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  #101  
Old 12-07-2016, 10:12 PM
drad dog drad dog is online now
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I was half jewish, had a Jewish name, and in grammar school they had us sing carols once a year in the auditorium. Nobody ever asked me if I wanted to go. There couldn't have been one other jew in the school. I always loved it and I have no real hard on for particular songs. Some are so campy you can't hate them. (Sing I'll be home for Christmas in a falsetto, right now...)

Drummer boy and sleigh ride had interesting melodies.

The only song we never sang and I never knew about til I was an adult, I can really do without though: O Holy Night.
  #102  
Old 12-08-2016, 12:30 AM
AHunter3 AHunter3 is online now
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Another one: "We Need a Little Christmas" from Auntie Mame. Yeesh. "We need a little Christmas right this very minute before we all become totally unwound, we're miserable and desperate for a little fake seasonal cheer". Yeah that's festive.
  #103  
Old 12-08-2016, 06:10 AM
eulalia eulalia is offline
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I can't believe no one's mentioned "The Christmas Shoes". I love Christmas music in general, but that one makes me nauseated.
  #104  
Old 12-08-2016, 06:33 AM
Gyrate Gyrate is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WOOKINPANUB View Post
Aw, these are two of my favorites, pop music wise.
It probably says a lot about me that my favourite pop Christmas song is "Please Come Home For Christmas" by The Eagles. What could be more festive than a song that kicks off with "My baby's gone, I have no friends" in the first verse?

Quote:
And anyone who doesn't like Messrs. Bowie and Crosby singing Little Drummer Boy deserves a lump of coal in their stocking
I do like that one, even though they're both obviously phoning it in.
  #105  
Old 12-08-2016, 07:37 AM
WOOKINPANUB WOOKINPANUB is offline
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Originally Posted by Gyrate View Post
It probably says a lot about me that my favourite pop Christmas song is "Please Come Home For Christmas" by The Eagles. What could be more festive than a song that kicks off with "My baby's gone, I have no friends" in the first verse?

I do like that one, even though they're both obviously phoning it in.
You think so? I mean, the whole schtick before they start singing is pretty awkward but I think their low key approach is spot on. And I agree about The Eagles song (though for some reason I thought it was a Henley solo).
  #106  
Old 12-08-2016, 08:05 AM
JohnT JohnT is online now
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The Twelve Days of Christmas
Feliz Navidad
  #107  
Old 12-08-2016, 08:58 AM
Lumpy Lumpy is offline
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Having warped my brain through years of reading Mad Magazine as a child, I habitually come up with parody lyrics for songs. I'm still working on all the verses of "Silent Night", but here's a sample:

Silent Night, Holy Cow
Son of Sam loves to fight
Radiation Beams from Outer Space
Shot at Dawn, a Screaming Disgrace
Jesus I'm bored at thy birth
Jesus I'm bored at thy birth
  #108  
Old 12-08-2016, 09:10 AM
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Originally Posted by Chefguy View Post
Feliz Navidad, may it and its author burn in hell for a million years.
Oh yes. This. I hate that song.
  #109  
Old 12-08-2016, 09:14 AM
Honey Honey is offline
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Originally Posted by Ethilrist View Post
The Twelve Days of Christmas. Any song where people commonly make it into a joke because of how long it takes to sing the chorus? Not a good song.
I like the Bob and Doug Mckenzie version:
.....
4 Turtle Necks
3 french toasts
2 Turtle Necks
And a bee e er in a tree.
  #110  
Old 12-08-2016, 09:25 AM
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Originally Posted by GuanoLad View Post
Anything that mentions Jesus. Maybe that's unfair of me, but I don't care.

