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  #1  
Old 12-16-2012, 10:46 PM
astro astro is offline
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A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him

I'm sure it's an apocryphal story, but still amusing -

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him
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  #2  
Old 12-16-2012, 10:49 PM
antonio107 antonio107 is offline
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I think the message would have been more potent if he used Everclear instead of beer.
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  #3  
Old 12-16-2012, 10:58 PM
beowulff beowulff is offline
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I'll bet the brand of beer he used was "Glurge."
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  #4  
Old 12-16-2012, 11:02 PM
astro astro is offline
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Originally Posted by beowulff View Post
I'll bet the brand of beer he used was "Glurge."
Awww. You only have to wait an hour till you can have a full on set of the Mondays on the east coast.
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  #5  
Old 12-17-2012, 09:44 PM
typoink typoink is offline
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Very amusing.

Specifically, the part where the professor gets a class of philosophy students to "agree" that a jar of golf balls is "full."

Professor: Is this jar full?
Realist: No, there's gaps.
Skeptic: We can't tell.
Nihilist: There isn't even a jar.
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  #6  
Old 12-17-2012, 10:03 PM
Gagundathar Gagundathar is offline
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Optimist: The glass if hall-full.
Pessimist: The glass if hall-empty.
Engineer: The glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
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  #7  
Old 12-17-2012, 10:24 PM
tim314 tim314 is offline
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I kind of doubt whoever wrote that ever took a philosophy class. It's not "philosophy" in the sense of "your approach to life".
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  #8  
Old 12-17-2012, 10:28 PM
Rigamarole Rigamarole is offline
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Heard that one sometime at least 15 years ago.
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  #9  
Old 12-17-2012, 11:39 PM
iftheresaway iftheresaway is offline
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Yeah, when I heard it it was "big rocks" instead of golf balls, with the moral being "get your big rocks in first". (Same idea that big rocks = important stuff). And that version used water, rather than beer.
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  #10  
Old 12-18-2012, 12:07 AM
The Hamster King The Hamster King is offline
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Computer Scientist: This is isomorphic to the knapsack problem. Therefore we can conclude that finding an optimal ordering of life priorities is NP-hard.
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  #11  
Old 12-18-2012, 12:11 AM
TriPolar TriPolar is offline
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Ok, so life is a mayonaisse jar full of golf balls, pebbles, sand, and beer. Sounds about right.
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  #12  
Old 12-18-2012, 12:34 AM
Sleel Sleel is offline
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Physicist: Well, all matter is mostly just empty space, so technically you should start with some exotic matter like neutronium…
Chemist: You could fit way more in there if you use hydrofluoric acid to dissolve all those rocks…
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  #13  
Old 12-18-2012, 01:50 AM
Malacandra Malacandra is offline
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Originally Posted by Sleel View Post
Physicist: Well, all matter is mostly just empty space, so technically you should start with some exotic matter like neutronium…
Chemist: You could fit way more in there if you use hydrofluoric acid to dissolve all those rocks…
Bad idea. What happens to the glass jar when HF hits it?
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  #14  
Old 12-18-2012, 02:14 AM
Musicat Musicat is offline
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You need to define "full." Otherwise, it's just bullshit.
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  #15  
Old 12-18-2012, 02:28 AM
OldGuy OldGuy is offline
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It was a rather dumb or at least naive class to agree that the jar was full after the pebbles.

Remember as George Bush put it:
"There's an old saying in Tennessee — I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on — [pause] — shame on you. Fool me — [pause] — You can't get fooled again."
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  #16  
Old 12-18-2012, 06:18 AM
Rala Rala is offline
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Someone did that in my church once.
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  #17  
Old 12-18-2012, 07:02 AM
don't ask don't ask is offline
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I don't get it.

So exactly which brand of mayonnaise was it?
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  #18  
Old 12-18-2012, 07:28 AM
cmyk cmyk is offline
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Pouring beer into sand?!

