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  #51  
Old 04-27-2017, 02:00 PM
Doctor Jackson Doctor Jackson is offline
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My wife's most annoying habit is me. Mostly, I deal with it by ignoring myself.
  #52  
Old 04-27-2017, 02:57 PM
Mikemike2 Mikemike2 is offline
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I was thinking the other day that a few of my wife's habits were bugging me a bit more than usual, and why was that? My wife works much faster, but with less thought than I do. I often find dirty dishes put away. She didn't do it on purpose, just grabbed them and put them away w/o checking. She thinks that opaque white grocery bags are good food containers, so we have 15 bags in the fridge, neither of us know what they contain, until they start to drip. When we have a mess, like a messy floor of business stuff, she likes to cover it with a blanket, lol.

Anyways these are minor annoyances and I love being with her. I think they were bugging me just because I had other things that were bugging me. So this is an excellent thread to do a head check with. I could list many annoying things about me, including remembering to close the toilet lid only half the time. Of course I don't get praise when i remember, just shit when I forget.

Last edited by Mikemike2; 04-27-2017 at 02:59 PM.
  #53  
Old 04-28-2017, 01:47 PM
Lowdown Lowdown is offline
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This is a fun thread!

I tend to attack life with a certain ruthless efficiency and attention to detail. My wife doesn't operate this way at all. She doesn't go from A to B. She kind of starts A, then wanders over to F, P, and Q to check things out, after that she'll mosey over to Y and E to see what's up there, then maybe she'll wrap things up with A and proceed to M, L, and W before finishing up with B. Ninety percent of the time I have no problem with this at all. It barely registers. Ten percent of the time it drives me insane because Jesus Christ what is taking you so long. This is a me problem. Totally a me problem and I get that, but it still drives me insane.

THE WORST. The absolute worst(!), is when she's planning on leaving the house with our two boys and getting everyone ready to go. Holy fuck. It is amazing in its absurdity. Sometimes I wish I could secretly film the spectacle of it to show it to her later. Anyway, for a regular, non-rushing person off the street, I'd guesstimate this job would take ten to fifteen minutes. When I do it (I'm practiced) it takes about five. When my wife does it (and this is not an embellishment at all), it will reliably take one to two hours. I...I don't even know.

What I do to retain the weak tether to my sanity in this situation:

I get both boys ready to go, gather any supplies and/or equipment anyone will need for the outing and array it by the door in an organized manner. Then I go to my wife, ensure I have her attention, and explain that everyone and everything is ready for departure. Then I go find something to do somewhere else in the house. I wait the next forty-five minutes for her to come kiss me goodbye, then I wait the extra five to ten minutes where she pulls back into the driveway and comes into the house to get whatever she forgot that was sitting right by the door. Then the dog and I carry on with our day. This is the only system I've found so far that works.

If anyone could explain to me how to handle/not-get-annoyed-af at a grown ass woman who takes her little bootie socks off at random spots in the house and then leaves them right there on the floor, I'd be eternally grateful. I haven't figured this one out yet, and it's been years.
  #54  
Old 04-28-2017, 01:52 PM
manson1972 manson1972 is offline
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I get both boys ready to go, gather any supplies and/or equipment anyone will need for the outing and array it by the door in an organized manner. Then I go to my wife, ensure I have her attention, and explain that everyone and everything is ready for departure. Then I go find something to do somewhere else in the house. I wait the next forty-five minutes for her to come kiss me goodbye, then I wait the extra five to ten minutes where she pulls back into the driveway and comes into the house to get whatever she forgot that was sitting right by the door. Then the dog and I carry on with our day. This is the only system I've found so far that works.
She won't start to get ready until everyone else is ready?

Quote:
If anyone could explain to me how to handle/not-get-annoyed-af at a grown ass woman who takes her little bootie socks off at random spots in the house and then leaves them right there on the floor, I'd be eternally grateful. I haven't figured this one out yet, and it's been years.
Why do you care if there are bootie socks on the floor?
  #55  
Old 04-28-2017, 02:05 PM
Lowdown Lowdown is offline
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She won't start to get ready until everyone else is ready?
No, she'll either be getting ready or doing some completely random task not related to getting ready or leaving the house.



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Originally Posted by manson1972 View Post
Why do you care if there are bootie socks on the floor?
Do you typically have discarded clothes strewn about your lair? Perhaps we have different standards of cleanliness. Dirty socks laying in the middle of the floor doesn't work for me, yo, for a variety of reasons.
  #56  
Old 04-28-2017, 02:14 PM
manson1972 manson1972 is offline
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No, she'll either be getting ready or doing some completely random task not related to getting ready or leaving the house
Yeah, that's different. Just lie and say everyone is ready?


