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Old 08-21-2016, 06:22 PM
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Tales of clumsiness


This thread is for admitting your clumsiness and boneheaded maneuvers. Here's my latest.

I recently added a Victorinox Bundeswehr Trekker to my collection. This is a knife that allows you to open it with one hand. I tried the one-handed opening several times in fhe five days I've had it. Woiks like a chahm! Today I needed to cut the tape on the box of my new external drive. It's a great chance to use the knife for the first time! I try to open it one-handed, while holding the box in my other hand. Didn't quite get it, and my middle finger got under the blade. Blood ensued.
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Old 08-21-2016, 08:06 PM
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Bought a set of 4 Disney plates at an estate sale, they were bought during the grand opening of Disneyland. Paid a fair price for them, hoped to make more selling them on Ebay. I ended up breaking one while washing them. Still sold them, at a loss though.
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Old 08-21-2016, 08:27 PM
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Glad the Victoronix is okay. I love them knives!
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Old 08-21-2016, 11:04 PM
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I fat-fingered two other thread titles trying edit open this one on my phone.

Edit--and then made a typo.

Last edited by Sailboat; 08-21-2016 at 11:06 PM.
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Old 08-22-2016, 09:57 AM
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Glad the Victoronix is okay. I love them knives!
The last time I cut myself with a pocket knife, it was 30-some years ago. I was one-hand closing the small blade on my Victorinox Champion, and my thumb got in the way.
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Old 08-22-2016, 10:10 AM
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Originally Posted by Johnny L.A. View Post
This thread is for admitting your clumsiness and boneheaded maneuvers. Here's my latest.

I recently added a Victorinox Bundeswehr Trekker to my collection. This is a knife that allows you to open it with one hand. I tried the one-handed opening several times in fhe five days I've had it. Woiks like a chahm! Today I needed to cut the tape on the box of my new external drive. It's a great chance to use the knife for the first time! I try to open it one-handed, while holding the box in my other hand. Didn't quite get it, and my middle finger got under the blade. Blood ensued.
I did this a few years ago. While showing off my cool new knife
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Old 08-22-2016, 10:22 AM
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I dropped a chopping board onto my toe. (Ouch!)
I remember watching it fall and thinking 'that's going to hurt.'

I lost the nail off my big toe - but it grew back.
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Old 08-22-2016, 06:25 PM
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Wiped out on my bike a few days ago. Knee scrape, sore arm. My wife of course laughed.
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Old 08-22-2016, 09:26 PM
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My entire life is a tale of clumsiness. I trip over shadows. Sometimes I say it's my husband's fault, especially if he's not there. (If he had been there, he could have caught me before I fell.)

My most recent self-inflicted injury was a very badly sprained ankle from falling down a two-inch step outside my dentist's office. I knew it wasn't broken, as I had full mobility, but it swelled up so it looked like I had implanted a softball in my foot, and took months to fully heal.
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Old 08-22-2016, 11:12 PM
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I have a very new and still healing septum piercing. While eating some popcorn today, I absent-mindedly tossed a handful at my mouth and whacked my nose. I was seeing orange stars, yellow moons and green clover for a while, and it's still achy.
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Old 08-23-2016, 06:56 AM
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I was on a date. We were at a train station and there was a bench for us to wait. She sat down and somehow in my dopiness I went to sit but missed the bench and sat on air and fell backwards onto my butt. If you are curious, no that is not a turn on on a date.
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Old 08-23-2016, 08:36 AM
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Who else could fall down 4 stairs and end up with a broken tailbone, two broken toes, two broken fingers, and a snapped off wrist bone sitting up her arm?
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Old 08-23-2016, 12:42 PM
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While retrieving food from my week old microwave, my sleeve caught on the latch/hook the holds the door closed, snapping it off.
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Old 08-23-2016, 02:48 PM
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One of my dogs tore off his ID tag just when we got back from walking at night. I could hear it land somewhere in my carport. After putting the dogs inside, I flipped the switch for the carport light but it didn't turn on. The bulb had burned out. All my flashlights were non-functional, and I was out of batteries. Maybe I should go out and buy new batteries and light bulbs, but that would be too much effort for a simple dog tag.

