Porn for Beginners?

[Mojo the Monkey]

The Monkeygirl has expressed interest in watching her first-ever porno movie with me. That's fine with me. I would like this to be a positive experience for her, since it is my hope that she'll be inspired to rut like a Bonobo after watching said movie.

Since the Monkeygirl isn't very experienced with porn, I'd like to select something for her first time that won't turn her off from sex forever, or look at me as though I'm some sort of freak or monster for selecting said movie. Therefore, we should probably stay away from Bondage and S/M movies. I'm also thinking we should stay away from films that have nasty anal sex, a la Max Hardcore or Buttman. We probably need something that has a bit of a plot, sexy looking men (and women, too! Mojo needs his eye-candy!), and some sort of a relationship between the characters.

Does anybody have any suggestions?

[rjung]

Why not take her down to the video store and let her pick something out?

Just be flexible and expect to be surprised -- the last time I tried this, my "porno virgin" ended up choosing a tape full of pregnant women with lactating breasts (she wanted to see all the squirting milk, which to me is besides the point...).

[HeyHomie]

I reccomend the Dirty Debutante series. It's all amateur, which means that a good number of the women are moaning and gasping with real sexual pleasure, as opposed to the reading from cue cards that goes on in most commercial porn.

Many of the women in this series are knock-you-over porn-star loooking, but many others look like the woman next door.

Alas, you're not likely to find attractive men in this series. Everybody knows that well-built, muscular and attractive men only appear in gay porn, and somehow I don't think that's what your girlfriend's into.

[Tamex]

I recommend Dreamquest, starring Jenna Jameson. You can read my review of it in this thread. It is a fantasy (fairies, trolls, etc.) movie with a high budget--for a porn movie, anyway. It actually has a decent plot, scenery, costumes, etc. along with the sex. Definitely a "couples" movie. The DVD had an interesting documentary, in case you are interested in how porn movies are made .

I've also seen Conquest by the same director (Brad Armstrong). It's a pirate movie. I didn't like it as much as Dreamquest, but you might. There is apparently also a Backdraft-type firefighter movie called Flashpoint that Ben Stein recommends, although I have not seen it yet.

[Turbo Dog]

Anything by director Michael Ninn. He keeps an element of class in his movies, no nasty super close ups, the people are attractive, and there's at least a sexual plot. Fade To Blue and Latex are pretty good.

Interview with a Milkman is good too.. something of a porn comedy. At least we were laughing a lot during it.

[Mojo the Monkey]

Originally posted by rjung
Why not take her down to the video store and let her pick something out?

Just be flexible and expect to be surprised -- the last time I tried this, my "porno virgin" ended up choosing a tape full of pregnant women with lactating breasts (she wanted to see all the squirting milk, which to me is besides the point...).

That's the obvious answer isn't it? Unfortunately, she refuses to go down to the video store with me. Afraid that somebody'll see her coming out of "the back room" or something. Huh. I don't understand it either.

Thanks for all the suggestions, everybody! Keep it up, please!

[Cap'n Crude]

Right. If I could keep it up, I'd be IN the movies, Chester!

Why not try for one of the classics -- Deep Throat, Behind the Green Door, or The Devil In Miss Jones? I've never seen any of them, but chances are they will get the job done.

[sailor]

My suggestion is to make your own. It's *much* more fun and you get to decide the plot.

[FairyChatMom]

Not Deep Throat!!!! We borrowed that from a friend's collection. I laughed myself silly over the theme music!

Frankly, I never saw any porn that didn't strike me a ludicrous, but it might just be me... I don't consider sex as a spectator sport.

[TVeblen]

Moderator's note:

According to the forum descriptions, artistic stuff goes into Cafe Society. Hey, you guys are talking about some movie classics.

Besides, it'll be so much fun to watch whether Euty and [/b]Uke[/b] blench in horror or start chiming in with their favorites.

TVeblen for IMHO

[Arden Ranger]

I'm rather partial to The Story of O.

[Biggirl]

Ex-porn star Candida Royale has a line of women freindly porn movies. I'd provide a link, but I might see Uke sometime in the future and I'd like to survive the encounter with all my limbs.

Do a google search on her name. The site isn't bad at all, very tasteful.

[Larry Mudd]

There's a porn star named Candida?

[Oblong]

I second the Dirty Debutante series.

