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  #101  
Old 05-21-2016, 06:13 PM
Left Hand of Dorkness Left Hand of Dorkness is offline
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Turns out they sell Bear Attack Deterrent. Now, this may qualify as a weapon, and it says, "Not sold in stores," meaning it has to be shipped to the Home Depot, so it may be doubly disqualified. But if it's not, forget the wasp spray, I'm going for bear deterrent, on the theory that my opponent is less tough than a bear.
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  #102  
Old 05-21-2016, 11:50 PM
RickJay RickJay is offline
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Originally Posted by Chronos View Post
And even if you weren't fighting against your doppelganger, even against an inferior opponent you'd be better off with a decent weapon than with an inferior one.

Did we get a ruling on my choice of a pickup truck, or does the fact that they're only rented, not sold, disqualify them?
It would be a hell of a fun thing to watch. I think we'll allow you to use a truck, then change the rules to disqualify them after.
  #103  
Old 05-22-2016, 01:27 AM
chappachula chappachula is offline
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I'd just like to point out that this thread may be unique in sDope history:

I'll bet it's the only one that does not now, and will not ever, have a single female poster.
  #104  
Old 05-22-2016, 11:17 AM
Sunspace Sunspace is offline
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This is intriguing. My first thought was "baseball bat", but I'm not sure whether the local Home Depots sell sporting goods. After a brief flirtation with spectacular but impractical ideas, like using a gasoline-powered arc welder as a super-taser, I must admit that the power washer idea has some merit. Are we allowed to fill it with the fluid of our choice? Then I nominate muriatic acid. The washer should last long enough spraying acid to get in a blindng blast.

But I also remember that complex technical solutions also break. There's a reason the proverbial mob of barbarians that overwhelms the delicate advanced culture is armed with rocks and sticks.

In the end, I'd probably go with a stout axe handle or some such. Already shaped to the hand better than a random piece of lumber, and it doesn't have the centre of mass all the way out on the end like a sledgehammer.

If I was small and not very strong, but fast, I'd go for smaller and pointier, as close to a shiv as I could get.

Last edited by Sunspace; 05-22-2016 at 11:19 AM.
  #105  
Old 05-22-2016, 11:58 AM
Uosdwis R. Dewoh Uosdwis R. Dewoh is offline
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But that's the point - the more heft to the tool, the harder it is to put on target and to recover from a missed strike. You commit yourself to an all out swing, I lean out of range, then dive in before you can get the motion moving the other direction.
I'm not talking about Thor's hammer here. Shovels and sledgehammers are designed to be used by the average person. They're not so heavy as to be unwieldy while still having enough weight to cause good damage.
  #106  
Old 05-22-2016, 02:15 PM
scabpicker scabpicker is offline
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Originally Posted by Irishman View Post

The oxy blowtorch is scary, but in a death match, I'd be willing to risk closing to cut the lines.
Yeah, but if I think you might win, even for an instant, I'm cutting the acetylene tank myself, with the torch. In a 30x30 room, pretty much everyone loses.


SPOILER:


I think that even beats the truck and the pressure washer, if you accept that not losing is more important than winning.

Last edited by scabpicker; 05-22-2016 at 02:17 PM.
  #107  
Old 05-22-2016, 02:33 PM
Baker Baker is offline
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I don't thin Home Depot stocks sporting goods, but if they did I'd go for a simple baseball bat. Light, easy to operate, no feul or power of any kind needed. Can be used with one hand. It would make a most satisfying thonk when it hits someone's skull. Pretty good for paralyzing joints and kneecaps before going in for the kill..

I choose this because the OP specified my opponent would be someone with about my skill level. I haven't the foggiest idea how to fight a powered weapon, but then my opponent would then probably also be clumsy with, say, a chainsaw.
  #108  
Old 05-22-2016, 07:04 PM
Irishman Irishman is offline
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Originally Posted by Uosdwis R. Dewoh View Post
I'm not talking about Thor's hammer here. Shovels and sledgehammers are designed to be used by the average person. They're not so heavy as to be unwieldy while still having enough weight to cause good damage.
Shovels and sledgehammers are not made to be swung around wildly like a fencing sword. Sledgehammers are made to commit to a single strong swing straight down, then reset to repeat. The reset is the tricky part.

Shovels are made to go in a strong stroke one direction, then provide leverage to pry dirt out of the ground, followed by transporting the dirt some short distance to the side. While they aren't as offbalance as sledgehammers, they aren't exactly rapiers, or even baseball bats.

If it's me, I'm hoping my opponent is dumb enough to try a shovel or sledgehammer. I have a very strong chance of winning. I also like my chances against a baseball bat or axe handle.