I decided I could use the reverse lights on my SUV to search for the tag. Bad idea. It's fuel injected. I was standing outside the SUV instead of sitting inside when I shifted to Reverse. The SUV took off and I couldn't get to the brake. The driver's side door caught on one of the car port posts. It tore the post away and reversed the door, making it uncloseable. The SUV then jetted down my driveway (I live on a hill) and straight into a ditch that runs through my front yard. My wench couldn't pull it out, so I had to call a tow truck. $100 for the tow, $50 for the new post, $1600 for the new door and reconstruction work, all because it would take longer to buy new batteries and light bulbs.

Never did find the stupid dog tag.
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Old 08-23-2016, 02:57 PM
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My wench couldn't pull it out, so I had to call a tow truck.
Well, to be fair, most wenches aren't strong enough to pull anything that heavy.
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Old 08-23-2016, 03:05 PM
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There is a time and place for daydreaming. One situation which is NOT such a time and place is when you are sawing a piece of wood on a table saw--I ended up sawing off the tip of my thumb.
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Old 08-23-2016, 03:08 PM
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This thread is for admitting your clumsiness and boneheaded maneuvers. Here's my latest.

I recently added a Victorinox Bundeswehr Trekker to my collection. This is a knife that allows you to open it with one hand. I tried the one-handed opening several times in fhe five days I've had it. Woiks like a chahm! Today I needed to cut the tape on the box of my new external drive. It's a great chance to use the knife for the first time! I try to open it one-handed, while holding the box in my other hand. Didn't quite get it, and my middle finger got under the blade. Blood ensued.
I've carried a Kershaw Ken Onion Scallion for years without issue. It has a spring assisted opening for one finger operation, and a blade lock, which I've never used. I love this knife. We had some visitors not long ago, and for some reason I had my hands in my pockets and kept fussing around with the knife with my left hand.

Well of course it came open, impaling my finger and trapping the half-opened blade in the pocket material. So I'm doing the owowow! dance, trying to extract my hand from the pocket without having the knife do more damage to both hand and other things in close proximity, while every one stood staring at me like I had lost my mind.
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Old 10-20-2018, 08:58 PM
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My latest bone-headed maneuver:

I grilled steaks for dinner tonight. The grill is against the railing on the deck, and there's a 10' x 6' roll-up shade on that part of the deck. Despite having grilled there numerous times without incident, this time I melted the fabric of the shade where the corners of the grill's lid are.

Oh, well. At least I had a $100 Amazon gift certificate I've been forgetting about for five months and the new shade was only $95.
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Old 10-20-2018, 09:26 PM
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Well recently I took a deck dive trying to keep my little Yorkie from falling a few feet to the ground. I got broken foot and a sore shoulder for my efforts. These things are always happening to me. I am A#1 klutz.
Probably TMI but I fell off the toilet. My sugar was real low one morning and the next thing I knew I was laying on the bathroom floor, Mr.Wrekker trying to wake me up and give me juice. My life is just lovely. Just saying.

Last edited by Beckdawrek; 10-20-2018 at 09:27 PM.
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Old 10-21-2018, 03:39 AM
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I don't have any really spectacular ones recently (I'd like to think I'm getting more mindful as I age, but it's probably just dumb luck), and I think I've already posted most of the really crazy ones from years past.

I did cut my fingers while stretching a tripwire last month. I pulled a little too hard, and it went right through my skin. Kind of like a papercut, only deeper. I made a mental note to wear gloves next time.
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Old 10-21-2018, 04:01 AM
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I'm the ring announcer for the local pro wrestling promotion. I usually use a wireless microphone, and typically enter the ring by rolling under the bottom rope, then standing up.

At tonight's show, the wireless microphone was unavailable, so I had to use a corded one. On one of my rolls into the ring, the cord got tangled around my feet, and while I got to my feet, I wasn't there long before falling over. I had to untangle the cord from a sitting position.

