Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #51  
Old 06-20-2016, 08:56 PM
penultima thule penultima thule is online now
Guest
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Sydney, Australia
Posts: 2,170
Of course, if nothing else the TRUMP 2016 paradigm is that unrepentant disregard for the rules of the establishment is now as de rigueur as apple pie.
Advertisements  
  #52  
Old 06-21-2016, 07:26 AM
ultimate11 ultimate11 is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Cook County, Illinois
Posts: 329
My fellow Americans, I am very glad to see this little gathering. We must overthrow the monarchy and make our country safe for hypocrisy! *cues 'CHEERS" card* There shall be less work and more play. Every Thursday you shall receive hamburger and egg! *cues 'CHEERS" card* We shall extend our neighbors a helping hand. We shall give them two helping hands, and help ourselves to our neighbors. Beblach!
  #53  
Old 06-21-2016, 09:43 AM
Boyo Jim Boyo Jim is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Madison, WI
Posts: 36,997
You know, when I started this campaign I made a bet. "NOBODY is stupid enough to vote for me", I said.

Well, I was wrong. We have the stupidest citizenry in the history of the world.

Goodbye. I'm heading to a place with smarter people ... North Korea. All Hail President Kim!
  #54  
Old 06-21-2016, 11:59 AM
NVME702-redux NVME702-redux is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 231
Mis Queridos Americanos,

Hoy ha llegado el dia que hemos esperado por mucho tiempo, la reunion de el norte y el sur. Es mas, ahora no va ver separacion de los dos paises que mas bien saben son uno e igual. Ahora todos somos hermanos reunidos!

Le doy gracias a todos que fueron antes de nosotros, que trabajaron a llegar a cabo este triunfo maravilloso y con orgullo les digo que fue dichoso el sacrificio que tomamos todo en asegurar este milagro, y les juro que no van a despreciar este nuevo oportunidad
  #55  
Old 06-21-2016, 12:32 PM
Corner Case Corner Case is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Flower Mound, TX, USA
Posts: 1,456
My fellow Americans,
I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass - and I'm all outta bubblegum.
  #56  
Old 06-21-2016, 12:55 PM
Lok Lok is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2000
Location: Northwest Ohio, USA
Posts: 2,986
Quote:
Originally Posted by NVME702-redux View Post
Mis Queridos Americanos,

Hoy ha llegado el dia que hemos esperado por mucho tiempo, la reunion de el norte y el sur. Es mas, ahora no va ver separacion de los dos paises que mas bien saben son uno e igual. Ahora todos somos hermanos reunidos!

Le doy gracias a todos que fueron antes de nosotros, que trabajaron a llegar a cabo este triunfo maravilloso y con orgullo les digo que fue dichoso el sacrificio que tomamos todo en asegurar este milagro, y les juro que no van a despreciar este nuevo oportunidad
Duolingo says I'm currently 10% fluid in Spanish. This tells me it is much closer to 1%.
__________________
Lok
----------------
"I am madly in love with Lok and wish to have his beautiful children. I also wish to leave my entire (quite subsantial) estate to him when I die, which might now be quite suddenly." - auRa
  #57  
Old 06-21-2016, 01:00 PM
Frodo Frodo is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Sep 2001
Location: Buenos Aires, Argentina
Posts: 2,037
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lok View Post
Duolingo says I'm currently 10% fluid in Spanish. This tells me it is much closer to 1%.
Don't worry, that looks like something written in English or another not-spanish language and then google-translated.
  #58  
Old 06-21-2016, 01:27 PM
YogSothoth YogSothoth is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 14,000
"While most presidents try to show you how much they are like you, I won't. I'm different from all of you. Very, very, very different. And I'm not at all interested in doing anything to placate you. I will rule in a way I feel is best and not because you like it. In the end, you'll be better off, but you might not feel like it. Objectively, I will be the best president you've ever had, but subjectively, some of you will shit yourself as your traditions are brushed aside. Get over it."
  #59  
Old 06-21-2016, 04:04 PM
Lok Lok is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2000
Location: Northwest Ohio, USA
Posts: 2,986
Quote:
Originally Posted by YogSothoth View Post
"While most presidents try to show you how much they are like you, I won't. I'm different from all of you. Very, very, very different. And I'm not at all interested in doing anything to placate you. I will rule in a way I feel is best and not because you like it. In the end, you'll be better off, but you might not feel like it. Objectively, I will be the best president you've ever had, but subjectively, some of you will shit yourself as your traditions are brushed aside. Get over it."
Obama?
__________________
Lok
----------------
"I am madly in love with Lok and wish to have his beautiful children. I also wish to leave my entire (quite subsantial) estate to him when I die, which might now be quite suddenly." - auRa
  #60  
Old 06-21-2016, 04:28 PM
Leaper Leaper is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: In my own little world...
Posts: 12,150
Quote:
Originally Posted by YogSothoth View Post
"While most presidents try to show you how much they are like you, I won't. I'm different from all of you. Very, very, very different. And I'm not at all interested in doing anything to placate you. I will rule in a way I feel is best and not because you like it. In the end, you'll be better off, but you might not feel like it. Objectively, I will be the best president you've ever had, but subjectively, some of you will shit yourself as your traditions are brushed aside. Get over it."
With a speech like that, lucky you're already at the inauguration stage, because I have no idea how you were elected!

