False Haircolor, False Joy

[tiny ham]

So, as an offshoot of this thread, I wanted to present a brief argument that occurred in the Jarbaby household yesterday evening as a result of me starting in on anti-depressant medication.

Mr. Jar says he's pleased that this is the case "because now you'll be back to your old self. I can't wait to see you happy again"

to which I shrugged and said, "I guess, but it won't be a real happiness, it will be a pill happiness. It's the celexa you'll like."

The way I'm seeing it is that this medication is like going bottle blonde. It looks nice to everyone else, but I know deep down it's false.

So what is the purpose of all of this? (and I'm sorry if I'm rambling, I just don't know what I'm getting into) If I go off this medication do I head right back down to hell? Or will I be able to conjure up this false joy after the fact?

And how much of this is psychosomatic? "I'm on anti-depressants, so I must not be depressed"

I guess this might be in the wrong forum, but we'll see.

jarbaby

[horhay_achoa]

I don't think the pill makes you happy. It just makes you not sad, so that you can be happy about things that would have normally made you happy when you were not depressed.

[pldennison]

It doesn't even really do that, horhay. It simply corrects the chemical imbalances going on so that you don't let little things bog you down, so that you're more able to cope.

I started on antidepressants back in April, jarbaby, and I had the exact same concerns. "Is this going to change who I am? Will I still be me? Do I want the blue pill or the red pill?" Well, OK, not that last one, but you see what I mean. It doesn't really alter your personality--it makes your real personality more available, rather than what it was while your brain chemistry was all screwed up.

[tiny ham]

I'm glad to hear that pldennison. Although it just seems hard to reconcile. A tiny little peach colored pill will stop me from worrying about whether sun is going to explode today? (I mean, really, sometimes that reduces me to tears)

I so dearly hope it works.

jarbaby

[Esprix]

Fears the sun is going to explode? Given the choice, I'd take the pill, even if it did change me a little bit.

And speaking for us alternative blondes (it's natural - I naturally wanted it and I naturally paid for it!), it's not a false joy at all. I look better as a blond, ergo I feel better about my presentation, and that naturally leads into a better feeling about myself. Who cares if it's not "real?" I don't. We have more fun!

Esprix

[andros]

It doesn't really alter your personality--it makes your real personality more available, rather than what it was while your brain chemistry was all screwed up.

Well said, PLD, but I would suggest that it makes your whole personality more available, including the bits that have been obscured by the chemical wonkiness in the brain.

j-babe, I think the hair color analogy fails to hold up for that reason. If it your hair were purple due to a wierd mix of chemicals, you wouldn't hesitate to dye it, or to alter the wierd mix. But I think there's a difference between dying hair for vanity or pleasure and fundamentally repairing it.

Sorry if that's obscure, I haven't had enough coffee yet.

[tiny ham]

Originally posted by Esprix
Who cares if it's not "real?" I don't. We have more fun!

Esprix

Hey! I've dyed my hair every color under the sun, and I love it. I'm just always quick to assure people that it's not my real haircolor. I had a roomate in college who accused me of being "deceptive" because I wore tinted contacts.

And I think Auburns have the most fun!

Andros, thanks for the explanation. I guess what I'm really wondering is, what if just from getting older and becoming 'an adult' I'm supposed to be a little more subdued and introspective, and if this depression really is my real personality.

I don't know. I just hope that counselling referal gets here today

jarbaby

[andros]

I guess what I'm really wondering is, what if just from getting older and becoming 'an adult' I'm supposed to be a little more subdued and introspective, and if this depression really is my real personality.

Yeesh. That's a tough one, and one I don't have any facile answers for. I guess I don't see that there really is such a thing as one's "real" personality--at least not in the sense of "it's what it's supposed to be so I'd better just deal with it." We're constantly changing, hopefully for the better, after all. Ghod knows I'm a different person from the one I was ten years ago.

:shrug: Not very helpful, I know. But while you will undoubtedly change while taking antidepressants, I definitely do not think the drugs will create a zombie out of you, or forge a completely different jarbabyj. It's gonna be you he loves, not the pills. And it's gonna be a you who is better able to be happy, and better able to understand and cope with fears. And I cannot think that's anything but a good thing.

