Long story short- Four years ago I met a great girl. I dated her about 6 times and something happened (long story) and that was it- we never contacted each other again. I’ve literally thought about her every day for four years, fantasizing about how our lives would have been together. I never “made love” to anyone before her. I always though the concept was bullshit and it was just a term made up for those that felt dirty about fucking, but after her I understood. I’ve fucked plenty of girls, including one’s I’ve been in love with. With her it was unbelievably special.
I emailed her last week expressing how I felt and she told me she thinks of me often too. She said she had just broken up with her boyfriend of 6 months a week ago and would like to go on a date with me (I asked her out on one in the email). We went out last Saturday night and had the most romantic dinner. I’ve dated lots of girls before, but I have never ever been so in love with someone and so fast. I’ve actually been in love with her over the years that I’ve been fantasizing about her.
We started making plans about spending our lives together during the week via phone (we don’t live very close and she works and goes to school at night). Tonight was the night I was supposed to come over and we were supposed to hold each other all night, and like she said in an email to me, “melt in to each other.” I’ve never looked forward to an evening more in my life. With every woman I’ve been in love with, I mostly fantasized about sex. I wasn’t doing that this time. I couldn’t stop thinking about caressing her skin, looking into her eyes and holding her. She is the most feminine woman I have ever seen. Every part about her is so perfect. No one could understand how much the tonight that was supposed to be meant to me. I can’t stop kicking myself.
There are more details, but I don’t want to make this so long that no one is interested in reading it.
Anyway, I screwed up and wrote her an email expressing that she be honest with me about whether or not her ex contacts her. She was angry that I did that after we had discussed this at length on the phone the day before. That night, she broke it off with me and expressed that she needs to focus on her and work and school, blah blah, blah. I’m sure she’ll be doing all of that and still have a next boyfriend.
I really believe that I’ll never find someone so meant for me and one that I think is so perfect. I don’t want to caress anyone else’s skin or hold them all night. I know I’ll be pining away for her four years from now just like I have been for the past four years. I have been crying almost non-stop (I’m crying right now). How do I get through this? Is there anything I can do to get her back? I already expressed how I feel through email, and she doesn’t want me to contact her anymore. I literally feel like my heart is breaking in half. It hurts so bad.
Do you want honesty or more fantasy? You aren’t in love or anything close to it. You have a relationship that you have built up in your imagination, to the ideals that exist in your head, and not anything based in reality. Your expectations are never going to be met. You’ve had a four year daydream that you have poured all your time and energy into, and now you have a she’s the most perfect person and the only one for me loop playing in your mind that will become your sad reality if you don’t wise up quickly: She’s not perfect, she’s not the only one for you, and who the hell makes plans to spend their lives together after 7 dates over the course of 4 years?
Sorry if that sounds harsh, but you sound terribly young and not very realistic. You two break up over an email? What do you think is going to happen when the kid has an ear infection and is screaming for hours on end, she has PMS, you just lost your job and can’t pay the rent and all the rest of life’s pressures are on full blast?
I understand where you’re coming from LurkerInNJ, but I can’t help get past this. I’ve had a fiancee break up with me before and it didn’t hurt this bad. I just want to hold her. I want it so bad. I don’t want to cry over this anymore because of the pain, but at the same time I don’t want to stop thinking about her. I can’t stop thinking about her, anyway. I wish I can make this sadness go away. It’s incredibly painful.
Can I ask one favor? Please stop the jokes. I’m really hurting. Maybe I came here looking for sympathy, and maybe that was dumb. I want to get over this.
To be really honest, whatever led you to pour 4 years of your life into daydreaming your way into this is going to need the help of a therapist to find your way out of. It’s not at all about the girl, it’s about you. You can get away from someone else, but you can’t get away from yourself. Find a good therapist. I feel for you. I really do. No joke.
Think of it this way: how could it be “true love” if you are the only one with feelings? Come on man, she doesn’t share your infatuation, so do some introspection and understand this is all about you.
I know people are smart here and have a good perspective on things. Thought I might get some insight.
Maybe I din’t explain myself well. I didn’t stop living my life or anything and just occupy my time with fantasies. But like all people fantasize on a daily basis, I would fantasize about her and I doing various things together.
Thank you. I don’t even know you and that means a lot. I have no insurance right now, but if I don’t get over this in a couple of weeks, I will take your advice. I have a feeling if some of you met her and talked to her for a while, you would understand. She really is special.
Yeeeeeaaaah that’s it. If you had just not sent that email inquiring about her ex, everything would simply heavenly with you two right now. And happily ever after, of course…:dubious: