27 Year old dating a 19 Year Old

In My Humble Opinion
1

Hey everyone,
First off I just wanted to say that I checked out the thread “How to handle daughter dating older guy (Long)” and was really impressed by all the great advice. So I wanted to tap your brains for another perspective, this time coming from the guy.

Firstly, I want to throw out that I’m not normally attracted to girls younger than 23. I think a lot of them lack maturity, and well, it just feels kind of weird lol. I also think I’m fairly mature for my age (great career, nice car, house, well respected in the community, etc).

So anyways, I posted a profile on a dating site just to see what would happen, and I’ve gotten quite a few messages. But I try to respond to everyone, just because I think it’s the polite thing to do. Anyways, the site listed this girl as a match, but I just completely ignored it because she wasn’t in that 23-31 range I was looking for. Nevertheless, she messaged me and so I shot her a quick reply just trying to be cordial. I’m not going to lie, yeah, it was a little flattering, but not what I was looking for (again felt she was too young).

Anyways, 5 hours later we finally stopped chatting and called it a night. And the thing is, I was super impressed by how mature she seemed, and some of the stuff she said was just like “wow.” I mean she was one of the first girls I’ve just clicked with in a long time.

And I get the concern about the “nice house nice car” thing, but I haven’t shared any of that. Like the entire time we talked about other stuff, interests, hobbies, beliefs (got into some pretty deep convos too), etc.

So here’s my question to all of you, what do you think? Should I follow my head and get out as fast as I can, or do I follow my heart and see what happens? I guess, am I making a bigger deal about the age difference than there really is? :smack:

Many thanks!

2

I’m young myself, and don’t have a track record of really long relationships… but if there’s anything I’ve learned it’s that successful couples come in all shapes and sizes, ages young and old and mismatched.

My grandpa is 9 years older than my grandma, got married to her when she was about 19 I think, and they are still together to this day.

I say, that… at 19 and without a lack of relationship experience, she’s not going to be as mature when it comes to reacting to the bad times in your time together, if you two end up dating or getting married some day. She won’t have the same perspective or experience to base decisions on or with which to deal with emotions.

But, I say, only you are really the judge of what’s right for you.

3

Tough one. My first thought is that despite you two clicking, that she is still too young. There is just too much life difference between a 19 year old and a 27 year old. But on the other hand relationships with that age difference do work. I would take it very slowly if you decide to pursue it.

4

I’m sure that she will be very impressed that you are asking for relationship advice on a message board.

5

I guess if it works for you and her, peace and blessings.

Me, I’m only 24 and 19 year olds are already too young for me. I visited my college a couple weekends ago and I wanted to send the first years back to get appropriate outerwear for the weather, not date them.

6

Your OP is unusual. Good luck.

7

I’m 28 and I couldn’t imagine dating a 19 year old but I don’t think she’s so young that it’s obviously a problem. You haven’t even met her, why not meet for coffee and see if you actually like her before worrying too much about it.

I think the real question is what do you want from your interactions with the opposite sex? Are you going to make her move across the country and never speak to her family or are you going to go on some fun dates and enjoy each other’s company? The latter doesn’t seem very sinister.

Your friends will probably make fun of you if you date her.

8

Can you link us to your dating profile?

9

It’s not a horrible age difference. But when you are younger that age difference should mean you are both at different stages in life. If not hopefully she is advanced and you are not stunted. I am eight years older than my girlfriend. But I’m 45. It doesn’t make that much of a difference. We both were in long marriages that ended in divorce. We both have 2 kids. We both have good careers. Being in the same stage of life is more important than a number.

10

We are give great critiques of dating profiles. :smiley:

11

Dating is all fun and dandy, but as you are the more experienced one regarding relationships (You are, right?) you have to take into account that she will likely view this more seriously than you will, as you’ll be among her first experiences.

So…campground rules, which means “Leave her better than you found her,” so she’ll have good memories and, hopefully, an example of how a relationship should be. Also, and important, it’s going to be up to you to decide, quickly, within a few dates, how serious you want to get with it. At that age, most people, women especially, are taking dating more seriously, with little way to tell the difference between ‘dating for fun’ and ‘dating for real’.

So keep an eye out, and call it off as professionally as you can if you think for a moment it couldn’t turn into something more long-term.

12

Maybe you should wait a couple years. This lady falls just outside your age eligible dating age pool according to the XKCD standard creepiness rule: Her age < (your age/2) + 7

http://xkcd.com/314/

13

My magic eight ball broke :eek:

Oh sure, um, let me just go grab that link here for you… :smack:

14

I am exactly 20 years older than my partner (same birthday), and in a couple weeks we’ll be celebrating 25 years together. We actually have much fewer problems than a lot of couples closer in age, but we have the maturity to not let the problems weigh us down. You’re not at the stage where you need to either make or break the relationship, so just give it some time.

15

I’ve never met anyone in their late-20s who wanted to date a teenager who wasn’t extraordinarily emotionally- and/or romantically-stunted.

I suppose you could be the first.

16

But this isn’t a case of “wanting to date a teenager”, as in “I’m going out to find a 19-year-old”. A 27-year-old hanging out in places where teenagers hang out with a view to getting a date is creepy. But If you hit it off with someone and click with them then what difference does age make? I know 19/20-year-olds who are a lot more emotionally mature than certain 30-somethings I know.

ETA: I say go for it. An 8-year age gap is nothing in the scheme of things. If you end up together then who is going to raise an eyebrow about that 57-year-old man with a 49-year-old wife? (Have I scared you yet? :wink: )

17

Pretty much what (most of) they said. Campground rules, go slow, be kind…

My SO is 22 years older than I; he’s entering retirement age when I (thanks to a “do-over”) am just beginning to build my grown-up career. It’s not always easy, this different stages of life thing, but he’s worth it.

When I first found out he was interested in me, I was absolutely certain I’d never date him because of his age. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that age was a stupid reason to strike down the opportunity for love. I was being ageist, plain and simple. I’m really glad I got over it! :smiley:

18

I’ve regularly dated guys 8-10 years younger than me, from my late 20s to late 30s. It was just who I hung around. But I’ll admit, there were at least two relationships there that I was never able to quite take as seriously as I would have, if they’d been older. I just…couldn’t. I knew what they were feeling; I just knew, or thought I knew, that it wasn’t going to last as long as they thought; where they saw ‘love’ I saw ‘infatuation’. So things rarely lasted longer than a year or so for me, with that kind of age difference. I just felt like I was walking on eggs, didn’t want to do any serious damage, you know?

19

Years ago when a friend of mine was 27 he told there was a girl he worked with who was 20 and she wanted to go out with him. He felt the age difference was too big and I said WTH go out with her, it’s not like you have to marry her. They were married in less than a year.

One of my biggest regrets is letting age and what people would think come between me and a guy. I don’t know that it would have worked but I regret never giving it a chance.

As long as you both are adults it’s nobody’s business but your own.

20

I’ll just add that I know a 31-year-old woman who is in a happy relationship with a 57-year-old man. They got together when she was 26 and he was twice her age. None of this “plus 7” bollocks.