#1  
Old 01-01-2017, 08:14 PM
smithsb smithsb is offline
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Best of "Penile Injuries"

In conjunction with the post Inserts about various items inserted (and hopefully removed) from various orifices I bring you an annual culling of "Greatest Hits".

http://adequateman.deadspin.com/what...ear-1790335656

An example: "SORES ON HIS PENIS 6 DAYS BEGAN AFTER HE SPRAYED LIDOCAINE SPRAY ON PENIS TO PROLONG ERECTION"

At the end is bonus linking to previous years happenings.
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  #2  
Old 01-01-2017, 08:22 PM
nearwildheaven nearwildheaven is offline
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Many of those incidents in the link sounded like legitimate accidents, and I personally wonder how many of those victims were children.

For some reason, it reminded me of this (SFW) which I watched earlier today. TL : DW - this man and his daughter, who is about 10 years old are at the Alcatraz East true crime museum, and he's reading a sign on a display about Al Capone. The camera cuts out just as his daughter asks him, "Daddy, what's syphilis?"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mgwtum_NPdo
  #3  
Old 01-01-2017, 08:34 PM
Guinastasia Guinastasia is online now
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Originally Posted by smithsb View Post

An example: "SORES ON HIS PENIS 6 DAYS BEGAN AFTER HE SPRAYED LIDOCAINE SPRAY ON PENIS TO PROLONG ERECTION"
I'm female and this had me crossing my legs.
  #4  
Old 01-01-2017, 09:59 PM
CalMeacham CalMeacham is offline
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Best of "Penile Injuries"

The words "Best" and "Penile Injuries" do not belong in close proximity. And certainly not in the same sentence.





Have had injuries to penis (and testicles). Extremely not fun. (All working well now, though)
  #5  
Old 01-01-2017, 10:28 PM
Gatopescado Gatopescado is offline
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I'm not clicking, but I've got two words to contribute: Button Fly.
  #6  
Old 01-01-2017, 10:36 PM
Dr_Paprika Dr_Paprika is offline
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Did you know there is a machine that uses suction to pick radishes and cut off the stem? I didn't until I started working ER.
  #7  
Old 01-01-2017, 10:54 PM
Happy Lendervedder Happy Lendervedder is offline
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Nothing good can come from this.
  #8  
Old 01-01-2017, 11:00 PM
wolfman wolfman is offline
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Quote:
LACERATED PENIS ON WRISTWATCH
[Groucho] Why the watch had a penis I'll never know.[/groucho]
  #9  
Old 01-02-2017, 04:44 AM
Mangetout Mangetout is offline
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Is it just me, or does everyone have trouble believing all of the reasons that start like "was jumping while holding X. X went into scrotum"
  #10  
Old 01-02-2017, 07:45 AM
Clothahump Clothahump is offline
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I don't remember if I've told this story here before. If I have, apologies for the repeat.

In the late 70s, I was an EMT working for a private ambulance company. We were at a local hospital here in Houston waiting to pick up a patient for transfer to a nursing home when Houston EMS rolled in hot and offloaded a male screaming in utter agony. They ran him into the back and a while later, one of the paramedics came out.

I asked him what that was all about. Turns out the patient was a 60+ year old guy who had gotten drunk and hooked up with a young hottie, When it came time to perform, he couldn't. So to help out, he inserted a fever thermometer up his johnson. A glass one. And it broke.

One of the ER docs was charting nearby. After we all got through wincing/chuckling, he went behind the counter and pulled out a folder full of x-rays for our viewing pleasure. Seems they kept copies of the most "interesting" x-rays taken in the ER. I was not aware of how many different things could be shoved up the human butt, or vagina, or penis.
  #11  
Old 01-02-2017, 10:07 AM
Baker Baker is offline
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Oh, Clothahump, I can't imagine that one! Besides possible cutting from broken glass, the mercury certainly wasn't doing him any good.
  #12  
Old 01-02-2017, 02:22 PM
nearwildheaven nearwildheaven is offline
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Originally Posted by Mangetout View Post
Is it just me, or does everyone have trouble believing all of the reasons that start like "was jumping while holding X. X went into scrotum"
This is why I suspect a lot of them were children. That, I can believe. Adults, not so much.
  #13  
Old 01-02-2017, 02:25 PM
nearwildheaven nearwildheaven is offline
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Originally Posted by Clothahump View Post
I don't remember if I've told this story here before. If I have, apologies for the repeat.