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Do you typically have discarded clothes strewn about your lair? Perhaps we have different standards of cleanliness. Dirty socks laying in the middle of the floor doesn't work for me, yo, for a variety of reasons.
Sometimes, but I'm divorced, so I think it is expected

My point being, if it bothers you, but not her, shouldn't you be the one to pick them up?
  #57  
Old 04-28-2017, 02:33 PM
Lowdown Lowdown is offline
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I do pick them up! I just feel like I shouldn't have to, you know? Like, why are you making messes for me to clean up gaaaaaahd! I mean, I am perfect in every way and incapable of any sort of annoying behavior. I don't know what her problem is.
  #58  
Old 04-28-2017, 02:34 PM
JHBoom JHBoom is offline
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When my wife's quirks & annoying habits really start getting on my nerves, I simply remind myself of the list of my quirks & habits that get on her nerves, and be thankful that we love each other enough to (mostly) ignore them.

It wasn't always this way, though. We had an awful lot of arguments in our first decade together over each other's annoying habits. Spending significant chunks of time apart has actually helped with this, as we appreciate each other much more now than we once did.
  #59  
Old 04-28-2017, 02:40 PM
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When I proposed to my wife, I managed to find a beautiful diamond that only has a single flaw in it. After she said yes, I told her about the flaw and explained that it represented her only flaw. After a confused look, she asked what that flaw was and I calmly explained that her only flaw was me!
After 20 years, I don't think I am getting any brownie points over that compliment any more, but I still feel the same about her. I know she's not perfect, as no one is, but I just don't worry about the small things. Life is too short to worry about those kinds of things.
  #60  
Old 04-28-2017, 02:58 PM
manson1972 manson1972 is offline
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I do pick them up! I just feel like I shouldn't have to, you know? Like, why are you making messes for me to clean up gaaaaaahd! I mean, I am perfect in every way and incapable of any sort of annoying behavior. I don't know what her problem is.
This is pretty funny!
  #61  
Old 04-28-2017, 03:23 PM
Amateur Barbarian Amateur Barbarian is offline
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Filed for divorce. No, I'm not kidding.
  #62  
Old 04-28-2017, 05:42 PM
Leaffan Leaffan is offline
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Filed for divorce. No, I'm not kidding.
Separated. Not kidding either.

When it gets to the point where you can't even stand her languistic quirks, you know it's time.

"I'll double-check." No you won't. You haven't even checked once yet!

"Is the store opened?" Open is sufficient.

"The minute it happened" isn't a translation for now, or as soon as it happened.

Very pedantic of me. Over. 20. Years. Of. Other. Stuff.

(Eye twitching.)

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  #63  
Old 04-28-2017, 06:46 PM
Amateur Barbarian Amateur Barbarian is offline
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Separated. Not kidding either.
As others have said, it's not just her "habits" - it's that everything I do from breathing noisily onwards is a deliberate personal offense that only someone out to make her upset would do... while her actions are either my imagination or completely normal or something I should be happy to have around.

There is no upside to divorcing and moving on, not really. (Not when it's just "worn out relationship," not a serious, unfixable cause.) But there will be some forms of blessed, blessed peace as a result.
  #64  
Old 04-28-2017, 07:41 PM
Leaffan Leaffan is offline
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...
There is no upside to divorcing and moving on, not really. (Not when it's just "worn out relationship," not a serious, unfixable cause.) But there will be some forms of blessed, blessed peace as a result.
Sighhhhh.... Let me open another beer to that. The hockey game is on in 20 minutes.



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  #65  
Old 04-28-2017, 10:06 PM
Northern Piper Northern Piper is offline
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Mrs Piper has no annoying habits, he said blissfully.
  #66  
Old 04-29-2017, 12:28 AM
Athabasca Athabasca is offline
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Cool thread, thx OP.

Hubby has no quirks or bad habits i can't live with except one, he clears his throat and coughs almost constantly. I let it build up till I can't stand it (when he interrupts me or it's just too awful to listen to) and it goes away for a while. Then it builds up and...rinse, repeat. Occasionally he is annoyed when I tell him to stop, but clearly the fact that he can go for certain periods tells me he doesn't have to do it.

