Laws that should be made!!

In My Humble Opinion
1

These are some things that I have been thinking of lately and I just want them off my chest. Feel free to add or comment. I believe that some of these are laws in various places…but dammit! They should be everywhere.

PS - Mods. I was debating if this should go in the pit or not. Please move if you think it would be better suited there.

  1. No cellphones can be used when driving PERIOD. If you receive a call, you must safely look for a place to pull off the road, or do not answer your phone. Handsfree phones are not immune to this law. Penalty of breaking this law is an immediate licence suspension for 6 months.

  2. Use your signal lights for every lanechange and turn. Penalty is a $200 fine. If you break this law and #1 at the same time, penalty is a $1000 fine and sterilization (OK, that might be pushing it but the fine stays).

  3. No smoking in any public place. Period. Feel free to kill yourself in the comfort of your own home. You are not permited to spew your shit into other innocent peoples breathing air. Penalty should be an offended person shoving your lit cigarette up your nose in addition to a $1000 fine. You must also apologize to everyone in the establishment that you are in. Childern are permitted and urged to sue parents for future health problems caused either directly or indirectly from their parents smoking.

  4. For those public places that do ban smoking (ie: Stores, movie theaters, etc) that does NOT mean you MUST stand around the entry doors smoking 2 cigarettes at once so everyone entering the store gets hit with a cloud of smoke. Penalty the same as #3.

  5. People are not permitted to leave their vehicles idling for 1/2 an hour outside their home so it “warms up”. Your vehicle will get a hose connecting your tailpipe to the interior of the car, in addition to the $500 fine.

  6. It is illegal drive around town with your windows rolled down (or T-Roof/Sunroof open or convertible top down) and your 500+ watt stereo cranked. If you do so, any citizen may (and is urged) to throw either a hand grenade and/or maltof coctail into your vehicle. This is in addition to the $500 fine.

  7. Anyone who litters will then be required to pick up any visible litter with their teeth in addition to a $500 fine. This includes dog shit.

  8. Anyone suspected of driving under the influence of drugs/alcohol lose their driving privilage immediatly for 3 months. If they are convicted they lose it for a minimum of 10 years plus a $5000 fine.

  9. If you have a motorcycle licence, you cannot purchase a 1100cc superbike as your first bike. You must ride (at maximum) a 250cc bike for the first year, 500cc second, 750 3rd, and open from there.

  10. All drivers licence holders must be retested every 4 years. This includes written, medical and road/practical. tests.

  11. There will be no set top end speedlimits on highways. Your speed must only be safe and prudent for the conditions. However, your vehicle must be capable of cruising at whatever speed you chose safely. You must also have a minimum of 5 years driving experience and a clean licence. Otherwise, you are limited to 60 Mph.
    I am sure I will add more later…

2

Can we pass a law banning stupid people? :slight_smile:

3

Hell yeah rjung!! I was just thinking that myself today at work. I really wish I had SD at work, most people here are S-M-R-T. The people I work with are DUMB! A rule against dumb people would be GREAT!!

Now how do we pass it through congress?

And how about a law against 80’s hairstyles? Fine 'em $500 if they have one, and life in prison if they subject their kids to it. hmmm…I think I should run for president…

4

If this law is not passed soon, I will probably be arrested for murder:

Fill out parts of your check while waiting for the cashier to ring up your groceries. There’s plenty of time to write the store’s name, the date, sign the check, and make a register entry, before you’re told the total.

Instead, what most people do, is start fishing for their checkbook when the cashier announces the total. Not a minute before.

Like I said, this law needs to be passed soon.

5
6

Bumbazine’s Law:

I am not responsible for anything you do to yourself while on my property due to your own clumsiness &/or stupidity.
In fact, unless I have concealed a serious defect in a product I sold you, I am not responsible for anything you do to yourself or anyone else with that product, ever!
Oh, and you don’t get to sue anyone else who is peripherally involved just because they have ‘deep pockets’ either!
Also, if you are driving down the road, in the fast lane, with nobody in front of you, and a bunch of cars bumper-to-bumper behind you, you are obstructing traffic!
and I don’t care what the speed limit is. If you are caught doing this, you will be immediately pulled over and your car set on fire.

