Noah's Ark - Factually correct

I submit that the story of Noah’s Ark is historically factual and here’s why:

While driving in a rural area the other day my radio lost the signal of my normal station. I hit the seek button and came upon a a Christian station and the topic of discussion was Noah’s Ark and how it was completely plausible that two of every living thing were aboard during the great flood. Including dinosaurs.

Not possible for a mere eight people to feed all those animals, you say? No problem. Just keep the food stored directly across from the cages and not in some other part of the ark. Also, most animals don’t really have to eat every day so you don’t have to feed every animal every day, anyway.

Specific dietary needs like Pandas and bamboo or Koala Bears and eucalyptus? Evidently, if you get the right Panda it may eat corn stalks and if you get the right Koala they can be tricked into eating other things that have been sprayed with eucalyptus oil.

Dino’s too big to be on the ark? Do you think Noah was an idiot and tried to bring full grown Stegasaurs on board? No. He just brought eggs (which are only 18" long). When the eggs hatch the babies are smaller than a horse so there’s no issue with space.

I can’t remember exactly how the carnivores managed to live long enough until all the herbivores re-populated but it was an equally compelling explanation. I think they said that they (just temporarily) became vegetarians. You’ve seen dogs and cats eat grass, right?

And, just in case you are still a skeptic, here are the aces in the hole. First, it says so in the Bible. Second, to doubt is to question God and his teachings and THAT is exactly what led to the ark be necessary in the first place. What do you want? Another flood?! DUH!

With such cogent explanations being so readily available, I’m embarrassed to admit that I ever doubted. Thank god for rural radio. The Lord works in mysterious ways and I have been saved. How about you?

What ever floats your boat.

Yes, I caught the sarcasm. Wanted to make the joke.

The Rainbow Guarantee is null and void, on account of them thar homosekshuls profaning it.

Did the radio mention how they dealt with 40 days of poo? In an enclosed space? Not that I’m doubting or questioning that they did it, just that I’ve heard folks explain the intake half of the equation but never heard anyone explain the outgo half.

They just shoveled it over the side of course.

Or even better, the animals were caged with their butts hanging over the side and just shit straight into the water.

What did God even teach before that?
Don’t eat from a certain tree, or else, and then he put a mark on Cain to indicate not to kill him, or else.

Well, sure. First get the right pandas (the two that live in Palestine) and the right Koalas (ditto). Then, when distributing the animals after the flood, tell the pandas to head straight for China and the Koalas, Australia, and be sure not to stop along the way and leave “evidence,” because that would confuse the heck out of scientists.

It’s so easy to explain the inexplainable as long as you have an infinite leeway to make up shit.

Not just for 40 days, but closer to a year. Noah was 600 years old when the floodwaters came and they got on the ark (Gen 7:6) and was 601 when the earth was dry and they left the ark (Gen 8:13). People often say 40 days on the ark, but that was actually just how long the rains fell.

I don’t know why people try to find “scientific” proof that there was an ark or a flood. Any explanation would have to involve God using a miracle to make the ark possible, and if your explanation involves God’s power and miracles, then literally anything is possible.

My favorite part of the story is how all the babies and unborn must have been killed despite never having the chance to exercise their free will. Even if God knew they all were going to be "wicked ", they were punished for actions they never actually took.

Plus, whenever someone asks why god doesn’t stop a murderer from killing, the answer usually is that God doesn’t interfere with free will. I guess they mean he doesn’t anymore, besides that one time.

I just think of it as the ultimate rage quit.

I became a Christian because a radio evangelist proved the existence of the Christian god for me. Let me see how it went:

  1. Some things in the Bible are verifiably true. (Israelites existed. Nebuchadnezzar was a real person. Etc.)

  2. Therefore the Bible is a document we can trust.

  3. So when it says “Everything in the Bible is true, directly from God’s mouth” (I’m not sure where it says that, but I’m sure some passage in it can be interpreted that way), it makes sense to believe it. Since the Bible is trustworthy and all.

  4. The Bible says everything in it is true, it mentions God, therefore God exists, QED. Not just any “God” but “The Christian God”, specifically.

Any heathens want to refute this airtight logic?

