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Old 04-25-2017, 02:18 PM
XT XT is offline
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What 'laws' have you come up with?

Sort of like Godwin's law or along those lines. Doesn't have to be anything others acknowledge or follow, but any 'dopers have any thing like that that they secretly believe or follow?

Here's mine:

XT's law of pizza in the work place-ask any group of cow-orkers what sorts of pizza they will want and they will desire all sorts of strange pizzas with all sorts of (mainly vegetable based) gloop. However, when the pizzas are actually set out and devoured, inevitably they will eat the one pizza that I want (and the corollary...they only order ONE of these because 'no one likes that') to eat, while at the end the several pizzas ordered with the gloop will still mainly be there at the end (there is another corollary about how at least half of the gloop pizzas will be left for every non-XT standard/XT edible pizza ordered).
  #2  
Old 04-25-2017, 02:22 PM
Shodan Shodan is offline
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Shodan's Law: If they didn't read it the first time, they won't read it the second time either.

Regards,
Shodan
  #3  
Old 04-25-2017, 02:27 PM
Velocity Velocity is online now
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99% of the time, when people are confronted about something, their response will either be denial ("No, I don't support X") or defense ("Yes, I support X, but it's a good thing.")
  #4  
Old 04-25-2017, 02:34 PM
Darren Garrison Darren Garrison is offline
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Chekhov's Lesbian. (Scroll down to "Word of the Week.")

Last edited by Darren Garrison; 04-25-2017 at 02:35 PM.
  #5  
Old 04-25-2017, 02:35 PM
Ludovic Ludovic is offline
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The more artists, specifically in their works, insist that they are genuine, the more likely they are profit-driven pop machines.
  #6  
Old 04-25-2017, 02:37 PM
manson1972 manson1972 is offline
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There will always be someone or something blocking the exact place in a store where the item you need is located.
  #7  
Old 04-25-2017, 02:40 PM
RealityChuck RealityChuck is offline
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The quality of a pizza place is inversely proportional to the number of restaurants in the chain.

If there's any possible way to misinterpret instructions, someone will find it.
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"East is East and West is West and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does."
Purveyor of fine science fiction since 1982.
  #8  
Old 04-25-2017, 02:40 PM
cochrane cochrane is online now
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The harder you try to prevent something bad from happening, the faster and more likely that it will happen, anyway.
  #9  
Old 04-25-2017, 02:41 PM
panache45 panache45 is offline
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Shredded cabbage tastes better than unshredded cabbage (Cole's Law)
  #10  
Old 04-25-2017, 02:41 PM
Amateur Barbarian Amateur Barbarian is offline
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Barbarian's Law: You are not writing effectively unless you piss off as many people as you please.
  #11  
Old 04-25-2017, 02:50 PM
Riemann Riemann is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by panache45 View Post
Shredded cabbage tastes better than unshredded cabbage (Cole's Law)
That deserves Up Laws.

Last edited by Riemann; 04-25-2017 at 02:53 PM.
  #12  
Old 04-25-2017, 02:50 PM
Gatopescado Gatopescado is offline
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Never trust adult men that don't drink beer.
  #13  
Old 04-25-2017, 02:52 PM
snowthx snowthx is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by manson1972 View Post
There will always be someone or something blocking the exact place in a store where the item you need is located.
Likewise, when you pull over to the side of an aisle at the store to check your list or answer your phone, someone will want something right where you are stopped.

Also, there will always be an oncoming vehicle as you approach a narrow spot in the road. This also works on bicycle trails.
  #14  
Old 04-25-2017, 02:59 PM
XT XT is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Gatopescado View Post
Never trust adult men that don't drink beer.
Along that line, XT's 4th law of IT....never trust a skinny IT tech (this is similar to the law to never trust a skinny chef). There are several collieries concerning fitness and IT techs or IT techs who only eat healthy food as well.
  #15  
Old 04-25-2017, 03:05 PM
Manda JO Manda JO is online now
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If you try to use a simple solution to "level the playing field", the people who already have advantages will be able to more successfully make use of whatever you make available, increasing the gap.

There are ways around this, but you have to be really, really careful when you put programs in place.
  #16  
Old 04-25-2017, 03:08 PM
Knowed Out Knowed Out is offline
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The other lane always moves faster. Unless you enter it.
  #17  
Old 04-25-2017, 03:19 PM
Colibri Colibri is online now
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Colibri's First Law of Travel:
Never pass up a chance to piss. If you do, you will regret it.

Last edited by Colibri; 04-25-2017 at 03:20 PM.
  #18  
Old 04-25-2017, 03:27 PM
BwanaBob BwanaBob is offline
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Gym Buddy Law: the guy who has the locker next to you will show up as you try to get dressed for exercise, crowding the immediate area.

The Loneliness Corollary: If you go into an empty locker room and pick a locker, when you return to that empty locker room, the locker next to you will have been taken, and will most likely lead to the Gym Buddy law.