In the late 70s, I was an EMT working for a private ambulance company. We were at a local hospital here in Houston waiting to pick up a patient for transfer to a nursing home when Houston EMS rolled in hot and offloaded a male screaming in utter agony. They ran him into the back and a while later, one of the paramedics came out.

I asked him what that was all about. Turns out the patient was a 60+ year old guy who had gotten drunk and hooked up with a young hottie, When it came time to perform, he couldn't. So to help out, he inserted a fever thermometer up his johnson. A glass one. And it broke.

One of the ER docs was charting nearby. After we all got through wincing/chuckling, he went behind the counter and pulled out a folder full of x-rays for our viewing pleasure. Seems they kept copies of the most "interesting" x-rays taken in the ER. I was not aware of how many different things could be shoved up the human butt, or vagina, or penis.
This is one of my favorite books, and was a big best-seller in the early 1970s. One of the stories in it was the one about the guy who picked up a girl at a bar, and since he was majorly drunk, he couldn't perform, so she stuck a swizzle stick into his urethra. Not only was this extremely painful, they couldn't pull it out, so to the ER he went.



https://www.amazon.com/Making-Surgeo...ing+of+surgeon

Last edited by nearwildheaven; 01-02-2017 at 02:27 PM.
  #14  
Old 01-02-2017, 02:26 PM
Spiderman Spiderman is online now
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Originally Posted by nearwildheaven View Post
This is why I suspect a lot of them were children. That, I can believe. Adults, not so much.
I can, adults can be real stoopit dicks.






d & r
  #15  
Old 01-02-2017, 02:39 PM
nearwildheaven nearwildheaven is offline
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Originally Posted by Spiderman View Post
I can, adults can be real stoopit dicks.






d & r
I'm coming from the angle of an adult saying it happened that way, and that in the case of little boys, it really did.
  #16  
Old 01-02-2017, 02:48 PM
Sunny Daze Sunny Daze is offline
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Some of them were clearly kids. "Dad said" or "Mom said" being featured. Others just get an "eyeroll" (and wince) from me. Yeesh. Makes a person glad to be female.
  #17  
Old 01-02-2017, 02:50 PM
Mangetout Mangetout is offline
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Originally Posted by nearwildheaven View Post
This is why I suspect a lot of them were children. That, I can believe. Adults, not so much.
I was thinking the opposite. They seem like the "So I was vacuuming in the nude and I slipped and landed with my penis stuck in the nozzle, and that's how it happened" type of excuses.
  #18  
Old 01-02-2017, 03:00 PM
Zeke N. Destroi Zeke N. Destroi is offline
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I'm coming from the angle of an adult saying it happened that way, and that in the case of little boys, it really did.
Some of them I can entirely accept. "FELL DOWN STAIRS WITH A STICK FROM A TREE. HE HAD SHARPENED IT INTO AN ARROW POINTED END- STICK LANDED ON SCROTUM"

Some of them are without a doubt, "I was pleasuring myself and messed up but am too embarrassed to cop to it." "SCRATCHED HIS PENIS ON A PLASTIC BOTTLE WHILE TRYING TO URINATE IN IT"

There are a couple that I just don't get one way or the other - how do you slam your dick in a drawer unless you are hung like a horse and look for socks in a way unknown to me?
  #19  
Old 01-02-2017, 03:03 PM
nearwildheaven nearwildheaven is offline
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Did you know there is a machine that uses suction to pick radishes and cut off the stem? I didn't until I started working ER.
I didn't know that either until I read this post.