Sure. God spoke to me directly and said Bulllllllllshit.
Prove he didn’t. :stuck_out_tongue:
He doesn’t like his name being ripped off by that dumb ass story, and he’d kill the fakers if they weren’t already dead.

BTW, he likes to yank the chain of people who claim the world is ending. He whispers a date and then slaps his holy knee as it passes and they luck stupid.

None of the paintings, figurines, children’s book illustrations, etc. I ever saw showed this.

There may be an untapped market here.

Well, if his birthday fell during those 40 days of rain, we still can’t tell how long he was floating around.

“And the Lord sent a rainbow as a sign
Ain’t gonna be water but FIRE next time”

Was it two of each animal, or two of the unclean ones and fourteen of the others?

Genesis 6:19-21

Genesis 7: 2-4

Maybe God wrote down his instructions and then left them in his other robes.

This, plus I’ve always been struck by the utter futility of it all. People are no better behaved now than they were before the flood.

So, what you are saying here is that a radio broadcast that used strawman arguments convinced you that the Noah story was factually correct, and that this was one of the arguments that did so?

Did you know that most modern zoos have more than 8 people used in the logistics support of the animals under their care, and they don’t have to worry about fucking up and perhaps losing an entire species if they do so. Oh, and the little problem with how many animals you’d have to collect and care for in a confined space for 40 days while the entire world flooded. Oh, and then we could talk about that water…where did it go after ward, where did it come from, and how did it manage not to destroy all life on the planet by causing the flood as rapidly as it did?

lol, so all it takes is to trick the animal into eating something else? :stuck_out_tongue: The animals that are evolutionarily adapted to a very vertical diet can simply be tricked into eating other stuff that they really weren’t adapted too? Well, that’s easy then!

Well, hope they brought some of those egg incubation thingies with them. There were 10’s of thousands of ‘dinosaur’ species during the Mesozoic era, so that’s going to be a hell of a lot of egg incubation box thingies. Hope no one drops an egg, or that during the apocalyptic rain storm that floods the earth (igniting the atmosphere and all) that the wooden boat they are all on will be ok! But, you know, wooden boats never sink and all, and so everything worked out ok (or, maybe not since there aren’t any ‘dinosaurs’ about today…well, except all those bird thingies, but maybe only their eggs were ok in the egg incubators).

Dude, you already trotted out the tricking of the pandas and such, why worry about little things like what all the (100’s of thousands of) carnivore species would eat before the (100’s of thousands of) herbivores bred enough (from an extremely low starting population) to become snacks again! Hell, just use your ‘we could just trick them’ magic wand and wave that one away too! Don’t sweat the details, you and this radio program are on a roll.

I thought the next time God said he was going to end the world in fire, so I’m thinking we don’t need to sweat it about another flood anyway. Also, if people questioning this lame ass story were grounds for causing a global disaster because of a pissed off God, well, folks have been questioning this whole thing for quite a while now. I’d guess that the ratio of ‘swallows this fish story whole because it’s in the bible’ to skeptic has been shifting for decades, at least, if not centuries.

You had me at (to paraphrase) ‘we shall just trick the pandas into eating corn silk instead of bamboo!’ as an explanation for how they kept all of the animal species alive that have very narrow dietary needs.

One question though, if you don’t mind? I mean, we can hand wave aside all of the insects and how Noah and God got them all to the Middle East, and how they were all kept alive. We can just dismiss the fact that there is no evidence for a world wide flood in the geological record, or why we don’t see population distributions of animals starting from some mountain in the Middle East. I’ll even leave aside the question of plants and how all the various species were saved (maybe they were like the coconuts in Holy Grail, and grasped by their husks). But, well, what about the fish? How did Noah et al save them? You can’t believe that pouring (presumably fresh) water onto the earth in sufficient quantities to flood the entire planet would be survivable to the creatures that live in the ocean (we will skip the fact that it wouldn’t be survivable to any of the creatures on land either, even though protected in a magical wooden boat), do you? So…how did they get saved?

So long, and thanks for all the fish?

That was a pretty neat trick if Noah pulled it off, considering that God didn’t define which animals were clean and which were unclean until at least 400 years after the flood.

NOAH: Well, so much for the unicorns! From now on, all carnivores will be confined to C Deck!