TL/DR: funny, cheeky, ingenious suggestions needed: hiding spots for cash.
OK, so I’ve got to move in a few days. Yard sale this weekend netted me a few bills. But 99% of my crap is being moved by a team of professional but anonymous movers. Give me your poor, your hungry … Nah, scratch that: give me your funny, your irreverent, your clever, your {insert description here} suggestions: how best to hide mah dollah dollah bill yo
for about a week or so?
I’m not looking for practical suggestions so much as making me laugh posts, but, ah, I’m willing to take a second and third look at the practical posts too. And no, I’m not investing at this point. I want cash, in US dollars as God intended, just as I have them. I dunno: Old Bay spice container?
When I was a teen and thought it would be just ducky to drive to Toronto from Cleveland with a bag of weed, someone told my friend and I that the best place to hide it would be in a Baggie inside a jar of peanut butter.
I bet mayonnaise would be easier to work with.
As for our trip, we decided to stay and smoke in New York and leave the stuff in the hotel while we drove to Toronto for the day. Winners!
Some head shops used to sell realistic-looking fake cans of real brands of motor oil that were actually boxes with a screw-off lid. I think it was so you could hide your stash in it and put it among the real motor-oil cans while on the road. A cop who stopped you would be none the wiser. I think they came in Coke and Pepsi cans too. Maybe they still make these.
When I’m traveling in a third world country, I always keep a hundred bucks or so in my boot. Put it in a ziploc baggie to keep it from absorbing your foot sweat. For double safety, put it underneath the insole. That’s pretty damn good against either a bag snatcher or a mugger; no one is going to wait for me to unlace my boots before running away. Since you’re moving, I recommend this.
Inside a book is a tempting idea, but books will almost always open naturally to the page with the money in it, especially if you’re talking about more than two bills. Taping the envelope to the underneath side of a dresser drawer is pretty safe, except that you’re specifically talking about having folks move those drawers. Roll the bills around batteries and then put those batteries into devices like flashlights. I could hide a couple bills between my phone and my phone case, or maybe inside the cover of the phone.
Ah…tires!
In the movies, big-time professional smugglers take the tires off the wheel rims of a car and put their drugs and diamonds inside. But for that, you need an accomplice at a garage with tire-changing equipment.
Now, I assume that you’re not a big-time guy…
So…instead of a car, use a bicycle.
You have a kitteh, no? Envelope, ziplock bag, bottom of the litter box. If you’re traveling, and not using a litter box, tape it to the ceiling of the cat carrier.
Roll the bills into small cylinders and tuck those inside tampon tubes–Tampax brand work best–rewrap the tampon tubes and return them to the box. Easy and relatively cheap!
Do US kitchen cupboards all hold a tin of sardines in a cardboard box nobody can ever remember buying like Aussie ones do? That is the perfect spot, nobody is ever going to eat those sardines.
Do NOT put it in the oven and then start baking cookies.
Do NOT put it in a book and then forget which book you put it in.
Do NOT put it in a trash bag and then let your mom take out the trash.
As the mother of 3 boys, my MIL discovered the *only *way to hide snack cakes from her hungry hoard was in Kotex boxes! She didn’t tell them about that trick till they were grown and out of the house.