Also, Springsteen's Santa Claus Is Coming To Town.
Even as a kid, I hated that song. He sees me when I'm sleeping? How can I be naughty when I'm sleeping?
  #111  
Old 12-08-2016, 10:12 AM
WOOKINPANUB WOOKINPANUB is offline
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Even as a kid, I hated that song. He sees me when I'm sleeping? How can I be naughty when I'm sleeping?
You kiddin' me with this? That's when I get up to my nastiest
  #112  
Old 12-08-2016, 10:20 AM
DSYoungEsq DSYoungEsq is offline
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Ok, I will say that Feliz Navidad is really, really annoying. It has like four lyrics, period. Endlessly repeated. Endlessly.
  #113  
Old 12-08-2016, 10:27 AM
Czarcasm Czarcasm is offline
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Originally Posted by DSYoungEsq View Post
Ok, I will say that Feliz Navidad is really, really annoying. It has like four lyrics, period. Endlessly repeated. Endlessly.
It is the La Bamba of Christmas music: 95% of the people singing along are mangling/mumbling words they don't understand.
  #114  
Old 12-08-2016, 10:28 AM
Biotop Biotop is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by drad dog View Post
I was half jewish, had a Jewish name, and in grammar school they had us sing carols once a year in the auditorium. Nobody ever asked me if I wanted to go. There couldn't have been one other jew in the school. I always loved it and I have no real hard on for particular songs. Some are so campy you can't hate them. (Sing I'll be home for Christmas in a falsetto, right now...)

Drummer boy and sleigh ride had interesting melodies.

The only song we never sang and I never knew about til I was an adult, I can really do without though: O Holy Night.
You have been listening to the wrong version of O Holy Night . Try it as a noise piece. This is my favorite of all Christmas music and I would love to slip in in the mix down at the mall just to see the reaction.
  #115  
Old 12-08-2016, 10:37 AM
Just Asking Questions Just Asking Questions is online now
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Originally Posted by AHunter3 View Post
Another one: "We Need a Little Christmas" from Auntie Mame. Yeesh. "We need a little Christmas right this very minute before we all become totally unwound, we're miserable and desperate for a little fake seasonal cheer". Yeah that's festive.
Aww, the Ray Conniff version is my favorite Christmas song!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lumpy View Post
Having warped my brain through years of reading Mad Magazine as a child, I habitually come up with parody lyrics for songs.
It's been 45 years, but all the parody, dirty lyrics we made up in grade school for Christmas songs are still in my head, and every season they spontaneously burst out.

Later on we'll perspire, as we make out by the fire....

Quote:
Originally Posted by Honey View Post
I like the Bob and Doug Mckenzie version:
I prefer the original Allan Sherman:

...and a Japanese transistor radio.

(It's a Nakashuma.) (And it comes in a leatherette case with holes in it, so you can listen right through the case.) (And it has a wire with a thing on one end that you can stick in your ear and a thing on the other end you can't stick anywhere because it's bent.)
  #116  
Old 12-08-2016, 01:53 PM
Azeotrope Azeotrope is offline
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A statue of a naked lady with a clock where her stomach ought.... to... beeeeeeeeeeeee!

Only version of "12 Days" I can stand.

I hatehatehate "Baby, It's Cold Outside." I know the woman is just playing hard to get and doesn't actually want to leave, and it's simply a victim of values dissonance, but it still sounds coercive and creepy to me.
  #117  
Old 12-08-2016, 01:58 PM
Biffy the Elephant Shrew Biffy the Elephant Shrew is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DSYoungEsq View Post
Ok, I will say that Feliz Navidad is really, really annoying. It has like four lyrics, period. Endlessly repeated. Endlessly.
Fl-eas on my dog!
Fl-eas on my dog!
Is there a collar for my fleabit dog?
  #118  
Old 12-08-2016, 02:59 PM
GoodOmens GoodOmens is offline
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So many, many shit songs this time of year. But the King Of All Shit is "All I Want for Christmas is You."