7

In addition to the excellent traffic laws of bernse, if you are caught driving after your license has been suspended under any of them, the vehicle you are driving is impounded and given to some charity. If you stupidly loaned your ride to one of these people, well, you should use better judgement. If its a rental, well now the miscreant driver has to deal with the rent-a-car company’s lawyers and bounty hunters (watch out for Vito).

One more law - no radar detectors, if your gonna speed, take your chance. If caught speeding with one, the fine and points are tripled, and the device is immediately smashed by the cop, using a large hammer.

8

The only problem with most of these laws is that there are already too many laws on the books as it is. Too many to keep track of, even for lawyers, and way too many to enforce.

Thus, my own pet law.

For the next five years, for every law passed in the U.S., two corresponding laws (of equal jurisdictions, i.e., state, federal, municipal) must be revoked.

After five years have passed, it’s one law revoked for every law passed.

I’m tired of paying huge numbers of people to sit around and regulate society, without taking into account the changing nature of that society. There are some laws still on the books that are downright offensive, and huge quantities of outdated laws that are simply useless, or unenforceable.

9

If you buy something and the receipt clearly says that it must be returned within a certain amount of time and you bring it in three months later and try to return it, the people working the service desk may stuff the product up your ass.

10

Uhh, bernse?

The pharmacy just called. Your Prozac refill came in.

11

Explainations:

#4 - Smokers seem to hang out at the doors. That forces everyone to go through a cloud of smoke on the way in/out. Kind of defeats a now smoking policy, doesn’t it?

#5 - I live in Northern Alberta. I get -40 some days during winters. Trust me, I know what cold winter is. My mind isn’t changing. Letting a car idle for 1/2 an hour is both wasteful of fuel, noisy and bad for your car. Let alone tempting for a thief. Anything longer than 1-2 minutes is a waste of time. Heck, your car will heat up faster if you start to drive it.

12

Errr. That should read “no smoking policy” as opposed to a “now smoking policy”.

Oops.

13

I would like to outlaw bureaucrats.

For every week in session, all members of a lawmaking body must engage in three weeks of community service.

14

Can we pass a law outlawing people trying to pass laws keeping people from doing things they don’t like?

And anti-busybody law? A kwitcherbellyachin law? A leave other people alone law? A keep your bloody mitts out of my life law? A MYOB law?

15

Bullsh*t. The fact that a minority of people can’t use cellphones responsibly in a car does not necessitate banning others from using a useful tool. Is your next step to ban drive-thru food in the car, since trying to juggle the shards of a Taco-Bell crunchy taco which has shattered, while accelerating up a turn ramp is far more dangerous?

**

No probs here

**

Bullsht. It’s my fcking resturant, if I want to have a smoking section, it’s my fcking decision. Don’t like it? Go eat somewhere else. It’s my fcking hardware store. If I want allow smoking in my store, it’s none of your business. Don’t like it? Go buy your nails in another store that has a smoking policy that you like. No one is forcing you to use these establishments. The one exception I’d make is government buildings, since people are required to go there, they should be non-smoking.

This sort of idiot law was passed in Boulder, CO. When a major dinner theater tried to put on a production of (I believe) Grand Hotel, the Smoking Cops tried (successfully?) to close the place down, since a key part of the play was a smoking scene (There were fans to prevent the smoke from getting to the audience and there was some reason that fake cigarettes wouldn’t work.) “No smoking means no smoking” the Smoking Cop whined.

The net effect of this law is that several bars have sprung up just outside city limits and the incidence of drunk driving has increased since college students who used to walk to their local bar for a smoke and a beer are now driving several miles for the same thing.

**

Bullshit. My gas, my car.
“Our atmosphere” you respond.
Fine, I rebut, then tax the hell out of gas. If I choose to waste gas, it’s between me and my wallet. I’m using the same gas whether I’m idling my car or driving on a bernse approved route.

**

Moved and seconded, but I’d use a molotov cocktail instead :wink:

**

I like this one.

**

Suspected, huh? No due process, no trial? :rolleyes: This must be the Kafka Legal System I’ve heard so much about.