Oh well. The crowd loved it. They were entertained; that's what matters.
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Old 10-21-2018, 06:00 AM
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I am "clothes clumsy" (my name for it). I get tangled, hung and otherwise trapped when wearing anything more than gym shorts and flip flops. I also abhor crowds to a near psychotic level.

Last week, I got to add the two together by making a business trip via airline. This allows me to twin delights of re-enacting Star Trek's Mark of Gideon while carrying bags and wearing a winter coat. I managed to get it hung once and tore out part of the lining. I managed to drop and/or lose my ID, my credit card, my boarding pass, and my luggage claim. In addition, at one point I picked up my carryon upside down and dumped the entire contents on the floor. I also screwed up the TSA process twice and earned myself complete patdowns. I'm nearly ill in pressing crowds like this and can't keep up with simple instructions, leaving electronics in the bag, or keys in my pocket or forgetting to remove my belt. It was a disaster from step one.

Remember, I have zero problem filing IFR, and climbing into a Cessna to fly myself to destinations, even in bad weather. But I hate crowds like this so much I end up throwing up in the days leading to a trip. Add excessive clothing to snag and hang on stuff and it becomes a shit show.
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Old 10-21-2018, 08:20 AM
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A few weeks ago I was emptying the dishwasher, bent over to grab some dishes, and when I straightened up I smacked my head on the bottom edge of the half-open cabinet door above the dishwasher.

Similarly, when I mow the back yard there is a crabapple tree I have to duck under to mow around. There is one low-hanging branch with a big knot on the bottom from where I pruned an even-lower-hanging branch, and I never seem to duck low enough and always smack my head on that knot.
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Old 10-21-2018, 08:35 AM
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Late this morning I dropped an unopened bottle of anchovy fillets and chili in olive oil while getting it out of the cupboard above the stove. It rolled down the range hood, over my shoulder and smashed on the tiles. I had no shoes on and turned around to find myself amid a spray of broken glass, a large puddle of spicy olive oil and a pile of anchovy fillets.

It was one of those cleaning jobs where you end up having to clean up everything used in the cleanup. Of course, this happened about an hour after I had mopped the kitchen floor.
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Old 10-21-2018, 08:50 AM
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Tales of clumsiness
by don't ask


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Old 10-21-2018, 08:58 AM
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I was carrying a glass of ice water and it slipped from my hand. I couldn’t catch it, and it hit the tile floor. Figuring my eyes were almost 6 feet above the floor, I felt safe and didn’t close my eyes. What could go wrong?
A sliver flew up and cut my cornea. Had to get stitched up, wear an eye patch for a month, and it took a year for the vision in that eye to be distortion-free.

Last edited by Capn Carl; 10-21-2018 at 08:59 AM.
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Old 10-21-2018, 09:35 AM
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One Christmas I was commissioned to bring the mashed potatoes to the family gathering. Walking up the steps to my sister's house, I tripped and dropped the giant pot O spuds all over her steps.


mmm
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Old 10-21-2018, 10:57 AM
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I am a notorious falling-up-the-stairs tripper. Carrying laundry upstairs is usually the culprit. Thankfully the bundle of clean clotbes has saved me from facial injury, so far.
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Old 10-21-2018, 12:01 PM
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I'm in the basement of our new house arranging cartons of goods. Somewhere above my head, descending from the floor joists is a 2x2 on the end of which is an electric box with a standard two-outlet installed. Instead of being honest plastic, the faceplate is thin aluminum with a layer of wood-grain vinyl one one side.

Finished with the boxes I straighten out and instantly ram the crown of my head into a corner of the faceplate with an audible, "Thunk!" almost immediately followed by a buzzing, "Dong," as I duck away. I decide the pain is such I better assess the damage and start up the stairs. Before I reached the top, a trickle of blood was descending my forehead.
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Old 10-21-2018, 12:50 PM
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I'm in the basement of our new house arranging cartons of goods. Somewhere above my head, descending from the floor joists is a 2x2 on the end of which is an electric box with a standard two-outlet installed. Instead of being honest plastic, the faceplate is thin aluminum with a layer of wood-grain vinyl one one side.