Otherwise, he and I are both moderate slobs, and we accept that with no issues, we help each other, divide housework equally, do not complain about each others' habits, except the above, so it's pretty low-stress.

Anyone else have a thing about throat clearing and coughing? I'd love to know how you handled it.

A
  #67  
Old 04-29-2017, 09:38 AM
LSLGuy LSLGuy is offline
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Originally Posted by Athabasca View Post
...
Hubby has no quirks or bad habits i can't live with except one, he clears his throat and coughs almost constantly. I let it build up till I can't stand it (when he interrupts me or it's just too awful to listen to) and it goes away for a while. Then it builds up and...rinse, repeat. Occasionally he is annoyed when I tell him to stop, but clearly the fact that he can go for certain periods tells me he doesn't have to do it.
...
I suffer a bit from something similar to hubby's condition. Sometimes my sinuses drain down back of my throat continuously for 15-30 minutes. i.e. post-nasal drip. If instead it ran out the front of my nose I'd be blowing it every 30 seconds or so. Like somebody with an intense cold.

I can no more control the flow of gunk down my throat than I can control the weather. All I can do is urrk & swallow, urrk & swallow, over and over to keep my airway open until it quits. I try to be as quiet as possible because I don't like the noise any more than you do. But it isn't, and can't be, silent. Sorry.

There's a condition called "gustatory rhinitis" where the simple act of eating triggers this. It seems I have a touch of this as the problem is often at its worst shortly after eating a meal, regardless of what I ate. It's thought to be caused by "crossed wires" between the chemical signals that trigger digestive secretions and nasal secretions.


My bottom line: Don't confuse the fact the problem is intermittent for it being subject to his conscious control. I don't know your hubby personally so I can't say whether it's just a bad habit he could control or whether he (and you) are stuck with it. IMO you don't know either.

Last edited by LSLGuy; 04-29-2017 at 09:40 AM.
  #68  
Old 04-29-2017, 10:24 AM
Athabasca Athabasca is offline
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I suffer a bit from something similar to hubby's condition. Sometimes my sinuses drain down back of my throat continuously for 15-30 minutes. i.e. post-nasal drip. If instead it ran out the front of my nose I'd be blowing it every 30 seconds or so. Like somebody with an intense cold.

I can no more control the flow of gunk down my throat than I can control the weather. All I can do is urrk & swallow, urrk & swallow, over and over to keep my airway open until it quits. I try to be as quiet as possible because I don't like the noise any more than you do. But it isn't, and can't be, silent. Sorry.

There's a condition called "gustatory rhinitis" where the simple act of eating triggers this. It seems I have a touch of this as the problem is often at its worst shortly after eating a meal, regardless of what I ate. It's thought to be caused by "crossed wires" between the chemical signals that trigger digestive secretions and nasal secretions.


My bottom line: Don't confuse the fact the problem is intermittent for it being subject to his conscious control. I don't know your hubby personally so I can't say whether it's just a bad habit he could control or whether he (and you) are stuck with it. IMO you don't know either.
I can add that it's a non- productive throat-clearing. Nothing is oozing, urkling, or flowing. He has seen our GP and had referrals to ENT specialists, but they can't find anything. I've had a theory for a long time that because he has constantly and habitually cleared his throat, for such long periods, it has set up a kind of low level inflammation in his throat that makes it feel like there is something there and he has to ahem, ahem, ahem till it's gone. Kind of like when you blow your nose when you have a cold and the act of blowing makes the tissue puffy and congested and you feel like you have to keep blowing just to get rid of it. It's just a theory, mind you.

I can live with it, it's no biggie. Thanks for your perspective. I do wish he had productive mucus, sigh....lol. And I'm sorry you have to go through this. It must be difficult.

Last edited by Athabasca; 04-29-2017 at 10:26 AM.
  #69  
Old 04-29-2017, 10:26 AM
watchwolf49 watchwolf49 is offline
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Divorce?

I dunno. I'm in the same boat. Pick your battles. You can maybe get to detente on 1-2 items that are deal killers for you. The rest uou either tolerate with a smile or part ways. YMMV
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Originally Posted by Aspenglow View Post
I have one, but it's going to sound harsh. I don't mean it that way. It's just reality.

Imagine he died suddenly and what your life would be like if he was permanently beyond your reach. I suspect every little nuisance would pale in comparison to the immeasurable sense of loss you would feel.

At least, that's how it's been for me. There were few things that niggled me about my husband, but I'd give anything to have him around to put one more thing away where it didn't belong or ask me to cut his hair and then listen to him complain that I hadn't done it quite right.

