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Old 06-30-2017, 11:48 AM
Hermitian Hermitian is offline
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NASA denies that it is running child slave colony on Mars

NASA denies that it is running child slave colony on Mars.

This brings up two questions:

1. This is exactly what they would say if they were running a child slave colony on Mars. Can we trust them?

2. If they are not running it, who is? Will someone take responsibility?
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  #2  
Old 06-30-2017, 11:59 AM
Shagnasty Shagnasty is offline
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My biggest concern is that most of them never made it to Mars at all and NASA is covering it up. What if there was a mutiny on their space ship that triggered a rash of cannibalism? If you think child sex slaves are a problem, just wait until you have to deal with cannibal sex slaves.
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Old 06-30-2017, 12:06 PM
carnivorousplant carnivorousplant is offline
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Originally Posted by Hermitian View Post

2. If they are not running it, who is? Will someone take responsibility?
My money is on the Arcturans.
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Old 06-30-2017, 12:07 PM
TroutMan TroutMan is offline
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Sure, Shagnasty, try to distract us with stories about cannibalism. What are you trying to hide? Why are you so intent on diverting our attention from Mars?
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Old 06-30-2017, 12:21 PM
Darren Garrison Darren Garrison is offline
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So that is what Elton John was talking about!
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Old 06-30-2017, 12:22 PM
Ludovic Ludovic is offline
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That's cold as hell.
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Old 06-30-2017, 02:13 PM
Chimera Chimera is offline
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Of course THEY are not running it. I am. So technically, they are correct.

Just had them build a rammed-earth (mars?) pizza oven for me. Now the problem is the lack of cheese. Hopefully the next European probe doesn't crash, because it is supposed to be carrying 100kg of Mozzarella for me.
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Old 06-30-2017, 02:19 PM
Darren Garrison Darren Garrison is offline
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Just had them build a rammed-earth (mars?) pizza oven for me. Now the problem is the lack of cheese.
Should have built it on the moon.
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Old 06-30-2017, 02:34 PM
watchwolf49 watchwolf49 is offline
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I knew it ... that's a fake child slavery colony on Mars then !!!
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Old 06-30-2017, 02:41 PM
swampspruce swampspruce is offline
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Where do you suppose the fake children are coming from? How deep does the fakery run? Is it a Baby Face Finster dressed as a baby type fake or Blade Runner replicant baby type thing? Why is Billy Crystal not on TV more? Why is it a shipment if it's delivered in a car?Where have all the flowers gone? All will be revealed in next week's Soap.
  #11  
Old 06-30-2017, 02:56 PM
Hari Seldon Hari Seldon is offline
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Should have built it on the moon.
Come on; you don't make pizza with green cheese. But why not bring a cow to Mars.

So NASA who faked a moon landing or several is now running child slaves to Mars. Wait till the conspiracy theorists hear about this.
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Old 06-30-2017, 03:04 PM
carnivorousplant carnivorousplant is offline
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Come on; you don't make pizza with green cheese. But why not bring a cow to Mars.
Low gravity milk gives a lighter cheese.
  #13  
Old 06-30-2017, 03:06 PM
PastTense PastTense is offline
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Is the colony located near the canals--so they could take advantage of the structures left behind by the alien civilization?
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Old 06-30-2017, 03:07 PM
Darren Garrison Darren Garrison is offline
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Just make sure that you don't use any brown cows. Who wants chocolate cheese?
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Old 06-30-2017, 03:11 PM
G0sp3l G0sp3l is offline
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If they aren't running a child slave colony then why do they need women? Though, that might explain why the red planet is so angry?
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Old 06-30-2017, 03:11 PM
Trancephalic Trancephalic is offline
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So where were the spiders, while the fly tried to break our cheese balls
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Old 06-30-2017, 03:15 PM
Ludovic Ludovic is offline
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So where were the spiders, while the fly tried to break our cheese balls
They're partying with Dr Manhattan and his buddy the Leopard Messiah.
  #18  
Old 06-30-2017, 03:20 PM
Darren Garrison Darren Garrison is offline
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If they aren't running a child slave colony then why do they need women? Though, that might explain why the red planet is so angry?
Mars steals all of the women from the outer solar system. This explains why Uranus and Neptune are blue balls.
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Old 06-30-2017, 03:24 PM
Trancephalic Trancephalic is offline
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That makes me angry. Very angry, indeed.
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Old 06-30-2017, 03:24 PM
carnivorousplant carnivorousplant is offline
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I am particularly concerned about the children seeing Dejah Thoris running around Mars in the all together.
  #21  
Old 06-30-2017, 05:47 PM
Baker Baker is offline
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I am particularly concerned about the children seeing Dejah Thoris running around Mars in the all together.
Nitpick: Dejah Thoris does not live on Mars, she lives on Barsoom. Oh, and to her, we humans live on Jasoom.