Finished with the boxes I straighten out and instantly ram the crown of my head into a corner of the faceplate with an audible, "Thunk!" almost immediately followed by a buzzing, "Dong," as I duck away. I decide the pain is such I better assess the damage and start up the stairs. Before I reached the top, a trickle of blood was descending my forehead.
Holy ouch, Batman!
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Old 10-21-2018, 01:14 PM
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The actual hole was pretty dinky. Scalp wounds are pretty notorious for bleeding freely.

Last edited by DesertDog; 10-21-2018 at 01:15 PM.
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Old 10-21-2018, 02:40 PM
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Well my dumb ass just went out to the barn to get something and stuck my hand in a box and came back with 3 stings, bites or something. They definitely have a venom-ish aspect. I dont think it was a spider or snake. I'm thinking it was a wasp or hornet. Damn, that hurts! Plus, it was the wrong box. Oh, joy.

Last edited by Beckdawrek; 10-21-2018 at 02:41 PM.
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Old 10-21-2018, 06:54 PM
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A bizarre one ( to me ) was a few years ago. I unloaded the dishwasher and gave a dinner plate a wipe with a towel. For some reason my arm/hand/wrist inexplicably flinched and I flung the damn thing like a half-hearted Frisbee throw. It landed and shattered. I just stood there for what must have been the best part of a minute wondering what/why that happened. It was "unbreakable" Correll type stuff that survived occassional droppings....but not a flinging.

I'm also a slow waker who is somewhat dazed till I've had my coffee, and it's not uncommon for me to crash into door frames and such. Been like that a long time.
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Old 10-21-2018, 07:33 PM
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mom had a heirloom butcher knife she used ...and I dried the dishes ...well it was so dull that I became careless over time and dried it underhanded blade side down in one huge swipe...


well stepdad decided to sharpen it so she wouldn't nag about it ……..then visiting grandpa got bored remembered mom mentioned it was dull so he sharpened it too 12 year old me swipes it and cut my hand through the towel deep enough for about 10 stitches ……… the males both say "sorry I forget to mention I sharpened it" …..the er trip over it is another story …..

Last edited by nightshadea; 10-21-2018 at 07:34 PM.
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Old 10-22-2018, 12:20 AM
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I kicked a metal door that was stuck and wouldn't push open....kicked it so hard that I broke my toe....then I realized it was a pull door
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Old 10-22-2018, 10:27 AM
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Splashed boiling water all over my hand while trying to remove a measuring cup from the microwave. I have no idea how I did this; I make tea every day and usually don't even splash water all over the counter.
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Old 10-22-2018, 10:34 AM
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A bizarre one ( to me ) was a few years ago. I unloaded the dishwasher and gave a dinner plate a wipe with a towel. For some reason my arm/hand/wrist inexplicably flinched and I flung the damn thing like a half-hearted Frisbee throw. It landed and shattered. I just stood there for what must have been the best part of a minute wondering what/why that happened. It was "unbreakable" Correll type stuff that survived occassional droppings....but not a flinging.

I'm also a slow waker who is somewhat dazed till I've had my coffee, and it's not uncommon for me to crash into door frames and such. Been like that a long time.
This made me laugh too hard. I'm sorry for giggling at your misfortune.

So I will give you one to laugh at.

This happened when I was in junior high, a long time ago. I was very awkward (as everyone is in junior high) and it was the last day of PE before winter break. They had us inside playing a variant of kick ball called mat ball.

Here's how mat ball was played. Instead of bases, you had mats in the four corners of the gym. The kicker would kick the ball that was served to them by the pitcher for the other team and could chose which direction to go around the mats. Once you picked a direction, you had to keep going the same way. You could stay on the mats as long as you liked. Once you stepped off a mat, though, you had to go to the next. The other team could tag you out only by touching you with the ball or getting three outs before you finished going around the bases. As you can see, there was some strategy involved.