Honestly, the only Christmas songs I like at all are "Christmas in Hollis," "The Grinch Song," and most of the John Denver/Muppets album.
  #119  
Old 12-08-2016, 03:09 PM
Guest-starring: Id! Guest-starring: Id! is online now
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Worked retail (grocery) for most of the 90's, and being subjected to constant x-mas shit over the PA in Nov./Dec. became fucking soul-destroying.
Some were more hideous than others, but after getting lobotomized by Hey Santa by the Wilson sisters for the gajillionth time by the end of my shift I had to decompressurize, and before I even got home I'd have to go on random arson rampages and small carbombings just to blow off a little steam.
  #120  
Old 12-08-2016, 03:21 PM
Czarcasm Czarcasm is offline
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The only version of "Baby, It's Cold Outside" I like was performed at one of the Mark And Brian Christmas Shows by Barry Manilow and one of their listeners-Pamela Holt(select #1 on the list.)

Last edited by Czarcasm; 12-08-2016 at 03:22 PM.
  #121  
Old 12-08-2016, 03:42 PM
krondys krondys is offline
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Originally Posted by Czarcasm View Post
No novelty songs, please-Just the ones you hear every year on the radio.

For me, it's Madonna's sterile version of "Santa Baby". I much prefer Eartha Kitt's version.
All of them.
  #122  
Old 12-08-2016, 03:48 PM
Soylent Juicy Soylent Juicy is offline
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If I never hear that one about the mouse and the dead cat again in my life it will still be too soon.

(Something about a mouse caught outside on a cold night, a cat curls around it to keep it warm and freezes to death, then Santa shows up and takes the cat to heaven in his sleigh. What the hell.)
  #123  
Old 12-10-2016, 04:58 AM
Smapti Smapti is online now
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Just the rest of you thank your lucky stars you don't have to hear "Christmas in the Northwest" on your radio stations every December.
  #124  
Old 12-10-2016, 09:56 AM
amarinth amarinth is offline
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Just the rest of you thank your lucky stars you don't have to hear "Christmas in the Northwest" on your radio stations every December.
But.... but... it's a gift God wrapped in green.
  #125  
Old 12-10-2016, 11:24 AM
kaylasdad99 kaylasdad99 is offline
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Originally Posted by ChockFullOfHeadyGoodness View Post
Little Drummer Boy by anybody.

If there's a good version of this one, I haven't heard it. And yes, that includes Bing and Bowie, and Joan Jett's versions.
I've improved it by providing an alternate third verse that more accurately reflects the reaction of the mother of a newborn baby when somebody offers a drum lullaby as a baby shower gift:

(Shall I play for you, pa-rum-pa-pum-pum/On my drum?)

Mary nodded, pa-rum-pa-pum-pum
It was a secret sign, pa-rum-pa-pum-pum
Then Joseph took my arm, pa-rum-pa-pum-pum
He led me from the barn, pa-rum-pa-pum-pum,
Rum-pa-pum-pum, rum-pa-pum-pum

Then he smiled at me, pa-rum-pa-pum-pum
And fed me my drum...
  #126  
Old 12-10-2016, 11:27 AM
kaylasdad99 kaylasdad99 is offline
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Originally Posted by commasense View Post
All of them!

Except for Vince Guaraldi's Linus and Lucy, because it's not a Christmas song!
Is TOO!
  #127  
Old 12-10-2016, 11:34 AM
Siam Sam Siam Sam is offline
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"All I want for Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth." Department stores and shopping malls in Thailand, thinking this is the ultimate in Christmas music in the West, would play it nonstop for Western shoppers every December. That and "Frosty thee Snowman." I suppose they're doing it right now.

One thing I do miss are rousing renditions of "Jinger Ben," the Thai pronunciation of "Jingle Bells."
  #128  
Old 12-10-2016, 11:36 AM
kaylasdad99 kaylasdad99 is offline
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Originally Posted by missred View Post
Y'all forgot the Band Aid number from the eighties Do They Know It's Christmas?. DO THEY FUCKING CARE?