[beagledave]

Originally posted by jarbabyj
I'm glad to hear that pldennison. Although it just seems hard to reconcile. A tiny little peach colored pill will stop me from worrying about whether sun is going to explode today? (I mean, really, sometimes that reduces me to tears)

I so dearly hope it works.

jarbaby

Well yeah..but you're gonna need a lot more than celexa to cope with the Bears this season...

Go Pack!!

....d&r....

[tiny ham]

Right. Good thing I've got the pills to deal with football.

But that's something Brett Favre knows all about...

[Holly]

I object to the haircolor analogy, too. Let me offer one, from my point of view.

Depression is an illness, just as strep throat is an illness. Perhaps a person with strep should let his own immune system do all the work because taking antibiotics gives a "false cure". If he goes it alone, there is a small chance that the strep will kill him, a better chance that he'll have longlasting negative consequences like rheumatic heart disease, and a good chance that he'll kick the illness altogether (though not as quickly as he would if he'd taken the antibiotics).

Depression is not the same as feeling sad or introspective. It's an abnormal condition that interferes with your daily functioning. It makes you miserable and steals your ability to cope. It can even be fatal.

I'm kind of in an opposite situation from you, jar. I've been depressed so long and severely that I can no longer remember what it was like to be "normal". I've had a few short breaks from the depression, but those times were more like vacations from real life. If you judge a person's personality by the way he feels and behaves the majority of the time over a certain percentage of his life, then my natural personality is depression.

Who you really are is who you believe yourself to be. You're the only one who has to live inside your skin, and no one (not even your husband!) can tell you who the real jarbaby really is.

Don't feel guilty or embarrassed or whatever about taking the antidepressants. If you are depressed, they will help you to conquer your illness. You could probably survive without the drug, but you would have wasted a good chunk of your life that you didn't have to lose.

[tiny ham]

Originally posted by Holly
Don't feel guilty or embarrassed or whatever about taking the antidepressants. If you are depressed, they will help you to conquer your illness. You could probably survive without the drug, but you would have wasted a good chunk of your life that you didn't have to lose.

Thanks for that story Holly. I'd like to think that this really isn't my personality, as just six months ago I was very active in theatre and writing and cooking and now I hate doing all of it. I just lay in bed and worry.

But I DO sort of feel guilty about the pills. I mean, I called my mom and she said "is this REALLY what you need to do? I mean, we just went through this with your sister". And my dad says, "when was the last time you went to church???" And i love them to death, and I know they mean very well and they're worried, but that sort of stuff makes me think I should just get up in the morning and say "DON'T let headlines bother you. DON'T start crying on the train. DON'T go to bed at seven o'clock". If I had enough willpower, I seem to think I could do it.

But again, I'm sorry for the initial haircolor analogy

jarbaby

[Drastic]

My own small addition:

If you have a headache, do you take a little pill or two?

Is the pain relief that usually results false?

There you have it.

[tiny ham]

Originally posted by Drastic
If you have a headache, do you take a little pill or two?

Is the pain relief that usually results false?

It's not false, but it's temporary. The aspirin doesn't take away a headache forever, and it's only because of the aspirin that it's gone. It's not something I did on my own volition to better my headache.

The bottom line is, I keep telling myself "You couldn't even snap yourself out of this, you needed a pill to do it."

I don't know. I just know that I took a pill this morning that my doctor told me yesterday I'll be taking for at least a year, and now I read that I could gain up to 65 pounds while on it and I'll have increased sweating.

Future's so bright, I gotta wear shades

jarbaby

[andros]

If I had enough willpower, I seem to think I could do it.

Yup. I know just how that goes.

[The Bad Astronomer]

Originally posted by jarbabyj
A tiny little peach colored pill will stop me from worrying about whether sun is going to explode today? (I mean, really, sometimes that reduces me to tears)

Just to be the resident astronomy pedant: the Sun can't explode. It doesn't have the right characteristics. The best it can do is puff up into a red giant, then collapse back down to a white dwarf, and that won't happen for billions of years.

I have friends who worry about immediate cosmic catastrophes. It's okay to worry about some (like asteroid impacts, since we can prevent them), but look at it this way: they don't happen often. If some natural galactic disaster happened often enough to affect us in our lifetimes, it would (statistically) happen so often life would never have arisen on this planet! So they don't happen often.

