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Old 12-28-2016, 08:08 AM
bienville bienville is offline
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Anyone know any particularly OLD songs about masturbation?

I'm going to guest on a podcast and the episode's topic will be songs about masturbation.

This is not a Thread looking for general suggestions for the topic, I've got a pretty good list together already (and there are plenty of lists sprawling across the internet). I am specifically asking if anyone has any particularly old examples because none of the examples I've come up with are particularly old. I've got plenty from the 70s up to the current day but the oldest one I've come up with is The Who's "Pictures of Lily" from 1967.

Anything pre-60s? Pre-50s?

It was right here on this messageboard that I first heard about Lucille Bogan's "Shave 'Em Dry" from 1935.
So, it's not as if dirty lyrics were never recorded before Rock n Roll.

If you can give me any good examples from before 1950, PM me your street address and I will mail you a lollipop.



NOTE: Looking for official recordings of songs, preferably with an identifiable songwriter.
"The boys at summer camp used to sing this one when I was a kid in the 50s" doesn't really work for my purposes. Post such examples, by all means! Just know that I can't really use them so you might not get a lollipop out of it.
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  #2  
Old 12-28-2016, 12:13 PM
casdave casdave is offline
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Big Joe Turner - Cherry Red

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZF97EEaXsyc

Its open to some interpretation, but whatever interpretation you do take, its gonna be based only on one thing
  #3  
Old 12-28-2016, 12:17 PM
Ukulele Ike Ukulele Ike is offline
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Very few bands did masturbation songs. Generally it was a solo act.
  #4  
Old 12-28-2016, 01:25 PM
kayaker kayaker is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ukulele Ike View Post
Very few bands did masturbation songs. Generally it was a solo act.
Clap.

(Applause, not the disease)
  #5  
Old 12-28-2016, 01:53 PM
Skammer Skammer is offline
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Hmm, what about "My Ding-a-ling" (Dave Bartholomew, 1952)?
  #6  
Old 12-28-2016, 02:00 PM
minlokwat minlokwat is offline
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I always figured "hand jiving" was more about waxing one's carrot than some dance involving the hands.

Certainly the dance from Grease that goes with "Born to Hand Jive" seems to suggest whacking off with ensuing payoff.

It seems that song was written specifically for the musical which would date it around 1971.

It's clearly in the style of "Willie and the Hand Jive" (Johnny Otis. 1958) which apart from the "hand" in "Hand Jive" does seem to refer more to a dance.

All this is to say, I got nothing.
  #7  
Old 12-28-2016, 04:19 PM
Amateur Barbarian Amateur Barbarian is offline
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Odd. I just went through a fairly comprehensive book of dirty barroom songs, and not a one makes more than a passing mention of masturbation. I guess mistrels, vaudevillians and rock bands would rather sing about, you know, the real thing.
  #8  
Old 12-28-2016, 06:38 PM
RealityChuck RealityChuck is offline
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Remember, mastubation was considered a sick form of sexual conduct (even ignoring the health warnings). Back in the 20s men would rather go to a Prostitute or another man (it wasn't gay if you didn't "play the woman") than to take matters into their own hands. It would be akin to singing about pedophilia today.
  #9  
Old 12-28-2016, 06:44 PM
Two Many Cats Two Many Cats is offline
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Mark Twain once gave a satirical lecture about it, but he didn't sing it.
  #10  
Old 12-29-2016, 09:29 AM
Bumbershoot Bumbershoot is offline
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Aint Got Nobody To Grind My Coffee sung by Clara Smith in 1928 (lyrics here) doesn't specifically talk about masturbation, but it does have these lines:

Quote:
My daddy used to love me pretty, I'll confess;
Believe me, he could do it different from the rest!
Ain't got nobody who could put me to a test,
And do my grinding for me, I say,
And do my grinding for me!
  #11  
Old 12-29-2016, 09:57 AM
Son of a Rich Son of a Rich is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RealityChuck View Post
Back in the 20s men would rather go to a Prostitute or another man (it wasn't gay if you didn't "play the woman") than to take matters into their own hands. It would be akin to singing about pedophilia today.
People whacked off just as much then as now.
  #12  
Old 12-29-2016, 10:10 AM
Jeff Lichtman Jeff Lichtman is offline
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(Who's Gonna Do Your) Sweet Jelly Rollin'? by Whistling Rufus (Rufus Bridey) mentions masturbation in one verse. The record was made in 1933.
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  #13  
Old 12-29-2016, 11:00 AM
Kimstu Kimstu is offline
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1820-ish French?

I bet there are tons of such songs from earlier centuries, but the oldest one I know of is Pierre-Jean de Béranger's (1780-1857) Ma grand-mère, famous from Guy de Maupassant's short story "La maison Tellier":
Quote:
[...]
Quoi ! maman, vous n’étiez pas sage ?
– Non vraiment ; et de mes appas
Seule à quinze ans j’appris l’usage,
Car la nuit je ne dormais pas.

[...]

[What, granny, you weren't well-behaved? --No indeed, and as for my charms, I learned their use by myself at fifteen years of age, as I didn't sleep at night.]
(Hear it sung here.)

Note that this song purports to be an elderly woman's recollection of sexual licentiousness in general: only this one verse is about masturbation specifically.

Last edited by Kimstu; 12-29-2016 at 11:00 AM.
  #14  
Old 12-29-2016, 05:24 PM
TBG TBG is offline
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Wasn't My Ding a Ling Chuck Berry's only number one hit? I heard that as a factoid somewhere anyway.
  #15  
Old 12-29-2016, 05:41 PM
RivkahChaya RivkahChaya is offline
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"She-Bop" will be old enough to run for president in a couple of years.
  #16  
Old 12-29-2016, 06:48 PM
Jeff Lichtman Jeff Lichtman is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TBG View Post
Wasn't My Ding a Ling Chuck Berry's only number one hit? I heard that as a factoid somewhere anyway.
That's true for the pop charts. He had number one records on the R&B charts for Maybellene, School Day, Sweet Little Sixteen and Johnny B. Goode. My Ding a Ling only went to 42 on the R&B charts.
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  #17  
Old 12-30-2016, 07:15 AM
RealityChuck RealityChuck is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Son of a Rich View Post
People whacked off just as much then as now.
Well, obviously there's no data to compare the two, but in the past there was a major social stigma to masturbation, so you wouldn't admit to doing it. Singing about it would have been too shocking, much like singing about pedophilia would be today.
  #18  
Old 12-30-2016, 07:47 AM
ThelmaLou ThelmaLou is offline
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Old thread from the SDMB. Clearly, this is a topic Enquiring Minds want to know about.
  #19  
Old 12-30-2016, 07:59 AM
Skammer Skammer is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jeff Lichtman View Post
That's true for the pop charts. He had number one records on the R&B charts for Maybellene, School Day, Sweet Little Sixteen and Johnny B. Goode. My Ding a Ling only went to 42 on the R&B charts.
"My Ding-a-ling" was older than Chuck Berry's hit, though. As I mentioned in post #5, Dave Bartholomew recorded it in 1952.

Wikipedia tells me "In his music encyclopedia Icons of Rock, Scott Schinder calls the song 'a sophomoric, double-entendre-laden ode to masturbation.'"
  #20  
Old 12-30-2016, 08:20 AM
Johnny Ecks Johnny Ecks is offline
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Nothing specific, but there was a British comedian from the 30s and 40s named George Formby who did a lot of double entendre based songs- some of his probably qualify, like "With my Little Ukulele in my Hand"
  #21  
Old 12-30-2016, 08:21 AM
Annie-Xmas Annie-Xmas is offline
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And those of you who will not sing
You must be playing with your own ding-a-ling.