For whatever perverse reason(s), it seems to come up on the Christmas playlists of radio stations and Pandora multiple times every year. Blech!
"Thank God it's them/Instead of you!"
  #129  
Old 12-10-2016, 11:40 AM
kaylasdad99 kaylasdad99 is offline
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Originally Posted by amarinth View Post
That cover version of "Hallelujah" that's getting airplay this year? Barely even in the same universe as Christmas songs.
Too bad. It's on the playlist now, so that make it a Christmas carol.

And that makes "Shrek" Christmas movie.
  #130  
Old 12-10-2016, 11:49 AM
kaylasdad99 kaylasdad99 is offline
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Whitney Houston cut a version of Do You Hear What I Hear? and left out the first verse about the night wind talking to the little lamb.

This morning I found out that Jordin Sparks did the same thing.
  #131  
Old 12-10-2016, 12:45 PM
jtur88 jtur88 is offline
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John Boy pitching Mercedes.
  #132  
Old 12-10-2016, 12:58 PM
Annie-Xmas Annie-Xmas is offline
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Do You Hear What I Hear has to be the suckiest song ever. It goes beyond bad holiday songs.
  #133  
Old 12-10-2016, 01:01 PM
GrumpyBunny GrumpyBunny is offline
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Every single song on A Very Special Christmas Vol. 1, except the song by Sting. Because that song is not cutesy and does not sound like anyone wants to have sex with Santa.

I was working in a record store (remember record stores?) when that album came out, and the damn cassette was in heavy rotation until there was an accident that rendered the cassette unplayable.


Quote:
Originally Posted by eulalia View Post
I can't believe no one's mentioned "The Christmas Shoes".
When I first heard that song, it was so over the top and saccharine that I burst out laughing, and offended several people around me who thought it was a wonderful religious and heartwarming tune. Now if I hear it I alternate between nausea, eye-rolling, and snickering madly. Sometimes all at once.
  #134  
Old 12-10-2016, 07:01 PM
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Originally Posted by eulalia View Post
I can't believe no one's mentioned "The Christmas Shoes". I love Christmas music in general, but that one makes me nauseated.
Ugh, I'd forgotten about it until you brought it up. Thanks a lot...
  #135  
Old 12-10-2016, 07:20 PM
Son of a Rich Son of a Rich is offline
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A couple of years ago Barnes & Noble was playing a melancholy dirge by (I think) Harry Connick in what seemed like an endless loop. Something about being alone for the holidays. Luckily I haven't heard it since.
  #136  
Old 12-11-2016, 08:42 PM
Just Asking Questions Just Asking Questions is online now
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I'm not sure it rises to a standard, but it just came on the radio and I remembered how much I hate it.

Christmas Wrapping by The Waitresses. I think I hate that more than a theoretical Santa Baby It's Cold Outside medley.
  #137  
Old 12-11-2016, 09:08 PM
koeeoaddi koeeoaddi is offline
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Originally Posted by EmilyG View Post
"Happy Xmas War is Over" and "Wonderful Christmastime." Much as I like John Lennon and Paul McCartney's other music, I dislike those two songs.
"So this is Christmas/and what have you done?"

Nothing important. Fuck you.

I love Lennon, too, but not this sanctimonious drone-fest of a song.
  #138  
Old 12-11-2016, 11:22 PM
Biotop Biotop is offline
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I frown upon "Run Run, Rudolph."
  #139  
Old 12-11-2016, 11:56 PM
Sigmagirl Sigmagirl is offline
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Originally Posted by Annie-Xmas View Post
Do You Hear What I Hear has to be the suckiest song ever. It goes beyond bad holiday songs.
This.
  #140  
Old 12-12-2016, 01:14 AM
panache45 panache45 is offline
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Originally Posted by eulalia View Post
I can't believe no one's mentioned "The Christmas Shoes". I love Christmas music in general, but that one makes me nauseated.
I have always considered that to be the most repulsive Christmas song ever written. The kid's mother's on her death bed, and instead of being by her side, the kid's off buying fuck-me pumps for mom to wear, to impress Jesus when she meets him. How fucked up is that? And you just know, after bullshitting some dumb schmuck to pay for the shoes, the kid's out in the parking lot trading them for drugs.
  #141  
Old 12-12-2016, 11:34 AM
Pai325 Pai325 is offline
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Originally Posted by Annie-Xmas View Post
For all of you who hate the little drummer boy, I give you The Annoying Drummer Boy

But here we are at three a.m.
With Ringo Starr of Bethlehem

I just love that line.
Loved it!