The only real one that's good to think about at this point is the asteroid/comet problem, and the things to remember are 1) they don't happen very often, and 2) smart people are worrying about them in a realistic manner, and already have ideas on how to work this stuff out.

I know that depression can be illogical, and make you react on an emotional level, but I hope that maybe this'll make you feel better, at least a little.

[tiny ham]

[cheering masses from the comic books] THANK YOU BAD ASTRONOMER! [/cheering masses from the comic books]

I always like to hear people explain things like that. The counteraction is my cousin the fireman telling me how my skin would melt off in a fire.

So then I worry about my apartment burning down.

can't win 'em all.


jarbaby

[Kamandi]

Originally posted by jarbabyj
The bottom line is, I keep telling myself "You couldn't even snap yourself out of this, you needed a pill to do it."

This bothers me. This implies that you feel that a cry for help equals failure. Nonsense. There are lots of things we can't do all on our own. This doesn't mean we're failures. It means we have natural limitations.

I need strong glasses to be able to see. Is this because I haven't got the willpower to focus my eyes properly? No. It means I have a physical limitation that requires correction through external means. Would I act differently if I didn't have glasses? Yeah, I'd effectively be blind. I wouldn't be able to drive, read, do my job, watch tv or even get around in an unfamiliar environment without difficulty. Whould that make me a different person? Heck no.

[tiny ham]

Originally posted by Kamandi
I need strong glasses to be able to see. Is this because I haven't got the willpower to focus my eyes properly? No

Well, like I said Kamandi, I just started this pill this morning after reading the brochure I was handed, and to be honest, when I walked into the doctor yesterday I had no idea I'd be walking out with an eight week supply of anti-depressants.

I don't exactly understand what's wrong with me. I have a set of symptoms, and the doctor prescribed pills to fix them.

But to me, a headache or strep throat or bad eyesight are...tangible to some degree, or actual physical symptoms. Whereas, me saying "I just feel like laying on the couch all day." Or "I don't feel like writing anymore" is sort of ephemeral (is that the word?)

I don't get it. I'm just scared. I'm really scared. All day I've been reading about the side effects, and how long I'm going to have to be on it, and how I could get tremors and nightmares and weight gain an restless leg syndrome.

It just makes me wonder if I should have kept my mouth shut. I don't know.

jarbaby

[chaotic]

[QUOTE
Just to be the resident astronomy pedant: the Sun can't explode. It doesn't have the right characteristics. The best it can do is puff up into a red giant, then collapse back down to a white dwarf, and that won't happen for billions of years.

I have friends who worry about immediate cosmic catastrophes. [/quote]
Then I won't mention GRBs.

Jarbaby, I was on anti-depressants for about a year in the mid-90's. I was so down, I think I must have been bursting into tears about every 15 minutes. I felt like I was trying to think/worry about a zillion things at once. The pills helped me calm down, step back and view things objectivly.
About the weight gain: your doctor has told you this up front, now you can plan. At first the medication will give you the munchies. (Hmm, also some time distortion and a general feeling of lethargy. Sounds like my college days) Anyway, knowing this you can rid your house of junk food, if you have any, and stock up on the carrots and celery. Start a food diary. You don't have to put the pounds on, the meds will just make it easy to do.
Good Luck
Lisa

[RickJay]

Originally posted by jarbabyj
Thanks for that story Holly. I'd like to think that this really isn't my personality, as just six months ago I was very active in theatre and writing and cooking and now I hate doing all of it. I just lay in bed and worry.

You don't honestly think THAT'S the real you, do you?

As intangible as it may seem, understand that anti-depressants aren't mood-altering drugs in the sense Ecstasy or pot are. They correct faulty chemical production in your body. (That's a simple description, granted.)

Let me use a really good comparison; in my early 20's I started getting horrible, splitting migraines. Actually, it was really just one migraine, because it never stopped. Never; I awoke in pain, lived in pain, went to bed in pain. Sometimes it just hurt, sometimes it was agony. No medical solution could be found. Finally, they did find a solution, and the problem was solved. My attitude and behaviour changed abruptly and radically for the better; I was happier, more active, and far less depressed. Would you say that's the real me? Or was it the real me when I was in pain all the time?