Last edited by Baker; 06-30-2017 at 05:48 PM.
  #22  
Old 06-30-2017, 05:54 PM
Darren Garrison Darren Garrison is offline
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Nitpick: Dejah Thoris does not live on Mars, she lives on Barsoom. Oh, and to her, we humans live on Jasoom.
And Leelo is from Jupiter, known as Big Badaboom.
  #23  
Old 06-30-2017, 06:23 PM
Chimera Chimera is offline
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And not to be nitpicky, but it isn't slavery. It is Indentured Servitude, to pay off the costs of shipping them to my mines.
  #24  
Old 06-30-2017, 06:46 PM
Shagnasty Shagnasty is offline
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I am finding this news story mildly implausible for a couple of reasons. Any children that are sent on a two decades long space mission wouldn't be children anymore once they get to Mars. Most of them would be in their late 20's by now.

Secondly, who are they sex slaves for? I have heard talk about a Las Vegas style sin city being built on Mars but I don't believe it mostly. Look through a telescope yourself. There is no neon strip there and the weather sucks. There is no way pedophiles are flying all the way to Mars for child sex slaves when it is cheaper and easier just to go to Southeast Asia.

Child sex slaves are a real thing but I don't think that most of them are being sent to Mars. My suspicion is that Big Milk is keeping them on dairy farms here on Earth judging by the photographic evidence that they publish on the side of milk cartons.
  #25  
Old 06-30-2017, 07:45 PM
Procrustus Procrustus is offline
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It's a puzzle, that's for sure
  #26  
Old 07-01-2017, 07:06 AM
dba Fred dba Fred is offline
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NASA and Uranus, there’s the deep, dark secret that should be probed.
  #27  
Old 07-01-2017, 07:13 AM
carnivorousplant carnivorousplant is offline
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Nitpick: Dejah Thoris does not live on Mars, she lives on Barsoom. Oh, and to her, we humans live on Jasoom.
A calot by any other name
  #28  
Old 07-01-2017, 07:52 AM
El_Kabong El_Kabong is offline
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NASA denies that it is running child slave colony on Mars.
Well, they aren't. Anyone with a clue knows the child slave colony is on Titan.
  #29  
Old 07-01-2017, 08:05 AM
carnivorousplant carnivorousplant is offline
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Well, they aren't. Anyone with a clue knows the child slave colony is on Titan.
Ah, that is why the twenty years! Brilliant!
  #30  
Old 07-01-2017, 08:11 AM
bobot bobot is offline
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I would encourage NASA to keep something in mind: It's not the child slavery ring on Mars, it's the coverup.
(Besides, Mars doesn't have rings.)
ETA: I suppose that's why this one is being called a colony and not a ring. Out of a pizza joint, that's a ring.

Last edited by bobot; 07-01-2017 at 08:13 AM.
  #31  
Old 07-01-2017, 08:13 AM
Ranchoth Ranchoth is offline
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My biggest concern is that most of them never made it to Mars at all and NASA is covering it up. What if there was a mutiny on their space ship that triggered a rash of cannibalism? If you think child sex slaves are a problem, just wait until you have to deal with cannibal sex slaves.
Cannibal Sex Slaves of Mars?

Man...Infocom's REALLY stepping up their game.
  #32  
Old 07-01-2017, 08:21 AM
glee glee is offline
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From your original link:

"At the beginning of his campaign in December of 2015, President Donald Trump told Alex Jones that “your reputation is amazing” and “I will not let you down” in a half-hour interview on InfoWars."

This is scary. Is President Trump going to launch an enquiry into NASA?
  #33  
Old 07-03-2017, 06:49 AM
Shodan Shodan is offline
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It's perfectly simple - Hillary moved her pedophile ring from the pizza parlor to Mars.

Wake up, sheeple!

Regards,
Shodan
  #34  
Old 07-03-2017, 05:11 PM
Apollyon Apollyon is offline
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It's perfectly simple - Hillary moved her pedophile ring from the pizza parlor to Mars.

Wake up, sheeple!
That particular pizza parlor was only the latest incarnation of this conspiracy. As we all know this has been going on for over 20 years; over the years insiders have tried to get the truth out, but have had to do this cautiously for fear of reprisals from the powerful forces involved.

Back in 1995 some people at Pixar tried with references to Pizza Planet in Toy Story, the obvious symbolism of the claw machine, and the villain trying to send Buzz into space. More recently, the Five Nights at Freddy's games have both tried to expose the conspiracy and its terrible history, and used numbers coded into the games to point to other pizzerias involved (though obviously all have claimed innocence). It seems likely that this getting too close to the truth is why FNAF creator Scott Cawthon has been forced to cancel the next game in the series.
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Old 07-03-2017, 05:33 PM
Guinastasia Guinastasia is offline
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Now see, I heard it was an animal sex slave colony on Mars. I don't know if that's better or worse.
  #36  
Old 07-03-2017, 06:18 PM
Peter Morris Peter Morris is offline
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Now there's a Suspiciously Specific Denial if I ever heard one.
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Old 07-03-2017, 07:25 PM
Julius Henry Julius Henry is online now
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That would explain why they had to kidnap Santa Claus.
  #38  
Old 07-03-2017, 08:32 PM
Chimera Chimera is offline
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Now there's a Suspiciously Specific Denial if I ever heard one.
Because like I said, they aren't running it. I am.
  #39  
Old 07-03-2017, 10:08 PM
Princhester Princhester is offline
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To be serious for just one moment, I really feel that NASA should have confirmed this story. I feel like the people involved in this sort of conspiracy nonsense should should be lead down the rabbit hole till their heads asplode. Denial doesn't work because as Hermitian astutely points out, these idiots aren't going to believe the denial anyway. Confirmation is the answer.
  #40  
Old 07-04-2017, 01:56 AM
Aspidistra Aspidistra is online now
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Confirmation is the answer.
Followed by the offer of a free trip to Mars for anyone who wants to check up in person
  #41  
Old 07-04-2017, 03:25 AM
Princhester Princhester is offline
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For them and their whole family!

Transportation to be on Ark Fleet Ship B. Telephone sanitization, account executive management, hair dressing, tired TV production, insurance sales, personnel management, security, public relations and management consultancy provided free of charge. Accommodation on Mars, oxygen and return fare not included. Management do not warrant that any representations regarding mutant star goats are accurate. The transportation, all names, characters, and incidents intended by this venture are fictitious and no identification with actual Golgafrinchans (living or deceased), Golgafrinchan itself, buildings, and products is intended or should be inferred.

Last edited by Princhester; 07-04-2017 at 03:29 AM.
  #42  
Old 07-04-2017, 10:33 AM
Two Many Cats Two Many Cats is offline
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That would explain why they had to kidnap Santa Claus.
Please, you spell it S-a-n-t-y C-l-a-u-s, HOORAY FOR SANTY CLAUS!!!!!
  #43  
Old 07-04-2017, 11:00 AM
carnivorousplant carnivorousplant is offline
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Please, you spell it S-a-n-t-y C-l-a-u-s, HOORAY FOR SANTY CLAUS!!!!!
You can't fool me, there ain't no Sanity Clause.
  #44  
Old 07-25-2017, 01:02 PM
Corner Case Corner Case is offline
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If you think child sex slaves are a problem, just wait until you have to deal with cannibal sex slaves.
I think "cannibal" sex slaves is really a self-limiting problem, don't you?
  #45  
Old 07-25-2017, 01:03 PM
running coach running coach is online now
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I think "cannibal" sex slaves is really a self-limiting problem, don't you?
Cuts down on the oral sex.
  #46  
Old 07-25-2017, 01:27 PM
carnivorousplant carnivorousplant is offline
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It poses one of those rocket science problems that NASA is understandably famous for.
If one cannibal sex slave will feed ten cannibal sex slaves for a day, and there are 100 sex slaves to begin with, how long will they last?
  #47  
Old 07-25-2017, 01:35 PM
Gorsnak Gorsnak is online now
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It's the Tsiolkovsky rocket equation all over again. Not only do you have to send extra cannibal sex slaves to feed the cannibal sex slaves, but you have to send even more cannibal sex slaves to feed those.
  #48  
Old 07-25-2017, 01:36 PM
kayaker kayaker is offline
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Any children that are sent on a two decades long space mission wouldn't be children anymore once they get to Mars.
NASA aint a bunch of dummies, they sent them in stasis.
  #49  
Old 07-25-2017, 02:25 PM
carnivorousplant carnivorousplant is offline
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NASA aint a bunch of dummies, they sent them in stasis.
I bet those NASA guys are clever enough to slap some "CANNIBAL SEX SLAVE STEW" labels over some Dinty Moore and send them on their way.
  #50  
Old 07-25-2017, 02:36 PM
Darren Garrison Darren Garrison is offline
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Transcription error--it is about cannibal sex salves. Those bites can get infected.
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