Why would you waste perfectly good sand like that?
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  #19  
Old 12-18-2012, 07:37 AM
shijinn shijinn is offline
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Doper: You need to define "full." Otherwise, it's just bullshit.
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  #20  
Old 12-18-2012, 07:56 AM
Colophon Colophon is offline
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The lesson I took from this is that you can never devote more than 100π/3√2 percent of your life to important things.
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  #21  
Old 12-18-2012, 07:56 AM
TonySinclair TonySinclair is offline
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As someone who has devoted the last several years of his life to playing that extra round of golf, I can state quite definitely that the professor was totally wrong when he said there would always be time to clean your house and mow your lawn.
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  #22  
Old 12-18-2012, 07:57 AM
cmyk cmyk is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by shijinn View Post
Doper: You need to define "full." Otherwise, it's just bullshit.
Another Doper: "Cite?"
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  #23  
Old 12-18-2012, 08:05 AM
CalMeacham CalMeacham is offline
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What about the mayonnaise?




What does that represent? After all, you can't even perform the demonstration until the mayonnaise is all gone. If the jar still had mayonnaise in it, would it still be full? What about mayonnaise and golf balls?
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  #24  
Old 12-18-2012, 08:35 AM
robardin robardin is offline
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Then a smart-ass student goes up and screws the cap back on the jar, puts it his freezer overnight and shows the class the next day that it ruptured when the beer froze.

"There's one more lesson to be learned here, folks: leave some slack time in your life. If you occupy yourself completely 100%, you won't be able to deal with external stress!"
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  #25  
Old 12-18-2012, 08:43 AM
cmyk cmyk is offline
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Kinda hard to get to all those golfballs with all that sand and gravel in the way. Hence the true reason for the beer.
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  #26  
Old 12-18-2012, 09:06 AM
TokyoBayer TokyoBayer is offline
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Originally Posted by cmyk View Post
Kinda hard to get to all those golfballs with all that sand and gravel in the way. Hence the true reason for the beer.
You've got the cause and effect backwards. The more the beer, the more the sand and gravel you find around your golf balls.
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  #27  
Old 12-18-2012, 09:10 AM
Spice Weasel Spice Weasel is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by OldGuy View Post
Remember as George Bush put it:
"There's an old saying in Tennessee — I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on — [pause] — shame on you. Fool me — [pause] — You can't get fooled again."
"Fool me seven times, shame on you. Fool me eight or more times...'' -Amy Wong
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  #28  
Old 12-18-2012, 09:38 AM
Weirofhermiston Weirofhermiston is offline
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Alan Bennett satirised this kind of platitudinous thinking and tortured analogy in his parody of a C of E sermon in Beyond The Fringe in 1960.

http://www.sof.org.nz/esausermon.htm

It's not very long.
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  #29  
Old 12-18-2012, 10:14 AM
Zebra Zebra is offline
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‘Now,’ said the professor as the laughter subsided, ‘I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things—-your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions—-and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car.. The sand is everything else—-the small stuff.
Isn't "air" important to your life?
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  #30  
Old 12-18-2012, 06:37 PM
Lamia Lamia is offline
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Originally Posted by tim314 View Post
I kind of doubt whoever wrote that ever took a philosophy class. It's not "philosophy" in the sense of "your approach to life".
Yeah, I was a Philosophy major and I can't imagine any of my professors doing something like this unless it was supposed to be some sort of joke about what the study of Philosophy wasn't.
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  #31  
Old 12-18-2012, 06:39 PM
panache45 panache45 is offline
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The jar itself, the glass it's composed of, is mostly empty space, and no amount of "filler" will make it "full." This should have been in a physics class, not philosophy.

And what's all that shit on the wall behind him?