Quote:
Originally Posted by scabpicker View Post
Yeah, but if I think you might win, even for an instant, I'm cutting the acetylene tank myself, with the torch. In a 30x30 room, pretty much everyone loses.

[snip]
I think that even beats the truck and the pressure washer, if you accept that not losing is more important than winning.
I don't consider dying not losing.
  #109  
Old 05-23-2016, 10:19 AM
scabpicker scabpicker is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Irishman View Post
I don't consider dying not losing.
Well, since you'd be dead, and your opponent picks their own weapon, your opinion on the matter would not necessarily have the weight you would hope. Referring to the amended rules:


Quote:
Originally Posted by RickJay View Post
I should have pointed this out, but a few other rules of Home Depot Thunderdome, (which airs every night on FOX, 8 PM sharp) are

1. If you refuse to fight or attempt to leave the Thunderdome without defeating your opponent you're burned at the stake. So sorry. You must fight.

2. Every winner wins a million bucks. If both contestants die of wounds sustained during the fight before one can exist the Thunderdome alive, the winner is either

2a. The contestant who clearly killed the other one first, or
2b. If it is unclear who died first, the contestant who fought the best, as voted upon by a panel of celebrity judges.

If the winner dies before being able to sign the paperwork to receive their winnings, the money is awarded to a party they designate prior to the bout.
So it seems that as long as one can be found to have fought the best, which is of course debatable, you can still be dead and effectively "win".
  #110  
Old 05-23-2016, 05:21 PM
Toxgoddess Toxgoddess is offline
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I have a pressure washer, a machete and a tree pruner in my garage. I use them all on a regular basis. Pressure washer for me.


Quote:
Originally Posted by chappachula View Post
I'd just like to point out that this thread may be unique in sDope history:

I'll bet it's the only one that does not now, and will not ever, have a single female poster.

Last edited by Toxgoddess; 05-23-2016 at 05:22 PM.
  #111  
Old 05-23-2016, 05:55 PM
Baker Baker is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by chappachula View Post
I'd just like to point out that this thread may be unique in sDope history:

I'll bet it's the only one that does not now, and will not ever, have a single female poster.
You would be wrong. Check my previous post about using a baseball bat. Much better than an M16

Baker, veteran, 1974-77, US Army, 98G2LKP
  #112  
Old 05-23-2016, 09:08 PM
Precambrianmollusc Precambrianmollusc is offline
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Not sure about the pressure wassher , the velocity of the water falls off pretty quickly, sure it will hurt, but if the opposition is charging you, you don't have much distance or time to do fatal damage before they are inside your wand tip.
I want a
Stanley FatMax Xtreme 30 in. III-FuBar
Block , stab, bludgeon and has a thunderhorse ready name.
  #113  
Old 05-24-2016, 03:07 AM
Sleel Sleel is offline
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Machete. I’ve done martial arts for a loooong time now, including sword work, and I do CrossFit. Vs. just about any improvised distance weapon, I sprint, I win. Hope you weren’t very attached to that limb. Well, you aren’t now, anyway.
  #114  
Old 05-24-2016, 07:03 AM
Stanislaus Stanislaus is offline
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This Electric Inferno Propane Torch looks fun.

Pros: 41 inch length gives me range without being unwieldy. 800K BTU output means I don't have to worry too much about accuracy - even a glancing blow is going to do damage. I also think there's a psychological effect to being burned that doesn't apply to taking a hit or even being cut. Unlikely people will try to grab it off me.

Cons: Fuel. I need to either carry a propane tank around with me or plant it in the ground and limit my maneouvrability. It does come with 10' of hose but that's as much of a liability as an asset - if it's cut, I'm toast.

Strategy: Get to the corner with tank behind me, let them try to come to me and try to hit them literally anywhere.

Not sure how this matches up against aerosol sprays - definitely chance of ignition but will it blow back? If so, potentially worth the risk to disarm/disable LHOD.
  #115  
Old 05-24-2016, 07:11 AM
Stanislaus Stanislaus is offline
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Machete. I’ve done martial arts for a loooong time now, including sword work, and I do CrossFit. Vs. just about any improvised distance weapon, I sprint, I win. Hope you weren’t very attached to that limb. Well, you aren’t now, anyway.
Your opponent has the same training and fitness levels you do. So if you wouldn't let someone run up to you and cut your arm off, neither will they.
  #116  
Old 05-24-2016, 08:39 AM
Max Torque Max Torque is offline
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I'm still liking the dethatching rake. I can keep range on my opponent, and every time he gets within 5 feet, he gets nineteen razor blade slashes to his arms or legs (t-shirt and shorts, so a lot of bare skin to go for). Blood loss will take its toll rapidly. And even if the blades eventually bend or fail, it's still a staff for whacking.
  #117  
Old 05-24-2016, 09:42 AM
Jophiel Jophiel is offline
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My experience with dethatching rakes is that the blades themselves aren't especially sharp (they don't need to be to break dirt) although the tine ends are pointy and hurty. Still, I wouldn't compare it to razor blades.
  #118  
Old 05-24-2016, 09:42 AM
Sleel Sleel is offline
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Your opponent has the same training and fitness levels you do. So if you wouldn't let someone run up to you and cut your arm off, neither will they.
Doesn’t really matter against anything as clumsy as an improvised projectile weapon. You sure as hell aren’t going to get a pressure washer deployed in time no matter what your training and fitness.