If you can put it in that light, I imagine bearing up under his weaknesses will become more tolerable.
There are two parts to this issue ... your husband has bad habits and YOU are easily annoyed ... divorce this one guy and get another, then this another will also have bad habits and you will still be annoyed ... and these are fairly trivial compared to your husband sleeping with other women ... because if he's not a whoremonger then I'd say he's a keeper ... 'cause the next guy you get may well give you The Clap ...

Last edited by watchwolf49; 04-29-2017 at 10:27 AM.
  #70  
Old 04-29-2017, 01:41 PM
Aspenglow Aspenglow is offline
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There are two parts to this issue ... your husband has bad habits and YOU are easily annoyed ... divorce this one guy and get another, then this another will also have bad habits and you will still be annoyed ... and these are fairly trivial compared to your husband sleeping with other women ... because if he's not a whoremonger then I'd say he's a keeper ... 'cause the next guy you get may well give you The Clap ...
Huh?

Either you didn't read my posts closely or you have fully misunderstood the message I was attempting to impart.

If you'd read any post of mine in this thread with comprehension, you'd have realized my husband hardly annoyed me at all. He definitely was a keeper -- which is why I have missed him so very much since he died.
  #71  
Old 04-29-2017, 10:48 PM
msmith537 msmith537 is offline
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Filed for divorce. No, I'm not kidding.
As strange as it may be, part of me has always admired people who managed to file for divorce. No one says "this person is annoying as fuck, but I think I'll marry them anyway." But after x years of stupid arguments you can't figure out why you are having, pretending it doesn't bother you that the woman you are with is no longer the hot girl you married, or just dealing with stupid annoying habits you just don't feel like dealing with anymore, how and when does someone decide "fuck this shit"?
  #72  
Old 04-30-2017, 08:13 AM
LSLGuy LSLGuy is offline
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Interesting perspective. How indeed does it finally cross the threshold from tolerable to intolerable? Sometimes it's obvious as in discovering an affair or embezzlement or addicition or whatever malfeasance. Other than that though ...

I recall years ago seeing a jokey greeting card. The cover said something like "I hear you're getting a divorce" with kind of a sad tone to the nondescript drawing on the cover.

The inside had a big grin sort of drawing and said "Couldn't go any longer without sex, eh?"

So that might be a lot of it. Especially for the younger crowd.
  #73  
Old 04-30-2017, 08:17 AM
LSLGuy LSLGuy is offline
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Originally Posted by Athabasca View Post
I can add that it's a non- productive throat-clearing. Nothing is oozing, urkling, or flowing. He has seen our GP and had referrals to ENT specialists, but they can't find anything. I've had a theory for a long time that because he has constantly and habitually cleared his throat, for such long periods, it has set up a kind of low level inflammation in his throat that makes it feel like there is something there and he has to ahem, ahem, ahem till it's gone. Kind of like when you blow your nose when you have a cold and the act of blowing makes the tissue puffy and congested and you feel like you have to keep blowing just to get rid of it. It's just a theory, mind you.

I can live with it, it's no biggie. Thanks for your perspective. I do wish he had productive mucus, sigh....lol. And I'm sorry you have to go through this. It must be difficult.
Hmm. Thanks for the additional details. I retract my overly harsh closing remarks.

Pretty good bet he's sensitized that one spot in his throat so, as you say, it tickles almost constantly. Since you've both checked out the medical aspect I suggest maybe some mental approach along the lines of CBT might be helpful. Unconscious habits can be broken. It isn't easy and it isn't natural. But there's plenty of modern insight into tactics that give your hubby the best shot at succeeding. Good luck for both of you.

Last edited by LSLGuy; 04-30-2017 at 08:17 AM.
  #74  
Old 04-30-2017, 10:14 AM
Athabasca Athabasca is offline
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LSLGuy,
Thanks for the CBT angle. You're very kind and understanding. Not to worry about the remarks.

A.
  #75  
Old 04-30-2017, 11:23 PM
anomalous1 anomalous1 is offline
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What worked for me, was leaving the person. But I was never married, much more complicated for you.


