I don’t know why, but strangers (men and women) always feel like dishing out their life story to me. I’m a very reserved/introverted person, so this always leaves me feeling very drained and uncomfortable.
The other day, I was @ the supermarket. I was in the gluten-free section when an older man came up to me and started talking to me about how not eating gluten has changed his life. I was so bored and disgusted by his desire to ramble on and on, but couldn’t bring myself to say anything to make him stop. I honestly thought that my face, which showed complete disinterest, would be enough.
He then proceeded to talk about his daughter who is dying of cancer. As if it couldn’t get any more uncomfortable for me. I did mention that my father had prostate cancer and was able to completely recover from it. I tried to make him feel some sense of hope, but in my mind, I really didn’t understand how someone could reveal so much to a stranger and think that wasn’t strange. Sometimes people need to talk, but I don’t understand people who just go on and on…
I am NOT an insensitive person. I feel for people who are in pain, but it’s harder to when they won’t stop talking/expect you to be their therapist. In addition, I find it mildly amusing how people target ME. I am not someone who ‘has their shit together’ so to speak. I also come across as an introvert, which should give people the clue that I’m not social in general.
Anyway, what I’m asking is…why do people flock to me? And, how can I politely end a conversation? I couldn’t walk away in the supermarket because I was still looking through products. If I were to just walk away, I would feel rude doing so. I’m not a mean person. A lot of times I just DON’T HAVE TIME!!! I have my own problems, but would also feel guilt if I were to cut them off in mid-sentence. So, how would you recommend dealing with these types of interactions? Any advice helps. Thanks!
-M
P.S. Not sure if this is the right section to post this on.
Thanks. You both gave me good advice. And, I’ve never realized it till you you mentioned it…that being an introvert could totally be the reason why they flock to me. They’re mostly not looking for conversation. They’re mostly looking for someone to talk AT, rather than TO. It makes total sense now! I have to start being more direct.
We sound a lot alike. I’m an introvert but compassionate. Lately, I get impatient with people who are too needy and I’m learning to be tough. I listen for a minute or two, smile, give a word of encouragement and then move on, quickly. If you pause, even for a moment you’ll get sucked back in, either by the person or your own guilt. With practice I’m getting better at distancing myself from these people. I’m not an ogre, I’ve been a regular volunteer in my town and I donate money and goods but at this point - that’s all I can do.
“I’m sorry, but I can’t talk right now.” Don’t explain anything unless they ask why.
If they do ask, then say “I have to concentrate on selecting groceries.” Or “I like to shop alone.”
If they say something else, no matter what it is, repeat what you said earlier. E.g. “I understand, but I like to shop by myself.” Keep repeating until they go away.
I prefer this method because you don’t have to lie and because I get uncomfortable using white lies to get out of social situations.
You have to be firm, and you have to learn to say “NO”. That is the biggest lesson to learn as an adult. No, you can’t just randomly take up my time. No, i won’t do x favor for you. No, I won’t stand here chatting with you.
No doesn’t have to be rude but it does have to be firm and brook no argument. Too many people mistake being assertive - a very, very important life skill - for being aggressive.
Next time someone starts yakking in your ear about gluten, just look him in the eye, smile, and say, “Thank you for the info. I really must be going now.” And start moving on to the next aisle.
You don’t have to give any excuses. I also suggest you read Miss Manners. People think she’s stuffy but she has a range of wonderfully polite but firm responses for all kinds of situations.
Yes. Because it’s often more than a moment and I need to get on with my own life. If I wanted to that, I’d join a support group.
Interrupt them and start talking about your weird crotch itch and your cat who won’t stop humping your baby and that time your sister in law hit on you and I think they’ll run right off.