Machete against machete or brush cutter, or something that actually resembles an actual real-life weapon, then it makes a difference. Anyone trying to be “creative” in this scenario is meat.
  #119  
Old 05-24-2016, 10:22 AM
Stanislaus Stanislaus is offline
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Doesn’t really matter against anything as clumsy as an improvised projectile weapon. You sure as hell aren’t going to get a pressure washer deployed in time no matter what your training and fitness.

Machete against machete or brush cutter, or something that actually resembles an actual real-life weapon, then it makes a difference. Anyone trying to be “creative” in this scenario is meat.
How much deployment does it need? I agree that if there's any fiddling to be done then a machete charge is going to win. But per the rules all devices are loaded, powered and in full working order. If it's just a matter of pointing it at you and pushing a button, it won't be that difficult.

By way of example, your video had a guy with a knife in his hand charging a guy with a holstered gun. If the gun had been out and pointing at the knife-wielder how close would he have got? Also, we know the room is 30' by 30' - if we start at opposite corners from our opponent that's a lot of distance to cover.
  #120  
Old 05-24-2016, 04:34 PM
gotpasswords gotpasswords is offline
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With the rented pickup truck... assuming the room is sealed, which would happen first?
Opponent runs out of breathable air and suffocates.
Engine runs out of usable air and stalls
You run out of breathable air inside the truck and suffocate.
  #121  
Old 05-24-2016, 06:12 PM
Dag Otto Dag Otto is offline
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It's too bad the wasp spray isn't actually a can full of wasps. Because spraying wasps at an enemy would be fun.
  #122  
Old 05-24-2016, 08:12 PM
Irishman Irishman is offline
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Originally Posted by scabpicker View Post
Well, since you'd be dead, and your opponent picks their own weapon, your opinion on the matter would not necessarily have the weight you would hope. Referring to the amended rules:


So it seems that as long as one can be found to have fought the best, which is of course debatable, you can still be dead and effectively "win".
I get that the prize might be awarded, but it's sort of like last year's American Ninja Warrior where they awarded the title of "First American Ninja Warrior" to the second guy to the top of the tower climb. It's a rule technicality that doesn't reflect my perspective.

Does it really matter you to "win" if you still die? Maybe if you're at least glad the prize money goes to your family, but that's small comfort.

Quote:
Originally Posted by gotpasswords View Post
With the rented pickup truck... assuming the room is sealed, which would happen first?
Opponent runs out of breathable air and suffocates.
Engine runs out of usable air and stalls
You run out of breathable air inside the truck and suffocate.
Easily suffocation over running out of fuel. I think it slightly quicker to die inside the cab before the guy outside the cab. Smaller enclosed space, still getting the carbon monoxide. Though the counter argument is the carbon monoxide isn't getting channeled into the cab.

Okay, I went by Home Depot yesterday and did some evaluation.

They did not have a thatch rake at my store, but I'm not that scared of it. You swing at me, I block and trap or grab, then it's not hitting me. Or I get you to swing, then slide in behind and hack you up.

I did play with a shovel, and there might be a way to make it more useful, but I still don't feel it really stacks up against a blade.

Pitchfork did offer a bit of advantage over the shovel, using the tines to trap a blade if wielded correctly. But I'm not convinced.

Crowbars were all too heavy and cumbersome.

This landscaping edger has some promise in that the crosspiece can be used to block without endagering the hands.

While this machete has a bit stiffer of a blade than the other machete, it's also a bit more blade heavy. Still, it's servicable, though I'd take the other.

If I were going with a staff, I'd probably pick something like this over the closet pole. It has points on one end.

A pickaxe had some merit. The big head could be used to block blades without risking hands, and it could be used to hook a heel as well as strike.

Interestingly, if you're thinking of the defense route, consider one of these grills. The top comes loose and you can use it as a shield, though you are reduce to striking with legs or ramming or something.