Well, that's you, too; just in your case it's not a vascular problem, it's a hormonal problem. When the problem is fixed, you will be closer to your true self, insofar as that can be measured. Your parents' reaction is understandable becaus they still remember the real you. They see you lying around worrying about the sun blowing up, and they think it's a stupid thing to worry about, and they're right - it IS a stupid thing to worry about. What they cannot understand, partly because they cannot be inside your head and party because there is a social stigma attached to these conditions, is that your problem is a medical one.

Whether or not you understand the biological details or what's wrong with you is irrelevant. Do you understand everything there is to understand about how the strep throat bacteria infects your cells and causes a given set of symptoms? Neither do I. But when we get strep throat, we don't sit around wondering if the healthier, happier jarbabyj/RickJay will be less of a real person than the miserable, strep-infected versions, do we? No; we just march into a doctor's office and say, "Sawbones, prescribe me some penicillin." The drug is taken, the problem is fixed, and life goes on. Your body will break down, and all you have to do is go about getting the experts to help you fix it.

You'll get better. And if you don't, I'll have to get Kerry Wood to send you some autographed photos.

BTW: Your husband is absolutely, positively, 100% right.

[Waverly]

Pldennison already said it, but Citalopram Hydrobromide (celexa) shouldn’t do anything to alter who you are, it is designed to allow you to function normally not induce abnormal bliss (that is what tequila is for). It regulates the re-uptake of serotonin which apparently someone in the know has already surmised is out of balance. Granted, this regulation is in the nervous system, so it’s not the best example, but perhaps it helps to equate the function to that of sulfonylurea drugs in type 2 diabetes where the insulin production of the pancreas needs to be regulated. Both correct imbalances. It’s still wise to go over the side effects and ask the doctor your questions.

BTW Auburns are the most fun.
Feel better, W.

[december]

jarbabyj -- I should expect the anti-depressants to help you, as they have helped my wife, my daughters and myself. One reassuring thing is that the pills have to be proved safe and effective before they can be sold.

Based on my family's experience, I tend to be much more concerned with effectiveness and side effects than the philosophical problem you raised. We have found the pills to be definitely helpful, although not always perfect. In particular, my older daughter has been helped a lot by prozac, but she has days when her depression keeps her from going to work. A couple of years ago the prozac stopped working entirely, and she fell into deep depression. (One shrink called this "prozac poop-out.") Eventually she experimented with various changes in medication and it started working for her again.

Thinking back on that episode, her shrink was a moron. If you're going to a shrink, there are lots of very good ones and lots of truly awful ones. I won't fo into the details of the damage done to me by an eminent Freudian Analyst

The pills often reduce libido. My impression is that this side effect is very common indeed. This problem might be ameliorated by reducing the dose. At least, that was the experience of a friend of mine and myself, both taking celexa.

Good luck. You have lots of company.

[Drastic]

It's not false, but it's temporary.

Ah, but what isn't? Life is a series of changes. Here there's a chance to choose some more pleasant ones. From my own brushes with clinical depression--several bouts of which I undoubtedly should have sought assistance with, I understand stubbornness and "tough it out" stoicism all too well--the pain of it is pretty durn tangible.

The aspirin doesn't take away a headache forever, and it's only because of the aspirin that it's gone. It's not something I did on my own volition to better my headache.

You don't take aspirin on your own volition?

Now, I'm pretty sure I know how you're using the term--as meaning, something entirely from yourself, without outside assistance. I just think there's no such thing as that. Your brain chemistry is currently being problematic; taking pills is a volitional act to correct for it. With the headache example, physiology's likewise being problematic, in ways minor (the run-of-the-mill sort) to extreme (full-on migraines)--taking pain relief is a volitional act to correct for it.

[The Bad Astronomer]

Originally posted by chaotic
Then I won't mention GRBs.

(slight hijack)

Gamma Ray Bursts happen once a day or so and give off a lot of energy, sure (well, more than a lot, but something like that of a supernova). They also happen to be pretty far away. Even if one went off in our own Galaxy, it would have to be pointed just so to get us. Again, if it happened often enough to worry about we'd see more evidence of it affecting the Earth.