My wife watches it with me occasionally and she likes the amatuer feel of this series. He takes girls off the streets and for many it's their first time on camera. Mrs. O likes the buildup where they talk to each other and the camera. Plus she thinks Jake Steed is hot, he is usually the poor bastard stuck doing this. It's not your typical 'up close shot of the crotch for 10 minute' action.

[The Red Menace]

Pussyman Goes to College.
The plot was absolutely preposterous: all this mention of a "talk" The Pussyman had to give on a college campus, but the viewer never gets to see Pussyman give the talk! The viewer is left wondering what all the meandering sexual flings amounted to when the screenwriter fails to resolve the central plot. I rate it a BOMB.

Blue Movie
This reviewer was very impressed by this particular film. The way it portrayed the female protaganist's (Jenna Jameson) internal crisises as being encapsulated in a medium sized ball the actress bravely engages in coitus with. Strong choices all around in the acting and directing, the movie suffers slightly from its somewhat schizophrenic pacing. Nevertheless, it's positive qualities more than compensate for any flaws. I look forward to seeing more from Jameson in the future, it's obvious she has a very bright career ahead of her. 3.5 Stars (Out of Four)

[Mojo the Monkey]

Originally posted by rastahomie

Alas, you're not likely to find attractive men in this series. Everybody knows that well-built, muscular and attractive men only appear in gay porn, and somehow I don't think that's what your girlfriend's into. [/b]

I don't even think that they have to be well-built and muscular. I just don't think she wants to watch The Hedgehog in action.

[Little Nemo]

As Biggirl wrote, Candida Royalle's Femme films are noted for being "strong enough for a man, but made for a woman."

Most Vivid films are also usually plot driven and the performers are among the best in the business. Stick with their feature films and avoid the collections (which eliminate the stories and just have the sex scenes).

Generally the type of movies you're looking for are marketed as "couples" films. Ask your store if they have such a section.

And stay away from any film made by Al Borda or it'll be no hot monkey love for you.

[Bossk]

People, people, people. What's the deal? I KNOW there's more pornophiles on this board than that.

Never EVER EVER let a first-timer pick the movie. Why? They usually end up getting a lame-o one that's a play on some famous movie title. Real life example: SO decides to pick up PULP FRICTION, a wretched excuse for porn.

Never ever make a first-timer watch that amateur stuff. Try showing her a Max Hardcore piece of misogyny and she'll never speak to you again, let alone watch another porno. The Ed Powers "Dirty Debutante" series is equally creepy, in that all it is is a middle-aged putz with a pony tail inviting teenagers with a "when do I get my money?" look over to his house for pervy sex. Remember, you want the lady to ENJOY the movie. That said, most of the male performers in the amateur movies are pot-bellied, balding, and usually creepy. Amateur movies in general also have NO plot whatsoever. Your woman will be shocked that that's all there is to pornography.

Steer clear of the "classics." These things were made mostly in the 70s, so it looks like a grainy, grungy piece of color-faded filth. All the men are as hairy as bigfoots, and at least half of them aren't circumcised. Not to mention that everyone in 70s porno is as pale as a ghost. DEEP THROAT, DEBBIE DOES DALLAS, and GREEN DOOR are wildly overrated to begin with. For the most part, the ensemble players in porn flicks didn't get attractive until the 80s.

Don't even THINK about getting a movie that seems like it's all girl lezzie fest. Recipe for disaster, I think you know why. Same thing with movies that play up the anal sex aspect.

Your best bet is to find something relatively new. If there's a hot chick on the box, go for it. But be sure there's at least one piece of male eyecandy in there for the ladies. My girlfriends in the past have generally liked movies with Peter "The Decorator" North or Randy Spears. The aggressive "styles" of a TT Boy or a Tony Montana might be a turn-off for her.

It also might be wise to rent two movies, just in case one turns out to be a lame piece of crap, you can always pop in the other one. And believe me, there's a lot of tepid crap out there.

[Mersavets]

The European Private series are the best I've ever seen. Extremely hot, natural looking girls for Mojo, good looking guys for your girl, a semblance of a plot (or as close as these things get to a plot) and excellent production values. My personal favourites are Cuntry Club and the whole Gigolo series. However, these are not for your girl; at least until she loses the training wheels. For the lady, may I suggest Pyramid I, II and last but not least III! I

[Bossk]

Originally posted by Mersavets
The European Private series are the best I've ever seen. Extremely hot, natural looking girls for Mojo, good looking guys for your girl, a semblance of a plot (or as close as these things get to a plot) and excellent production values. My personal favourites are Cuntry Club and the whole Gigolo series. However, these are not for your girl; at least until she loses the training wheels. For the lady, may I suggest Pyramid I, II and last but not least III! I

My beef with the PRIVATE series is their notable lack of many girl/girl scenes. You're five times more likely to see a five-guys-on-a-girl gang bang than a lezzie scene.