I was on my mat and I was getting ready to run. I knew when I stepped off that I would have to make it to the next mat. I heard the kick and I sped off at top speed, bound and determined to get to that mat before I got tagged out. Unfortunately, I did not account for the brick wall behind the mat that I was currently running toward, nor did I account for the volleyball net on my right that wasn't quite put away. I tripped and landed on the mat on my hands and knees and smashed my head into the wall. All was stars and time seemed to slow down. I couldn't move or talk, all I could do was lay there and wonder how I knew where everyone was while not being able to see.

The PE teacher scooped me up and put me in a wheelchair. Then, she took me to the nurses' office who called my mom. I don't remember how long it took. It felt like either forever or an instant. I'm not sure if I slept or not. I still couldn't see or walk on my own when my mom picked me up. She took me straight to the ER where I was diagnosed with a concussion and a sprained neck.

TL,DR - I was playing a game in PE where I ran at a brick wall, tripped and gave myself a concussion while almost breaking my neck.
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Old 10-25-2018, 12:26 PM
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Splashed boiling water all over my hand while trying to remove a measuring cup from the microwave. I have no idea how I did this; I make tea every day and usually don't even splash water all over the counter.
Sometimes microwaved water will not appear to boil until it's disturbed - then it'll suddenly BOIL. As in, maybe you grabbed that measuring cup, and that movement was enough to cause it to bubble violently.

Me: too many incidents to list, but one memorable one was when I lost an argument with the stairs in my house. I thought there were 7 steps left, it thought there were 6 (or maybe the other way around). The stairs won the argument, and I wound up sprawled at the bottom of the stairs, with an ouchy foot that I quickly realized was broken. At that point, I'd lived in that house for 9 years - I bloody well knew how many stairs there were. But that's what I get for thinking I can do daily activities like walking.
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Old 10-25-2018, 12:36 PM
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When I was a junior in college, I had a dorm room all to myself (I'd then been in the dorms for three years, and had enough seniority to get one of the "singles.") I had my bed set up as a "loft" (i.e., a bunk bed without the lower bed), with a seating area underneath. When I first set the room up this way, I used my desk chair to get up into the bed.

That first week in the room, it was fall registration week, which largely meant that it was a week off for me. One morning, I was sleeping in a bit, and the phone started ringing. I went to get out of the bed, and missed the chair, dropping to the floor. I landed on my feet, but stumbled forward, and hit my head on my stereo (which was on the desk, on the far side of the room).

I then answered the phone -- it was a friend of mine on the line. "Good morning! How are you today?", she asked. I put my hand to my forehead, and it came away bloody. "Ummm...bleeding? I'll call you back."

I went down the hall to the bathroom, looked in the mirror, and saw that I had a two-inch-long gash right along my hairline. My housefellow (RA) called campus security, and they sent a campus police officer to transport me to the health clinic -- he asked what I'd done, and when I told him, he laughed the entire trip. The doctor at the clinic stuck my forehead back together with butterfly tape, and I got a nice little scar out of the deal -- it's since served as a barometer to illustrate how far back my hairline has receded.
  #40  
Old 10-25-2018, 12:54 PM
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[I]t was fall registration week... I went to get out of the bed, and missed the chair, dropping to the floor. I landed on my feet, but stumbled forward, and hit my head on my stereo...
Heh.
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Old 10-25-2018, 12:56 PM
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I have fell up the stairs many times. Those are always special and painful reminders of the anti-gravity features to my home.
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Old 10-25-2018, 01:05 PM
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Heh.
Totally unintentional pun on my part. Does that count as verbal clumsiness?
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Old 10-26-2018, 10:53 AM
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TL,DR - I was playing a game in PE where I ran at a brick wall, tripped and gave myself a concussion while almost breaking my neck.
When I was in high school, the bunch of us in PE were jogging back from whatever we'd been doing jumping over a chain across the road. The class clown would pull on the chain raising it a couple inches as we jumped over. Everybody did just fine but me. I hooked a foot on the chain and did an instant 90-degree spin and slammed my head into the pavement.