The Parking Lot Corollary: If you park in an empty lot, and make a quick stop in a store, when you leave you will find some moron has parked right next to you even though the lot is empty.
  #19  
Old 04-25-2017, 03:31 PM
Daylate Daylate is offline
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My Father invented one:

The Law of Malevolence of the Inanimate --- Things are out to get you.
  #20  
Old 04-25-2017, 03:33 PM
elbows elbows is offline
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Anything you've not used in ages, then packed into a trunk or attic will be required for use within a week!
  #21  
Old 04-25-2017, 03:35 PM
kanicbird kanicbird is offline
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When passing someone on the road (crossing the 'yellow line'), that person after being passed will be seen as turning onto a side road or parking lot, making the pass seem unneeded.


Also pickup truck drivers are slower than Prius drivers.
  #22  
Old 04-25-2017, 03:42 PM
jtur88 jtur88 is online now
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Jtur88's law of work planning

1. Determine if the work really needs to be done.
2. See if there a workaholic around willing to do it.
3. Carefully plan the most efficient path to good enough.
4. Don't let anybody else hinder.
5. Get it over with.
6. Resume rest
  #23  
Old 04-25-2017, 03:42 PM
Charlie Tan Charlie Tan is offline
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Charlie's cynicisms.
  • There are no good people. Everyone is evil, but some are on my side.
  • We're always alone. Sometimes, though, there are other people around.
  • After you're dead, everyone will eventually move on and your life signified nothing.
  • You are not the main character in the story of your life. Someone you know made a larger impact.
  #24  
Old 04-25-2017, 03:44 PM
cher3 cher3 is offline
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You will generally be required to stop at most traffic lights on your route. The exception is if you need time to open a water bottle or take a quick peek at a text. Then all lights will be green.
  #25  
Old 04-25-2017, 03:51 PM
Maggie the Ocelot Maggie the Ocelot is offline
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Maggie's law: Never trust a guy who says he loves you before he's slept with you. He's either lying to you, or to himself.
  #26  
Old 04-25-2017, 03:55 PM
Czarcasm Czarcasm is offline
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There is no "Can't Know"-There are only "Don't Know...Yet".
  #27  
Old 04-25-2017, 04:00 PM
Shoeless Shoeless is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cher3 View Post
You will generally be required to stop at most traffic lights on your route. The exception is if you need time to open a water bottle or take a quick peek at a text. Then all lights will be green.
I have a similar one: the number of red lights you hit is inversely proportional to how much of a hurry you are in.

(If I'm running late, it seems I hit every red light. When I give myself plenty of time, then all the lights are green and I get there 15 minutes early.)
  #28  
Old 04-25-2017, 04:05 PM
Dung Beetle Dung Beetle is offline
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If you rip a nasty fart when you're alone, someone will appear within moments and get right next to you.
  #29  
Old 04-25-2017, 04:12 PM
August West August West is offline
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I have developed two laws in my lifetime.

The August West Law of Consistent Mediocrity: If you want to make a billion dollars, make a product that is consistently mediocre. I developed this law when I was eating dinner at a Pizza Hut, but it also applies to Bud Light and many other products.

The August West Law of Nocturnal Immensity: When camping in a tent, any animal heard near the tent will sound at least 2x larger than it actually is.
  #30  
Old 04-25-2017, 04:13 PM
Pantastic Pantastic is online now
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While it's not coming up with a new law, Murphy's Law is one of the best ways for a layman to handle legal questions - just assume that every loophole and and interpretation will go the opposite of the way you want, and you'll be OK. So the practical answer to a question like "are oral contracts binding in court?" is "Yes if it's bad for you, no if it helps you."
  #31  
Old 04-25-2017, 04:18 PM
Canadjun Canadjun is offline
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The harder you try to idiot-proof something, the faster some idiot will screw it up.
  #32  
Old 04-25-2017, 04:23 PM
BobLibDem BobLibDem is offline
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Bob's Laws Of Working Within a Bureaucracy
  • Just because you see a problem doesn't mean that you'll be able to come up with a solution
  • Just because you can come up with a solution doesn't mean that you can write a program to solve it.
  • Just because you can write a program doesn't mean it will run.
  • Just because your program will run doesn't mean the underlying data is good.
  • Just because the data is good doesn't mean the results are valid.
  • Just because the results are valid doesn't mean you can make management understand them.
  • Just because management understands your report doesn't mean they will implement your solution.
  • Just because management implements your solution doesn't mean it will work.
  • Just because your solution worked doesn't mean you'll get any recognition for it.
  • Just because you get recognized for your work doesn't mean you'll ever get promoted.
  #33  
Old 04-25-2017, 04:25 PM
Czarcasm Czarcasm is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Canadjun View Post
The harder you try to idiot-proof something, the faster some idiot will screw it up.
Corollary: If you perfect your "idiot-proofing", the perfect idiot will arrive to bypass it.
  #34  
Old 04-25-2017, 04:26 PM
Left Hand of Dorkness Left Hand of Dorkness is offline
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More of a rule than a law, it's the Core Competency Rule. I developed this obvious-as-shit rule after going to my favorite pizzeria and thinking, "hmm, I'm more in the mood for fish and chips tonight," and ordering fish and chips, and they sucked.

