Fake Literary Recommendations

Cafe Society
1

Hi all,

Me and a few friends are putting together a booklet of some of our short stories and we thought it would be funny to stick some fake recommendations on the back from celebrities, authors, and historical figures. Stuff like this:

“Beats the old toss I used to turn out” William Shakespeare (reanimated).

“Fantastic! I laughed, I cried, I stamped on freedom of the press.” Vladimir Putin.

“What the f*!k is this mad s*!t?” St. Francis of Assisi.

And so on. That’s pretty much all we’ve come up with so far and so I’m appealing to the teeming millions for help. Can you think of any funny fake endorsements we could use to spice up our little project? Cheers.

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“If I were alive, I’d definitely recommend this book.” - James Joyce

“Funnier than Kierkegaard, more tender than Ambrose Bierce, more profound than even Dave Barry.” - George Will

“Absolutely brilliant- I’ll be so honored and privileged when the author demands that I drop him from my Book Club.” - Oprah Winfrey

“A perfectly respectable effort, considering that the author is a heterosexual white male.” - Alice Walker

“If you read only one book this year… you’re an illiterate moron.” - John Grisham

“I couldn’t put this book down, mainly because I had syrup all over my fingers.” - Emeril Lagasse

“The twist ending, where it turns out the autistc kid killed his parents, will shock you… wait… oh, crap.” - Thomas Harris

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Nice job, astorian - those are really funny.

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“It’s great to see a fresh group of hack authors with little talent striving for some undeserved popularity!” - Dan Brown

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“Way too meta for my tastes, sorry” - Charles Bukowski

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“Reading this book is like being shot out of a canon” – Hunter S. Thompson

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This book is great!!! Something important is being said here! These guys are like, clued in, and they are TELLING YOU THE SCORE!! - Tom Wolfe

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“A masterpiece, one that will surely live forever in Lifetime Movie Network reruns.” - Danielle Steel

“The perfect Christmas gift for relatives you don’t really like but have to get something for anyway.” - Roger Ebert

9

Perfect. Maybe add an exclamation point or two at the end :wink:

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“This is better than it looks.” – Mark Twain

“It will remind of you of that rainy afternoon in late April when the girl of your dreams told you she was leaving for you a cheesemonger from Newark, but in a good way.” – Rod McKuen

“It’s my next movie!” – Guillermo del Toro

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“This is the best book I have ever read. Awesome.” - Tony Hopkins

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“My close friend Frank Sinatra, who was a dear friend of mine, would have loved this book. And I know, because I knew Frank very well.” - Larry King

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“It pays a little, and it’s not much work. The reason I’m blurbing this book.” - Elmore Leonard

“Reading this book will make you feel less alone.” 1 David Foster Wallace

  1. Well maybe it will. It made me feel briefly less alone, if only in the sense that I was momentarily, existentially sort of aware that my normal state of solipsism was not necessarily literally true, but might just be the result of something that Wittgenstein wrote that I may not have thoroughly understood.
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“Thou shalt read this book.” - Jesus

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“Reading this book will stretch your mind, like butter scraped over too much bread.” Bilbo Baggins

“SMASH!!!” The Hulk

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You are really on a roll. Those are hilarious.

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“Aw shucks.” - Crotalus

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Perhaps you can get some ideas from this, of which this thread reminded me.

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*“This book is…” *-- Herb Caen

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“I have seen the future of Horror, and his name is Joe Schmeaux. I know I’ve said it was Clive Barker and a hundred other guys, but I really mean it this time.” - Stephen King