The first case under the bernse Act. A short play.
Constable: “'ee looked drunk, yer honor!”
Motorist: “But I wasn’t! I’ve got cerebral palsey and my hands tremble a bit!”
Constable: “'ee 'ad the D.T.'s yer honor! ‘ee wos shakin’! Oi know it!”
Judge: “Under the bernse act, you must be jailed for three months. After that, we’ll have your trial and see if your so-called “cerebral palsey” story holds up! You could be in a lot of trouble, young man” <bangs gavel, baliffs drag motorist out, curtain falls, much applause and calls of “Author!”>

Lovely.

**

<Jane and Michael Banks voice>
Thank you Nanny Bernse for protecting me. I feel eversomuch safer. Whatever would I do without you?
</Jane and Michael Banks Voice>

**

This is a damned fine idea, but I might stretch it to 6 years.

**

I support the basic concept of this one, but the way you phrased it, it would be unenforcable. Try to define “capable of cruising at whatever speed you chose safely.” in such a way that it can be applied fairly. This one needs reworking, but yer heart’s in the right place.

And a musical interlude from FIORELLO which seems appropriate:
Marie: I’d like to make the laws!
Morris: Ha! I’d bet they’d be good.:rolleyes:
Marie: Oh boy, would they! Here. Write this down.
Marie:
My law shall state:
"To Whom it may concern
Guy (writing frantically):
Your law shall state:
"To Whom it may concern
<snip>
Marie:
Every girl shall have a honeymoon
That will last at least a year
During which aforesaid honeymoon
Every care shall disappear.
Ipso Facto make the government
Let the bride and groom alone
After that, they’re on their own.
<snip>
My Law is what the world is waiting for
Every unrequited lover will be grateful when it
Meets the full approval of the house and the Senate
Such enthusiasm as you never saw
Will greet my lovely law.
<snip>

Fenris

16

The “majority” may not have a problem but some do. Unfortunatly, the odds don’t make a damn bit of difference to the person killed. I personally have been on the scene of two fatal accidents in the past year caused by idiots gabbing on the phone and not paying attention. Since it is bernse’s law, I may be willing to possibly slide a bit on the handsfree, but I am not going to offer it up without a fight :slight_smile:

Here is a news flash. One of the governments duties is to, believe it or not, protect the public from itself. That is why government has helmet laws, seatbelt laws, speed limits, etc. Whether you like it or not, smoking is being recognized as one of those things that people need to get protected from. I don’t care if you want to die. I and (slowly the government) care about 2 things. (1) Your negligence getting innocent people sick and (2) Spending thousands (if not hundreds of thousands) of other taxpayers dollars treating you for a self inflicted illness. So, here’s the clincher. Where do you draw the line? It is going to have to be an all or nothing route.

That was ridiculous.

That exactly goes to show why it should be an all or nothing solution.

Once again, tax the hell out of gas so everyone pays for some mental defects habits. Agreed, it does come out of your wallet if your car runs for 2 hours but the fuel costs are not the basis of this bernse law. It is more an anti noise pollution and air pollution law.

Yeah, I caught on my proof read after I hit post, along with a couple others. :slight_smile:

This one may not be as big of a stretch as you think. In many provinces/states law enforcement officers can make a 24/48hour suspension without taking a breathalizer. I want the same call made but just with a longer suspension. Look at it this way. You get pulled over for a suspected DUI. The cop upon speaking to you still thinks you may be impaired. You have a choice. You either (a) loose your licence right there for 3 months or (b) take a breathalizer and the possible outcome from that. I suspect there may be a supreme court challenge to this one, but I have 4 judges in my back pocket :wink:

Already being done in many countries. Granted, it may save your life and also the life of the people you plow into at 150 MPH out of control since you are not capable of controling the rocket you’re on. I’m not saying you cannot buy a superbike, just not as your first bike. Thats all. Yeah, I guess a law that almost forces an indivdual to make a sane decision is touchy at the best of times…

The idea I have is maybe like a “superlicence”. You get a big sticker or something for the back of your car that shows you have the licence. You could still be charged with reckless or dangerous driving though if you are an idiot, like say weaving in and out of heavy traffic at 110 Mph. You’re right though, it would have to be worked to be enforcable…

17

bernse:

Dude… you would be way scary if you were the Supreme Ruler of the Universe in Charge of Making Laws.

