…the most important thing in a house is for there to be a place to sit and have coffee in the morning.
How come no one ever says, “Wow, I can just see myself sitting here with my morning Scotch/beer looking at that view”?
They only drink scotch and beer while entertaining.
What I’ve learned from House Hunters:
-
People are stoopid
-
Women need big closets; men (HA HA!) can keep their stuff in the spare bedroom
-
It’s incredibly difficult to overlook bad paint or wallpaper, no matter how desirable the house is otherwise
-
When you say you want a “fixer upper,” you really don’t mean it
-
Everyone works from home and needs a dedicated home office
-
Stainless steel appliances and granite countertops make BabyJesus weep with joy
-
There is something called “open concept” which sounds like a buzzword, but really means you can drink copious amounts of alcohol while cooking supper, and keeping an eye on your kids (no violent video games) and your husband (no super nasty porn sites).
Their children will never grow past the toddler stage, so no pool, no stairs, no hard floor tile, the yard must be perfectly flat, a two-story foyer or family room is a death trap, and all the bedrooms must be on the same floor, preferably with windows that won’t open.
One woman complained that a house built in 2008 was “dated”. Seriously, do these people remodel every two years?
90% of the population shown houses are absolute morons who have to have the biggest, flashiest newest <whatever is the most popular in the current magazines> even if they have absolutely no need for <whatever> in their kitchens and can barely boil a pot of water.
I have literally seen the same couple shown 2 houses. One had a laundry nook in a closet off the kitchen, the other had it upstairs where all the bedrooms are. Stupid wife bitched because it wasn’t down in the basement. Sorry, I would adore a washer/dryer where the actual dirty clothing is made so I wouldn’t have to schlep it up and down 2 flights of damned stairs. Some other woman bitched because there was a half bath off the kitchen. In a modern open concept ground floor, it isn’t like it can be off a different room when the whole damned downstairs is effectively one huge freaking room :rolleyes::dubious::smack:
And then there was the damned wife absolutely adored mid century moderns, yet when shown one whined about the single tiny bathroom and the tiny closets that were the usual back in midcentury moderns:rolleyes::smack:
There was one woman recently who looked at a home (with her able-bodied husband) in a gated community that had a 24-hour MANNED security entrance. The house itself had an alarm system. She didn’t feel safe in the house because the master bedroom was on the ground floor and “too close to the front door.”
Granite is the only acceptable countertop material (this drives me insane - there are SO MANY other awesome kinds, many that are easier to take care of than granite too!)
Walls cannot be painted, nor wallpaper removed (yeah painting sucks but pay someone to do it if you really hate it that much)
Everyone has elaborate cocktail and dinner parties and backyard BBQs for 10+ people on a weekly basis and therefore needs copious open space to entertain (I live in a not-open-concept now and it does kinda stink, but EVERY SHOW everyone apparently a professional house party giver or something?)
No one cares about garages (I rarely hear anyone mention them unless the husband is a stock car racer or something very specific - my bf and I have been casually house hunting and it’s one of our #1 things to look for, are we the odd ones?)
I just want the Property Brothers to hook me up with a busted up house instead 
I watch real estate porn too, and I agree with all of these observations. I think the one that drives me the craziest is the people who turn down a perfect house because of paint or wallpaper. You can paint it yourself over the weekend, or you can spend a small amount of money and have someone paint it for you - you don’t turn down a house over paint.
The “dated house” comments drive me a bit crazy, too - I live in a 40 year old house, and oh yeah, it’s dated - $1000 and a long weekend could fix that, though.
ETA: We need a garage or space to build one - we have our first garage now, and you’ll pry it from my cold, dead hands. 
Some of them also seem to get upset over doorknob or drawer pull styling. As if this isn’t a quick $50 fix at Lowe’s.
I’m surprised by the number of people that remark on features like crown molding or trayed ceilings. I think they are self-conscious about being on TV and so try to make knowledgeable comments using house-y terms about every little thing they see. Because who really gives a crap about the molding? Whatever.
The worst ones are House Hunters International where all these American couples go to buy overseas vacation homes and go around criticizing everything culturally different about the foreign house/flat they’re looking at. Like you really didn’t know that many countries don’t put the toilet in the same room with the shower, or that your “master suite” won’t be the size of a football pitch, or that central Paris is really friggin’ expensive, or that the little winding lane up to your villa isn’t going to be built to accommodate your fatass Chevy Tahoe? The Slovenians probably don’t want you anyway. Shut up and take what they’ve got or go home to your suburban McMansion.
What I’ve learned from House Hunters is that the real estate agent will show one house that’s ugly but a perfect location and under budget, then a house that’s great but 50 miles away and over budget, and then a third house that’s not all that different from the rental the buyer is hoping to move out of that’s right at budget, but usually right next to a busy road. Those are your choices kids.
The hosts and producers prompt them to comment on everything no matter how banal. That’s why you get people making stupid pontifications about doorknobs.
CITE.
With regard to that, I have also learned that there are a lot of really disrespectful women out there. How their spouses put up with them, I don’t know. I wonder how many couples have a fight after some filming - “You totally emasculated me there, you know. I really don’t appreciate it when you talk about me like I’m some kind of idiot.”
The thing that irritated me to the point that I quit watching the show was the idiotic sound effect heard when the view changes: WHHOOOOSSSHH!!! Gee, thanks, guys. I hadn’t noticed anything different on the screen and was starting to nod off.
Hey, listen!!! SHTOINK! That’s the souind of me changing the channel.
Having hundreds of pumpkin scented candles burning (unattended) in a house will guarantee a sale!
One thing I’ve learned from reading about House Hunters at various locations–(including TwoP, where folks get really serious): The annoying “hunters” get far more attention from viewers than the less annoying ones.
There are, indeed, some non-irritating people who do a pretty good job of recreating the hunt for a house. (Of course it’s all fake–which ought to be news to those who still write Santa every year.) But the “fans” mostly ignore them. They rejoice in their superiority to the silly folks who recite the Stainless/Granite litany & use old-fashioned sexist memes in assigning closet space. I wouldn’t be surprised if HGTV didn’t encourage this stupidity–it sells!
I like the International version because it lets me snoop into other people’s houses or apartments. How else could I see a sample of homes in Ulan Bator? By now, keeping the toilet seperate from the shower or bath seems cleaner to me. And I’d consider renting a broom closet if it meant I could stay in Paris a while…
Why don’t you post under your real name, Don?
What I have learned is that, second only to oxygen and water, man must have dual sinks in the bathroom.
mmm
I’ve learned that there are many couples in their late 20s to early 30s who hold some sort of mysterious “consulting” job and can afford a $500,000 house. Some of those couples can even afford a $200,000-$300,000 vacation home.
Bingo, my wife watches these shows and the amount of freelance consultants is INSANE! Who are they, what do they really do for a living?
For just $600 a hour, they’ll be happy to tell you.
I’ve never understood the dual sink thing. The only reason you really need two is if you both need to use a sink at precisely the same moment. Apart from that, a second sink is just a hole that robs you of counter space. Is simultaneous sink use really that important to people?