The next few minutes are kind of hazy. I remember being picked up by the arms and being unable to breathe with someone saying, "He's just had the wind knocked out of him." Some small part of my mind thought that was a very apt description.

After that I got nuthin' until I come to under the shower what had to be a good five or ten minutes later. In those "suck it up times" I didn't even get sent to the school nurse.
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Old 10-26-2018, 02:49 PM
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I know I've told this story before in the SDMB:

Several years ago I was helping a friend pack his belongings for a move. After loading the (very) first box, I picked up some tape to seal it. My friend did not have a pair of scissors handy, so he offered a small fillet knife to cut the tape. For some reason, I took the knife in my right hand and went to cut the tape I was holding in my left hand...and put the knife right into my forearm. I cut several tendons.

The worst part was that we had to drive to the emergency room. My friend didn't have a car and he couldn't drive my manual transmission, so I had to drive myself. (I know...I should have called an ambulance.) He reached across my lap to keep pressure on my left arm while I steered and shifted with my right. It took about 20 minutes.

The orthopedic surgeons had to open my arm from my wrist almost to my elbow to reattach the tendons. Fortunately, my fingers all work, but my left palm has been numb for many years.

A very, very clumsy and stupid thing to do.
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Old 10-26-2018, 03:13 PM
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One evening my wife and I met up with a friend at her place of work. A female co-worker of hers was taking a heavy bag of trash out back to throw into the dumpster. Me, being the gentleman that I am, offered to take it out for her. She came with me to show me which dumpster to throw it into.

I gave the bag a heave before I threw it into the dumpster (which was about 6-7 feet high), and when I did, the bag split open and trash and trash juice shot all over this woman. It wasn't exactly my fault, but I still felt so embarassed. Luckily, it was the end of her work day, so she could leave right away.
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Old 10-26-2018, 06:36 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sailboat View Post
I fat-fingered two other thread titles trying edit open this one on my phone.

Edit--and then made a typo.
Two years later, I did the very same thing.

The struggle is real, man.
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Old 01-20-2019, 08:29 AM
Johnny L.A. is online now
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Not really a tale of clumsiness, though the OP in the link contains one about my dad, but I guess a 'Tale of DOH! ' might go in this thread.

Yesterday I got out my dad's Vulcain Cricket watch. It's 50 or 60 years old, and it ticked away when I shook it. The alarm, which was on, worked when I set the time. I wore it all morning to wind it up, but I noticed a couple of times that it had stopped. What? But it was running so well! I thought I might have to take it to the watch-repair guy. Then it occurred to me...

The movement isn't automatic.
  #48  
Old 01-21-2019, 06:52 AM
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Kinda like when I watched a pre-schooler use the touch screen on her paper picture book.
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Old 01-21-2019, 07:57 AM
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The motor on the driver-side window is automatic. Once pressed, it rolls all the way up whether or not you continue pressing on the switch.

Before driving off I rolled down the window to exchange question/answer with wife. Noticing window was down I absent-mindedly pressed the up switch. Before retracting head. I mentioned the resulting headaches, though embarrassed to mention the cause, in an IMHO thread with a title like "Headaches, should I get CT scan?" (Doctor was far more worried about my swallowing problem do I have esophogeal cancer? )

I'm so clumsy I sometimes close a door right on my finger! This was only a minor annoyance ... until I closed the door right on top of the thumb a bumblebee had stung the day before. (I'm much more careful about a lot of things these days.)
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Old 01-21-2019, 08:46 AM
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Dropped a round (#pricey) lightbulb I was putting in the light bar in my bathroom. It broke allover the pedestal sink and the floor. Of course I cut my finger cleaning the mess up. You can't exactly use a broom and dustpan in a sink. Finally got all the shards cleaned up and turned to put the little trash can down and stepped on the screw end of the bulb and cut my foot. Arrgghhhhh!
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