[tracer]

jarbabyj wrote, in the OP:

The way I'm seeing it is that this medication is like going bottle blonde. It looks nice to everyone else, but I know deep down it's false.

Well, yeah, but if it increases your chances of getting laid...

[tracer]

The Bad Astronomer wrote:

the Sun can't explode. It doesn't have the right characteristics. The best it can do is puff up into a red giant, then collapse back down to a white dwarf, and that won't happen for billions of years.

And just to allay your fears a little further:

Even when the sun does start to expand into a Red Giant, the whole process will take quite a long time. (The last I heard, the fastest a star could expand from a main-sequence star into a Red Giant was about 20,000 years.) If we humans are still on Earth 4-5 billion years from now, when the sun starts to expand, we will have plenty of advance warning before it becomes a problem for us.

[Potter]

Simply put, Dpression is a sign your brain isn't functioning correctly, a chemical inbalance changes the way you think - psychologists draw two different diagrams to help illustrate this.

The first is a circle, how the brain normally functions for thought, even under stress. When presented with a source of anxiety, the pattern of thought can go into despair, anxiety, stress, sadness, but given enough time the pattern follows the circle and returns to the initial state before the anxiety was introduced.

The second is a spiral, how thought is affected by a chemical inbalance causing Depression. When presented with a source of anxiety, the thought pattern follows the spiral down, stress turns to anxiety to despair to pain, and each step back out of the spiral becomes more and more impossible. Unlike the circle, no matter how much time you give it, the depressed mind simply can't return to its starting point without some kind of intervention.

One school of anti-depressants help to correct the chemical inbalance to a level where the sufferer is more able to stop the spiral down. They do not make you feel good, they do not stop the pain. They give you a step up is all, a starting point to push off from. From there you can learn techniques to prevent yourself from allowing the spiral to drag you right into it. One little pill will not make you better per se, but it gives most people the extra help they need to get better themselves.

Don't expect too much of yourself. Lethargy and a loss of libido are also common symptoms of Depression so celexa or no celexa, give yourself time to see how you feel. Make yourself your own priority as it's best for the people around you as well as yourself. Be selfish, be demanding with both your friends, family and doctor - depressed people are hard to be around anyway so as long as they can see that you are being proactive about getting better, you should get all the support you need. But above all recognise that your brain is just wrong, (no offence, mine is too!) and it isn't any lack in your personality or person that makes you less able to cope.

Get well soon.

[Geobabe]

jarbabyj, let me share with you my own experience with antidepressants. I've long struggled with depression, dysthymia (chronic low-grade depression) with superimposed episodes of major depression. In my first semester at Smith, I got into a horrible rut with it and finally decided to try medication because therapy by itself wasn't enough at that point. I went on Wellbutrin, and after a few weeks, I had a whole range of emotions, I felt happy, I felt sad, I felt angry, I felt normal. That is what an antidepressant should do for you ideally. Sometimes you have to try different medications, and sometimes they don't work, but that is the goal.

The medication should, as others have said, adjust an imbalance of your brain chemistry. Something is awry with your body, and you're taking something to correct it, that's all. If you could think your way out of the depression, you would have done that by now, since obviously you are devoting a lot of brain cycles to the problem. So don't think of it as a false solution, think of it as something very much like taking an antibiotic to fight off an infection. Your body just needs a little help in getting its systems functioning the way they should.

[Geobabe]

And you really needn't worry about the Sun exploding, as has been explained here. You really should worry about getting squashed by one of those crazy Chicago cab drivers. They're bad!

[Guinastasia]

{{jarbabyj}}

I know the feeling. I have Obsessive Compulsive, and it seems like a nightmare. I have stupid fears-from everything to getting sick, to turning gay, to hurting my cats, to going to hell, to jumping off a bridge, to developing a mustache. It's like having demons constantly in my brain.

But, it's like Phil said-it's to correct a chemical imbalance, and it LETS you be you, without you going nuts and worrying. It's not a false happiness-instead, it controls the out of control fear and depression, that is a sign of malfunctioning.

[tiny ham]

you guys are neato.

[tracer]

Geobabe wrote:

I went on Wellbutrin, and after a few weeks, I had a whole range of emotions, I felt happy, I felt sad, I felt angry, I felt normal.

