#51  
Old 09-12-2016, 03:50 PM
Boyo Jim Boyo Jim is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Madison, WI
Posts: 36,997
"I decided it would be far more pleasurable to kill myself that day."
Advertisements  
  #52  
Old 09-12-2016, 06:16 PM
SageGrouse SageGrouse is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Southwest USA
Posts: 19
Here's a partial list of excuses I've used in the past:

Dreadfully sorry, but the goldfish just flushed Johnny down the toilet.

Sorry, but I have to go, the cat's on fire again.

Er... do I know you? ... Sorry, but I keep confusing my friends and my symptoms.

No, that's when the orbits of Earth and Tau Ceti are synchronous and I have to wait for instructions.

Sorry, I have to watch the children. Leave them for an instant and they'll fry to a crisp. By the way... could I borrow your meat thermometer?

I have an orgy scheduled for that day and I haven't rented the chicken costume yet.

Sure thing! I'd love... hold on... Johnny, put that down, Sweetheart. Once you pull the pin, Mister Hand Grenade is no longer your friend!

Can't make it. I'm having my kneecaps rotated that day.

Oh, I would, that that's the day of the Rocky and Bullwinkel marathon!

I would, but it's a full moon, and I have to stay home to shave my little sister.

SageGrouse
  #53  
Old 09-13-2016, 07:14 PM
slipster slipster is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Apr 2001
Posts: 781
Way back in grade school some friends of mine made an excuse for why their classmate's father couldn't come to school to discuss a problem. He had just gotten a new job at a 24 hour gas station and he was going to be working all 24 hours.

Last edited by slipster; 09-13-2016 at 07:15 PM.
  #54  
Old 09-15-2016, 11:43 AM
Quercus Quercus is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Dec 2000
Location: temperate forest
Posts: 6,682
Quote:
Originally Posted by RivkahChaya View Post
And don't forget, Jeff, if they're doing it on Saturday, "Can't; it's Shabbes."
Followed the next time by "I can't do too much physical exercise, that's during Ramadan...." [Other date excuses: Solstices, Ides of March, Zarathrusta's birthday]

Quote:
Originally Posted by Joey P View Post
Something like this?
Maybe this?

[Hope amusement helps your recovery, Jeff, get well soon!]
  #55  
Old 09-16-2016, 01:20 AM
jtur88 jtur88 is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Cebu, Philippines
Posts: 12,796
"I have to return an overdue book to the library."

"I promised my wife I'd clean the lint trap on the dryer."
  #56  
Old 09-16-2016, 03:48 AM
kambuckta kambuckta is online now
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2001
Location: On the beach!
Posts: 8,903
Quote:
Originally Posted by Spud View Post
Three states away... very simple.

My ankle bracelet won't let me go that far from home.
THIS ^^

And with a rider....."I have to go to a scheduled meeting of the SOSG*....if I miss one more, they're going to revoke my parole."

*Sex-offenders Support Group.

Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 04:49 PM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.

Send questions for Cecil Adams to: cecil@chicagoreader.com

Send comments about this website to: webmaster@straightdope.com

Terms of Use / Privacy Policy

Advertise on the Straight Dope!
(Your direct line to thousands of the smartest, hippest people on the planet, plus a few total dipsticks.)

Publishers - interested in subscribing to the Straight Dope?
Write to: sdsubscriptions@chicagoreader.com.

Copyright 2017 Sun-Times Media, LLC.

 
Copyright © 2017