For a creative solution, consider these hedge shears. The handles can be extended to give a bit extra reach. If you hold it two handed and open the blades, you can hold it in front to block and redirect strikes.

I'm still going for the machete.

Oh, and this chain? Heavy as shit. Seriously, maybe 5 ft of it is wieldable, but all 20 feet is like carrying a 2 gallon jug. Wrapping around your arm will not be a good plan, and dragging part on the ground is stupid. Oh, and I'm certain anyone trying to swing it around in a circle to strike is more likely to injure themselves than me.
  #123  
Old 05-25-2016, 01:11 PM
RickJay RickJay is offline
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I am just pleased beyond all words that, thanks to me, people throughout North America are going to Home Depots and testing the products for their suitability in mortal combat.
  #124  
Old 05-25-2016, 01:34 PM
Saint Cad Saint Cad is offline
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Right now I'm thinking their strongest acid or paint stripper. I'll go for the chemical attack thinking I don't have to kill you, just disable or distract you enough to take your weapon and kill you with it.
  #125  
Old 05-25-2016, 01:57 PM
RickJay RickJay is offline
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The room is not airtight, by the way.
  #126  
Old 05-25-2016, 02:05 PM
Chimera Chimera is offline
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I will kill you all with a single sheet of paper.

(Once demonstrated to a friend how I could do it before he could even blink. He was rather shocked.)
  #127  
Old 05-27-2016, 07:13 PM
davidm davidm is offline
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If the truck were allowed then of course you'd choose the truck, but so would the other guy. In a 30' x 30' room that could be interesting to watch... no, boring to watch actually.

If trucks weren't allowed then it seems like the pressure washer should be the best choice. Back yourself into a corner and blast away. It's even effective against flame weapons. You might even be able to fend off a chemical attack. Of course, if it's the best choice then both opponents will choose it. They'll end up in opposite corners trying to flay the skin off their opponent and waiting to see who bleeds to death first.

Considering this, I might instead choose a heavy door as a shield. That way I can get in a corner and shield myself against a pressure sprayer, and just about anything else (other than a truck). The sprayer would eventually run out of water and then I could batter him to death with the door.

Of course my opponent may think the same way in which case you'd end up with two guys battling it out with doors.

I think that pretty much any weapon choice could end up being either good or bad depending on what your opponent chooses.
  #128  
Old 05-27-2016, 07:41 PM
eschereal eschereal is online now
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I will kill you all with a single sheet of paper.
Not me, I am not a rock. Or Spock.
  #129  
Old 05-27-2016, 09:53 PM
Chronos Chronos is offline
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On thinking more about the truck, it's a strong defense, but it's also not hard to defend against. Just jump into the bed, and nobody's getting hurt. And they do have a steel plate guarding the rear window, but a guy with a sledgehammer or heavy axe could probably get through that eventually.
  #130  
Old 05-28-2016, 07:50 AM
davidm davidm is offline
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I think the rules need to define the starting positions of the combatants. Are they in opposite corners facing each other? Are their weapons at hand or X feet in front of them? Can they be sitting or standing in or on their weapon if that's physically possible?

How much of the arena's floor space can their weapon occupy at the start? Can someone, for example, cover most or all of the floor with some kind of sticky cement or asphalt assuming that they can purchase a large enough single drum of the substance? (Glue isn't really "assembled" until it's been spread on something, is it?)
  #131  
Old 05-28-2016, 11:00 AM
eschereal eschereal is online now
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I think it would be more interesting if the game adhered to the literal meaning of "thunderdome", complete with live audience clinging to the framework. lf the floor space were to be the definitive measure, it would be about 34' across (the long diagonal of a 30'x30' loom is about 42'), though a squared dome would certainly be feasible.

Such a format could make the choice of weapon quite entertaining. Imagine the live audience being knocked off the dome from the high-pressure sprayer, coughing from the wasp killer or taking a blow from a thrusted pike-like tool. The notion of merely facing off in a closed box is just too sterile to be a proper show.

Last edited by eschereal; 05-28-2016 at 11:01 AM.
  #132  
Old 05-28-2016, 09:54 PM
scabpicker scabpicker is offline
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Originally Posted by davidm View Post

I think that pretty much any weapon choice could end up being either good or bad depending on what your opponent chooses.
Yep, I thought about this when I was thinking "so, what if two guys select acetylene torches?" You'd end up with two paranoid assholes each trying to burn each other's faces and scar their breathing orifices shut, ready to pop their tank as soon as they're injured at best; two assholes in their corners trying to ditch and cut their tank first at worst.
  #133  
Old 05-29-2016, 09:32 PM
Chronos Chronos is offline
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I think that what happens in that case is something like this.
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