If that doesn't make the point, what would?
  #22  
Old 12-30-2016, 08:24 AM
Sangahyando Sangahyando is offline
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Well, there's the rude-parody version of the English folk song John Peel in honour of that famous exponent of the now-forbidden sport of fox-hunting. I first heard aforesaid version, in the 1970s: but would be willing to bet heavily on its having been around for many, many decades before that.

A sample:

"Do ye ken John Peel, with his coat so gay --
A very funny fellow, some folks say:
He doesn't wank in the normal way,
But his hounds lick his horn in the morning.

When you wake up in the morning, and you're feeling simply grand,
And you get a funny feeling in your seminary gland --
If you haven't got a woman, what's the matter with your hand?
As you revel in the joys of masturbation.

[Rude-version chorus]:

Cats on the rooftops, cats on the tiles,
Cats with syphilis, and cats with piles,
Cats with their arseholes wreathed in smiles
As they revel in the joys of masturbation / fornication."
  #23  
Old 12-30-2016, 12:39 PM
Quartz Quartz is online now
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I'm not sure if they were part of the sung bits, but Aristophanes' The Clouds contains references to masturbation.
  #24  
Old 01-02-2017, 02:27 AM
bienville bienville is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by casdave View Post
Big Joe Turner - Cherry Red

Its open to some interpretation, but whatever interpretation you do take, its gonna be based only on one thing
Hmmm, looking at the lyrics, I'd say my personal interpretation would be mutual masturbation- a hand job, to use the parlance of our times. I think it deserves an honorable mention!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bumbershoot View Post
Aint Got Nobody To Grind My Coffee sung by Clara Smith in 1928
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jeff Lichtman View Post
(Who's Gonna Do Your) Sweet Jelly Rollin'? by Whistling Rufus (Rufus Bridey) mentions masturbation in one verse.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kimstu View Post
Pierre-Jean de Béranger's (1780-1857) Ma grand-mère, famous from Guy de Maupassant's short story "La maison Tellier")
I'll give these a listen. Thanks!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Skammer View Post
"My Ding-a-ling" was older than Chuck Berry's hit, though. As I mentioned in post #5, Dave Bartholomew recorded it in 1952.
Thanks for mentioning this, Skammer. I only knew the Berry version from 1972. To find out that it's actually 20 years older is great news!

ThelmaLou, thanks for the link to the older Thread!
  #25  
Old 01-02-2017, 04:37 AM
Johnny Angel Johnny Angel is offline
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Cleanin' My Rifle (And Dreaming of You) - Roy Rogers
  #26  
Old 01-02-2017, 04:52 AM
Face Intentionally Left Blank Face Intentionally Left Blank is offline
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I remember an old blues tune sung by a woman, on my buddy's mix tape - "Rubbin' On That Darned Old Thing." I got him to copy that tape for me, but of course it's long gone now.
  #27  
Old 01-02-2017, 07:30 AM
kayaker kayaker is offline
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Not a particularly old song, but the David Allan Coe classic Cum Stains On The Pillow fits the bill.
  #28  
Old 01-02-2017, 11:29 AM
CarnalK CarnalK is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Johnny Angel View Post
Apparently, that was originally recorded by Lawrence Welks(!) in 1943. Makes sense as a WWII song.
  #29  
Old 01-02-2017, 11:43 AM
CarnalK CarnalK is offline
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On reflection, I don't actually know the date on the Roy Rogers recording.
  #30  
Old 01-02-2017, 02:11 PM
Kimstu Kimstu is offline
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I'm highly skeptical of the claim that "Cleanin' My Rifle (and Dreamin' of You)" was actually intended to be about masturbation. Obviously, given its mainstream popular-song status, it was not perceived in that way by any significant portion of the general public.

Rifle cleaning was something servicemen had to do routinely, which they did publicly in the presence of their fellow soldiers. It required having the gun unloaded so there would be no chance of actually firing anything, and it required shoving a cleaning rod down the rifle bore, which I think most guys would regard as more painful than sexy if applied to genitalia.

