I said “stupid normal people” because when I started this rant I realized I was being insulting to the “mentally challenged” baggers by lumping them in with the people I am pissed off at. At least the mentally retarded baggers give a damn about the job they do. I don’t even mind pointing the one guy back at the store when he gets lost in the parking lot because for him navigating a parking lot is a mental stretch and at least he is trying.
WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH GROCERY BAGGERS?
This is NOT rocket science! You open the bag. You put grocercies in the bag. You put more than one item in a bag. You do not put so many items in bag the bag overflows. Put heavy, hard stuff on the bottom and light, breakable/squishy stuff on top.
WHAT IS SO FUCKING HARD ABOUT THIS?
Granted it’s not a glamourous job, but neither is shoveling horseshit, which I did while working in a stable. You get paid because folks won’t do this for free. You don’t get paid a lot because, frankly, it doesn’t take much to do the job - that’s why the mentally retarded can do it so successfully. Just do it, do it right, and when you can move on to something that pays more or gets your rocks off or something.
I am so fucking tired of watching some fukhead put just one goddamn item a bag and load my cart up with a ton of plastic. If I wanted that much plastic I’d buy it by the roll, OK? I can only fit so much shit in my car, and with that many bags there is no room for groceries. Or I say I want just paper and the asswipe bagger bags every fucking item in plastic (one item per bag, of course) THEN puts the plastic-wrapped items into the paper bag. Why the FUCK did I say JUST PAPER?
Today I said “paper” (I re-use both paper and plastic around the house, but usually run to too much plastic in storage) He gave me a dirty look. Today’s bagger only wanted to put one goddamned six-pack in a paper sack. I said two to sack. He gave me a dirty look and said they’ll rip. I said you can put three six-packs in those bags before they’ll rip. I also suggested maybe throwing the instant rice and the bread on top of the pop so I don’t need 12 bazillion bags for 12 items.
(I should also point out that I usually tell the bagger I’d like the bags a little full so minimize the number, please, and they usually accomodate my request. MOST baggers at this store actually DO want to make the customers happy)
Get out to my car. The asswipe STACKED the sixpackson top of each other instead of side by side - the store has a FUCKING DIAGRAM ON THE WALL explaining about how to pack a paper bag which Mr. Normal clearly can’t read. (But somehow the retarded - I mean that in a clinical, not a deragatory way - baggers have deciphered how to perform this feat). So the goddamn bags are falling over, being improperly bagged, and the pop is squashing everything else. I think the asshole did it on purpose.
Add that on to the snide little twenty-something who always has some smartass comment about killing trees if you take paper, or pollution if you take plastic. Same little bitch always gets all fastidious about meat. Listen you little fukhead, I don’t get my panties in a twist over your green-slime smoothies and fungus burgers, just shut up about what I eat. It’s none of your goddamn business what I eat, just bag it, OK? Wear gloves if it makes you feel better. Just because I happen to like an occassional slice of tofu doesn’t mean I’m ready to give up carnivory so just deal with it.
Other teeney-bopper baggers: If you your boyfriend the next line over can handle bagging “feminine protection products” without making a big production over it you can damn well bag gramp’s pack of Depends without squealing or handling it like a dead rat. It’s not like I’m asking you to get rid of them after the man uses 'em, when they really are disgusting. Nor are condoms or other forms of birth control “disgusting”. And you can just keep your fucking little eyes off the pharmacy labels when I pick up medicine at the super-hyper-mega-quickie-mart because what ills me and mine are heir to are NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS.
Boy baggers: Gee, I am just so fucking sorry that I, a woman twice your age (at least) am not nearly as fascinating as the under-21 underdressed checker next door but at least TRY to do your job, since my business helps pay your paycheck which you will probably spend foolishly in an unsuccessful attempt to convince the girl-checker to have sex with you. She won’t, because you’re a loser. She is more likely to fuck the retarded bagger at her line that you, Mr. Normal and oversexed, because the retarded guy is a gentleman and doesn’t piss off the people in line by gawking when he should be working.
Well, I’m starting to feel better. Thanks for listening.