ETA: Then again, you are an inscrutable Old One, so...

Last edited by Leaper; 06-21-2016 at 04:30 PM.
  #61  
Old 06-21-2016, 04:30 PM
Frodo Frodo is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Sep 2001
Location: Buenos Aires, Argentina
Posts: 2,037
Quote:
Originally Posted by Leaper View Post
With a speech like that, lucky you're already at the inauguration stage, because I have no idea how you were elected!
Don't blame me I voted for Nyarlathotep!
  #62  
Old 06-21-2016, 09:27 PM
Elendil's Heir Elendil's Heir is offline
SDSAB
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: my Herkimer Battle Jitney
Posts: 70,932
Why choose the lesser evil?

https://i.guim.co.uk/img/media/085d5...sm=12&fit=max&
  #63  
Old 06-22-2016, 08:26 AM
Haldurson Haldurson is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 129
"Hey guys. I know I should say something like 'My fellow Americans', but that sounds too formal, and I'm not a formal kind of guy. So from now on, enough with that.

Well, I don't know what to say about all this. Well, I'm your president. I don't know which one of us should be more surprised. No really. I have no idea what I'm doing. But I promise I'll try to figure it out. And I've been told that they are going to give me advisors to help me and teach me... so... yeah.

Way back when I... well I had no idea that I was even in the order of succession. And then that series of freak accidents.... who knew that cats could be so vicious? And that toilet that fell from that Delta flight right... Whoo boy, talk about bad luck happening in 3s. That was 3 times 3.

Anyway, umm... Let me just say that I know I'm not the guy you chose for this job, but I'm the guy you got. So suck it."
  #64  
Old 06-22-2016, 11:37 AM
YogSothoth YogSothoth is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 14,000
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lok View Post
Obama?
Obama spent 2 years trying to placate the GOP and his opponents. He was one of the most moderate presidents we've had in decades. You must have just woken up from cryostasis and think the mess in Congress is his fault
  #65  
Old 06-22-2016, 11:52 AM
BrainGlutton BrainGlutton is offline
BANNED
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Tampa, Florida
Posts: 78,508
"I'm in the driver's seat! I'm runnin' the show! I'M THE FUCKIN' PRESIDENT!"
  #66  
Old 06-22-2016, 11:59 AM
Frodo Frodo is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Sep 2001
Location: Buenos Aires, Argentina
Posts: 2,037
I'm PRESIDENTING LIKE A MOTHERFUCKER
  #67  
Old 06-22-2016, 10:06 PM
Lok Lok is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2000
Location: Northwest Ohio, USA
Posts: 2,986
Quote:
Originally Posted by YogSothoth View Post
Obama spent 2 years trying to placate the GOP and his opponents. He was one of the most moderate presidents we've had in decades. You must have just woken up from cryostasis and think the mess in Congress is his fault
No, I'm referring to the current Obama who has obviously run out of fucks to give.
__________________
Lok
----------------
"I am madly in love with Lok and wish to have his beautiful children. I also wish to leave my entire (quite subsantial) estate to him when I die, which might now be quite suddenly." - auRa
  #68  
Old 06-22-2016, 11:24 PM
Velocity Velocity is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 10,016
These two speeches should get awards:


Quote:
Originally Posted by Elendil's Heir View Post
I thank you for choosing me to become President of the United States.

We Americans are a hard-working, good and generous people. We can, in freedom, accomplish amazing things: confronting tyranny and extremism, caring for the less fortunate, and exploring the universe. This great republic has met and overcome every challenge for centuries. I am certain that it always will, blessed by God and faithfully guided by the Constitution given us by the genius of the Framers.

And now, with determination, deep humility and an abiding hope for the future, I will swear the same oath sworn by George Washington.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Blue Max View Post
"My Fellow Americans.

The hour of a new future is upon us. History will remember the day that we left the old, stagnant stalemates of yesteryear and embrace a new era of progress, of reinvestment, and a new competitiveness to make our economy, our society and our children the very best they can be.

Some politicians wish to spend billions of dollars to build a wall. We're going to be building--and repairing--our roads, our trains, and our airports.

Some politicians believe that healthcare is a great way to force Americans into bankruptcy and poverty. We're going to create single payer healthcare for all Americans.

Some politicians seek to destroy families and deport over ten million undocumented immigrants to this country. I am issuing, by executive order, an amnesty and a path to citizenship, for all those who have complied with the law.

Some politicians believe that we should sell firearms to terror suspects, to the mentally ill, and to hardened criminals. We will ban the myriad ways that our laws allow these purchases, and we will hold accountable those who would make those transactions.