Me no like.

[Mersavets]

I think this is a fair, but picky, call. I don't know that they lack girl-girl so much as drown them out with the gang bangs. Pardon the pun. The Pyramid movies didn't feature so much of the girl-boy-boy-boy-boy-boy-etc though and so I think it could be a good, albeit expensive, option for his girl. p

[Biggirl]

Originally posted by Larry Mudd
There's a porn star named Candida?

Did you see her during her heyday? I think the lip itch was named after her.


[Tony Orlando]Oh my Candida, we can make it together. . .[/Tony Orlando]



[sup]Does anyone know the next line in that song? My brain refuses to remember anything beyond mapoda ma me now the better

[Mojo the Monkey]

Originally posted by Bossk
People, people, people. What's the deal? I KNOW there's more pornophiles on this board than that.

Never EVER EVER let a first-timer pick the movie. Why? They usually end up getting a lame-o one that's a play on some famous movie title. Real life example: SO decides to pick up PULP FRICTION, a wretched excuse for porn.

Never ever make a first-timer watch that amateur stuff. Try showing her a Max Hardcore piece of misogyny and she'll never speak to you again, let alone watch another porno. The Ed Powers "Dirty Debutante" series is equally creepy, in that all it is is a middle-aged putz with a pony tail inviting teenagers with a "when do I get my money?" look over to his house for pervy sex. Remember, you want the lady to ENJOY the movie. That said, most of the male performers in the amateur movies are pot-bellied, balding, and usually creepy. Amateur movies in general also have NO plot whatsoever. Your woman will be shocked that that's all there is to pornography.

Steer clear of the "classics." These things were made mostly in the 70s, so it looks like a grainy, grungy piece of color-faded filth. All the men are as hairy as bigfoots, and at least half of them aren't circumcised. Not to mention that everyone in 70s porno is as pale as a ghost. DEEP THROAT, DEBBIE DOES DALLAS, and GREEN DOOR are wildly overrated to begin with. For the most part, the ensemble players in porn flicks didn't get attractive until the 80s.

Don't even THINK about getting a movie that seems like it's all girl lezzie fest. Recipe for disaster, I think you know why. Same thing with movies that play up the anal sex aspect.

Your best bet is to find something relatively new. If there's a hot chick on the box, go for it. But be sure there's at least one piece of male eyecandy in there for the ladies. My girlfriends in the past have generally liked movies with Peter "The Decorator" North or Randy Spears. The aggressive "styles" of a TT Boy or a Tony Montana might be a turn-off for her.

It also might be wise to rent two movies, just in case one turns out to be a lame piece of crap, you can always pop in the other one. And believe me, there's a lot of tepid crap out there.

Thanks for the advice, Bossk. You seem to be thinking on the same track as me. I'd already planned on getting at least 2 in case one of them was a dud.

Pro-Am stuff is definitely out. Although it does have the appeal of frequently having girls with non-pneumatic breasts, I think the ick factor of "I'll give you $500 for your smack habit if you let me fuck you in the ass," is a little too much for the first time out.

I'm also trying to stay away from the all-girl lezzie fests. Monkeygirl is not Bi in the least, and I'm sure she'd be bored silly. Hell, even I get bored watching those things. I figure it's hard to imagine that I'm the one getting laid unless somebody is getting his cock sucked. Geez, couldn't those girls at the slumber party at least suck the pizza delivery boy's cock?

Thanks for the advice about TT Boy and Tony Montana. I never remember the names of the male actors in these movies. I'll try to steer away if their names are on the box.

[rsa]

Originally posted by Arden Ranger
I'm rather partial to The Story of O.

IANAPJ _{(porn junkie)}, but I have to agree with AR's recommendation. It's nicely filmed and kind of artsy. It does have a bondage theme, but not in a bad way.

[Ukulele Ike]

Originally posted by TVeblen
it'll be so much fun to watch whether Euty and [/b]Uke[/b] blench in horror or start chiming in with their favorites.

I don't have the hat yet, I never got the mug, and Veb doesn't even bold my friggin' name when she pitches the porn threads at us. I was better off before, yuh ask me.

Don't look at me for suggestions. I saw DEEP THROAT at one of my college film societies with a mixed-gender group, and the theme music had us all in stitches, too. We started singing along with it, as I recall.

Then it was over and I went back to my room and had sex with my girlfriend. And I wondered why I had wasted two hours watching some OTHER people having sex when I coulda been home in that nice snuggly bed all evening.

[Oblong]

I like the Shane's World series, at least what I've seen so far. I've only seen 3 of them but it's just a bunch of college kids getting together to screw.

It's really been a while since I've gotten one.

[drgonzo]

Originally posted by Mojo the Monkey
We probably need something that has a bit of a plot, sexy looking men (and women, too! Mojo needs his eye-candy!), and some sort of a relationship between the characters.

You should definetly go and get yourselves a movie called "Zazel-The Scent of Love", directed by Phillip Mond.
As corny as the title sounds, its apparently THE BEST PORNMOVIE EVER MADE™,according to a friend of mine, and this site :
http://www.blowfish.com/catalog/videos/high_gloss.html

(Videorentals in my area even stopped carrying the movie because they NEVER got any copies returned !)

[uberDave]

uummmm...nice choice Arden.


Dave

[Mojo the Monkey]

Originally posted by drgonzo

You should definetly go and get yourselves a movie called "Zazel-The Scent of Love", directed by Phillip Mond.
As corny as the title sounds, its apparently THE BEST PORNMOVIE EVER MADE™,according to a friend of mine, and this site :
http://www.blowfish.com/catalog/videos/high_gloss.html

(Videorentals in my area even stopped carrying the movie because they NEVER got any copies returned !) [/b]

That one does look interesting! Thanks, Dr. Gonzo!

[Albert Rose]

A former ladyfriend of mine once brought to me a personal favorite of hers entitled The Opening of Misty Beethoven. It was the porn version of My Fair Lady. I was shocked -- it was funny, sexy and very nearly interesting.

[Cervaise]

A few more words of recommendation.

Somebody above mentioned Michael Ninn, who I agree makes very stylish, very hot, very non-scummy porno movies. The women enjoy themselves, the guys aren't emphasized that much so you can ignore their unattractiveness (exception: Forever Night), and the production values are quite good. Drawbacks: He can get kind of kinky, so be careful. (Do not rent New Wave Hookers 5 as a first-time title, for example.) Also, he invariably has at least one girl-girl scene, sometimes a group of women, so you might have to fast-forward through it. (His Diva series is all women.) For a first-time viewer, I would recommend his double feature Sex and Sex 2: Fate. After a while, if your gf decides she enjoys these movies, you can proceed to his more outre titles, such as Latex and Shock, which are generally regarded to be among the finest adult films ever made.

Stay away from these filmmakers: Andrew Blake, Frank Thring, Pierre Woodman, Tara (Tanya?) Hyde. The latter three are very good, but are way too kinky for a first-timer. Blake, by contrast, is quite popular, with a lot of videos available, but he's all about style and look, with no story. My wife and I enjoy a good adult film on a regular basis, and the one Blake movie we rented bored both of us nearly to death. He's very popular among his fans, but if you're looking for a plot, avoid avoid avoid.

The Brad Armstrong movies mentioned above, Dreamquest and Conquest, are quite good, but I would pick the latter over the former for a porn virgin. Dreamquest is a fantasy, and it's quite good for what it is (even though the second half doesn't have the energy of the first half), but the fantasy aspect might make it too kinky for some. If you want to see a monster (i.e. an actor in demon makeup) fuck a maiden, this is your title. Otherwise go with Conquest. It's got a budget and good production value, and the pirates-on-the-high-seas theme makes it accessible for those women who occasionally indulge in heaving-alabaster-bosom paperback romances.

So those would be my recommendations for movies to show a girlfriend/spouse who's willing to look at porn but doesn't know what to expect: Sex, Sex 2, and Conquest. If it's a success, and she shows interest in moving on to kinkier stuff, let us know.

[MoodIndigo1]

Originally posted by rsa

IANAPJ _{(porn junkie)}, but I have to agree with AR's recommendation. It's nicely filmed and kind of artsy. It does have a bondage theme, but not in a bad way.

I agree with you both, and the History of O was written by a woman, Pauline Réage, I believe.
There aren't that many posts on this thread, but there are a vast number of hits.