So, I'm assuming some guy tried to, ahem, circumcise himself with one of these?
  #20  
Old 01-02-2017, 05:24 PM
kenobi 65 kenobi 65 is offline
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Story 1:

A friend of mine was an Army Ranger, and a physician; he was, at one point, working the late shift in the base infirmary, when an NCO came in, complaining of a burning sensation when he urinated. My friend suspected a STD, of course, but initial tests came back negative, and the NCO indicated that he had had no recent sexual partners.

After quite a bit of questioning, the afflicted NCO admitted that he had been pleasuring himself by inserting a knitting needle into his urethra.

Story 2:

About 25 years ago, I woke up at around 1 a.m., with pain in my back. I went to the bathroom, and discovered that my urine was pink -- having had a kidney stone two years previously, I knew exactly what was happening. I went to the ER, where, after an initial exam, they sent me off to Radiology for x-rays.

When I'd left the ER, I was the only patient, but when I returned from Radiology, there was another patient in there. He was screened off from me by curtains, but I could hear what was going on, of course.

He'd been having sex with a girl, and torn his foreskin. The ER doctor (a tiny Filipino woman), as she was stitching him up (under a local anesthetic, I sure hope!) was questioning him: "So, how did this happen? Were you having dry sex?" He was close to incoherent, but, as she instructed him that he was not to have an erection for two weeks, to let the sutures heal, I realized that a kidney stone wasn't so bad, in comparison.
  #21  
Old 01-02-2017, 05:56 PM
nearwildheaven nearwildheaven is offline
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Originally Posted by smithsb View Post
In conjunction with the post Inserts about various items inserted (and hopefully removed) from various orifices I bring you an annual culling of "Greatest Hits".

http://adequateman.deadspin.com/what...ear-1790335656

An example: "SORES ON HIS PENIS 6 DAYS BEGAN AFTER HE SPRAYED LIDOCAINE SPRAY ON PENIS TO PROLONG ERECTION"

At the end is bonus linking to previous years happenings.
Wouldn't this also reduce pleasure for his partner, unless he put a condom on afterwards?

  #22  
Old 01-02-2017, 05:58 PM
nearwildheaven nearwildheaven is offline
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Originally Posted by kenobi 65 View Post
He'd been having sex with a girl, and torn his foreskin. The ER doctor (a tiny Filipino woman), as she was stitching him up (under a local anesthetic, I sure hope!) was questioning him: "So, how did this happen? Were you having dry sex?" He was close to incoherent, but, as she instructed him that he was not to have an erection for two weeks, to let the sutures heal, I realized that a kidney stone wasn't so bad, in comparison.
I can understand a ban on intercourse, but erections? How do you not perform an involuntary bodily function?
  #23  
Old 01-02-2017, 06:03 PM
Dr_Paprika Dr_Paprika is offline
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Many stitches later, Mr. Radish admitted he was trying to test the suction. He forgot about the spiral blades, which made four long lacerations.

Last edited by Dr_Paprika; 01-02-2017 at 06:04 PM.
  #24  
Old 01-02-2017, 08:10 PM
Sunny Daze Sunny Daze is offline
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Which "raises" the question - is there anything that someone won't stick their dick into?
  #25  
Old 01-02-2017, 11:37 PM
AngelSoft AngelSoft is offline
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I don't remember the details but when I was a kid, my parents were always fighting my youngest brother to wear underwear. He must have been like 4 or 5 and he never would wear any under his pants. Well one day he happened to....zip it up....in his jeans zipper. All I remember is him screaming from the bedroom as they tried to get him....released... He wore his underwear after that.
  #26  
Old 01-03-2017, 12:02 AM
kenobi 65 kenobi 65 is offline
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Originally Posted by nearwildheaven View Post
I can understand a ban on intercourse, but erections? How do you not perform an involuntary bodily function?
I suppose that one can at least avoid actively putting yourself into situations that'd be guaranteed to cause an erection -- don't watch porn, don't play with yourself, don't try to get it on with your girlfriend, etc.

Oh, and I forgot to mention that the guy had been having sex with a girl in the back seat of his car when it happened. He apparently then kicked the girl out of the car, before driving himself to the ER. Classy.
  #27  
Old 01-03-2017, 12:13 AM
nearwildheaven nearwildheaven is offline
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I suppose that one can at least avoid actively putting yourself into situations that'd be guaranteed to cause an erection -- don't watch porn, don't play with yourself, don't try to get it on with your girlfriend, etc.

Oh, and I forgot to mention that the guy had been having sex with a girl in the back seat of his car when it happened. He apparently then kicked the girl out of the car, before driving himself to the ER. Classy.
Paragraph 1: I was thinking more of "morning wood" and other nocturnal erections. You can't avoid sleeping for 2 weeks.

Paragraph 2: He must have been REALLY mad at her, or maybe she was too intoxicated to drive him? Even though I don't have a penis (I guess I do have a bit of a foreskin, over my clitoris) I couldn't imagine a guy being able to drive himself with an injury like that.
  #28  
Old 01-03-2017, 12:14 AM
nearwildheaven nearwildheaven is offline
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I don't remember the details but when I was a kid, my parents were always fighting my youngest brother to wear underwear. He must have been like 4 or 5 and he never would wear any under his pants. Well one day he happened to....zip it up....in his jeans zipper. All I remember is him screaming from the bedroom as they tried to get him....released... He wore his underwear after that.
I've heard of girls experiencing this with their belly skin. OUCH!
  #29  
Old 01-03-2017, 12:21 AM
kenobi 65 kenobi 65 is offline
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Originally Posted by nearwildheaven View Post
Paragraph 1: I was thinking more of "morning wood" and other nocturnal erections. You can't avoid sleeping for 2 weeks.

Paragraph 2: He must have been REALLY mad at her, or maybe she was too intoxicated to drive him? Even though I don't have a penis (I guess I do have a bit of a foreskin, over my clitoris) I couldn't imagine a guy being able to drive himself with an injury like that.
1) Very true; I'm not sure how exactly he was supposed to achieve it, but that was distinctly the instruction which the ER doctor gave to him.

2) The sense I got was that he panicked and shoved her out the door of the car.

Also, I managed to drive myself to the ER with the pain of a kidney stone -- which, female physicians have told me, is comparable in pain level to the pain of laboring in childbirth. In retrospect, *I* was an idiot in that situation (I should have called for an ambulance), and I suspect that he was none too bright, either (plus very panicky, of course).

Last edited by kenobi 65; 01-03-2017 at 12:22 AM.
  #30  
Old 01-03-2017, 12:47 AM
pool pool is offline
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About 8 months or so ago the zipper was stuck on my young son's pants and I was helping him with the zipper and I accidentally zipped it up on his member. I felt so bad about it and he still gives me the stink eye when he's putting his pants on in the morning.

Last edited by pool; 01-03-2017 at 12:48 AM.
  #31  
Old 01-03-2017, 10:42 AM
TreacherousCretin TreacherousCretin is offline
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Nothing good can come from this.
I saw that.
  #32  
Old 01-03-2017, 10:55 AM
Vicsage Vicsage is offline
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Heard a story years ago, don't know if true but it is believable. A boy was tired of bedwetting, so he used a rubber band before he went to bed. Got Gangrene.
  #33  
Old 01-03-2017, 03:16 PM
Doctor Jackson Doctor Jackson is offline
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There are a couple that I just don't get one way or the other - how do you slam your dick in a drawer unless you are hung like a horse and look for socks in a way unknown to me?
You don't have a prehensile penis? Poor lad or, I should say, "poor lasses".
  #34  
Old 01-03-2017, 06:57 PM
nearwildheaven nearwildheaven is offline
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Originally Posted by Vicsage View Post
Heard a story years ago, don't know if true but it is believable. A boy was tired of bedwetting, so he used a rubber band before he went to bed. Got Gangrene.


I've heard of incontinent men using a clamp which is specially designed for that purpose, and some women use urethral plugs.

Yikes.
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