Story Below;

Never had a spouse, had an almost-fiance is as far as that goes. She was a great girl/woman, really honest at heart, always thought of me, as I did her etc... It was great, we were together for 3 1/2 years, then split for 2, got back together for over 1 year, then this time I did the splitting up. I think I broke her heart, and I feel so much remorse for it, but dealing with an anxiety disorder and someone always having something to complain about (miniscule stuff) that had no bearing on us, drove me insane, mentally miserable (because of anxiety disorder). Stuff with simple explanations, if you don't like your job, and don't have kids, find another one, stop complaining about it, its not even a career. Also the bitching about my sleeping in longer on some days (i work nights, so did she) and hiding food from her because she was afraid she would eat it and get fat. So messy too, eating snacks in bed, leaving crumbs, handprints all over the mirrors, leaving dishes in the sink with stuff caked on, trying clothes on for the day, then throwing them in the hamper, dropping stuff all the time, spilling stuff all the time, her car looked like a hoarders house, always was defensive if I gave her any constructive criticism (you are 1,500 miles overdue for an oil change, you said you like the car, i'll take it for you) and then flip out about it. Incapable of fixing small problems, god help us all if a faucet handle came off, she would probably stick a towel on it to fix the leak. Not to mention her family, who are really nice, but they judge EVERYONE they meet for what their career choices were and are, not for the person they are. So SHALLOW, and it rubbed off a little on her. Aside from all of that, one day she got drunk and said I wouldn't be a good father(she retracted and said she didn't mean it)... thats when it went downhill and ended a couple weeks later.

Now I live at my place, alone, its always clean, organized, QUIET and I can do what I want whenever, no obligations outside of career. I may get lonely at times, but I can just get a dog, or meet someone else when ready. Best part is, my anxiety is under control now, without outside aggravation.

I am amazed how much of an impact a person being messy can have on a relationship, but it really does. I like to be comfortable with my environment and make plans, she didn't care about that, and wanted to go on random trips, middle of the night, no planning etc.. That to me is just being irresponsible.
  #76  
Old 05-01-2017, 09:00 PM
Enola Gay Enola Gay is offline
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Separated. Not kidding either.

When it gets to the point where you can't even stand her languistic quirks, you know it's time.

"I'll double-check." No you won't. You haven't even checked once yet!

"Is the store opened?" Open is sufficient.

"The minute it happened" isn't a translation for now, or as soon as it happened.

Very pedantic of me. Over. 20. Years. Of. Other. Stuff.

(Eye twitching.)

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20 years??? People get less than that for murder....

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Originally Posted by Athabasca View Post
Cool thread, thx OP.

Anyone else have a thing about throat clearing and coughing? I'd love to know how you handled it.

A
Oh dear god, I forgot to mention this in the OP. Hubby clears his throat loudly, blows his nose loudly, and spits very loudly in the shower! The very shower that I have to get into next . I handle this by banging my head against the wall, curling up into the fetal position, and reminding myself that at least he doesn't beat me.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lowdown View Post
This is a fun thread!

I tend to attack life with a certain ruthless efficiency and attention to detail. My wife doesn't operate this way at all. She doesn't go from A to B. She kind of starts A, then wanders over to F, P, and Q to check things out, after that she'll mosey over to Y and E to see what's up there, then maybe she'll wrap things up with A and proceed to M, L, and W before finishing up with B. Ninety percent of the time I have no problem with this at all. It barely registers. Ten percent of the time it drives me insane because Jesus Christ what is taking you so long. This is a me problem. Totally a me problem and I get that, but it still drives me insane.

THE WORST. The absolute worst(!), is when she's planning on leaving the house with our two boys and getting everyone ready to go. Holy fuck. It is amazing in its absurdity. Sometimes I wish I could secretly film the spectacle of it to show it to her later. Anyway, for a regular, non-rushing person off the street, I'd guesstimate this job would take ten to fifteen minutes. When I do it (I'm practiced) it takes about five. When my wife does it (and this is not an embellishment at all), it will reliably take one to two hours. I...I don't even know.

What I do to retain the weak tether to my sanity in this situation:

I get both boys ready to go, gather any supplies and/or equipment anyone will need for the outing and array it by the door in an organized manner. Then I go to my wife, ensure I have her attention, and explain that everyone and everything is ready for departure. Then I go find something to do somewhere else in the house. I wait the next forty-five minutes for her to come kiss me goodbye, then I wait the extra five to ten minutes where she pulls back into the driveway and comes into the house to get whatever she forgot that was sitting right by the door. Then the dog and I carry on with our day. This is the only system I've found so far that works.