Last edited by panache45; 12-18-2012 at 06:40 PM..
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  #32  
Old 12-18-2012, 08:45 PM
Xema Xema is offline
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Originally Posted by panache45 View Post
This should have been in a physics class, not philosophy.
Judging from what's on the blackboard, it was.
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  #33  
Old 12-18-2012, 09:24 PM
Jormungandr Jormungandr is offline
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I would have asked, why not simply buy another jar of mayo to make a variety of sandwiches to enjoy by yourself or with others? Then, use the jar for nail, screws (maybe build something for someone) or something (some people use them for drinks). Far better uses and a more clear way, at least for me, to understand the glurge here.
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  #34  
Old 12-19-2012, 12:22 AM
Son of a Rich Son of a Rich is offline
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And what's all that shit on the wall behind him?
Yeah, is that a real chalkboard?
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  #35  
Old 12-19-2012, 12:50 AM
shijinn shijinn is offline
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Originally Posted by cmyk View Post
Another Doper: "Cite?"
Doper: My post is my cite.
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  #36  
Old 12-19-2012, 01:20 AM
Try2B Comprehensive Try2B Comprehensive is offline
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Pretty sure non-duality is the end of philosophy. So, there is no difference between the golf balls and the pebbles, sand, beer and so on, or you either for that matter. You are them, or more precisely, there are no golf balls and so on, there is only the Self.
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  #37  
Old 12-19-2012, 04:39 AM
cmyk cmyk is offline
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A better ending would've been for the fake professor to pick up the jar, stare at it, in dramatic pause, then smash the whole mess against the floor — golfballs, rocks and sand-beer going everywhere.

"AND THEN YOU DIE!"

Last edited by cmyk; 12-19-2012 at 04:39 AM..
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  #38  
Old 12-19-2012, 05:00 AM
drewtwo99 drewtwo99 is online now
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Gay guy (me): woah those dudes on the right are hot! Wait, what's all this about mayonnaise and beer? Too many calories!

Last edited by drewtwo99; 12-19-2012 at 05:00 AM..
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  #39  
Old 12-19-2012, 05:15 AM
Half Man Half Wit Half Man Half Wit is online now
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Quote:
Originally Posted by The Hamster King View Post
Computer Scientist: This is isomorphic to the knapsack problem. Therefore we can conclude that finding an optimal ordering of life priorities is NP-hard.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Colophon View Post
The lesson I took from this is that you can never devote more than 100π/3√2 percent of your life to important things.
Quote:
Originally Posted by cmyk View Post
A better ending would've been for the fake professor to pick up the jar, stare at it, in dramatic pause, then smash the whole mess against the floor — golfballs, rocks and sand-beer going everywhere.

"AND THEN YOU DIE!"
All of those improve the story far beyond the original.
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  #40  
Old 12-19-2012, 10:10 AM
Count Blucher Count Blucher is offline
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Originally Posted by Rala View Post
Someone did that in my church once.
...and the very next week half the congregation was thinking about taking care of their golf balls first.


Boon: I gotta work on my game.
Otter: No, no, no, don't think of it as work. The whole point is just to enjoy yourself.
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  #41  
Old 12-19-2012, 01:53 PM
araminty araminty is offline
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Originally Posted by Weirofhermiston View Post
Alan Bennett satirised this kind of platitudinous thinking and tortured analogy in his parody of a C of E sermon in Beyond The Fringe in 1960.

http://www.sof.org.nz/esausermon.htm

It's not very long.
Your link doesn't work.
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  #42  
Old 12-19-2012, 10:43 PM
robert_columbia robert_columbia is offline
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The economist would never get his hands dirty putting anything into a jar, but believes that jars would fill themselves if paid enough.
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  #43  
Old 12-19-2012, 10:48 PM
Inner Stickler Inner Stickler is offline
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Originally Posted by araminty View Post
Your link doesn't work.
Worked for me.
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  #44  
Old 12-21-2012, 09:24 PM
Sleel Sleel is offline
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Originally Posted by Malacandra View Post
Bad idea. What happens to the glass jar when HF hits it?
Might be fun to watch the prof deal with that, actually.
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  #45  
Old 12-21-2012, 09:57 PM
Sternvogel Sternvogel is offline
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Originally Posted by Inner Stickler View Post
Worked for me.
English major's reaction to linked page: It was the American sportswriter Grantland Rice, not the English poet W.E. Henley, who penned the "One Great Scorer" verse.
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