I defer to the experience of actual WWII vets as to how this song was interpreted, but I'm not convinced that just because modern non-soldiers tee-hee at the phrase "cleaning my rifle" it would have sounded dirty to the servicemen themselves. Sometimes, a military camp chore is just a mliitary camp chore.
  #31  
Old 01-02-2017, 02:24 PM
CarnalK CarnalK is offline
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Quote:
Liittle bit lonesome, little bit blue,
Cleanin' My Rifle, dreamin' of you
Beautiful mem'ries come into view,
While Cleanin' My Rifle, And dreamin' of you
That good-bye kiss you left on my lips
is still just like new,
And the dream you left in my heart will someday come true,
But in the meanwhile

Think of me do,
Cleanin' My Rifle, And dreamin' of you.
And sometimes it's a masturbation reference.

Last edited by CarnalK; 01-02-2017 at 02:26 PM.
  #32  
Old 01-02-2017, 03:09 PM
Johnny Angel Johnny Angel is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kimstu View Post
I'm highly skeptical of the claim that "Cleanin' My Rifle (and Dreamin' of You)" was actually intended to be about masturbation. Obviously, given its mainstream popular-song status, it was not perceived in that way by any significant portion of the general public.
By the lyrics, I'd say that it can't not be about masturbation. Would they have broadcast such a song as part of an armed services program, as appears to be the case in this recording?

I'm reminded of the SNAFU song of which I saw a video a couple of decades ago, and on YouTube I found what is probably the same performance. I remembered it being Andrews Sisters, but that doesn't turn up. Not only is the song pointedly coy about what SNAFU means, there is even a gag about the word 'pot'. Also, I recall that the preface of an etymology book I have (possibly Partridge, in the garage somewhere) that the term SNAFU was believed to have been made-up slang. This is by way of arguing that the armed forces did in fact have people working just a bit blue quite on purpose.
  #33  
Old 01-03-2017, 03:34 AM
bienville bienville is offline
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I'm not saying "Cleaning My Rifle" was definitely about masturbation...

But pointing out that a song about masturbation wouldn't have been performed by mainstream artists nor would have gotten mainstream play doesn't necessarily prove that the song wasn't about masturbation.

Consider the 60s French pop song "Les Sucettes". Singer France Gall was an 18 year old girl with a squeaky clean image. Songwriter Serge Gainsbourg was an old lech who thought it would be funny if he could get an 18 year old girl with a squeaky clean image to sing about blowjobs. Gall recorded the song having no idea it was about blowjobs. It got past her entire production team and her record label without anyone thinking, "Hey, this song is about blowjobs!" It wasn't until the French music press had a field day laughing at this song that was obviously about blowjobs that anyone involved in the recording had it ever even dawn on them.

I'm sure if you'd ask Lawrence Welk or Roy Rogers, both of whom were always wholesome All-American figures, if "Cleaning My Rifle" was a song about masturbation they'd be offended at the suggestion. The public listening to the song on the radio, I'm sure they'd absolutley never consider the song had anything but the literal meaning.

None of this proves that songwriter Allie Wrubel didn't write the song laughing to himself "Heh heh! 'Cleaning My Rifle!' Heh heh!" The guy was one of the first inductees into the Songwriters Hall of Fame. If he wanted to write a coded song about jerking off that would fly under the radar he certainly had the skills to do so. Certainly there were any number of non-phallic routine duties a serviceman had to attend to during which he could dream of his sweetie back home.
  #34  
Old 01-03-2017, 05:49 AM
Blues Man Blues Man is offline
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IMO the kids' song, Jimmy Crack Corn is about masturbation
  #35  
Old 01-03-2017, 07:08 AM
Loach Loach is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Blues Man View Post
IMO the kids' song, Jimmy Crack Corn is about masturbation
It's not a children's song, it's a minstrel song and I have never heard an interpretation close to that. It's about a slave and his master's death. Crack corn is often interpreted as having to do with getting drunk off of corn whiskey.
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