And my ass would never get out of jail. :eek:

18

Oh, lighten UP, people! It’s just for KICKS!

Let’s see:
Everyone should have to spend at LEAST two years in their teens working in retail or food service or something working with customers and the public. When said person is done, they receive their Shopper’s Training Card. Every time you’re a sucky customer, you get a hole punched. 10 holes, and you’re back in Shopper’s Training.

We are all allowed to assume meaningless, yet prestigious sounding titles. Thus, I officially can call myself Grand Duchess of Pennsylvania.
I agree with cellphones on the highway.

Cecil Adams will be recquired reading for every kid in school.

Hackers who destroy people’s servers and take down sites will be forever barred from the net. (Customer’s Suck was hit…you don’t want to know…)

19

Wonderful. The “If it saves only one life, wouldn’t it be worth it?” argument. My answer is a resounding “No.” The fact is, there is no vast explosion of deaths by cell-phone that would call for such a draconian measure. Certainly accidents happen and sometimes those accidents are as a result of a driver distracted by cell-phones. But I’d wager (and I’ve got no data to back this up) that most accidents are not caused by cell-phones, your personal experience notwithstanding. In any case, if you want to up the penalty for getting in an accident while driving with a cell-phone, I’m on your side. Otherwise, I’ll fight ya tooth and nail. (And before someone else says it: Cell-phones don’t kill people, People kill people!)

**

Point 2 is irrelevant unless you’re arguing a complete tobacco ban, and since I don’t think you are, I’m ignoring it.

But here’s another newsflash: private property is a cornerstone of democracy. I’ll agree that smoking should be banned in government and quasi-government (like the Power company or the Post Office) offices, I’ll even agree that a case could be made for public parks, sidewalks and so on. Where we’re disagreeing is in PRIVATE resturants. If I want to open up a resturant that caters to smokers, with no non-smoking section why shouldn’t I be able to as long as I don’t misrepresent it? If I want to open a resturant that caters to both smokers and non-smokers, ditto? It’s MY resturant and your attempt to turn smokers into “Colored Folk” who BY LAW can’t go to a resturant is a trifle disquiteing. How, exactly, does it hurt you if Fenris’s Bistro has a well-ventilated “Smoking Section”? (Just as an aside, I’m a non-smoker)

Oh, well if it’s a noise thing, a bit of tweaking and we’re on the same page! I advocate rocket launchers, myself (I’ve got a neighbor, who, if he weren’t such a great guy otherwise (he fixed my sprinkler system which was SNAFUed for free, and he shovelled my walk a couple of mornings “just because”) I would have killed since he lets his car warm up for 20 minutes every morning at about 4:00) I’m willing to cope in his case.

The way you phrased it this time 'round, I’m less against it. I belive you’re Canadian, right? In the US we have a guarantee against self-incrimination. You can’t pronounce someone guilty because they refuse to take a breathalyzer test. Can’t! (At least, not without rewriting the fundimentals of the entire legal system, which I wouldn’t support). I honestly have no idea if Canada has as strong of a prohibition against self-incrimination.

Why not just have several different levels of licenses, like they have with cars/chauffers/truck drivers/big rig drivers? If someone can handle a crotch-rocket from day one, spiffy. If they can’t handle it in 15 years, also spiffy. I don’t object to the outcome (drivers who can’t handle superbikes aren’t allowed to), just the method.

**

Shan’t. Won’t. Can’t make me. Pfffbt.

:smiley:

Fenris

20

How about a tax on cellphone minutes? Cellphones cost society about $7 billion a year in California. They save about $35 billion, but they cost society at large, and save only for those who have them - a classic negative externality. So how about a tax - cost/minutes, and a per minute tax? (oh, I can come up with cites, but the interesting part is the bit where the savings are greater than the costs ).

Sure you can. You can pronounce them guilty of refusing to take a field sobriety test. The penalty is…the same as drunk driving! Anyway, I’m on fenris’ side about this, I just thought I’d mention it.

That’s how its handled in Japan. One of the tests is to lap a track in a set amount of time…I’m in favour of it…
while we’re on the subject, can we get a seperate license for SUV drivers?

Guinastasia Does tech support count? If so, I’m there for you. However, one should probably get points back for things like trips to the DMV.