Thank you!
  #142  
Old 12-12-2016, 11:43 AM
Dung Beetle Dung Beetle is offline
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Originally Posted by GrumpyBunny View Post
I was working in a record store (remember record stores?) when that album came out, and the damn cassette was in heavy rotation until there was an accident that rendered the cassette unplayable.
Suspicious!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Annie-Xmas View Post
Do You Hear What I Hear has to be the suckiest song ever. It goes beyond bad holiday songs.
My version:

Said the cat to the people everywhere
Do you see what I have?
Underneath my tail everyone
Do you see what I have?
It's pink, it's pink
And it doesn't stink
Cause I wash it with my-y tongue!
Cause I wash it with my-y tongue.
  #143  
Old 12-12-2016, 01:32 PM
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Elvis's version of Blue Christmas. It's the background singers.
  #144  
Old 12-12-2016, 05:34 PM
Cartoonacy Cartoonacy is offline
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Every year, I hope I can get through the season without hearing "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer." Once or twice I actually succeeded. Not this year, though.
  #145  
Old 12-12-2016, 05:36 PM
Cartoonacy Cartoonacy is offline
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"So this is Christmas/and what have you done?"
And this comes in second. A distant second, but still far ahead of the rest of the pack.
  #146  
Old 12-12-2016, 05:39 PM
Cartoonacy Cartoonacy is offline
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Originally Posted by eulalia View Post
I can't believe no one's mentioned "The Christmas Shoes". I love Christmas music in general, but that one makes me nauseated.
Forgot that one, mainly because I haven't heard it in years. If I'm lucky, I never will again.
  #147  
Old 12-12-2016, 05:57 PM
Biffy the Elephant Shrew Biffy the Elephant Shrew is offline
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Originally Posted by koeeoaddi View Post
"So this is Christmas/and what have you done?"

Nothing important. Fuck you.

I love Lennon, too, but not this sanctimonious drone-fest of a song.
I've always heard the John & Yoko original before; this year I've heard a sanitized cover version that eliminates that commie "War is over" stuff.
  #148  
Old 12-12-2016, 05:59 PM
Clothahump Clothahump is offline
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Originally Posted by Czarcasm View Post
No novelty songs, please-Just the ones you hear every year on the radio.

For me, it's Madonna's sterile version of "Santa Baby". I much prefer Eartha Kitt's version.
That would be all of them. I get so incredibly sick and tired of hearing christmas music everywhere that I almost wish I had a cabin in the woods that I could hole up in until January.

And whoever wrote Jingle Bell Rock and Rocking Around The Christmas Tree should be taken out and horsewhipped. If he's dead, he should be dug up and horsewhipped.
  #149  
Old 12-12-2016, 06:12 PM
california jobcase california jobcase is offline
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I hate Michael McDonald singing "Deck The Halls/Jingle Bells." I suppose he's trying to be all soulful or something, but he just sounds like a drunken skid-row bum. (Oh, and he ruined the Doobie Brothers!)
  #150  
Old 12-12-2016, 06:47 PM
koeeoaddi koeeoaddi is offline
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Originally Posted by Biffy the Elephant Shrew View Post
I've always heard the John & Yoko original before; this year I've heard a sanitized cover version that eliminates that commie "War is over" stuff.
It's bad enough being seasonally hectored by John and Yoko, now you're telling me there's a cheery Longines Symphonette version? Yeeeesh.
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