The rule is this: when a restaurant has a core competency, order that. Don't go to a Chinese buffet and get their mac and cheese. Don't go to a seafood restaurant and order the steak. And ferchrissake, when you go to a pizzeria, get a fuckin pizza.
  #35  
Old 04-25-2017, 04:27 PM
mikecurtis mikecurtis is online now
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Gatopescado View Post
Never trust adult men that don't drink beer.
hey! i can be trusted. . . mostly. . .

mc
  #36  
Old 04-25-2017, 04:30 PM
mikecurtis mikecurtis is online now
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BwanaBob View Post

The Parking Lot Corollary: If you park in an empty lot, and make a quick stop in a store, when you leave you will find some moron has parked right next to you even though the lot is empty.
yea! what the hell is that all about?

mc
  #37  
Old 04-25-2017, 04:34 PM
AHunter3 AHunter3 is offline
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Worrying about things rarely prevents them from happening.
  #38  
Old 04-25-2017, 04:39 PM
Left Hand of Dorkness Left Hand of Dorkness is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AHunter3 View Post
Worrying about things rarely prevents them from happening.
The exception to your law, which I'm all too familiar with: will I get a good night's sleep?
  #39  
Old 04-25-2017, 04:58 PM
jsgoddess jsgoddess is offline
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If there's one person who shouldn't hear what you are saying, that person is standing right behind you.

If you ask for book recommendations, no matter how specific you are that you are interested only in non-fiction dealing with Mayan funerary customs, someone will recommend Terry Pratchett.
  #40  
Old 04-25-2017, 05:03 PM
Tranquilis Tranquilis is offline
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The Law of Relatives: They come on the weekend, and eat you out of house and home.
The Unspeakable Rule: If it's good, and you mention it, it goes away. If it's bad, and you mention it, it happens.
50/50/90 Rule: If you have a 50-50 chance of being right, 90% of the time you will be wrong.
  #41  
Old 04-25-2017, 05:04 PM
Ethilrist Ethilrist is online now
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If you know what you're doing, it's not an adventure.

Spend as much time as you can with the nice people because it barely begins to make up for all the time you have to spend with the jerks.
  #42  
Old 04-25-2017, 05:18 PM
Tim R. Mortiss Tim R. Mortiss is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Colibri View Post
Colibri's First Law of Travel:
Never pass up a chance to piss. If you do, you will regret it.
I like to phrase that as "never pass up a golden opportunity."
  #43  
Old 04-25-2017, 05:20 PM
Tranquilis Tranquilis is offline
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Confidence Corollary: The more confident you are, the more likely you have no idea what's going on.
  #44  
Old 04-25-2017, 05:33 PM
xizor xizor is offline
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Any "temporary" solution you come up with at your workplace will always become the "permanent" solution.
  #45  
Old 04-25-2017, 05:34 PM
Tranquilis Tranquilis is offline
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Simulations don't. Patches won't. Shortcuts aren't.
  #46  
Old 04-25-2017, 05:40 PM
Gatopescado Gatopescado is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Maggie the Ocelot View Post
Maggie's law: Never trust a guy who says he loves you before he's slept with you. He's either lying to you, or to himself.
I wanna tell you I love you tomorrow.
  #47  
Old 04-25-2017, 05:57 PM
DCnDC DCnDC is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Colibri View Post
Colibri's First Law of Travel:
Never pass up a chance to piss. If you do, you will regret it.
My father's rule about using the toilet before going anywhere:

"Don't leave the house until something comes out."
  #48  
Old 04-25-2017, 06:22 PM
Canadjun Canadjun is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jsgoddess View Post

If you ask for book recommendations, no matter how specific you are that you are interested only in non-fiction dealing with Mayan funerary customs, someone will recommend Terry Pratchett.
But you'll love Terry Pratchett!
  #49  
Old 04-25-2017, 06:28 PM
Robot Arm Robot Arm is online now
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Robot Arm's First Law of Comic Book Movies: When casting the lead role in a movie based on a comic book, get an actor who can be convincing as the alter ego. Christoper Reeve was good as Clark Kent. Tobey Maguire was good as Peter Parker. Robert Downey Jr. was good as Tony Stark. Anybody can put on a superhero suit.

Robot Arm's Law of the Emasculated Sci-Fi Badass: The more menacing and memorable the villain in a science-fiction movie, the greater the chance that he will become a good guy in the sequel(s).
  #50  
Old 04-25-2017, 06:31 PM
TimeWinder TimeWinder is online now
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If you put multiple questions in an e-mail or other communication, all but one will be ignored and not answered.
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