[Larry Mudd]

Mudd: There's a porn star named Candida?
Biggirl: Did you see her during her heyday? I think the lip itch was named after her.

That may be so, but these folks hold the patent rights today.

Does anyone know the next line in that song?

Click here, but turn your speakers off first. That midi file is cheesier than any vaginal discharge I've met. _(ducks.)

Okay, that's the second post from me here, so I'd better at least address the OP: IMHO, the best porn movie I've ever seen is a beautiful old film called An Autobiography of a Flea. It's early seventies, shot on film, quite humourous, set (more-or-less) in 19th century France, and narrated by a flea who makes his home near the sensitive parts of a young girl. The story, the flea says, mostly concerns what happens to the girl, since his own life is rather uneventful. This was one of the first porn films I ever saw, at a tender age, and I was sorely disappointed to discover that most porn is pretty banal. I briefly examined the link that I just pasted in to the review. I didn't remember John Holmes was in it. You'd think you'd remember something like that. I see it is described as "the kind of porn couples can enjoy," so I guess I wasn't too far off the mark in thinking of it.
^{BTW - While I was looking for the url, I found this essay, which might be worth looking at.}
I just watched Kekko Kamen with my girlfriend, which isn't exactly porn, but extremely perverse japanese animation. It's wrong for so many reasons, but ya gotta laugh.

[Dave Stewart]

Not that I watch them, ahem, but I have been told by a friend to recommend the Vivid studio's films (recommended above). My friend says the plots are of course lame, but they're better than most, and they're not very hard core at all - few lesbian scenes and the somewhat humiliating "facials".

You can also get the hardcore lots of pink bits in your face version of porn films, my friend says, or the discreetly editted version which usually doesn't show genitals. This is the sort of stuff which usually gets sent overseas, but a large retailer might be able to provide it for you. Mrs Monkey might be better off starting out on that sort of thing.

[justinh]

Haven't seen a porn movie in 15 years. gave them up when I thought I had seen everything about 100 times.

so what is the latest top shelf movie? I know this thread is about first timers but I need your expertize on picking one that is the latest greatest. I am curious as to what they can come up with (so to speak) after thousands of movies with no plots.

I want all the regular nasties that I have come to love.

[Sofa King]

I agree with others above that a solid grounding in the classics is the best education.

However, I also agree with others that old pornography can be quite unattractive and demeaning to women. Ron Jeremy rarely came in high on my ex's lists of guys they want to see naked.

A possible compromise might come from the era just after the "golden age" of filmed pornography. Ginger Lynn made a number of good videotapes which were found to be quite entertaining both to me and whoever I happened to be watching them with. The only title I can remember offhand is Pretty As You Feel, which appears to have fully embraced the Olivia Newton-John aerobi-sex fad which was popular in the early 1980s.

Don't worry, you won't be offended by 80's style clothing--nude people still look pretty much the same, except for the collagen and silicone.

Another fairly good one from that time period is one of Traci Lords' few legal pictures, Tracy, I Love You. Traci and her mom put in some good work on production for that one, using some of the enormous profits they reaped after screwing over the entire porno industry.

There is a real problem with porno, however. There is so much crap out there that unscrupulous (and they're all unscrupulous to some extent) dealers have been packaging bad films in the classics' packages, or using knock-off titles (Traci Does Paris is one that springs readily to mind). Some will go so far as to falsely advertise stars and starlets right on the cover. Then you discover that you're watching some Jonathan Holmes with a mere nine-inch "actor," not the real "foot-long John."

You need to find yourself an aficionado at the store you rent from. Don't worry, you'll find him.

Otherwise, you're going to have to kiss a lot of bullfrogs, metaphorically speaking, to find a good one.

[Earl Snake-Hips Tucker]

I would recommend "Bad Girls II" and "Bad Girls IV," featuring scream queens Michelle Bauer (as Pia Snow) and Monique Gabrielle (as Luann Chass--but only simulated sex with Lisa "Tuesday Addams" Loring's husband Jerry Butler). Both are actually pretty decent movies, and feature Ron Jeremy in his pre-Hedgehog days.

Also, "Amanda By Night" and (I think) "Talk Dirty to Me II." I think that's the one where John Leslie protrays a heckler at Dr. Ann Childs's talk show, who signs his name as "Dick Gozinya."

For some trivia, check out "Body Talk," which features the late Angelique Pettyjohn--best known for her role as Shahna from the "Star Trek" TOS episode "The Gamesters of Triskelion."