Well, hey -- wouldja lookit what I found on http://www.mentalhealth.com/drug/p30-b04.html:

"Bupropion hydrochloride [Brand name: Wellbutrin], an antidepressant of the aminoketone class, is chemically unrelated to tricyclic, tetracyclic, or other known antidepressant agents. Its structure closely resembles that of diethylpropion; it is related to phenylethylamines."

Related to the phenylethylamines! Whadaya know! Phenylethylamine is found in large quantities in chocolate, and is thought to be the chemical that causes the feeling of being "in love" with somebody.

Should I leave you and Wellbutrin alone now, you darling love-birds?

[Geobabe]

Um, tracer, what exactly was your point with that?

[Hello Again]

Hey jarbaby, I just wanted to share my perspective, sorta from the other side. I was the SO of a severly depressed person in college. When we met, he was witty, cynical and had cool interests, like a late-night funk radio show. Gradually over the period of a year he descended into a depression -- not excercising or eating right, unable to cope with everyday tasks like going to class, suicidal feelings, and odd risk-taking behavior (some of the latter I didn't know about until much later).

At the urgings of myself and other close friends, he did seek therapy and eventually went on Paxil. His family was not supportive and accused him of being "weak" and said he would get "addicted" to his meds. (Side note to ex-BF's dad: Fuck you, YOU'RE not the one fielding 3 am weeping "I wanna kill myself" calls).

After being on the meds, he did NOT turn into some creature of rainbows, unicorns, fluffy bunnies and fuzzy puppies. He was just able to get on with being his normal cantankerous self without dealing with *paralyzing* fears/guilts all the time. (Yes, many of the fears and guilts were still there, but he was able to deal with them).

I don't know if this tale will help you, but I hope it does. Good luck.

[tiny ham]

It definitely helps. Thanks rmariamp. Just for the record, I feel a little better about the whole thing today...and now I'm wondering if I even need these pills. (someone slap me)

I mean, I know I've NEVER thought about killing myself. NEVER. And I do still go to work...and I'm reading Demo's thread about over medicating ourselves...

this is hard stuff to straighten out.

jarbaby

[SisterCoyote]

Consider yourself slapped, dear.

About a year ago, I was having trouble functioning - yes, I got up and went to work, and most of the time made it to my classes, but I couldn't do anything outside of that structured environment. So I finally convinced myself (with the help of both my roommate and best friend) that I needed to ask for help. And lo and behold, I was diagnosed with depression and put on Paxil.

Now - I actually looked forward to the beginning of the semester, because it was going to be a challenge.

And I realized that if the SSRs had been around 10 years ago, and I'd been properly diagnosed then, I didn't have to flunk out of UCSB because I had a depressive episode then that kept me flat on my back in my bed crying constantly.

And not everyone has to be on anti-depressants forever, either. I probably will. My roommate only needed hers for about a year, and her brain chemistry somehow corrected itself with the help of the drugs. :shrug: I don't pretend to understand it.

[Eliahna]

Jarbabyj

My mother is on anti-depressants now, and has been for a couple of years. Her depression dates back more than 30 years (untreated), so she's on the medication for the long-term because of the length of time she's been unhappy for.

Three weeks into her first lot of anti-depressants, Mum sat down to cross stitch in the corner of the lounge room because she didn't like the look of the video we'd chosen. 90 minutes later, she picked herself up off the floor, wiped the tears off her cheeks and said she hadn't laughed like that ever, that it was the funniest thing she'd ever seen. We now agree that it was obviously the moment her anti-depressants kicked in.

Within months, she'd stopped complaining about all the weight she'd put on and she'd joined an exercise class. Having hated exercise her entire life, we didn't think she'd stick with it but she did. In fact, she astonished us all by walking to her class and home again - a long walk she would never have done pre-anti-depressants, and that's not even taking into account the class in the middle!

Shortly after that, she ditched the haircut we'd been ribbing her about for years, and got a trendy, sleek style, which suited her extra well as the weight started to fall off.

Enjoying being out of the house for the first time ever, Mum felt the need to meet people, and joined an embroidery class. She did a complete flip, from being constantly home to never being home. She laughed a lot more often, and because easier to talk to, less judgemental and lost that scarey Jeckle and Hyde thing that I'd feared since early childhood.

