in a castle, so does his wife. who else lives in a castle? A KING!! Leary, king= King Lear! My god, it so blatant it screams off the page! Watch the first seven minutes and see if you don't come to the same conclusion. And leaving the DVD on a bus is just a poor attempt by so called Shakespearean scholars to hide this work from the light of truth! We should call someone in Washington or England.

[Biotop]

Originally Posted by Hal Holly

I see your point with the King Lear connection, however consider this: NBH3 represents an earlier work from which King Lear is derived! No you say? Just think about this: Black = dark. and when its dark outside you should be careful. also if someone is naughty you should also be careful. Careful + Careful= Leary. Now then, a mans home is his castle. if a man lives in a castle, so does his wife. who else lives in a castle? A KING!! Leary, king= King Lear! My god, it so blatant it screams off the page! Watch the first seven minutes and see if you don't come to the same conclusion. And leaving the DVD on a bus is just a poor attempt by so called Shakespearean scholars to hide this work from the light of truth! We should call someone in Washington or England.

A tenuous arguement at best. Clearly the current DVD plotting was developed much after Shakespeare's time, using Lear only as a base for its tale of tragic housewife debauchery. Indeed, there is little evidence that queening stools were used at all prior to the 1800's, much less as actual thrones for royalty. Need I remind you that King Lear was first performed in 1606?

According to the credits, NBH3 was written by Frank Bakkin and Kristi Merlot. Unfortunately, I have been unable to discover anything more about any other possible collaborative works by this duo ---despite the best efforts of Google. However, unless you can explain the obvious anachronisms in the current Greyhound deposited pornographia, I think your theory is unsupportable.

[don't ask]

Why didn't you return it to its rightful owner?

I assume you stood, holding it above your head, and called out, very loudly, "If whoever dropped their copy of 'Naughty Black Housewives 3', starring Megan Vaughn, wants it back I've got it right here. Anyone? Well I'll be sitting right here if you want to be discreet."

[Sunspace]

Originally Posted by Biotop

According to the credits, NBH3 was written by Frank Bakkin and Kristi Merlot. Unfortunately, I have been unable to discover anything more about any other possible collaborative works by this duo ---despite the best efforts of Google. However, unless you can explain the obvious anachronisms in the current Greyhound deposited pornographia, I think your theory is unsupportable.

Greyhound-deposited pornographia? I think that is an unsupported assumption. Nowhere does the OP say that the disc was left on an inter-city bus. It's quite possible that local transit was involved. Of course, using local transit would dramatically lower distribution costs, while reducing the distribution area.

Unless multiple distribution areas are involved, this hints at a production enterprise limited by budget constraints. Could this be the reason for the decline in production values? Yes, basing the material off Shakespeare is initially impressive; but given the Bard's love of bawdy humour, plus his works' current out-of-copyright status, it's clear that using Shakespeare as source material is actually the bargain-basement option! The producers would have had to pay much more for an original screenplay.

Other hints of budget constraints include the use of autotuning in the theme vocals, and the bluescreened backgrounds in the car-chase scenes. I never thought I'd ever see a repeating background in a non-cartoon work, for example; the protagonists pass the same red house no less than 13 times in one two-minute driving scene. This film has 'direct-to-video' written all over it. Why, I bet that no 35-mm prints were ever made!

[Biotop]

Originally Posted by Sunspace

Greyhound-deposited pornographia? I think that is an unsupported assumption. Nowhere does the OP say that the disc was left on an inter-city bus. It's quite possible that local transit was involved.

Point taken. However, one can certainly argue that The Merry Wives of Windsor would have been a so much more appropriate source material for the DVD in question. Such a centralized comedic production would naturally (and more likely!) be found on a local line. When we look at the breadth of Lear, it seems more probable that a Greyhound or perhaps a Trailways was involved. You can't have tragedy on a local line.

Perhaps the OP can clear this up.

[Count Blucher]

I can't believe the OP watched it! Didn't your phone ring after!? Look, you need to burn 5 copies immediately and drop them places where people will find them.

If not... in seven days... Megan Vaughn will take your Ring....!

[Hal Holly]

Originally Posted by Biotop

A tenuous arguement at best. Clearly the current DVD plotting was developed much after Shakespeare's time, using Lear only as a base for its tale of tragic housewife debauchery. Indeed, there is little evidence that queening stools were used at all prior to the 1800's, much less as actual thrones for royalty. Need I remind you that King Lear was first performed in 1606?

According to the credits, NBH3 was written by Frank Bakkin and Kristi Merlot. Unfortunately, I have been unable to discover anything more about any other possible collaborative works by this duo ---despite the best efforts of Google. However, unless you can explain the obvious anachronisms in the current Greyhound deposited pornographia, I think your theory is unsupportable.

Actually that is the easiest to explain by example. I have in my collection a VHS video of James Earl Jones as King Lear (1974), and a DVD of Derek Jacobi (2011) as King Lear. Thus the existence of a modern media performance does not preclude the existence of an earlier presentation. And while some modern scholars argue on who inspired the Bard ( Chaucer, Plutarch?) or even who wrote the vast volume of work ( Bacon? (MMmmmmm) its easy to make some comparisons. Also, the existence of modern appliances in a movies does not negate it's basis in an earlier work. Ian Mckellen's Richard III (1995) has tanks and aircraft which I don't believe were seen in the original 1591 performance.

[GregE625]

I can't answer your question because I don't watch such trash.

And kindly return my DVD.