Some politicians believe that the war on drugs is a war worth waging. For forty years, we've sought to punish those who use controlled substances but have basically made them unable to live normal lives and created a gigantic underworld economy. It is long overdue to end stiff punishments against non-violent drug users and address drug use for what it is--a symptom of mental health. Our Administration will seek to offer rehabilitation as a national priority.

Finally, my fellow Americans, too many politicians have simply voted for their donor friends. Too many have and implemented policies reflecting the names on their checks and too few have listened to what you have to say. We have the right to regulate our elections, to get dark money out of politics, and to defend our own freedom from lobbyists. I will require my nominees to the Supreme Court to overturn the misguided mantra of money as speech, and if it is otherwise impossible, I will call for a constitutional amendment to explicitly claim this freedom for all Americans.

Thank you all.
God Bless You
God Bless the United States of America!"
  #69  
Old 06-24-2016, 07:27 AM
Sunspace Sunspace is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Jun 1999
Location: Near the GT eeehhhh...
Posts: 27,315
In defiance of all constitutional, practical, and theological precedent, you, America, have chosen me as President. With great humility, I declare the quadrilingual Esperantic Hegemony of North America! Bonvenon! Bienvenue! ¡Bienvenido! Welcome!

I a
  #70  
Old 06-26-2016, 01:22 PM
TonyRV2 TonyRV2 is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 16
My former fellow Americans, I have renounced my citizenship and have as of this afternoon become a San Marinoan. I refuse to remain a citizen of any country whose voters would have me as a president. Long live cousin Marinus. Arrivederci!

(a nod to Groucho)
  #71  
Old 06-30-2016, 02:00 PM
NVME702-redux NVME702-redux is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 231
Quote:
Originally Posted by Frodo View Post
Don't worry, that looks like something written in English or another not-spanish language and then google-translated.
No- Spanish is my native language.
  #72  
Old 06-30-2016, 03:09 PM
Mighty_Girl Mighty_Girl is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: Somewhere Warm
Posts: 4,741
¿Te sientes bien?
  #73  
Old 07-27-2016, 09:05 PM
ultimate11 ultimate11 is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Cook County, Illinois
Posts: 329
I still can't believe I'm here. Now what am I supposed to do with this château behind me?

Last edited by ultimate11; 07-27-2016 at 09:07 PM.
  #74  
Old 07-27-2016, 11:32 PM
kopek kopek is offline
born to be shunned
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Southwestern PA
Posts: 11,369
My fellow Americans - what the Hell were you thinking? Have you ever read any of my posts on the SDMB? Did you ever talk to anyone who knew me? My own mother wants me dead and you elect me President? Pass some of that stuff around - we're going to need it the next 4 years. Myself included!
  #75  
Old 07-27-2016, 11:57 PM
ekedolphin ekedolphin is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Suffolk, VA
Posts: 3,689
Loved Blue Max's speech!
  #76  
Old 07-28-2016, 08:52 AM
ultimate11 ultimate11 is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Cook County, Illinois
Posts: 329
Well! My teleprompter is broken, the White House printer was out of ink, the family dog chewed the backup papers (we're revising our policy on having pets on the White House anyways), and to top things off, our speechwriter just had a heart attack. And if that isn't bad enough, the WiFi is down, the internal network is disabled, our telephone service is offline, our telegraph service hasn't been used in decades (and it didn't work), our attempt at flying an eagle to give us the speech has failed (and actually, I don't think we tried that yet), and on top of all this, I can't come up with a speech now because I just smoked something. Oh wait- did I already give a speech out? *snickers*

To hell with this, is this ceremony over? Let's have lunch, who's with me?
  #77  
Old 07-28-2016, 09:37 AM
Iggy Iggy is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: somewhere else
Posts: 4,580
My fellow Americans, Franklin Delano Roosevelt famously stated that we have nothing to fear but fear itself. How wrong he was.
  #78  
Old 07-29-2016, 12:20 PM
That Don Guy That Don Guy is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 3,657
Ladies and gentlemen...
...of the Strategic Air Command:
Charlie
Alpha
Papa
Eight
One
One
  #79  
Old 07-29-2016, 12:24 PM
RickJay RickJay is offline
Charter Jays Fan
Moderator
 
Join Date: Jun 2000
Location: Oakville, Canada
Posts: 38,202
"I am not Constitutionally eligible to be President. But apparently you decided otherwise. However, the pay is good. So I'll spend the next four years doing the best I can to make your lives better. Then you can decide if I've done a good job. I'm going to go to the afterparty now. Thanks, see ya later."
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 06:40 AM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.

Send questions for Cecil Adams to: cecil@chicagoreader.com

Send comments about this website to: webmaster@straightdope.com

Terms of Use / Privacy Policy

Advertise on the Straight Dope!
(Your direct line to thousands of the smartest, hippest people on the planet, plus a few total dipsticks.)

Publishers - interested in subscribing to the Straight Dope?
Write to: sdsubscriptions@chicagoreader.com.

Copyright © 2017 Sun-Times Media, LLC.

 
Copyright © 2017