If anyone could explain to me how to handle/not-get-annoyed-af at a grown ass woman who takes her little bootie socks off at random spots in the house and then leaves them right there on the floor, I'd be eternally grateful. I haven't figured this one out yet, and it's been years.
Would you like to join my support group, Lowdown?
  #77  
Old 05-01-2017, 09:18 PM
LSLGuy LSLGuy is offline
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...
Oh dear god, I forgot to mention this in the OP. Hubby clears his throat loudly, blows his nose loudly, and spits very loudly in the shower! The very shower that I have to get into next . I handle this by banging my head against the wall, curling up into the fetal position, and reminding myself that at least he doesn't beat me.
...
Good thing he pees quietly in the shower. If that was noisy enough for you to hear too you'd be around the bend by now.
  #78  
Old 05-02-2017, 11:25 PM
msmith537 msmith537 is offline
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20 years??? People get less than that for murder....
Yeah, the difference is they are a free man after getting out of jail.



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Originally Posted by LSLGuy View Post
Interesting perspective. How indeed does it finally cross the threshold from tolerable to intolerable? Sometimes it's obvious as in discovering an affair or embezzlement or addicition or whatever malfeasance. Other than that though ...
I guess it's like a crappy job. Sure you could quit, but then you're unemployed and it's not like you're going to find some new job awesome job that pays a million a year with a flexible schedule.
  #79  
Old 05-03-2017, 08:01 AM
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LSLGuy,
Thanks for the CBT angle. You're very kind and understanding. Not to worry about the remarks.

A.
Cock and Ball Torture?

I think I've been reading too much Dan Savage.
  #80  
Old 05-03-2017, 08:37 AM
Amateur Barbarian Amateur Barbarian is offline
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And, you can always listen to the wise and great John Prine...
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Sp2AtK11ynE
  #81  
Old 05-03-2017, 09:24 AM
LSLGuy LSLGuy is offline
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Cock and Ball Torture?

I think I've been reading too much Dan Savage.
Either that or your ... hobby ... is getting out of control.

Try this: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognit...vioral_therapy
  #82  
Old 05-03-2017, 03:49 PM
TRC4941 TRC4941 is offline
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We just celebrated our 35th anniversary. There are things that he does that drives me up the wall and no matter how many times I try to change his ways he continues most of them. Sometimes he will say "you know you were right about blah blah blah" and then I almost fall off the couch. But most of the things he does that bug me, by this point just make me laugh because I can't believe he does them! I try to think of the good things he does and that kind of helps. The best thing that really helps me is that I have a very good friend that I walk with EVERY morning for about an hour with our dogs. We vent and laugh about our husbands' goofiness ALL the time. We try to top each other's husband stories. We are not alone!!
  #83  
Old 05-17-2017, 11:47 AM
MacLir MacLir is offline
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Originally Posted by nearwildheaven View Post
A person over the age of 6, who is not mentally disabled, who forgets to close the refrigerator door? That would be a big deal to me.
They are supposed to close by gravity when correctly leveled.
  #84  
Old 05-18-2017, 02:11 AM
smithsb smithsb is offline
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How do you handle your spouses most annoying habits?

"Yes dear."

She snores but I can't sleep without hearing it.
She goes full rogue religious. I tape up religion-agnostic commentary.
Can't do without her.
  #85  
Old 05-18-2017, 07:07 PM
P-man P-man is offline
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She takes 10 minutes to say what I could say in 30 seconds. She lollygags; whether it's leaving home or work, it takes a million times longer than she says it's going to.

He leaves out really important details. He gets in too much of a hurry.
  #86  
Old 05-18-2017, 09:58 PM
LSLGuy LSLGuy is offline
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I'm gonna bet he exaggerates too.


A million minutes being 1 year 11 months or so.

Last edited by LSLGuy; 05-18-2017 at 09:59 PM.
  #87  
Old 05-18-2017, 10:20 PM
Count Blucher Count Blucher is offline
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Originally Posted by Enola Gay View Post
Please give me strategies to cope. I'm sure anyone who has been married for a long time has dealt with this so please share your wisdom!
Well, I'm not sure I have the answer.
When she gives me Horrific and Undeserved Shit for just being creative, often I just withdraw.

When I try to share dreams with her and she says she's too busy to listen its frustrating. (I was always told that wives and husbands listened to each others dreams).

When I try new ways to cook food to save money and she refuses to taste 'anything cooked by your hand' but bitches bitterly about money being tight, I really want to tell her to go take a flying leap off of a short pier.
I don't know why she's so head-fucked now, but I honestly don't like any part of this side of her.
  #88  
Old 05-19-2017, 07:33 PM
catkabrick catkabrick is offline
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Significant Other and I have had our fights (especially in the early days) but we do pretty well. What works for us?
We love each other. Rather be together than apart.
We talk to each other (and not just about what's p-ing us off.)
We listen to each other.
We're nice to each other. We say please and thank you and other silly stuff.
We praise each other. Praise will change behavior bitching won't touch.
Nineteen years and better all the time. Hope this helps.
  #89  
Old 05-31-2017, 10:56 AM
msmith537 msmith537 is offline
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I always find it amusing when I see someone's wife posting stuff on Facebook along the lines of "he puts up with all my craziness but I can't imagine being with anyone else". No. He fucking hates your crazy bullshit and it just hasn't reached a point where he's ready to call it a day.
  #90  
Old 05-31-2017, 12:12 PM
Spice Weasel Spice Weasel is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by msmith537 View Post
I always find it amusing when I see someone's wife posting stuff on Facebook along the lines of "he puts up with all my craziness but I can't imagine being with anyone else". No. He fucking hates your crazy bullshit and it just hasn't reached a point where he's ready to call it a day.
But I mean, it depends on how that individual defines their own ''craziness.'' I often say I'm crazy, or sometimes act crazy, but objectively I'm not behaving all that badly. My crazy is worrying excessively about my cats (I won't be a neurotic mother, no sir), not flinging dishes across the room.

Sr. Weasel has a habit that has been annoying the piss out of me lately. So I waited until it wasn't immediately relevant and proposed that he work on it, and in exchange, I'm willing to work on some little thing I do that annoys the piss out of him. He thought I was proposing to work on my own thing out of excessive guilt, but really I was just trying to be fair. He's working on his thing and I picked something I know annoys him.
  #91  
Old 05-31-2017, 11:59 PM
Elemenopy Elemenopy is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by msmith537 View Post
I always find it amusing when I see someone's wife posting stuff on Facebook along the lines of "he puts up with all my craziness but I can't imagine being with anyone else". No. He fucking hates your crazy bullshit and it just hasn't reached a point where he's ready to call it a day.
Eh, we're both crazy here. I'll leave it at that. Neither of us want to submit the crazy to anyone else at this stage of life, so here we are.

A minor one, but one that either just started happening or I just started noticing. He scrapes his teeth with his fork, almost every bite. Now that I've noticed it, I can't stop cringing. Which means, for every entire meal. Help? I mean, it's annoying as all get-out, but also can't be that good for the old teeth... Nor is it pleasant for him to see me cringing every 20 seconds.

Last edited by Elemenopy; 06-01-2017 at 12:00 AM.
  #92  
Old 06-01-2017, 08:32 AM
Asimovian Asimovian is offline
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Originally Posted by Elemenopy View Post
A minor one, but one that either just started happening or I just started noticing. He scrapes his teeth with his fork, almost every bite. Now that I've noticed it, I can't stop cringing. Which means, for every entire meal. Help? I mean, it's annoying as all get-out, but also can't be that good for the old teeth... Nor is it pleasant for him to see me cringing every 20 seconds.
Once my wife pointed it out to me, it started making me cringe. Can't say I never do it by anymore, as accidents will happen. But I'm at least aware of it, now, and will rectify the situation if I have such an accident.
  #93  
Old 06-01-2017, 10:55 AM
LSLGuy LSLGuy is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by msmith537 View Post
I always find it amusing when I see someone's wife posting stuff on Facebook along the lines of "he puts up with all my craziness but I can't imagine being with anyone else". No. He fucking hates your crazy bullshit and it just hasn't reached a point where he's ready to call it a day.
Said another way: "I love that he puts up with my shit; whether he gets anything out of the deal is immaterial to me. It's all about me, and only about me."

I can't imagine hanging out with, much less marrying or staying married to, somebody like that. But apparently it's commonplace.
  #94  
Old 06-01-2017, 11:51 AM
Doctor Jackson Doctor Jackson is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by msmith537 View Post
I always find it amusing when I see someone's wife posting stuff on Facebook along the lines of "he puts up with all my craziness but I can't imagine being with anyone else". No. He fucking hates your crazy bullshit and it just hasn't reached a point where he's ready to call it a day.
Quote:
Originally Posted by LSLGuy View Post
Said another way: "I love that he puts up with my shit; whether he gets anything out of the deal is immaterial to me. It's all about me, and only about me."

I can't imagine hanging out with, much less marrying or staying married to, somebody like that. But apparently it's commonplace.
Really? I always parse that statement as "I'm know I'm not perfect. My spouse also knows I'm not perfect, yet chooses to put up with my imperfections without constantly pointing out every little one."

Seems to me like most successful relationships fit that mold.
  #95  
Old 06-01-2017, 12:07 PM
LSLGuy LSLGuy is offline
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That's a reasonable interpretation leaning to the charitable side.

Had she said "He puts up with all my craziness but I he says he can't imagine being with anyone else." I'd have read it exactly your way. Likewise "He puts up with all my craziness but I can't imagine being with anyone else and I put up with all his craziness". Same thing. Those edited comments are reflexive and even-handed.

My point was that both halves of her comment were about her from her POV. "He puts up with my shit and I like that." He only figures into the conversation as an abuse sponge, not as a person much less as a partner.


Is that simply sloppy writing on the part of the woman (who is after all a hypothetical / composite construct of msmith537's imagination and Facebook readings) or is it an example of a truthful admission contrary to interest?

Darn good question.

Last edited by LSLGuy; 06-01-2017 at 12:08 PM.
  #96  
Old 06-01-2017, 12:17 PM
Spice Weasel Spice Weasel is offline
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Yeah, that's a lot to read into a single statement on Facebook. For all we know, she has low self-esteem and overestimates her flaws. Or she really is one of those clueless self-centered people. Absent context, it's hard to say.

Here's One That's Less Ambiguous.
  #97  
Old 06-01-2017, 01:14 PM
MikeF MikeF is offline
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Interrupting in conversations. She says it a female thing, that they can multi-task and she and her friends do it to each other all the time. In my mind, this is a very annoying social blunder and she's just rationalizing her behavior. Talking over her doesn't work. Talking louder doesn't work. I'll try stopping in mid- sentence, wait for her to finish her interruption and then ask if I may continue. That may work for a sentence or two. Sometimes it gets to the point where I say/yell, literally, "Would you just shut the fuck up and let me finish?!" Then she gets offended. This happens mostly in serious conversations/disagreements but also when someone is telling a story. Its like she doesn't know how to have a silent thought or save it for a natural break in the conversation. I'm open to suggestions on this one.

Calling to me from another room or floor in the house. I guess she expects me to either yell back or go to where she is. For this one I just don't answer at all.
  #98  
Old 06-01-2017, 01:35 PM
Spice Weasel Spice Weasel is offline
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Today is my fifteen year being-in-a-relationship anniversary. I often wonder how I got it so good. I'm sure our effort over the years counts for something, we have excellent communication and we made prudent choices in who to marry, but there must be a lot of luck, too.

He does some things that genuinely annoy me, but it all seems like piddling bullshit when I consider the positives. I read somewhere that people in happy relationships have a positively distorted (read: inaccurate) view of their partners. I think he's a fucking miracle of a human being.

I think when these little things start to get to us, it's because the fundamental needs of the relationship aren't being met in some way. We may interpret normal human foibles as evidence of the other person not caring. It's a red flag that the partnership needs some nurturing on a more basic level. And yeah, sadly, when this doesn't happen, I think the best choice is to move on.
  #99  
Old 06-01-2017, 01:49 PM
Dung Beetle Dung Beetle is offline
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Originally Posted by Spice Weasel View Post
Maybe it helps to consider that this thing that makes him such a fundamental part of who he is, that you love about him, comes with some necessary drawbacks that are worth the price.
Yup. My husband's picture is in the dictionary next to the definition of Type A. His objective in all things is to do them as efficiently as possible. He spends a lot of time being irritated by other people for being in his way while driving, or in the grocery store; whereas I'm the kind of person who goes with the flow. I can enjoy being in the moment even while housecleaning or folding laundry, but he ATTACKS mundane tasks, strikes them off the list, and goes after the next thing with all speed.

He works all the time, and I can't very well put my feet up while he does...and you know what? We have a great life and nice stuff and interesting projects to do and things to talk about. I'm a person of little to no ambition, and it's good for me to have plans beyond "read books, watch TV, and sleep".
  #100  
Old 06-01-2017, 01:56 PM
wonky wonky is offline
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Originally Posted by Asimovian View Post
Once my wife pointed it out to me, it started making me cringe. Can't say I never do it by anymore, as accidents will happen. But I'm at least aware of it, now, and will rectify the situation if I have such an accident.
Knowing me, I probably pointed it out by threatening to stab you with a shrimp fork.
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