After 12 months, Mum decided that exercise wasn't enough and took up karate too. She does one class straight after the other.

I feel like, after 20 odd years on the planet, I've finally met my real mother. This is the woman who was hiding inside that unhappy lady I used to know. My old Mum used to yell a lot and always looked vaguely dissatisfied. This new Mum sings and dances as she washes the dishes. My old mother had to be tip-toed around because she took everything as a personal insult - the new Mum is open, approachable, and a vast fount of wisdom. She's confident and outgoing, she's friendly, and actually has friends! She is a very different person, but it's not that the drugs have changed her. The illness that she takes the drugs for, that's what changed her. Depression took this vibrant woman, and turned her into a screaming harpie. Anti-depressants have freed her from that.

Downsides? Her house used to be immaculate because she was constantly home and she constantly worried about it. Now, it's lived in - at times it's dusty, other times the dishes don't get done until mid-afternoon. The old mum would have died before letting her house get in this state. The new mum is too busy and cheerful to care. The whole family considers the housework well sacrificed to see Mum like this.

Anti-depressants won't work miracles, but in my mother's case, it seemed like it. For the first time since she was a teenager she's happy just being alive day to day. No more alarming conversations, no violent mood swings, no weeping for no reason, no overreacting, no hiding things from her because she was too unstable. I only wish my mother had been treated when I was a child - I think she would have enjoyed being a mother more, and I know I would have enjoyed having this fun Mum around all the time. The old one used to frighten and unsettle me because she was too miserable and lonely to realise how she was affecting her kids.

[Padeye]

Jarbabyj, My mom is on prozac. She needed it because of the immense stress when my dad became paralyzed and she became a full time caretaker while still working full time. I'd rather my mom was okay without it but just like her blonde hair I love her just the same. Do what you need to make yourself right. It's not being false to take care of yourself.

[Guinastasia]

I think one problem is the stigma many have about mental illness-the Thomas Szas crowd who claim it doesn't exist-the whole, "those crazy people", you're weak if you need help, it's your own fault-just smile and deal with it, grit your teeth and endure, grin and bear it, get over it, etc etc.

We see it as a weakness, a fault, a flaw.
But it's like a physical ailment. Is asthma your fault for not being strong? Is hemophilia something you can just deal with alone? Is myopia something to just grin and bear?

No, we have ways to correct, and/or deal with and treat these problems if necessary. Since mental illness is also biochemical, I guess you could say, it is something that needs to be treated as such, but because it's not something that we can SEE, we see the person as being dramatic, or annoying, or asking for pity.

And it shouldn't be. Mental illness IS very common-probably affects more people than we'll ever know-we need to stop being so critical of it-afraid of appearing weak.

We are NOT weak-we are human.

[dude]

My friend ( rick ) had depression, the doctor said his body wasn't making some chemical so he had the 'happy pills' for 3 years then the doctor said his body was making the stuff again so stop with the pills, he did and... no problems.

He is fine now.

I have a theory that a lot of it is caused by lack of exercise as exercise seems to combat depression so try be a bit more active... its easier for when you stop taking the pills as well.

Mental problems are a worry because when you break a leg etc. people can see it but when you pop the pills people get worried.

relax..

[MonkeyMensch]

jarbabyj, I just wanted to tell you what a good egg you are. You're one of the names that I always scan for in threads. I know that your posts will be witty and insightful.

I struggle, too, with depression. For what it's worth the SSR's I take enable me to be "me" even in the midst of a depressive episode (well most of the time, anyway.) That, in itself, is worth a whole lot. Take the meds. Give it a chance. Don't expect miracles. As has been posted here the drugs do nothing more than take off the shackles to give you a fighting chance. They ain't happy pills and they're not supposed to be.

It's a funny thing about this MB that reading other people's experiences which resonate with one's own move you to post and share. (Hey Coyote, I flunked out of UCSB in a depressive episode, too!)

JBJ, try to take it easy.

[Cosmopolitan]

jarbabyj,

I posted my li'l' story on your other thread, but I'll revisit it here.

I had severe depression a couple years ago, maybe 2.5. Didn't go to class/take care of myself, slept all day, etc. I developed a pressure sore that got infected. I have no sensation in that area so I could ignore the problem even when it got nasty. I went to the hospital 'cause when I was home for winter break my folks saw my condition and rushed me to the ER. A couple more weeks, I could've gone septic and died. I started therapy upon release from the hospital.

About six months later, my therapist suggested I examine anti-depressants with a psychiatrist. I started Wellbutrin, which has made a world of difference. I feel normal. Depression had covered my ability to deal with "issues" and problems I had/have. Now that I don't have that black cloud hanging over me, I've been much more able to deal with life. The Wellbutrin didn't affect my libido, nor did it turn me into Suzy Sunshine. It just allowed me to be me, without a pall of depression over me. I feel all sorts of emotions, including sadness. Only now, I can stop the sadness from taking charge.

Depression is a sickness. Serotonin is, IMHO, no more or less tangible than germs are. I understand feeling that you ought to be able to snap out of it. That's an idea that society has perpetuated. Society has only begun, IMHO, to understand that feeling blue sometimes does not equal clinical depression. I believe that those who've never had depression can't fully understand it 'cause there are no bodily symptoms (cough/fever/congestion) that would make you feel crappy. They cant wrap their brains around it.

"Okay, you're sad...You're REALLY sad. And you say you don't know why, that there's really no reason why, actually. What the hell do you mean, you don't know why you're sad, that you're sad for no reason? There HAS to be a reason!"

They don't understand that there IS a reason.

This blathering was all to say one thing; you're still you. The medicine doesn't change who you are, it actually helps you to uncover who you are. I liken it to stripping black paint off a window. It's still a window, it just doesn't have all that crap on it. Maybe that's a stupid analogy, but I hope all the crap I've written helps you a little. Oh, and if your current med isn't working, don't give up. Tweaking may be necessary.

[tracer]

Geobabe wrote:

Um, tracer, what exactly was your point with that?

Why, that this was the first time I'd seen an antidepressant based on phenylethylamine, of course.

And that I think it's high time the world did appreciate the mood-altering effect of chocolate!

[Sterra]

I used to get depressed, but mostly I would get paranoid. I'd halucinate and draw pictures with my halucinations till my mind got tired because otherwise I would be paralyzed by fear. After that I would get depressed and care about nothing. I would say that it went away because I stopped trying to fight who I was and that reduced the stress in my life a bit.

I treat medicine like food, if I didn't eat would that be the real me? Medicine has an effect on your body just like sunlight or air does. Anything you feel is the real you. Or you can think of it this way. Many years ago people thought that horse manure and leeches were effective remedies for physical disease. Thats how effective a remedy your willpower is for mental ones.

[Geobabe]

Originally posted by tracer
Geobabe wrote:

Why, that this was the first time I'd seen an antidepressant based on phenylethylamine, of course.

And that I think it's high time the world did appreciate the mood-altering effect of chocolate!

Ah. Well, then, clearly the solution for depression is...eat more chocolate! Hell, if it weren't for the sugar high/crash, I probably could get by on just chocolate.

[tracer]

You could always eat unsweetened chocolate.

Well, actually, no, you probably couldn't. That stuff is incredibly bitter. I tried taking a tiny nibble of one corner of a baking-chocolate square once, and it took me ten minutes to wash the taste out of my mouth. Bleah. But ... hmmm ... what about concentrated chocolate pills? Or extracting the phenylethylamine from chocolate and putting that in a pill? I wonder if anyone's tried doing something like that. (Hell, I wonder if that's what Wellbutrin is!)

[rsa]

jarbabyj wrote,

...now I read that I could gain up to 65 pounds while on it and I'll have increased sweating.

and

All day I've been reading about the side effects, and how long I'm going to have to be on it, and how I could get tremors and nightmares and weight gain an restless leg syndrome.

Stop that right now or you'll go blind!

OK, so you now know what the possible side effects are. Good. I would suggest that you quit reading about them on the internet though. What you are reading is not representative of what most people experience. The few people that have more than minor side effects are the ones that are most likely to post to a support forum. Also, all those web sites touting "natural" solutions have a profit motive to try to scare you. Do you really think a weight gain of 65 pounds is typical? I don't.

Good Luck!