Captain Obvious Bitchslaps Me

[tiny ham]

So I'm going to be twenty nine next month. (The 25th, if you want to send me a big gift)

I have always dreaded shopping for clothes because I do not (surprise surprise) have the body of an Express Mannequin. Shocking, I know.

But today I discovered something amazing, and follow me here. Clothes really do look better...if you wear the size that the good Lord intended you to wear. Why have I spent so much time cramming myself into a medium when I should wear a large? Why am I trying to put on size 9 jeans when I so clearly need an 11 to breathe?

So today, I put on a skirt and a shirt in the CORRECT sizes and by god, what do you know...it actually looks nice.

Good morning jarbaby

[GingerOfTheNorth]

Ok. Can you tell that to my grossly overweight sister? Cause I've been hinting for the past 15 years.

[tiny ham]

Sadly Ginger, it is a realization we must all come to on our own...and thank god I did, or that fabulous brown leather skirt would still be hanging on the rack at Rampage.

jarbaby

[thinksnow]

Oh, I don't know about that, jar, those tops you spilled out of...uh, wore this weekend looked just fine to me.


_{Mmmm...jarboobies}

[GingerOfTheNorth]

thinksnow, stop your drooling. Really.

My step-sister is 39 this year. I wonder if she'll ever come to that realization... And I'm talking grossly overweight. 5'2" and 300 lbs.

Brown leather skirt? I bought a black leather one last year. And, of course, matching shoes. Ohhhh shooooes...

[Superdude]

Originally posted by thinksnow


_{Mmmm...jarboobies}

_{Mmmm...jarboobies with Supersauce}

[bernse]

Brown leather skirt? I bought a black leather one last year. And, of course, matching shoes.

Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-OH!

Black leather skirt!

Post a pic, please!





(Okay, would it help if i say pretty please..?)

[tiny ham]

Originally posted by GingerOfTheNorth

My step-sister is 39 this year. I wonder if she'll ever come to that realization... And I'm talking grossly overweight. 5'2" and 300 lbs.

If I can get a word in amongst all this whacking off...Ginger, all I can say is that I hope your sister realizes it. Because I spent so much time sucking in my stomach or flexing my arm muscles constantly so they don't sag or wearing super tight stockings UNDER PANTS so my legs looked thinner, and I was so uncomfortable, and WHY? Why was I doing that? I think I actually thought people were looking at me going "oops, there goes a size 12 or a size 10 or whatever"

I'm more comfortable, and the clothes are DESIGNED to fit MY SIZE...that is the point of having sizes. It took me this fucking long to figure it out.

jarbaby

[Why A Duck]

Originally posted by jarbabyj
I'm more comfortable, and the clothes are DESIGNED to fit MY SIZE...that is the point of having sizes.

Amen to that. I love wimmens of all shapes and sizes, but if there's one thing that turns me off its seeing someone wear clothes too small for them.^* In some instances it just looks uncomfortable, in others you get these weird mogul fields of flesh. Be comfortable fer cryin out loud. You feel better and it shows in your attitude.

(tee-hee, she said UNDER PANTS)

*_{Disclaimer: Pete is not trying to say that women ought to dress just to turn him on. It would be nice, but not a requirement.}

[tiny ham]

I LOVE to say underpants.

UNDER PANTS!!!!!! It's a great word.

[seawitch]

I had the same bitchslap a couple of weeks ago. I finally bought a pair of jeans that don't require me to lie down to zip them up. Among the benefits:

• Blood is now able to flow freely to my feet and lower legs, thus reducing the risk of amputation. Pink toes are more attractive than blue ones, too.
• If I find a quarter on the street, I can bend over and pick it up, instead of kicking it all the way home.
• My thighs no longer have that weird horizontal crease that comes with either too-tight jeans or high-density sausage casings.
• When I sit down or get back up, you don't hear the little grunt that was formerly caused by my innards being sqished.
• I don't have the little dent from the backside of the button making a permanent second navel anymore.

I'm sure nobody knows the answer to this, but what the hell was I thinking all that time?

[BunnyGirl]

Originally posted by jarbabyj
I LOVE to say underpants.

UNDER PANTS!!!!!! It's a great word.

That's it! I'm buying you a packet of Hanes Her Way for your birthday. What's the address again?

[Miss Creant]

Originally posted by BunnyGirl

That's it! I'm buying you a packet of Hanes Her Way for your birthday. What's the address again?

yes, but what size?

[GingerOfTheNorth]

Originally posted by bernse

Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-OH!

Black leather skirt!

Post a pic, please!

(Okay, would it help if i say pretty please..?)

Get on the webcam, bernse. Or better, yet, CALL THE NEXT TIME YOU'RE IN CALGARY.
That is all. Thank you.

[andygirl]

When I worked in a clothing store, it was always a bit sad to see people who just couldn't deal with what their size was.

But it's a cardinal rule of retail not to say "how about a 12 instead of an 8," so I always hoped that they'd get hit with the clue stick.

[Booker57]

I just had an epifany, well a good idea anyway. Size Eight clothing company. people seem to like wearing the name emblazened on their clothing. No matter what size fits you can always say "I wear Size Eight"

[lucie]

Warning! TMI ahead...

When I finally gave in and lost the over-tight jeans, I also stop getting the recurrent yeast infections. Better airflow, I guess. A lovely non-itchy 5 years it's been.

[FairyChatMom]

Originally posted by seawitch
[*]If I find a quarter on the street, I can bend over and pick it up, instead of kicking it all the way home.

May I just say that this line cracked me up!!! I love the mental image it evoked. Thanks, seawitch!

[Rue DeDay]

Originally posted by BunnyGirl

That's it! I'm buying you a packet of Hanes Her Way for your birthday. What's the address again?

Ya know that White Elephant Exchange thinksnow is running? Maybe he could set up an Underpants Exchange. Same deal, you sign up and get a partner. Then you have to send them underwear. (Not an exchange of underwear you already have, but that could work too...)

Underwear in the mail. What could make you happier?


-Rue.

[FairyChatMom]

Originally posted by Rue DeDay
... Underwear in the mail. What could make you happier?

-Rue.

Underwear in the mail?? There's a Hallmark^TM Moment: "Thonging of you"

[AwSnappity]

I too had a moment like that, but Captain Obvious was nicer to me. He sent me an e-card and told me that I was buying pants that were too big for me. In the past two years, I've "gone down" two pants sizes, but I haven't gotten any smaller. I've just been buying too-big pants all along. Now my pants stay up without having to wear a belt!

[Munch]

I really have nothing to say regarding the underpants, but I just wanted to point out that my birthday is September 25 as well. And get a chance to say underpants. And poop.

[Munch]

Not actually poop, but to say "poop".

Oh, nevermind...

[Rocketeer]

Thank you, Munch, for that clarification.